Warnings: Language, angst, demons and angry Wizards.
A big cuddle here for the ever-helpful turnip. ^__^ And a bottle of Dramamine for Sunhawk after this particular encounter with the amoeba hamsters.
Blue Forest Banshee Part 89
Statement
I must have gone pale or green or pink or maybe all three in series, because Q said sharply, "Duo! Head down!"
I didn't attempt to argue, just bent over and put my head between my knees. I even remembered to breathe slowly. By the time I felt like I could straighten up without passing out, Q was beside me, rubbing my shoulder.
The rest of the room was empty. I kind of expected that; when Q comes up to talk to any of us, not just me, everyone else clears out if they possibly can. We're a pretty considerate lot. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling my shoulders rise and fall. Okay.
"Duo, I'm so sorry; I should have asked you to come to my office to discuss this." He did look very distressed. Q has this utterly angelic face; soft, wavy pale blond hair and enormous greenish-blue eyes, and he looks like he's about thirteen. When he's upset like this it shows in his eyes and with tiny little frown lines on the bridge of his nose. A person wants to do whatever they can to take that away. When he's angry, on the other hand, he looks... um... scary. No other description for it. When Q is angry, any creature with half a brain in its head knows to run for the hills. He has a glare that can equal Heero's, and that's saying a lot for a Human, even a Magical one.
"No..." I lifted my hand half-heartedly. "I just... I guess I'd almost managed to forget that detail... I thought..." I frowned at myself, trying to bring back nebulous memories. "Didn't I already make a statement? I could have sworn I told them..."
He continued to rub my shoulder. Q is big on physical contact. He told me once that the first time he hugged Heero; Heero recoiled so fast that he actually fell over. And then he did that cat thing -- 'I meant to do that!' Hard to believe now, what with how easy he is with hugs and touches.
"I'm afraid they need to have an official statement, one witnessed and signed by you. I will go with you, of course, and Master Reptilious as well. He went to law school at Harvard, so he's more than a match for them."
I just didn't want to do it. Did not want to sit in a room with Human law enforcement personnel and go back over the details -- what I could remember -- of my... abduction. I was getting better, not so twitchy, not so immediately terrified of every little noise or sudden movement. I'd spent a couple of hours in the yarn shop with Heero and came away feeling so much better about the Humans I knew there. I didn't want to be... reminded. I knew I'd make a mess of it; stumble all over myself and probably wind up looking like I was the guilty one, in spite of being raped. Isn't that something they do? Blame the victim? 'If she hadn't been there or worn that...'
I'd always managed to avoid being 'in trouble' with the law when I was in their world. I kept my thieving to a bare minimum, preferring to work for what I needed, and I was never caught stealing. But I read the news and I've figured out that guilt is often in the eye of the beholder.
I also know that you can't get around their rules, unless you're famous and well-liked or wealthy and able to make pay-offs. All I could hope for was that they believed Dr French's report and just needed my details for some reason.
As if reading my mind -- I swear to the Great Dragons, that Wizard reads minds! -- Q said gently, "They need to know what her part was, so that they can charge her. The way it was explained to me, if you went with her voluntarily, then they cannot charge her with kidnapping."
"She drugged me!" I yelped indignantly. "I was so out of it I had no idea what was happening!"
"I know, Duo. They couldn't find the drink cup, though. It was probably dumped somewhere between here and South Dakota."
"Ah, crap..." I sighed heavily and tilted my chair back, putting my feet on my desk. Q had produced a chair from somewhere -- not from the office; we don't have any 18th century silver brocade-upholstered wing chairs in the office -- and waited patiently beside me. "I know I have to do it," I whispered finally. "I'm just really... scared," I admitted. "And I don't even know why. That's the worst part of this; I don't know the 'why' to anything. Why she did it, why he did it, why me, why I still feel so... so disconnected and off-balance even though it's over..." I rolled my head to look at him, sitting there so patiently, being so understanding of me and all my problems.
"Is it worth it, Q; really? Do my good points somehow outweigh all the problems I've brought?"
He smiled at me; a gentle, angelic smile with just a hint of the steel underneath. "You have made Heero come alive. You have brought Wufei face to face with his personal demons, for his betterment. You have ignited Trowa's protective instincts and brought him out of the shell he's been sequestered in. You have settled Inazuma and given Enrique an outlet for his chivalry. You have even managed to civilize a demon. You, my dear, are a catalyst of the first order. I will wager, in fact, that you have had some sort of positive impact on everyone you have met this last year. So, to answer your question, yes, you are worth it."
Since that made me want to cry -- I never used to cry; this has got to be some residual effect of the drug -- I covered by getting myself upright and vertical. "Okay. When do they want me to do it?" Right now, I hoped, so I could get it over with and not have to think about it any more.
"Tomorrow morning at 0900; will that be all right?"
Now would be better; tomorrow just gave me the rest of the day and all night to brood and think and worry. But I just said, "Yeah; that'll work."
Q hugged me again. "You won't be alone, Duo. I will be there, and Master Reptilious, and if Dr French can adjust her schedule, she will be there also."
"And Heero," I reminded him. "Don't forget Mr Homicidal."
Q looked thoughtful. "Actually... I wasn't planning to have Heero there. The questions may be somewhat... inflammatory to his thinking."
I stared at him. "Oh no! Nuh-uh! No way in hell are you leaving him out of the loop! I understand your concern, but jesus christ Q! He'll kill first and ask questions later! You know he will! Heero has to be there!" Gods, just the idea of Heero not being there gave me chills. He really would... do very bad things, if he thought someone was concealing something to do with me from him. "Q... He has to be there."
"Where do I have to be?"
Holy shit.
I jumped three feet at that question from the lips of my very own guardian Dragon. Even Q looked somewhat nonplused. He does that to me constantly. I think he's purposely using the balcony rather than the stairs, just because you cannot sneak up those stairs.
