Blue Forest Banshee Part 98
Lab Rat
I woke up when I realised my toasty-warm wrap-around was missing and my butt was feeling a draft. Not that I snapped awake all at once; it began with a vague irritation. My butt was cold; this was annoying. Then I realised that my hair was all over the place; even more annoying, since getting it back under control would take a while. And that my left hip seemed to be glued to the bed. Ick. I cracked open one eye and reached a hand behind me at the same time. No Wyvern in sight in the room in front of me or by feel in the bed in back of me. I huffed a little and set about getting myself unstuck from the sheet and untangled from my hair. Of the two feet that we cut off last fall, almost a foot had grown back. I'd been thinking hard about cutting it again; short enough not to get stuck to the sheet along with my left hip. Maybe even up to my waist this time.
I was still finger-combing knots when Heero came through the bathroom from his room, fully dressed, with his cloak fastened around his shoulders. I flopped back into the pillow, remembering that I was supposed to be pissed at my overly-protective Dragon. Hey, you try staying mad at a guy who can make your toes curl, liquefy your spine and cause super-novas to go off at the back of your eyeballs. It ain't easy, believe me.
"What's going on?"
"Q has a conference call in half an hour; he wants me there."
I concentrated for a moment. "It's not even 0700 yet."
"Here; no. He's got Britain, France, Brazil, Slovakia, China, Africa and Australia on the fire; it's the middle of the night for some of them." He sighed and touched my cheek. "I'm sorry; I'd rather stay with you."
I pouted, trying to sound pissed. "Yeah, yeah, sure you would."
He gave me that laser glare above an evil smirk and reached under me to take hold of my hair and pull me up to meet his kiss. I let him; my hair is thick, and hanging onto as much of it as he had distributed the pull, so it didn't hurt. And I don't really mind his incredible strength. Not when one of his toe-curling kisses comes with. I came up gasping for air and let my head drop back limply. He nibbled and sucked his way from one side of my throat to the other and back again, until I was cross-eyed. Then he let me down onto the pillows again with a chuckle.
"Easily distracted, aren't you?" he smirked.
"Yeah... well... Just... just wait until I get my pheromones going, lizard boy; you'll be smirking out the other side of your... your..." He attacked my neck again and I lost my train of thought for a few weeks.
"I'll see you later, angel," he breathed into my ear. "Why don't you check in on Wufei? Tiffany says he's spitting nasty at not being allowed to go back yesterday."
"Okay..." I mumbled groggily. Whatever he wanted... I stroked his cheek with the backs of my fingers. "Later?"
"Absolutely." He kissed my forehead. "I love you, Chosen."
I recognised the implied "mine!" in that. At the moment, I didn't care; he could be as overly-protective as he liked, until that kiss wore off.
~*~
As expected, it took a while in the shower to get the icky out of my hair and off of me, and looking at myself in the long mirror, I decided that I was definitely ready to trim a few feet off my hair; it was well past my knees again. I would ask Heero once this demon mess was cleared up.
I combed out, braided and dressed, then set about stripping the linens from my bed. Damn Heero anyway, for letting us go to sleep that way. Damn me too, come to think of it.
Housekeeping came just as I was about to set the hamper out, so I just handed it to the giggling House Elves. They snickered at me, obviously well aware of the pong. I shrugged and grinned; the elder of the two winked at me. Nice to know Heero and I amuse the staff.
~*~
I headed for the infirmary first; breakfast could wait.
Mistress Loquinn was in her office, writing a report, when I stuck my head in to ask if I could visit Wufei.
"Sure," she laughed, kicking back in her chair to plop her pink cowboy boots on the desk. "You might as well; everybody else has. Except Heero," she smirked. "And I imagine his attention was on you rather than that pissy Were-Dragon."
"Well... Kind of..." Mistress Loquinn has always been pretty nice to me, but she's also kind of intimidating. Her given name is Jezebel...
"Good; that's exactly where it should be," she grinned. "Go on in; he's having breakfast and grumbling at anyone who will listen. I told him twenty-four hours and I meant it; he's not leaving until 1325."
Wufei had a bed in the ward; only the seriously ill get a private room, since there are only two. And apparently getting shot doesn't qualify as 'serious'. I could hear him grumbling before I saw him. It sounded like he had company. Probably Trowa; he's pretty protective of the cranky Dragon.
I sure as shit wasn't expecting to find Trowa on one side of the bed, holding the plushy, and Farquahar on the other side, carefully cutting up sausages and feeding the pieces to an incredibly imperial-acting Wufei.
