Warning: Dark
Blue Forest Banshee Part 84
Strange Days II
I swam up through the layers of consciousness fearing what waited, even as I scrambled toward it. Before, when I surfaced, there were strange voices and hands and an overwhelming sense of betrayal. Another time, the same - maybe - strange voices, more hands roaming over me and pain. Sharp, shocking, terrifying pain.
I remember being cold and more scared than ever before in my life... Even leaving my home at eleven wasn't this scary. I remember crying somewhere in there, and I remember calling for Heero. I could almost hear his voice some times, telling me not to be afraid; everything would be all right. But the hands came back...
I don't remember hearing my screams, but I know I did scream. And then everything just went away; stopped, including me.
Never trusting anyone ever again. NEVER.
Dark... Dark room... Gods, I hurt so much... just everywhere... Want to run, escape... Stop my head from spinning so wildly... Crawl if I fuckin' have to... No more bloody damn hands on me...
I managed vertical in spite of the pain and the dizziness and the pervasive darkness. Managed three, maybe four steps.
Someone laid hands on me. I screamed, flailing wildly. A great deal of yelling, screaming and wild struggling ensued. I wasn't bound and helpless this time. Maybe I couldn't see what I was doing, but at least I was fighting back. My frantic swings landed at least twice.
And then a second pair of hands joined the first, closing about my upper arms. Fear and fury coalesced and I screamed fit to wake the entire demon realm.
The darkness splintered, or maybe it was just me... And I heard voices.
"No! Don't touch him! Get Heero! Damn, are you all right?! I said not to touch him! Duo! Duo, you're safe! It's over! Calm down!"
My need to escape wavered. Heero? Safety? Over?
I froze where I was, blinking. It didn't seem to help with the darkness... From far away, I heard voices again. Good voices; voices I knew I could trust...
"Hurry, Heero! He's disoriented; talk to him."
And softly, from in front of me, "Baby... Baby, it's all right now. It's all over, all finished. You don't have to fight anymore. You don't have to be afraid."
"Heero...?" I was so afraid it wasn't true; that I was just dreaming again.
"Yes, angel," he sighed. "It's me. You're at the Castle, in the infirmary."
A rustle off to the side caught my ear and I half-turned that way, still uncertain.
"No, baby," breathed Heero. "It's just Q."
"Sorry, Duo," said that familiar quiet voice. "I didn't mean to startle you." I felt him touch me, without actually touching me, and all my fear just washed away.
"Q?" I breathed. "Heero?"
"Yes, angel; it's all right now." Fingertips brushed my hand and I clutched at him. His arms came around me, pulling me hard against him. I think I whimpered. The world just went away, everything except me and my Wyvern. He murmured in my ear and his hands moved possessively over me, and they were good hands; hands I love, the touch I live for. The nightmare retreated...
Vaguely, I heard and recognized Q's voice at a distance. Then Trowa and Wufei. Another voice, a warm contralto... I didn't fear it, even though I didn't recognize it. Then Q... touched me again.
"Duo, I'm sorry; I know this has been terrible for you..." He trailed off as if embarrassed or uncertain.
I raised my head from Heero's shoulder, trying again to see in the darkness, remembering that it shouldn't be this dark. "Why is it dark?" I asked quietly. Don't panic; nothing to panic about yet.
"It's just a potion. Mistress Loquinn will put some drops in your eyes and it'll be gone. Whatever drug they gave you was making your eyes burn; Heero wanted to spare you that pain."
Okay, then the darkness was just temporary. My insides, which had apparently panicked without me, began to relax. But that didn't account for Q's obvious distress.
"Then... what is it? Heero? Q?" My voice shook; I tried taking a deep breath, but it didn't seem to help. The heavy silence helped even less.
"Baby..." Heero's arms wrapped around me again. "You need to... They want... It's their policy..."
"Policy?" I know I stiffened; my heart skipped a couple of beats. 'Policy' is not a word generally used by Magical Creatures. It's a Human term. "Policy for what?" Dammit, my own voice and my body conspired against me to make me shudder with apprehension.