"Well?" He was standing there, arms folded over his chest, staring at us. Not quite the Glare, not yet, but it was there, ready and waiting to be called forth when needed.
I swallowed, and looked at Q, but he wasn't talking, dammit!
Took a deep breath. Let it out. All the while that stare was getting closer and closer to igniting. I glared at Q; he winked at me!
"I have to go to town to make a formal statement tomorrow will you come with?" I said in a rush. One of his eyebrows twitched.
"What time?"
"Um... 0900."
"Yes." He wrapped me in his arms then and just held onto me until my heart stopped pounding. "Yes, I will go with you," he whispered. "And I swear I will not do bodily injury to any Human there." I relaxed and melted against him. "Except possibly to Q for trying to cut me out of the loop," he growled. I could tell he wasn't serious. Q snickered.
"I felt I should give him the choice, Heero. He has not Chosen you yet, so you do not have autonomy in these matters."
"I know that," Heero grumbled against my hair. "I'm trying." He drew back to look at me. "I am trying, angel."
"I know you are," I murmured, "and doing a pretty good job so far. Only a few missteps." He rumbled deep in his chest, the Wyvern equivalent of a snicker, I think.
~*~
Nine o'clock the next morning found me sitting in a comfortable chair in a comfortably-appointed office, across the table from a gently-smiling female sheriff's detective. I had a glass of iced tea, there was a plate of home-made cookies on the table, Master Reptilious sat on my left at the table, Q sat at my right and Heero was standing guard over all of us behind me. From somewhere -- maybe a theatrical supply house -- he had acquired a pair of mirrored wrap-around glasses and he had dressed all in black. He looked like a television assassin. I'm not sure why no one else was laughing; I could barely contain my snickers.
Master Reptilious apparently believed, like Q, that these things went better in Wizard drag; he was tricked out in a somber bottle green robe with brushed bronze trim and a matching cloak. His tall pointed hat was predominately bronze with a smattering of green stones. Even his briefcase was green and bronze.
Q, of course, also went with Wizard drag; this time a dramatic purple costume trimmed in fur, right down to his boots. He'd magicked away his hat, maybe so Master Reptilious could be that much more imposing. For all of his robes, Q does not cut a very daunting figure next to many Human males, being rather slight in comparison. I think he uses that to his advantage, to take them off guard sometimes.
Me? I was wearing one of my Banshee costumes. Not the formal thing, just blue leggings and tunic with a darker blue duster cloak. I threw on a beaded belt because I felt the need of a little bit of sparkle. I didn't want to feel particularly conspicuous, you know? But I didn't want it to look like I was trying to deny what I am.
I wondered where the other cops were; the ones who had been at the hospital. I remember them being there and I remember feeling just hopelessly embarrassed in front of them, but I doubted that my embarrassment had much to do with who handled this case.
I kind of zoned off for a bit, while introductions were made and Master Reptilious and Q explained what they would allow, and the detective explained what she needed. Heero rumbled behind me; he was close enough that if I tilted my head back, I could feel his warmth against my hair.
Next to the plate of cookies was a small tape recorder. I'd also spotted the camera mounted in the corner of the room, near the ceiling. I just reminded myself that I was the victim here; not that sorry pervert at the cabin, not Julie who betrayed our friendship.
That's the part that hurts the most, I think. I guess I sort of blocked it out, at least until the day I found the crocheted granny squares amongst my knitting. That was... not a good moment. Heero heard something and came bursting into my room with that look in his eyes, and found me sitting on the floor sobbing into a pile of yarn. I didn't go to work the next day. Spent the whole bloody day in bed, sniffling and wiping at my eyes. It just hurt so damn much, so sharply. Heero wanted to throw the things away, but I wouldn't let him. I also wouldn't let him rip them up. A friend taught me to make those stupid things and I couldn't bring myself to let go of that thought. I did put them away, but then I found myself looking through crochet patterns. I guess one day I'll try it again, maybe when the memory isn't so immediate.
The detective cleared her throat. "Are we ready to begin, Mr..." She blinked as if she hadn't realised that I don't have a last name.
For some reason, my mouth took it upon itself to answer her. "Maxwell. If you need a surname, use Maxwell." She raised one eyebrow questioningly. I shrugged. "I lived in some foster homes; that was the people's name where I stayed the longest." I looked down at the table, making little circles on the veneer with my fingers. "They were pretty nice people."
She smiled at me and said, "Okay, then, Mr Maxwell. How did you meet Julie Strauber?"
~*~
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it was worse than I had hoped. I know; that doesn't make a lot of sense, but by the time we were done, I wasn't making a lot of sense.
I had to go back over my whole relationship with Julie; everything I could remember had to be recorded. Every bit of conversation between Julie and me. They would transcribe the tapes when we were finished and then I would have to come back and read it over -- again -- and finally sign it.
It was just embarrassing; they wanted to hear everything, no matter how small or unnecessary. Julie and I had talked about a lot of things in the few months we'd known each other and it... hurt... to remember all that. It bothered me more than you can imagine to have to relate that we'd spent quite a lot of time boy-watching. I was sure that Heero would be upset, but his hands just rested on my shoulders, rubbing gently, and once he leaned down to murmur, "Bet you never saw anyone half as hot as you are." That helped.
Once we reached the relevant time period, I had to stop a couple of times to get myself settled; I began having trouble making complete sentences. I started to cry a couple of times -- I am so sick and tired of that -- but the detective was really nice about it. She didn't fuss over me, but neither did she act like I was a lump of pond scum.
When I was finished, I asked what Julie had said about the whole thing; if she'd told them why.
The detective sighed and apologized and said she couldn't divulge that information. I started to puddle up again and decided to take my damp and drippy self out to the waiting area. Heero and Q also had to give their formal statements. I felt a little better sitting where I didn't have to hear it all over again.