What the fuck?! What the hell was the demon doing here and why the hell was he feeding Wufei? And why was Wufei allowing it?
While I was trying to decide if I was dreaming or just loopy, Trowa noticed me and called out, beckoning to me. No chance of slinking away in confusion; I'd have to be confused in front of everyone. As usual.
"Hi Duo," said Trowa happily, pulling another chair over for me. "You're feeling better?"
"Much," I said absently. "Although, Heero seems to have neglected to mention a few things..." I stared at the demon.
He ducked his head to concentrate on cutting another sausage. Gotta pay attention to those wild sausages; never know when one of them might just go for your throat.
Wufei swallowed and reached out a hand. "Duo! You're all right? This idiotic lamebrain didn't hurt you?"
I took his hand, rubbing his knuckles with my thumb. Warm and golden and strong as ever; our healthy, obnoxious, irritable Dragon was just fine again. I suppose I knew that, but seeing it made it real for me. I hadn't realised how scared I'd been.
"What?" I growled in playful relief. "With you throwing your own silly self in front of me? How could he possibly hurt me?" I grabbed him then and hugged him tight enough to make him squeak. "You scared the crap out of me, dammit!" I hissed in his ear. "You're not supposed to do shit like that!" He made a noise and I pulled back to look at him. His face was quite red.
He shrugged in embarrassment. "Dragons," he muttered. "You know..."
I did. By now, oh boy did I know. "Thanks." I squeezed his shoulder and then swooped on him for another hug. "And this is Banshees." He returned my hug awkwardly. Wufei isn't much of a hugger; Trowa initiates the contact in that pair.
I sat back in my chair finally and looked at Farquahar who was still intensely interested in the sausages. "Why are you here?"
He sort of shrank into a lump, pulling in his arms, legs, head and tail until he resembled a lumpy rock sitting on the chair. Holding a fork with a piece of sausage on the tines.
"Lord Wizard Q said I had to come. Zephyrus was mad. Zephyrus is always mad," he sighed. "He hates me." He extended the fork to Wufei, who leaned forward a bit and snagged the morsel.
I looked at Trowa. He shrugged.
"Q wants to get to the bottom of this enspellment; he's not a happy Wizard."
"Heero said there was a conference call scheduled for this morning; he had to be there."
Trowa nodded. "They need to find out who might have the power and the inclination to bind a demon. It's not an easy thing to do; not every Wizard could do it, even with Farquahar."
"I'm only second level," muttered the demon. "It's not my fault."
"I didn't say it was," said Trowa with an exasperated roll of his eyes.
"Yes, Lord Puma..."
Trowa rolled his eyes again. Wufei snorted.
"Is there anything that is your fault, pray tell?" sneered Wufei.
"Um..." Farquahar sighed. "The swamp was my fault; I admitted that. But I didn't expect that to happen. It never happened before, so why would I think it would happen that time?" he said petulantly. "And I tried to fix it."
This time Wufei rolled his eyes. "And made it worse. Never mind." He held up a hand to forestall the demon's protest. "That's over and done with. I'd like to know why you were in Wyoming when we left you in Fresno. Hmm?"
The demon pouted... I think. "I told them I didn't want to go to Fresno; I hate Fresno.... It's so... tacky," he muttered.
Trowa lifted one eyebrow. "I don't remember anyone asking you," he pointed out. "And you certainly never voiced an opinion at the time."
"You were placed in Fresno," Wufei growled. "You were expected to stay there."
Farquahar shrugged. "I stayed. For a while. But they had me working in a Walmart! It was tacky! Then I sort of heard about this place in Wyoming.... So, I just... relocated." He hunched even smaller on the chair, extending another piece of sausage to Wufei as if making a peace offering. "No one ever said how long I had to stay in Fresno..."
Trowa and Wufei looked at each other; Wufei looked pissed, Trowa thoughtful.
"He's right, you know," said Trowa after a moment of silence. "I don't remember a time limit being mentioned, although it may have been in the paperwork."
I decided that I was tired of not knowing the whole story, and said, "Is anyone going to share this with me? Or does Heero have you guys 'protecting' me again?"
The Weres looked guilty; Farquahar looked confused. Trowa broke the uncomfortable silence.
"He did say we shouldn't upset you... But you don't look upset," he offered.
"You don't even look pissed," said Wufei.
"I'm not." I waved a hand and the demon flinched. "I was pissed yesterday, when he sent me home with a nanny," I growled. "But I got over it. So." I glared from one to the other. "Who is going to enlighten me before I do get pissed?"