"Duo, angel," began Heero, but Q stepped in.
"Duo, the Human authorities want to know if you were assaulted."
I flinched. Violently. Heero growled and kissed my forehead.
"They... I... I... don't know..." I whispered shakily. I was doing my best to disappear into Heero. Another five seconds and I would either hyperventilate myself into unconsciousness or spontaneously combust.
"They can just leave him the fuck alone!" Heero snarled. "He's been through enough!"
"Heero," sighed Q. "I do know... But this is their jurisdiction; we have to follow their rules."
"Fuck them!"
I've never heard Heero like this before. He was... scaring me.
I know I whimpered then. "What do they want? I don't know what happened! I don't know... if... if... I don't fuckin' know!"
"I understand, Duo," said Q gently. "They want to do... a test. They have procedures to follow. It's done by a doctor."
It took... a long time for his words to register. And when they did, I began to shake. Into that moment stepped Mistress Loquinn with the eye drops. I clutched at that distraction like it was a damned life preserver. As long as I could think 'eye drops' I didn't have to think...
How the hell long could this nightmare go on?
I felt the healer next to me an instant before her fingertips touched my cheek.
"Tilt your head back, dear," she instructed.
I tried; I swear I tried, but my body was still in full defense mode and just plain refused to bare its throat to someone it couldn't see. All at once Heero's arm went behind my knees and the next thing I knew, I was horizontal in his arms and Mistress Loquinn was telling me to pry my eyelids open. It gave my fragmented wits somewhere to focus and before I had to consciously think, my eyes were open and the drops were in. I blinked a few times, shivering at the icy feel of the stuff. Light began to creep slowly into my shadowed vision.
I really was at the Castle, in the spacious ward of the infirmary. I saw Mistress Loquinn smiling at me and Q behind her looking relieved. Above me, rumbling softly to himself in his worry, my Wyvern looked haggard and worn and incredibly relieved. Absurdly relieved.
An odd little thought formed in my head then, that there was no reason for him to have been so worried, that he would now be so obviously relieved. I can take care of myself.
Except...
...and then it hit me like a kick in the balls. I couldn't take care of myself. It had just been unequivocally demonstrated that I hadn't taken care of myself. We wouldn't be here, like this, if I had.
And that rude little reality check circled inexorably back around to the matter of 'policy' and 'test' and 'doctor'.
My face must have done something, because Heero suddenly had a death grip on me and Q had hold of both my hands.
Given past experience, I'm a little surprised I didn't just port my freaked-out little self somewhere far, far away.
Instead, my brain went with hysterical sobs, complete with random flailing and screams of "NO!"
And yet, if you had asked me what I was so afraid of, I could not have told you. It was... a little while before rational thought returned. When it did, I was lying on a bed, still wrapped in Heero's arms and shaking like... Well, comparing my trembling to that of a leaf would be just feeble. I was shaking hard enough to make the bed rattle, okay?
And my solid island of Wyvernian safety wasn't much better. I was scaring him. I'd been scaring him since... yesterday, I guess.
Shit. What he must think of me... What they all must think of me, falling apart for... for so little reason. I tried to ignore the voice that was whispering in the depths of my head, telling me exactly what that little reason was.
::Not going there. Not giving in to that. Not! Do you hear?! NOT!::
I scavenged up a few shreds of dignity or common sense or... something, and did some inhale/exhale/relax.
Heero responded to the calming of my heartbeat and the fact that I no longer had a death grip on his neck with a deep breath and a long sigh. Damn. I'd almost strangled him. I had to get control of myself...
"Heero," I whispered, forcing my arms to release him and stroking his cheek gently. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean..."
He caught at my still-trembling hand, kissing it again and again, between words.
"Don't! Don't you dare apologize! You've done nothing wrong!"
Q stepped into my line of sight. "Duo, I'm sorry. We need to decide if you want to do that test..." he said quietly. "It needs to be done soon, while... while..."
I swallowed, and forced the words out. "While it's still... fresh?" I managed.