Of course, sitting in the hallway alone also meant I had lots of time to think. And think I did, in circles. I went around and around in my head and just kept coming back to 'why?' Why the hell did she set me up? Why the hell did she deliver me to that prick?
About the time I started wanting to pound my fists against the wall in frustration, a shimmer in the air announced the imminent arrival of a porter. A second later, Jake popped in. I wiped hastily at my eyes, which were once again leaking, and he sat down beside me.
"You okay?" he asked hesitantly.
"Just a little rattled, I guess," I admitted. Loathe as I am to whine, I've found it's easier to admit it when I'm unsettled or upset, because everyone can see the truth anyway, and if I try to avoid it, they just keep pecking away at me. If I go ahead and admit that I'm not 100%, they usually give me a hug and move on. It's quicker that way. Less embarrassing in the end.
"But it's over now, right?"
I sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."
He laid his arm around my shoulders. "What's wrong? They didn't give you a hard time, did they?"
I snorted. "No. Q and Heero would have made sushi out of them if they had. It's just..." Crap; I was puddling up again. I tried to hide behind my hand, but Jake isn't stupid.
He gave me a little shake and a squeeze. "Just what, Duo? Should I get Heero?"
Heero was still wound way too tight right now.
"No," I whispered. "I just don't get it. Why she did it... We were friends, I thought."
"We've all... well, wondered how you got involved with her..." he said slowly. "Why she would even hang around with a Magical Creature if she disliked them so..."
"She didn't know," I said, forgetting for that moment the cover story that Q had handed out. "I never told her."
"But how...?"
I trust Jake, you understand. He's a Magical Human, a Wizard of great talent and dedication. He's a good guy, too. I consider him a friend. Maybe that's why I didn't attempt to still my tongue.
"She fed me drugs and took me to a man who raped me," I whispered. "That's why I'm still so twitchy. That's why I was sick for so long. That's why Heero and I still can't..." I couldn't finish. I couldn't look at him, either.
An instant later, arms wrapped around my shoulders hugging me close.
"Duo, Duo; my god!" he whispered. "Why?!" he hissed.
I leaned into him, not caring anymore if the whole world sneered at me. "I don't know... That's what's killing me; I don't know why. We hung out together. I taught her to knit; she taught me... to crochet. We talked... I thought we were friends... And then she handed me over to a pervert... And I'll never know why," I almost sobbed. I let my head fall into my hands. I just wanted to go home and hide in the dark. Jake rubbed soothing circles on my back and petted my hair, murmuring soft nonsense. In a far corner of my mind, I thought about warning him that Heero would have a fit if he caught him touching my hair, but I didn't. It was just so comforting. "I can't even ask her..."
"Why not?" he murmured. "Who says you can't ask her?"
"Well... I don't know where she is... And I'm sure the cops aren't going to let me see her," I sighed wearily. "They have rules about that."
"Screw them," he growled all at once. I sat up, startled. "You need to talk to her," he declared, "Regardless of their rules." He grabbed hold of my hand and the hallway around us vanished.
~*~
It took me a few seconds to realize where we were; standing in the corridor outside a cell.
Julie's cell.
"Oh, shit!" I hissed. "Jake! We aren't supposed to be here!"
"Hey, you need to talk to her," he growled back at me. "It's my bust, remember? I brought you here." He gave me a nudge. "Go on; you said you wanted to know."
I did... but...
I swallowed and moved closer to the front of the cell. The front was all open bars, the sides and back solid concrete block walls. A lump on the bottom bunk moved slightly. I stopped just beyond arm's reach from the bars.
"Julie?"
She rolled over with a gasp to stare at me. "Duo!" She flung herself off the bunk and at the bars and I stepped back automatically. For a long moment she just stared at me wonderingly, then she sighed heavily. "You look wonderful! You see, I told you it'd be all right"
I gaped at her. "All right?! All right! Julie, he raped me! You took me there and left me! You set me up! How could you do that?" Through my angry words, she was shaking her head, a look of exasperation on her face. "I thought we were friends!"
"But you're fine! I knew you would be. I had to find someone; he wouldn't let me go until I found him someone else."
"Julie... What are you talking about?" Things began to click over in my mind; things I hadn't thought of before.
She draped herself against the bars, smiling happily. "I wanted so bad to get away, but he said I couldn't go until I brought him someone else. And you're gay, so I knew you could handle him."
I blinked at her. She wasn't making sense; I had a feeling that this meeting wasn't going to help me a whole lot. But I was there, and dammit, I wanted to know!
"I don't understand... I thought we were friends..."
"We are," she insisted brightly. "That's why I knew it would be okay. 'Cuz gay men do that kind of thing all the time. They have sex with everyone. So, I knew it would be okay. Kevin doesn't care; not really."
...Have sex with everyone...?
"Where the hell did you get an idea like that?" I snarled. "I don't have sex with 'everyone'! And even if I did, that doesn't give you the right to drug me and kidnap me and let some pervert rape me! What the hell, Julie?!"
For the first time she looked vaguely uncertain. "But everyone knows that gay men are horny all the time... I thought you'd be fine with it, once you woke up. You said you wanted to help me."
I stepped back, speechless with astonishment. "Where did you ever get that idea?" I whispered finally.
She waved her hand vaguely. "You know... Everybody says so."
"Julie..."
"And I was tired of it! I wanted to go! Mommie and Jennifer just took off and left me with him and I just wanted to get away! You said you'd help me!"
"Julie... Was he... molesting you?" I whispered.
She rested her head against the bars. "I was a good girl... He said I was... Mommie and Jennifer were bad; they left. But I stayed. But... I didn't want to stay anymore... And everyone knows that gays are sluts; they'll screw anyone. He said I had to find him someone else... He didn't say who..."
I didn't realize I was shaking until Jake put his hand on my shoulder. Of all the reasons... It never entered my mind...