They looked at each other again. Farquahar had shrunk into the chair so much he really did resemble a fork-wielding, bug-eyed rock. Maybe that's the reason he answered before the Weres did.
"Um... A while back, I tried to... um... claim some territory... 'cuz that's what demons do, you know? But I'm not a very good demon, so it kind of... um... didn't exactly work the way I intended...? Some people got upset. I tried to fix it... but it got worse... and they called Magical Investigations... and Lord Wyvern and Lord Dragon came... and they were pretty upset with me... And then Zephyrus came... and... well... it was just a big mess," he sighed. "And Lord Wizard Q said I could either go with Zephyrus or go to Fresno." His tone left no doubt that he didn't like either option. "Who would want to go with Zephyrus, right? Especially since he hates me. So, I went to Fresno. But I hate Fresno! So... this... opportunity came along... to go to Wyoming, and it didn't seem too bad, so... I went. That's all."
I blinked at him. Not much actual information there, but at least I sort of knew what the fuck was going on now. Farquahar messed with the Human world in some way, and got nailed with it, then got some kind of probation or parole, which he then 'jumped' for Wyoming. Idiot.
Wufei rolled his eyes and snorted. "You weren't supposed to go anywhere without permission, you grainy slug!"
Trowa blinked. "It just occurred to me... Wasn't someone supposed to be checking on him? Who was his minder?"
Wufei blinked; frowned. "One of the assistants in Continuing Cases, I think. Macky? Moltereaux? Something with an 'M'? Montmorency? Whoever it was, they clearly need a refresher course in 'checking on demons'," he snarled.
Trowa looked at me warily. "Um... Wufei... I think it was Mobley...."
Wufei froze. "Oh. Oh... I think you're right.... Damn. Well, someone should have gone through her cases... Um... Eventually, at least...."
"Do I know a Mobley?" I asked into the uncomfortable silence. I didn't have a lot of contact with the CC office yet, since I haven't handled any really dire cases. Even my own abduction was officially handled by Heero and Q.
The Weres regarded me for a moment. "She was before your time..." said Trowa slowly. "She... um... lost focus when rounding up a probation violator..." I waited for clarification, but none seemed to be forthcoming.
"And...?" I prodded.
Wufei examined his hands and Trowa sighed. "They gave her a very nice funeral," Wufei said sourly. "And Heero took care of the Wizard who... who did it."
Um... yeah. We sat there silently until Farquahar said thoughtfully, "I kind of wondered what happened to her. She came by a couple of times to check on me, but then she stopped." We all stared at him. "What?! I didn't do anything to her!" He ate one of Wufei's sausages. "She was okay," he admitted sullenly. "She didn't seem to like Fresno either..."
~*~
I leaned across the table to hiss at Trowa. "Okay, why is he following you?" We had adjourned to the dining hall when Mistress Loquinn informed Wufei that he was tired and would be taking a nap. To my surprise, Farquahar trailed after us. He was currently in line discussing the relative merits of grits versus hash browns as breakfast starch with Jannell. The Wood Sprite seemed to have less of a problem with a demon in her serving line than she usually had with Wufei.
"I'm babysitting," Trowa sighed. "He's only second level; barely second, really, and the wards have totally damped his power. Q doesn't want anyone messing with him. I know him from before, so I got the joy."
"Great. Lucky you." The demon shuffled our direction, nodding politely to people as he passed them. "He sure doesn't look dangerous..."
"In the usual course of things, he wouldn't be. He's amoral, of course, but he's not a bad demon." He picked up a slice of apple. His ears were growing larger and furrier and his hands were rounding into the dinner plate-sized paws of his Were form. I hadn't noticed Wufei's changes, but then Mistress had him practically straitjacketed into a hospital gown, so it wouldn't be so obvious.
Farquahar sat down across from us. We stared at him. He looked at me, then at Trowa, then down at his tray.
"Um... Should I sit somewhere else?"
"No, this is fine," said Trowa easily. "We're just wondering what you're hiding."
Farquahar dropped his fork. "Hiding?!" he squeaked. "Nothing! I have nothing to hide!" he protested nervously. "Why would you think I'm hiding anything, Lord Puma?"
Trowa rolled his eyes. "Farquahar, you're a demon; you always have something to hide."
"You know," I joined the conversational game as a thought occurred to me; "I'm wondering how you ended up in Wyoming when you were parked in Fresno. I'll bet that's a very interesting story." I smiled at him over my coffee. The demon blanched. Oh, yeah; must be some story, all right.
Trowa must have approved of my question because he set about elaborating.
"Duo's right; I imagine that's a very good tale." He smirked and stirred his coffee. "You can begin now."