Heero growled again, his grip on me tightening painfully. Q looked miserable, as if he was somehow responsible.
"Fuck!" I snarled. "Why don't they just ask- I mean, they have him in custody, right?" I tried to stick with 'mad'; 'scared' was just too close to... things.
"Yeah," said someone behind me sourly and I jumped. It was only Wufei, I discovered, sitting on the bed behind me, but it scared me half to death. "They have him. In a couple of buckets in the Coroner's freezer."
I made a noise best described as 'strangled.' Ruthlessly wrestled down the panic crawling up my throat as a scream.
::No. Done with that. All done. Gonna be a grown-up here.::
Instead I said calmly, "Q, why is this so important, if he's... not around? Why do they care what, if anything was done to me?"
The blond Wizard looked suddenly very uncomfortable. He took a full minute to formulate his answer; I waited, feeling something scurrying around in the back of my head. Tiny whispers, brief flickers of memory. I stomped them down.
"Duo..."
God, he was having a hard time with this!
Heero's hands came up to knead at my shoulders and the back of my neck while he whispered his love for me.
Q sighed. "Duo, they want to know if self-defense was justified. If you were being... assaulted, there is no question that it was self-defense. If not..." He sighed again. "If not, they will charge you with murder."
I stared at him. "I didn't kill anyone." I looked at Heero. "I thought you..."
"If he had been alive when I found you, I would have torn his damn heart out. But there were only... remains." He stroked my hair gently while I tried to digest what he'd said.
"Are you... Do they think... But..." I couldn't follow it; it simply would not make sense in my head. I've never killed anyone. I don't know if I could.
"Like the toad demon," Heero whispered.
My stomach lurched. "Oh," I said blankly. "Oh."
I was going to faint. I knew it; I felt it coming and I did absolutely nothing to fight it off. If I couldn't go to my beach, at least I could go away.
I came back to the sound of Q's very stiff and strained voice and knew that he was on a cellphone.
"- Admissibility of evidence frankly does not concern me. That monster got what he deserved, regardless." A long pause, then, angrily, "Very well. But don't think that this is over!"
"Q?" murmured Heero, obviously unaware of my return.
"I'm sorry, Heero," he sighed. "They won't budge. They still insist that he be examined or they're going to charge him with first degree murder."
"I'll take him to Torii; they can't touch him there. Or to Merry Brook. Teal won't let them hurt him."
Oh, fuck... Time to smile and laugh and do my little happy dance. Geez, I didn't want to be a fuckin' fugitive. Didn't want Q to get into trouble.
::Get the fuck over it!:: I told myself.
"No," I told them. "I'll do what they want." They both jumped, not having realized that I was listening. I thought I would choke on it, but I said it. "Tell me... Just tell me what they have to do." I ruthlessly throttled that rotten little voice in my head; the one that seemed to take fiendish delight in taunting me with nightmares and bogeymen.
Dammit, I am a bogeyman!
I wanted the nightmare over. I'd survived... whatever. I could survive the aftermath. I'm a fucking Banshee, not a damn hothouse orchid. And if I said it often enough and loud enough, I might even convince myself.
"Let's just get it the hell over with!" I snarled. "Tell me what they're gonna do."
I got body-slammed with so damn much shit in the next five minutes; I was bloody well wishing I could sink into the ground and never come back.
Mistress Loquinn was somehow drafted to explain the... procedure to me. She did her best to put a positive spin on it, but it still had me shaking and near tears when she finished. Heero sat behind me, arms around me and his head against my shoulder. He didn't say anything; he didn't have to. His very presence was a godsend. I leaned against him and just concentrated on breathing; inhale, exhale. Repeat.
I was aware, I think, of the fury bubbling away beneath his calm façade, but somehow I also knew that it wasn't for me. In no way was he angry at me. You laugh? Hey, I am the poster child for 'insecure'.
When I could manage it, I asked, "Who is going to... to do it?"
Q answered me. "There are three doctors authorized to perform a rape exam."