She raised her head and frowned at me. "That man scared me... He yelled at me and turned into a monster and threatened to hurt me... I don't see why no one ever asks Kevin..."
"Kevin? Julie, Kevin's dead."
"Really? Did he wreck the SUV? He's a lousy driver."
"No... I killed him."
She blinked at me. "Really? Cool! Then they won't send me back there. And he won't be mad at me. He said he'd find me if he wanted me back. So I had to be careful. But you killed him!" She actually bounced a little on the balls of her feet. "Wow! Thanks, Duo! I knew you could fix it!"
I slumped against Jake. "Oh my god... She's crazy..." I whispered.
"Totally off her rocker," he agreed in a return whisper. "You heard enough?"
I nodded. "Yeah... Yeah."
"Duo?" I looked at the girl who betrayed me. "Could you do one more thing for me? Could you ask them to give me a hook and some yarn? I'm really bored."
I almost gagged, but I swallowed it and nodded shakily. "I-I'll ask... but Julie... He hurt me. I don't think I can forgive you for- for leaving me with him."
"Oh," she said. "But he's gone now. He's gone," she sighed wistfully. "Mommie's gone, Jennifer's gone... Everything's all right now. All the mean people are gone." She peered hopefully at me.
I just felt sick. I'd wanted this, wanted to know 'why', but the only thing I knew now was that Julie was crazy and that my anguish didn't even register with her.
Jake laced his fingers with mine and a moment later we were back in the hallway outside the detective's room.
"Where have you been?" growled Heero from behind us. I slumped against Jake, hanging onto his shirt. Three seconds and I would be bawling. I couldn't even look at Heero.
"Duo was upset," Jake began. "About not knowing why it all happened."
I tried to get myself together to stop him saying what I knew he was going to say, but I felt like I was standing next to myself, just watching a disaster unfold with no way or will to stop it.
And I was panting, I realised, like a dog, and much as I wanted to let go of Jake's shirt, my fingers would not unclench.
"Heero..." I whispered thinly. "Don't... Please."
"Where did you go?" Heero growled again, his hands suddenly heavy on my shoulders.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I took him to see her; the girl. So he could ask her why."
"YOU WHAT?!?!?!" thundered the Wyvern. "Are you out of your freaking mind?!"
I managed to let go of Jake's shirt. I may have been thinking that Heero would follow me and leave Jake alone. Turns out, I was underestimating the potential for tenacious fury in male Wyverns. The IchiBan explained it to me sometime later; the fact that though the females are the titular heads of the clans, the males are definitely more aggressive.
Right.
Anyway, I went from point "A", Jake's semi-embrace, to point "B", an open spot on the floor about ten feet away, with no noticeable lessening of Heero's rage. I just wasn't up to dealing with any more at that moment. So, while two guys who have only my best interests at heart yelled at each other, I turned around and walked out of the building.
~*~
Q opened the door to the hallway and nearly staggered at the volume of noise. No, not noise; yelling. Heero and... Jake?!
"What the hell?" muttered the Wizard. Heero and Jake were great friends; what in the world...?
The port Wizard and the Wyvern were nose to nose, almost literally, yelling at each other.
"-- Not your place to take him there!" Heero snarled.
"-- Needs to know!" shouted Jake at the same moment.
"Damn you, you obnoxious, meddling --!" they both yelled, only to be cut off by Q's icy interjection.
"Where's Duo?"
~*~
It felt like I'd only blinked when I looked around and found myself in a Starbucks. I didn't recognize the surrounding area, so I suppose I could have been anywhere. I certainly didn't remember getting there. The girl behind the counter gave me an odd little smile and it dawned on me that I was still tricked out in my Magical drag. Nothing I could do about it, except to hope that she was only startled and not planning an ambush. I ordered a cup of coffee. Just coffee, nothing weird or fancy, and sat down next to a window to try to make sense out of Julie's ravings.
I still couldn't believe that she would deliberately shove me into hell just to save herself. Why didn't she tell me? I would have helped her. Hell, I might even have gone after that sonuvabitch myself. I certainly wouldn't have let her go back there. I could not understand why she didn't just tell me.
I would tell, if someone tried that with me. If I didn't kill them first.
What kind of father would do such a thing to his own child? And what kind of mother would run off and leave a child in that situation? Why would she take one child with her and not the other? I knew that Julie resented her mother and sister for leaving; I guess I now knew why.
Try as I might, I couldn't get any further than that. I guess... I guess my Banshee brain just isn't wired the right way to understand that behavior. Some Magical Creatures say that Humans are nothing but jumped-up animals; I don't usually think that's true, but there sure is some weird primitive stuff going on with them sometimes. I've never heard of things like that happening among Magical Creatures. I finished my coffee, tossed the cup and left the coffee shop.
I was still in town, marginally, I discovered after a few minutes; a strip mall near the highway, on the other side of town from the Castle. I made a half-hearted attempt at teleporting myself, but as usual it didn't work. I didn't much mind right then; I didn't mind walking. I had my phone; I could call for a port if I really needed to.
About a mile into the walk, it began to rain. I sighed and put my hood up, but still didn't call in. Wasn't ready to face people yet. Still running laps in my head. I don't know why I couldn't just let it go; I tried, really I did, but it just wouldn't leave. So I walked on in the rain.
I had just scuttled across the road, trading the muddy shoulder for the more secure footing of a sidewalk, when a whiff of sulfur announced a demon. An instant later, Zephyrus appeared.
"Duo," he said smoothly, "Why are you walking in the rain? Has that large lizard of yours lost his mind?"
I just kept walking. "Not in the mood, Zeph," I muttered. "Go bother someone else." I could almost feel him blink. He fell into step with me.
"But... it's raining, little Banshee. You shouldn't be out in this."
"It's only water; I won't melt."
His step faltered; apparently I was being somewhat... venomous. Well, good. About time I got mad. I hadn't done a damn thing to deserve what happened to me and dammit, it sucked that I was still having to deal with the after-effects.
