Rated: PG-13; some weirdness. It gets worse in the next part.
Blue Forest Banshee Part 81
Herbalism 101
Duo bounced into the office carrying a tray of houseplants. The philodendron next to his desk was lonely, so he had gathered some companions for the green monster.
"Hey, big Dron," he said brightly to the dark green crown of foliage. "I brought a whole bunch of friends for you." He began arranging the assortment of greenery. "We've got Spidey and Nephertiti for this side, and Jade and Minnie for that side. You think you guys will get along okay?" He patted the big philodendron's glossy leaves. "They're small now, but with you for inspiration, they'll grow fast." He dusted his hands and took the tray to return to Master Khushrenada.
Enrique wandered in a few minutes later, noted the increase in plant life and nodded to himself in agreement. He approved of the carbon dioxide scrubbers. He gathered some parchments and wandered out again.
Moira passed through a bit later, also noting the plants in passing, but didn't pay much attention. She wasn't an herbalist.
Inazuma rushed in, scrambling to hang on to his armload of paperwork, and flung himself into his chair, totally missing the new additions.
Q poked his head in, trailed by a couple of new clerks, announced that this was the office of Magical Investigations, and took them away again, with a promise of formal introductions when everyone was available.
Trowa ambled in, nose in a parchment, and seated himself, still reading. The handwriting was old and crabbed and difficult to decipher. His eyes kept trying to cross.
Duo came back and settled at his desk with a bottle of iced tea, dropping a casual, "Hi, guys."
"Hey, Duo," returned Inazuma absently.
Trowa grunted distractedly.
Duo opened a parchment and began reading. He was currently responsible for any preliminary investigations involving non-Magical animals, due to his particular talent. Word was apparently getting around about his ability; anytime ordinary animals began acting extraordinarily, he got the first reports. He began making notes; arranging his priorities.
Trowa came up for air and to rest his eyes, stretching expansively with a heartfelt groan. Neither of the other young males looked up.
Ah, dedication, he thought with a smile. He noted the bottle of tea on Duo's desk and decided that something cold would taste pretty good about now.
"Going to the dining hall; anybody want anything?" he asked generally. No one did.
Passing Duo's desk, he noted that the Banshee smelled quite nice today...
He made the same mental note when he came back, a little more strongly. Duo smelled great today! He drew a deep breath as he passed the Banshee's desk. Delicious!
"Duo," he asked as he sat down again. "Are you wearing new cologne?"
The Banshee shook his head. "I never wear cologne." He hesitated. "May be my pheromones; I'll try to rein them in. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry; whatever it is, it smells great!"
Duo looked puzzled. "Um... Okay..." He glanced at Inazuma. The River Elf just shrugged; he hadn't noticed anything unusual.
The intriguing scent continued to tease Trowa. He tried to ignore it, but soon every other thought was of that delicious, delectable odor. And then his thoughts turned from the scent itself to the source.
He had on jeans today, those tight ones that made Heero all rumbly and narrow-eyed. The ones that made the females in the offices blush and cough and squeak. The ones that caused Wufei to hyperventilate. The really tight ones...
It was really too bad that Duo fell for Heero... He and Wufei barely had a chance to even try, before Heero had swept the lively Banshee off his feet. But that was kind of Wufei's fault, too... Snarky Dragon... A person needed finesse to win a creature like the Banshee. Bluster and snarls would never impress someone like Duo... In fact, it was a little bit of a mystery how Heero managed it. The Wyvern never blustered, true, but he was otherwise nothing but snarls, growls and homicidal glares. Whatever possessed the bright, lively Banshee to fall for that prickly, hardassed, anal-retentive...?
Trowa shook his head; what brought that on? He glanced over at Duo, now standing in front of the files. The light was just right, highlighting his auburn hair. It was braided just enough to keep it out of his face; from mid-back down to his knees, it flowed loose and full; a waterfall of rubies melted in amber, wafting gently in the currents of air from the vents.
Back and forth; forth and back. It was teasing him; inviting him to come and play...
But that would be... a bad thing? Wouldn't it?
Surely, that delicious, intoxicating, gut-tightening scent was calling to him. Why else...
~ Go on, ~ urged the little voice in the back of his head. ~ He's calling to you. ~
::No... He couldn't be... Could he?::
~ Sure he could. Look at that smile. ~
Duo was indeed smiling at him.
Duo looked up to find Trowa gazing at him rather glassy-eyed, and smiling wistfully. After a moment, he smiled back; a wide-eyed grin that vanished into an exaggerated grimace as he turned away. Trowa must be daydreaming again. He did that occasionally, usually while watching the Banshee. If either of the Dragons were here to catch him, there would be snarls and rumbles for hours. And it was kind of weird to think that Trowa might be daydreaming about him; almost like cheating on Heero. At least the Dragons were out for this round.
::Yeah... He is smiling...::
~ He's hoping you'll come over there... ~
::...Nah...::
~ Yes... ~
::Maybe...::
~ Sure he is... look at those jeans... Go on... ~
Feeling almost lightheaded, Trowa oozed across the room to pause at Duo's elbow. The Banshee looked up with a start.
"Oh! Geez, you startled me, Trowa!" He eyed the Were-Puma as the Were-Puma stared at him. "Um... Can I help you with something?" Had Trowa been drinking? Or worse yet, had he sampled one of those Human medications? He looked... fuzzy...