He continued, but I lost track for a few minutes. The magic word. Everyone else had managed to avoid it. I'd managed to avoid it.
How in the hell...
"Q? Say that again. I... zoned." Heero shifted, turning me so that I could curl against him wearily.
"Of course, Duo," said Q gently. "Dr. Arabella French; she's a Witch and a medical doctor. She has a mixed practice in town. I've met her socially, and she's a very sweet lady."
"Yeah... Okay... Let's do it; I wanna go home." I looked up at Heero. "You'll go with?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course," he said fiercely.
I got to my feet slowly, feeling a little dizzy and a lot shaky, and noticed for the first time that I was wearing... one of those horrible open-assed hospital gowns.
It just would not end. The mood swings alone would kill me at this rate...
My face went hot, my knees wobbled. I had a brief moment of just wanting to sit down and cry in humiliation. How many people had been staring at my butt through all of this?
But I sucked it up again.
Do what they want. Get it over with. Go home. Never leave my room again.
~*~
Seeing Duo staggering to his feet startled me so that I didn't say anything; just reached to catch hold of him. He shouldn't be up and walking around; Mistress Loquinn had put drops in his eyes to stop him pawing at them. He wouldn't be able to see until they were neutralized.
Heero was talking with Tiffany and Raia just outside; they'd been frantic over Duo. Wufei and I just happened to be close to the bed. I grabbed Duo's arm before he could fall over the chair in front of him, and he just sort of... erupted in fighting and screams. He managed to smack me a few times, not hearing me when I tried to identify myself. Of course he was scared; who wouldn't be? I still couldn't let him hurt himself.
He got one hand against my chest and shoved. At the same moment, Wufei grabbed him from behind. Duo let out a sound that seemed to twist the very air around us. I landed on my ass on the ground; Wufei went flying, a good twenty feet. And didn't immediately get up.
I was still shaking my head, trying to figure out what the hell just happened, when Heero and Q began talking Duo down. Q waved me away, a finger to his lips, and gestured to where Wufei was just beginning to stir.
I went to help the pissy Dragon up. He staggered against me and I had to practically carry him to a bed. He looked... scared, sick, stunned. Pick one.
He seemed more concerned with whether he was still breathing than anything else at the moment. He refused to lie down, though; just sat on the edge of the bed, panting softly. I just stayed next to him, watching silently as Q and Heero brought Duo back from that hell.
~*~
I didn't get to put any real clothes on - contamination of evidence, Q muttered - but Heero wrapped me in a long cloak. Then Q put a hand on each of our shoulders, and in a blink, we were there.
Not the main lobby of the hospital, thanks be, but a hallway in a non-public area. There was a counter and a man sitting at a computer, but he never so much as glanced at us, for which I was pathetically grateful. Also in the little -- I don't know -- waiting area were a couple of chairs and a small table with a coffee pot sitting on it.
An instant after we arrived, a woman popped in. Dr. French, I assumed, and sighed heavily.
Heero's arm dropped to my waist protectively. I made myself drift away then; the insistent voice in the back of my head was trying again to tell me things I didn't want to hear. I came back with a start when two men entered the area.
Heero rumbled threateningly and even before they were introduced I knew they were the cops.
Q took the point in the ensuing conversation. I barely listened. And then, way too soon, the doctor was directing me to a small examining room. She may have spoken to me before that, but honestly, I didn't hear. I was still in 'drift' mode.
That kind of changed with six of us crowded into that tiny room. I took one look at the examining table, at the... things sticking out of it, and just... went down. My knees didn't just wobble, they fuckin' disappeared.
Once again, things were a little confused for a while. I don't know what was going on with everyone else, but I was in a wrestling match with that damned voice in my head. It wanted, in the worst way, to tell me things I did not want to hear. By the time I'd managed to strangle it into submission, Heero had morphed and was holding me protectively; the doctor was squashed against the counter; the cops were a heartbeat away from total mayhem and Q was glaring hard enough to strip the stainless off of steel.