"Ummm....."
"Now, you don't want to upset Duo, do you? You know how Heero gets when you upset his Chosen." Farquahar paled even further. "And you remember how Duo gets when he's upset, don't you...?" Farquahar swallowed a mouthful of hot coffee and almost choked on it. "So, let's start with the 'opportunity' you mentioned. Enlighten us, friend demon."
Farquahar looked at me from the corners of his bulgy watering eyes. Maybe I should blow holes in the ground more often.
"Well.... um... I didn't do anything wrong! Not exactly..." he began.
"Uh-huh," said Trowa and I together.
Farquahar swallowed and looked down at his plate. "It was just a little thing, really..." Trowa and I glared at him and he continued with a little more alacrity. Guess he'd finally decided that either way, we were going to find out.
"So... I happened to see something on a demon blog about a Human who was looking for someone to do a job for him..."
I looked at Trowa, mouthing silently, "Demons have blogs?!" He nodded back.
"I know we're not supposed to do stuff for Humans, but everybody does, now and then. And I could do it and get back to Fresno before I had to go to work, so I figured, why not? It wasn't anything bad."
"Your definition of 'bad' or my definition of 'bad'?" asked Trowa.
"It wasn't hurting anyone! You know I don't do that kind of stuff. Mostly. This guy just wanted to find something; that's not bad, is it?"
Trowa looked at him; he sighed and continued.
"So... I got the details and just... you know... showed up when he was ready..."
"Someone cast a demon circle and you jumped into it," said Trowa idly.
"Ye~ah...."
"A Wizard?"
"Oh, no! Just some Human male. He had a book of 'spells'; you know? One of those things that's printed on a machine? He was muttering a bunch of junk and calling on his god to grant his prayers, and that's when I... um... dropped in. He was kind of surprised."
"I'll bet," muttered Trowa dryly.
~*~
Mundane Humans seem to have a real fascination for fake magic; I saw it being 'practiced' fairly often in my travels. It doesn't work, of course, but with some people, it seems to give them confidence in themselves that they don't usually have, and they go out and do things they wouldn't ordinarily even attempt. It's when they start believing that it really was the 'magic' that things get weird.
"Um... yeah. So, he started in with some junk about 'binding' and waved a bunch of smoldering plants at me, and proclaimed himself my 'master'." Farquahar rolled his eyes derisively; it was oddly interesting the way he did it. His entire eye-bulge seemed to 'roll'. Wow.
"It didn't do anything to you, right?" I doubted it, but I still had to ask.
"No," he snorted. "I almost laughed at him, he was so funny. All turned out in this white robe and waving a white book at me. But I just played along."
"What did he want?" asked Trowa.
"Oh, the usual; gold. They always want gold." He looked from Trowa to me and back again. "What is the deal with gold, Lord Puma? Silver is much better."
"Humans value gold more because it's less easy to find."
"Really? Huh. I always wondered. Anyway, he ordered me to give him gold. Like I carry the stuff around with me. I told him I could show him, but I wasn't able to touch the stuff. He got kind of pissy then; demanding that I bring it to him."
He sipped at his coffee and took a couple of bites of his omelet. I finished my coffee and thought about getting some more; demons are apparently not the most concise of story-tellers. Neither are some Wizards, come to think of it. That thought made me smirk; Farquahar blinked at me.
"Um... So, yeah. I had to tell the dork about five times that I couldn't bring him any gold, but I could show him where to find it, before he finally stopped frothing at the mouth. So he 'commands' me to show him where the gold is, and does all this hand-waving and fake spell-casting that's supposed to make me have to obey him." He sighed heavily and looked at Trowa. "I really have only done that a time or two; are all Humans so... so... lame? How do you stand them?"
Trowa leaned his chin on one furry hand. "Well, they aren't all like that. The Magical ones are usually a little brighter, but often more arrogant. The Mundane Humans I deal with are just living their lives and pretty oblivious to anything that isn't right under their noses. But some are real twits; your guy sounds like a twit."
"No shit," Farquahar muttered.
"So," I prodded, "What did you do?"
"I took him to where the gold was." He blinked at me. "It was just a little vein, but he got all excited and started scraping it out into a plastic dish. When he was done, he told me to take him home and then did a bunch more muttering and hand waving and 'dismissed' me. That's all."
"Really." From Trowa. "And then...?"
"Um... Nothing. I went home." Farquahar was carefully not looking at Trowa.
"No, you didn't. What else did you do, demon? And don't lie; lying upsets Duo."