He touched my shoulder then and I rounded on him.
"I told you to leave me alone! I don't care about the rain; I don't care about getting wet! I don't fucking care!"
Reality twisted for an instant and I found myself blinking in a warm, fire-lit room.
"What the fuck?! Zephyrus!"
He was standing a few feet from me, minus his long cloak and fancy hat. His furry grey ears swiveled my direction and his fluffy tail switched in irritation. He folded his arms over his chest and arched one eyebrow in a "what are you going to do about it?" look.
"Well, I don't happen to enjoy dragging my tail through the mud," he sniffed.
I opened my mouth and then shut it again. What the hell could I say to that? Nothing that would do me any good, I'm sure.
He waved a hand at me. "Do sit down; I'll make you a cup of tea and you can tell me why you feel the need to punish yourself by scuttling about in the rain."
A burgundy satin loveseat walked up behind me on clawed feet and waited patiently; I sat down. Some of my anger was draining away, leaving behind the hurt and confusion. I rested my head in my hands, elbows on my knees.
"Zephyrus.... I'm sorry; it's just been a rotten day."
"You needn't apologise, little Banshee." He turned from a small fire with a saucer and teacup in his hand and offered it to me. I took it and inhaled the orange spice.
Demon tea. Was it any safer than the soda Julie gave me? Did I trust the koriyoukai not to try to seduce me that way?
I shook my head in disgust. If Zeph wanted to seduce me, he wouldn't be resorting to tea and satin sofas, and he knew damn well the punishment for seducing a Wyvern's Chosen would be worse than death, if Heero could manage it. And right now, Heero probably could. I tasted the tea. Just tea. Just good old spice tea with a touch of orange. I sighed heavily into the cup, watching the ripples on the small surface.
"Drink up, little Banshee; there is more." A chair galloped up and stopped opposite the sofa and he settled himself elegantly into it, crossing his legs deliberately and twitching his tail to lie at his side. A cup and saucer of his own appeared in his hands. "Now, tell me why you were walking in the rain all alone."
Absurdly, he made me think of a television therapist. I wondered how long it would take before he asked me "and how does that make you feel?"
I could picture it so clearly in my head that I snickered. He cocked an eyebrow encouragingly.
"Just something silly," I hedged, and then sighed. "I just wanted to think," I admitted to his question. "About... things. Life. Secrets. Friends. How easy it is to be hurt by your friends..."
He sat up sharply, teacup vanishing. "Who has hurt you? The Wyvern? That snarky little Dragon? The..." he hesitated, then continued. "The... Puma...?"
"No!" Crap. Open mouth, insert foot, Duo! I snapped to myself. "They haven't hurt me! They would never hurt me! It's just... other people."
"Other friends...?"
I swallowed. She had been, hadn't she? My friend. I thought so at the time. Thought I knew Humans after living with them for seven years. Thought they couldn't possibly put anything over on me.
"They are not your friends if they hurt you," he pronounced solemnly.
The snort that came then sounded strangled even to me. "You're a demon, Zeph; what would you know about friends?"
And then he was right in front of me, down on one knee on the rich Persian rug looking straight into my eyes, his own ice-blue eyes sharp but not angry.
"Only what I have learned from you, little Banshee."
Crap.
I stared into his eyes, seeing myself reflected in his bottomless pupils.
I closed my eyes and reached one arm around his neck in a half-hug. "I'm sorry; that was mean. I shouldn't have said that." Damn. Here he was, acting in a very un-demonly way, trying to be empathetic and I was sniping at him. Bloody hell... When would I ever get my damn balance back? Just how far and how long was I going to have to search to find "me" again?
He brought one arm around my waist, careful to avoid the cup and saucer I still held. "I understand that you are... hurt," he murmured against my hair. "I would like to... to help?" He drew back far enough to look at my face and I saw that he looked uncertain. "That is what I am supposed to say, isn't it? As a concerned friend?"
I thought of what Q said; that I had civilized a demon. I snickered helplessly. "Yeah; that's what you're supposed to say." The idea of a demon being more human than a Human seemed awfully amusing suddenly, given how evil demons are supposed to be. "Thanks, Zeph," I said softly and he smirked, looking very pleased with himself for a moment.
"I have not even tried to see you, knowing that the Wyvern would be... not pleased," he admitted hesitantly. I could feel him picking carefully, searching for the right words to convey feelings that demons didn't normally have. Q said I was worth all the trouble I'd brought... "But it has been several weeks," Zephyrus continued; "and I... I have worried about you; why are you still unhappy, Banshee? You are safely back now, with your... your friends, and you say they have not hurt you..."
There wasn't a table handy; I managed to set the cup and saucer on the floor before the shudder got far enough for me to drop them. The wrenching wave of flashback and its terrible feeling of panic, humiliation, regret swept over me with not a bit of warning, building so swiftly that I could only wrap my arms over my ribs, clench my teeth and just try not to scream as it all replayed itself with horrifying clarity on the insides of my eyelids.
"Duo? Duo!"
I heard him, felt his hands on my arms, but right at that moment, I needed everything I had to keep from shattering where I sat. I don't know when the sobs began, or when I collapsed into his arms. When I was finally aware of my surroundings again, I was in his arms, almost in his lap, and crying wretchedly on his shoulder.
Given the interest Zephyrus has shown in me, I would have expected him to relish this moment and take full advantage. Instead, he brushed my bangs back from my face and asked anxiously, "Shall I call the Wyvern? I will bring him here for you."
Oh, yeah; that would make things better. Right. Heero would have an aneurism on the spot.
"God, no!" I gasped. "He'd kill you before you could explain..." I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to get myself back into the here-and-now. "Just... gimme a few seconds..."
He nodded, even though I could see that he wasn't sure. Do demons even know how to do protective? I know they're right up there with Dragons when it comes to possessive.