Into that charming scene, I inserted my pathetic little self. "S-sorry..." I gasped, still trying to catch my breath. "I just..." What, I don't know.
Dr. French stepped forward then. "It's all right, Duo," she assured me gently. "I'll try to be as quick as possible. I know you want to go home." She looked at the others in the room. "If you gentlemen will step into the hall..."
The cops - who, by the way, looked like they'd been ordered from Central Casting; "two gorillas, shaved" - looked at her, but didn't move.
"Sorry, Dr. French" - was that a sneer I heard, or just my hypersensitive imagination? - "But this is a homicide investigation." He stood there like a damn rock, looking as if that said it all.
Dr. French glared at him narrowly, one eyebrow arched as if she had been just itching for a good fight all day. "Sergeant Wilkowski," she began in a dangerously gentle tone, "Are you about to accuse me of something?"
The guy actually blushed. Heero snarled.
"I am not leaving my Chosen alone with them!"
I was just getting... wobbly in the knees again.
"Please..." I whimpered and hated myself.
Q gave a derisive snort and touched the two cops. All three vanished.
The doctor smirked. "Well! That's much better!" Then she lifted a brow at Heero. He rumbled, but grudgingly shifted back to his more manageable form.
The woman smiled reassuringly, and took my arm.
~*~
Just so you know, it was not even remotely fun. And I did my best to sweep it all under the carpet in my head and then nail that sucker down.
We won't talk about the... position I found myself in, or the instruments the doctor wielded or how many times she had to remind me to relax or to breathe.
We won't talk about my damned uncontrollable tears, or about Heero's guilty ones or about the teasing memory flashes.
We will, however, commend Dr. French on her patience and her remarkably soothing bedside manner. And when she was done, with all of her samples and vials accounted for, she left us alone, telling me to take my time and that everything would be all right.
I would have laughed derisively, if I could have remembered how.
With Heero holding me, and the bad stuff finally over, I began to genuinely relax.
"I'm sorry," I said after a few minutes. I couldn't stop thinking of the worry he had endured.
"Don't," he growled. "Just forget it. It's over."
Since that is what I really, really wanted to do, I shut up and just let him shelter me. I ignored the nasty little troublemaker in my head and burrowed against my Wyvern, my cheek pressed against that warm spot on his chest. And when he stroked my hair and called me 'baby', I didn't even sigh.
It would be... so easy to let him protect me. So simple to just be the vacuous little flutterby that half the world already assumed I was. So sensible to let my strong, powerful lover keep me safe and insulated from the big bad world...
Sometimes, my stubbornness is just appalling. Right up there with my stupidity.
I was ready to leave in ten minutes. I wanted my own room, a shower to wash the filth off, a long soak in the bath and my own damn bed. And a couple of cookies, a glass of milk and a story would be nice too. I said as much to Heero, trying to smooth away the frown lines on his beautiful face. It took a few seconds for him to shift over to the mental track I was on - transcontinental denial, nonstop all the way - but he managed and gave me a lovely, if worn, smile.
"Duo, my angel," he breathed and kissed the angle of my neck and shoulder as he settled the cloak about me.
"If you plan to say 'I'm sorry' again, I'll have to smack you," I warned lightly. "I'd rather you just take me home and show me how much you missed me."
~ Are you sure about that? ~ challenged that nasty little voice in my head. I flinched; I'd thought I'd killed it, but it hooted derisively and proceeded to trot out its collection of uglies.
I turned sharply in Heero's arms. "Home!" I barked. "Now!"
Heero smirked at my command and scooped me up in his arms. "You just amaze me," he murmured in my ear. "I love you."
I should have replied to that. I should have said what he longed to hear, but I didn't. I don't know why... Fear, maybe, or the still-smarting humiliation I couldn't seem to shake. Maybe his intensity, which was still fluttering in the air between us.
In any case, I just pressed my face against his fire spot with a deep sigh and he carried me out of the room.
Q waited in the hallway. The cops were nowhere to be found, which was just fine with me. The blond Wizard smiled at us and took my hand and an instant later, we were home.
TBC...
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