Farquahar swallowed, watching me from the very corners of his eyes. I frowned and glared at him.
"Well.... I did make a little side trip on my way back to Fresno... It only took a few minutes... or so." He looked up at Trowa hopefully; Trowa raised one eyebrow. "Maybe a couple of hours," he muttered.
"Farquahar, cut to the chase; what did you do?" growled Trowa.
"Um... Well, there was this vein of silver not too far from the gold, so.... I went and got it."
Trowa blinked; I blinked. Since when did demons need valuables? Trowa must have been thinking the same thing.
"Why?"
"The... um... the place in Wyoming... It was for sale, so I needed something to buy it with."
Trowa's jaw dropped. "You bought that property?!"
Farquahar poked at his omelet, not looking at us. "...yeah..."
"Why?!"
"Cuz I wanted some territory! And... well... it just seemed easier to buy it... Since claiming it didn't exactly work out before..." he muttered gloomily.
Trowa rubbed a hand over his face. "You bought a piece of property... Just like any Human or Wizard would do." Farquahar nodded. "And you took on a Human form and... what? Just lived there?"
Again, the demon nodded.
"Like a regular person?" I said in disbelief. "Paying bills, buying groceries, mowing the lawn?"
"Yeah."
"Farquahar, what the fuck?!" demanded Trowa. "Why?!"
"Because I really hated Fresno and if I didn't stay in Fresno, I'd have to go back to the realm and then Zephyrus would have a cow!"
Incredibly, he turned those watery, buggy eyes our way and made puppy eyes at us. I almost choked trying not to laugh. Trowa just stared at him for a minute.
"Wufei is going to kill you," he said finally. "He's going to cut your damn head off. Maybe I'll help. You are such an idiot!"
Farquahar wibbled. "I know..." He sighed heavily and drank some coffee. "Lord Puma...? Could you get someone to feed my animals...? Please? It's not their fault I'm in trouble...."
Trowa and I looked at each other. I sighed and pulled out my phone. While Trowa pried some pertinent information out of the damn demon, I called Inazuma and got the Were-Tiger's number and then gave her a call. I gave her the short version of Farquahar's meandering tale and she was apparently forgiving enough to feel sorry for the idiot demon. She agreed to go over and feed his animals and I promised her reimbursement for any expenses.
By the time I finished, Trowa was leaning back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling and shaking his head slowly.
"What now?" I asked and he sighed. Before I could dig a bit deeper, a voice startled me.
"He comes with me," said Heero behind me. "Finish your breakfast, demon; you are going for evaluation."
Farquahar gulped and turned pale grey.
"Evaluation where?" I blurted out.
"In the labs," Heero smirked.
Trowa and I stared at him. "You don't mean...?" began Trowa. Heero smiled; the smile with teeth. The smile that says 'I am about to shred you into coleslaw and I will enjoy every instant of it.'
"The five Wizards are waiting."
I gaped; Trowa blinked and said, "Damn, Heero..."
"It wasn't my decision," Heero clarified. "I just offered to deliver the news. And the demon."
I've had a few encounters with the freaky five; I'm not sure I'd wish those lunatics even on a demon. "How long does this last?"
"Until they get answers. Q and the other heads are extremely concerned about this; no one wants a rogue running around." He laid his hand on my shoulder and leaned down to murmur in my ear, "They won't hurt him, Duo; he's a demon. They're quite... resilient." I must have looked less than convinced, because he brushed a hand over my braid. "I swear, angel; he may be uncomfortable, but they will not hurt him."
The stinking demon - and yes, he still smelled nasty - had tried to kill me, almost killed Wufei, scared the living crap out of everyone involved, and still I didn't want anyone to hurt him. I am an idiot.
I sighed, nodded. "Okay, I believe you." I laid my hand over his on my shoulder. "You'll be back in the office after you deliver him?"
"I will." He brushed his lips over my temple. "I love you," he breathed in my ear.
Then he turned to Farquahar and crooked one finger. "Come."
The demon made a faint noise, but scrambled to his feet and padded after my Wyvern. Trowa and I watched them go.
"Um...." came the tentative sound from Farquahar. "Do I have time to get a Starbuck's?" And then they were out of the hall, the closing door cutting off any answer Heero might have given.
Trowa and I looked at each other.
"Do you believe him?" I asked.
"About buying territory and settling down? I guess so." He shook his head in bemusement. "Just when you think nothing could possibly surprise you, something does." He grinned at me. "He did give me an idea, though. You want to pop out and get Starbuck's before we go upstairs?"
I snickered. "Sure; why the hell not. I'll even buy."
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