Demon or no, he was a perfect gentleman while I got the damned tears stopped and my heart rate under control and chased away the remnants of the attack. He just continued rubbing my back and gently petting my hair and making a sound that could almost be mistaken for purring. Do foxes purr? I always thought only felines did that. And what a time to wonder about that. Have I ever mentioned how good I am at denial?
Zephyrus sighed then and said quietly, "I do not understand why you let that female spirit you away like that."
And there it was. The censure I had expected from the Sheriff's detective, from my friends, from my lover. I let her drug me. I let her take me away. I let that pervert rape me. I let it happen, therefore it was my fault. I was as guilty as they were; more so, because I had enabled them to hurt me. I let it happen, so I wanted it to happen. It was all my responsibility.
All my little bits and pieces exploded at once and I started screaming, barely aware of what I was saying.
A fine haze seemed to cover everything, vaguely purple; just enough to make everything look fuzzy and slightly off-kilter. I could see myself from... outside myself. It didn't scare me; I don't think I really felt anything but a rather annoyed embarrassment over the ridiculous amount of scenery-chewing by a really lousy actor.
It took me a few ticks to realize that that lousy actor was me, and that I seemed to be having some sort of... temper tantrum, or maybe a complete emotional collapse.
How humiliating....
Zephyrus just watched; one eyebrow arched in genteel confusion.
I needed...
I blinked uncertainly. What did I need? Um... I needed to... to... do something. Yes. I needed to stop... myself... from... from...
From what...?
I frowned, still watching myself behaving... badly.
Oh, yes. I needed to stop myself from behaving like an idiot. And in front of a demon, no less.
But if that was me... and I was me...
How did that happen...?
Was this what Humans called astral projection? And what the hell was I doing projecting myself to here, when I should be there, having a meltdown in front of a demon...?
And why was I saying...?
Shit! Shit!
My own voice, coming from my own mouth saying -- telling the demon fergodsake! -- that I had been raped!
I dropped my head into my hands. I would have to dig a hole to hide in and pull the damn thing over me. Shit. Double shit...
I may have whimpered.
...and everything changed again.
Zephyrus had hold of my shoulders; I had a hold of his arms. I was panting again -- like I couldn't freaking get enough air into my lungs -- and that weird hysterical feeling was winding itself up inside of me.
"Zeph! Let go of me!" I shrieked. Crap, I could hear the panic in my own voice. The toad demon; Kevin the pervert; Wufei... Oh shit. "Let go of me!" It happened when I was scared... really scared. And right now, Zephyrus was scaring the crap outta me.
"Duo! I wasn't blaming you!" he yelled in my face.
"Let go!" I pulled against his grip, but he was stronger. ~ Is he strong enough; stronger than the power? ~ hissed the voice in my head. "Zeph! You're scaring me!"
He let go suddenly, and I landed on the satin sofa, gasping for breath. He reached for me again, but I held up my hand.
"No! No... Don't scare me, Zeph," I gasped. "I'm-I'm dangerous when I'm scared..." And didn't that just sound ridiculous? He would find that just hysterically funny.
But he drew back uncertainly and I was able to breathe. He was a demon and not exactly on my approved friends list, the one Heero seems to carry in his head for me, but I didn't want to hurt him.
Especially... I blinked, looking around the room while I caught my breath. Especially as I had no idea where I was or how I would get home without him. And right then, I really wanted to go home.
"Duo... I would never hurt you," he said gently. "I only want to... to help."
"I... know... And I don't want to hurt you, either." He arched one eyebrow, clearly not seeing any way that I could be a danger to him. I didn't enlighten him. "I want to go home," I said. "Please just take me home..."
He frowned, his hands hovering as if he wanted to touch me again, but couldn't as long as I was upset. "All right," he said reluctantly. "You're sure I can't remove that traitorous female?"
"I'm sure," I sighed. Guess I had just blurted out everything; terrific. "Just let it be, Zephyrus." It was over and nearly done with; I just wanted to stop dwelling on what happened and work on finding myself again. I wanted to stop crying and whining and scaring my friends and my lover, as well as -- now -- my personal koriyoukai.
And I really need to get over this tendency to run when things got complicated. Heero was going to be livid.
"By your request," said Zephyrus quietly, "I will refrain from exacting vengeance in your name, but please know that I am at your service, Banshee." And he swept a low bow.
"Just don't tell Heero or Wufei that," I muttered. They'd both go ballistic.
~*~
He was gone!
I swung around frantically, searching every corner of the hallway and the desk area, but my Banshee was... gone.
"NO!"
I started toward the door, but a firm grip on my wrist brought me up short. I turned, ready to snarl, and came nose to nose with Q. The Wizard's aqua eyes burned into me and I registered, belatedly, that he was furious. His grip transferred from my wrist to my collar, yanking me even closer. He had the same grip on Jake, I noticed, pulling us both down to his eye level. Our faces touched and we both flinched, both of us angry males with territorial issues.
"Has it escaped your notice," Q hissed in cold fury, "Where you are? That you have an audience? That you are carrying our business into the spotlight of Mundane Humans?" He shook us both, and even though it wasn't a strong gesture, I felt my teeth rattle. "We are not here to look foolish in front of these people. We are not here to look dangerous in front of these people."
I became aware that there were Humans, some of them in uniform, very carefully not watching our little tableau. I swallowed.
"But... Duo..." I began hesitantly.
"Was obviously embarrassed, upset and humiliated by your behavior!" Q snapped, still in a whisper, but a whisper that could topple buildings. "It is bad enough that he must come here and detail again the crimes committed against him, without the two of you treating him -- publicly! -- like a bone to be fought over!"
He shook us again and Jake made a faint sound of distress. "I'm sorry... He was so upset at not knowing... It's not fair..." We were both unconsciously whispering to match Q.
"Duo is an adult; he is well aware that life is not fair, Jacob." He drew a deep breath, visibly calming himself. "Go home; both of you."
"But Duo -!"
"Will be fine, once he has time to think." He glared at both of us in turn and released his grip on us. He resettled his cloak on his shoulders. "Now, I have to excuse your little tantrum, and convince these people that neither of you are a danger to the Human population of this area. Go home."
"I want to look for Duo," I declared mulishly.
Q Glared at me. "I. Said. Go. Home." The Glare intensified, and I felt like a ten-year-old explaining bad behavior to the IchiBan.
I dropped my eyes, my face heating up. "Yes, sir," I muttered. He Glared at Jake, and the port Wizard gulped and vanished. I walked out of the building to the parking lot and just stood for a moment, staring up at the sky.
I am not in the habit of letting people tell me what to do, but in this case, Q was right. Jake and I had both behaved badly, and Duo wouldn't put up with that any more than Q would. Duo just dealt with it... differently. By running away, by removing himself from the source of conflict.
I blinked. I had created the source of conflict. As hurt and devastated as Duo felt right now, I had made it worse by attacking the motives of a friend. My failure, not his. My wrong, not his. My penance...
Not his.
I changed and flew home, as Q had ordered.
~*~
We materialized in the parking lot of the Castle, as close as Zephyrus could get to actually seeing me to my room. Demons aren't forbidden in the Castle, but the place is heavily warded, which limits their powers. They don't like that much, I guess, but since Zephyrus is the only demon I know, I can't really say for sure.
Anyway, he deposited me in the parking lot, under one of the carport structures and hung onto my hand only long enough to brush his lips chivalrously over the back of it.
I was beginning to wobble again, my emotions once again bouncing around inside of me almost painfully. I couldn't manage more than "Thanks, Zeph; I'll see you later."
He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he swept a theatrical bow and vanished. It's probably a good thing; I wasn't in any shape to be gracious.
I slipped through the tunnel into the Castle grounds and jogged for my quarters. No one stopped me or even saw me; another good thing. My thoughts were settling down somewhat; I was beginning to see a path back to myself.
Sometimes that's the way my mind works; it churns and churns and makes me half crazy and then suddenly it spits out mostly logical plans. I don't know how logical any of this was, but at the moment it was making better sense than anything else had recently. It almost felt like something inside me was pushing at me, demanding I take steps.
Almost like... this is going to sound so crazy... Almost like the real "me" was pounding on a door in my head somewhere, begging for help, begging me to let him out...
I flung open my door.
And found Heero standing in the middle of my room clutching my knit blanket in his arms.
:: Oh crap! Not yet! Too soon! Not yet! ::
The voice screaming its warning in my head startled me and I backpedaled, away from my Wyvern.
He looked... haunted. Scared.
"Duo!" he exclaimed as I backed up. "Don't run! Please don't run! I'm sorry! I'm so... fucking sorry..." And he... folded... into a huddled lump on the floor.
:: Not yet! :: screamed that voice again. :: You have things to do first! ::
Everything inside my skin was tightening up again, but not in quite the same way as when Zephyrus frightened me.
Things to do... Things I had to do before... before I could...
The edges of my vision were shifting, taking on a purplish tone.
"Heero..." I heard myself say anxiously. "Heero, I need... a few minutes... Twenty minutes... Please... Let me... let me..."
He sat back on his heels, looking up at me desperately. "You won't... you won't go...?"
I shook my head and I swear I could feel my brain sloshing with the movement.
"I swear, Heero. I just need... some time... Please?"
He swallowed; I have never imagined that he could look so frightened. "Okay," he said faintly. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I never meant to drive you away..."
"You didn't!" I cried. Dammit, I did not want him blaming himself! "Later, Heero; please? Right now, I have to... do something."
He uncoiled from his position on the floor and stood up. He started to reach for me, but my back was against the door and he seemed to know that it wouldn't be good to touch me right then. He looked down at my blanket in his arms, and I swear he blushed.
"It... it feels like you... Smells like you..."
"Twenty minutes; I promise."
He nodded. "It's all right now; you're here, you're safe. Take as long as you need. I'll be..." He gestured toward his room.
"Okay..."
He turned and walked out of the room, still clutching my blanket.
I stayed leaning against the door for a long moment, just listening to the wild pounding of my heart. But I had things to do... Things I had to do... Before I could find me...
I pushed off, stumbling toward my desk, pulling my clothes off as I went. I pulled out my phone and dialed information and asked for the non-emergency number of the sheriff's station. They connected me and I asked their switchboard for Detective Anderson.
As I spoke I was pulling the tie off my braid and unraveling the plaits. She wasn't happy with me, or with Jake, but I brushed it aside. I said what I needed to say, and she said she'd think about it. Then she told me to come in tomorrow to sign my statement.
Nothing unusual, nothing I hadn't expected.
That thing inside me was still pushing, still demanding that I hurry, that time was running out. The tightness was becoming almost painful.
I showered and washed my hair on autopilot and combed out the tangles, leaving my hair loose. I made a conscious effort not to think; thinking only made the feeling twist that much tighter.
~ Find me!
I don't know how!
~ Yes you do! Find me!
Help me...
~ Find me!
How?!
~ ...him...
Heero?
I pushed open the door to his room. He was standing there, just as he had been in my room; lost, frightened, worried... Still cuddling my blanket.
~*~
I tried sitting down. I tried lying on my bed. I even tried pacing. I couldn't bear it. I wound up standing in my room, staring at the bathroom door, still clutching his blanket. I could hear his voice, and assumed that he was on the phone. Who would he be talking to now? Maybe Q? He's not inconsiderate; he does not like to worry or upset people. But Q wasn't worried; not at the sheriff's office. Therefore... Q knew where Duo had gone, or at least that he was in no danger. I gave a moment's thought to just smacking myself; why didn't I notice that little detail at the time? Was I losing my observational skills completely?
When the shower came on, I took an automatic step towards the closed door. But I wasn't invited; the door was closed. I swallowed a sound that would have embarrassed me in public, and continued to stare at the door. When the water was turned off, I followed his movements in my mind; every swipe of the towel, every stroke of the comb, and knew to the minute when he would be finished.
But... would he come to me? Would he want my agitated, hyper-protective company?
~*~
He steps out of the bathroom and into my room, naked, with his hair down and swirling about him. For a few seconds, everything inside me just... stops. My Banshee. My Chosen. My angel.
Mine.
He glides across the floor to me and stops, hands twisting together, misery and... something even darker in his brilliant eyes.
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have walked out on you..."
"Not your fault! I'm sorry for yelling, for making a scene, for... for frightening you..."
He shakes his head, not even hearing me. "I can't keep running from this, Heero; can't keep trying to pretend it isn't there... I'm... broken... inside. That... pervert broke something in me, and it- it isn't going to fix itself. I can feel it, hear it, crying for help..." Tears well in his eyes. "And I can't! I don't know how! I can't find it... and it's unraveling me... Every time I feel like- like I'm getting better... it rears up and drags me under... I feel like I'm drowning... I need... you..." He ducks his head and I have to touch his shining hair, combing my fingers through it tenderly. "You're the only one who can find me... and fix me..."
"Duo, angel..." I murmur. "Anything for my Banshee." Even in anguish he is mesmerizing...
"It wants, needs you, Heero..."
It? My expression betrays my startled thought all too easily.
"Me... That... part of me. The part that... he... broke. I can't... It needs you, wants you..."
I stifle a groan; this is not what I meant. But I promised him anything...
I think... Hell, I know what he's asking; we've been round and round on this these past weeks. He wants me to over-ride his defenses, ignore his rightful fears and just... take control. But I can't do that! I am a Wyvern; I cannot... rape him... even if it is his choice...
We are powerful beings, the swords of our progenitors, and because we are so much more powerful than Humans and even most Magical Creatures, we were created with a fine respect for our own power, a pathological aversion to causing pain to those we protect. He is my Chosen! There is no protection on earth greater than that!
I brush my hands over his face, stroking the soft skin, caressing his cheekbones. Breathing deeply. Down his neck to his shoulders, rubbing gently.
Stupid, damn arrogant Human; to touch what belongs to me! He should have been mine to kill! Mine to flay and dismember. Mine to disembowel.
Mine... I have failed mine. He is mine and I have failed him...
Would I know this same irrational fury if my Chosen were another Wyvern? Would I be so over-protective of my equal? Does that make my angel, my love, my delicate, fragile Banshee somehow... inferior? Would I refuse this same plea from one of my own kind...?
My brain hiccups, trying to find some logic to work with, but Duo intervenes.
His hands slide down my chest -- when did I get naked?
"Please, Heero... This is what it -- what I need. I am not asking now," he whispers and he is sinking to his knees, cheek rubbing against my knee. "I am begging. It hurts, Heero... It hurts to be this broken..."
They are creatures of fantasy, my Duo and the others of his species, made of mist and fire and magic; drifting smoke, a skirl of wind. Of legend, no Human ever saw them, but from the corner on an eye or the middle of a blink. They are imagination and mystery and perilous beauty and the inexorable power of the earth.
Elves, Faeries and Banshees... The triumvirate of the Fae; all of them with the look of blown-glass delicacy, of snowflakes and shadows, and all of them with the strength, power and implacable will of the earth itself.
Inazuma, so fair and flighty, giggling laughter pouring past his fingers, sky-blue eyes dancing with inappropriate merriment, slithering through darkened souls like a ribbon of light.
Enrique, deep and smoldering, a smirk that undresses the mind, eyes of volcanic fire that warm or burn with the turn of a thought.
Roqier, spreading sparkles wherever he goes, gold and silver and all the colors of the rainbow in his Faerie eyes, and a Touch that soothes and startles.
And Duo... Death's right hand, the conductor, the ticket-taker for the boat ride to eternity... The whisper in the mind, the two-minute warning of his Master's arrival. Fierce and fearsome...
And something else... Something broken and healed; abandoned and found... Strength he doesn't believe in, power he can't acknowledge, fear he refuses to face.
All of them so fair and fragile; so delicate and ethereal and needing of protection.
All of them so deadly, so implacable, so inexorable... The movement of continents with the flick of a finger. The passage of Time on two legs. Once those eyes have fallen on you, you have lost. You belong completely to the Fae.
I have never understood why no one else sees this. Or perhaps they do, and it frightens them so much they clutch at logic to explain their panic, and find comfort in concepts like 'old wives tales', 'faerie stories' and 'folk tales'.
These Magical Creatures born of the places where starlight kisses the earth; slow to anger, even slower to forgive... They shame the rest of us, Human and Magical alike...
And I am not what I have always thought myself to be...
My hands tangle in his flowing hair. "Angel..." I breathe, drawing him to his feet and into my arms. I inhale deeply; let the scent of him fill my lungs. "Anything for you..."
~*~
Lying beside him, holding him against me, fragile and exhausted, his hair jumbled and straying everywhere, I feel something inside of me, something I've never noticed before.
Perhaps in healing what was broken inside of my angel, my love, I may have also healed something that was broken inside of me. Something I never knew was even there. Some tiny part of my dormant Banshee heritage.
"Duo," I whisper. "I love you." He has bruises; I can see them even in the dimness of the room, marks of his choosing, marks of his claim on me. It was late afternoon when he returned; it is nearly dawn now.
He rubs his face against my shoulder drowsily, like an affectionate cat, and mutters something that might possibly be "love you too." And he settles again, hitching a tiny bit closer and hooking one long, lean leg over mine.
I think maybe, just maybe the worst may be behind us.
TBC...
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