"You smell so good..." Trowa breathed huskily. Duo stared at him, at a loss for how to answer that.
And then...
Trowa pounced.
Duo let out a startled whoop as parchments and paper went flying. An instant later, he was on the floor, with Trowa on top of him doing his best to ravage his mouth.
The commotion brought Inazuma right over his desk.
"Trowa! Crap! Get off him!" He grabbed hold of Trowa's shirt and one arm and hauled, getting exactly nowhere against the stronger creature. "Trowa!"
Duo flailed and struggled, trying to push Trowa off him, reclaim his mouth and gain some leverage all at the same time.
And then the Voice of Doom shook the walls.
"GET OFF MY BANSHEE!!"
And Trowa was flying through the air, pausing only long enough for Heero's fist to connect with his face.
Inazuma cowered.
Wufei snarled like an angry animal.
Duo was on his feet in an instant, red-faced and furious.
"Whatthefuck?!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on here?!" He glared around the room; at Heero and Wufei, who had just walked in; at Inazuma, who had flattened himself against the wall to hopefully escape the Wyvern's notice; at Trowa who now sprawled on the floor.
"Trowa! What the fuck were you doing?!"
The Were-Puma rolled onto his back, seemingly oblivious to both the punch and the fury bubbling in the room. "You smell s-o-o-o good..." he purred throatily.
Duo stared, open-mouthed. "What?!"
Heero bared his teeth and started toward the purring Were-Puma.
Wufei shut his mouth with a snap and began his own advance. "Dammit; you cheater!" Something tickled at his nose; he shook it off.
Heero grabbed Trowa by the front of his shirt, hauling him up to glare into his glazed green eyes. "I want an explanation and I want it now!" he demanded.
Trowa giggled and rubbed his head against Heero's arm. "He smells great... Like... like... buttered popcorn... and... and... filet mignon... and... summertime..."
Heero blinked. "What...?"
Wufei rubbed at his nose. What the hell now?! He sneezed. Again. And again. He stifled another sneeze, and looked around the room. "Whatthefuck?" he grumbled.
Duo blinked and began pulling his clothing to order. "He's been telling me how great I smell all afternoon..." He looked to Inazuma for confirmation.
The Elf nodded anxiously. "Yeah. He kept saying Duo smelled good. He even asked if he was wearing new cologne."
Heero turned a midnight glare Duo's way. The Banshee held up his hands. "Uh-uh; no cologne here. And it's not my pheromones; not this time."
Heero turned his attention back to the Were-Puma who was now attempting to snuggle with him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he growled again.
Wufei sneezed again; violently. The reaction caused him to stagger, catching himself on the edge of Duo's desk.
"What is in this room?" he gasped. "There's something in here!"
Duo and Inazuma looked at each other.
The Elf shrugged in ignorance.
Duo shook his head. "I just brought some new plants for Dron..." he began.
Wufei whipped around so quickly to glare at the philodendron that he almost toppled over.
"Shit!" he yelled at the sight of the new plants. "That's catnip!" He sneezed again, for emphasis.
Heero, Duo and Inazuma stared at him. Trowa began to wind himself sinuously around Heero, purring loudly.
"You smell great, Heero," he mumbled.
Heero let go of him as if scalded; Trowa folded neatly to the floor and attempted to curl around Heero's feet. The Wyvern stepped away.
"Catnip?" he growled. "What the hell does catnip have to do with anything?"
Wufei pulled his shirt up to cover his face and plucked the offending plant from the table, thrusting it at Inazuma. "Take it back to the gardens! Now!" He sneezed again. The River Elf scurried out with the small pot held gingerly in front of him, as if he expected it to explode.
"Catnip is an aphrodisiac, among other things, to cats!" Wufei yelled, flinging open the windows. "And I'm allergic to the fucking stuff!"
"Oh shit..." breathed Duo. "Ohmigod, Fei! I'm sorry! I didn't know that! I didn't even know it was catnip! It looks like mint! Oh, shit... Trowa..."
"Does he need medical attention?" asked Heero, eyeing the Were-Puma with wary concern. This was the first he'd heard of either of those things.
Wufei hung halfway out the window, breathing deeply. "No, he'll just go to sleep and have a mother of a hangover when he wakes up. But you see why catnip is not a good office plant?"
"Yes, I see," Heero muttered. He had to move; Trowa was once again slithering in his direction. "This is absurd."
Duo knelt beside Trowa, pulling him up to rest half in his lap. The Were-Puma purred like a diesel engine and nuzzled at Duo's hand. Gingerly, the Banshee began to pet him. Oh, he was going to have a hell of a bruise where Heero punched him, but he didn't even seem to have noticed it yet. He settled right down, snuggling into the Banshee's lap, eyes closing with a big smile.
"What's absurd about it?" Wufei snapped. "He's a cat; he reacts to catnip. There's nothing absurd about it. Just because you didn't know..." He stuck his head back out the window for a few breaths.
"That doesn't explain you. Since when are you allergic to catnip?"
"Since the first time I fell into a garden plot of the stuff at Hogwarts!" He glared at Heero, and then sneezed again. "It's not exactly something I want everyone to know, okay?"
Heero's lips twitched. "No, I don't suppose you would..."
"Heero..." growled Wufei warningly. "Don't even think it!" He glared at Trowa where he snuggled in the Banshee's lap, purring loudly. "And look at him! Right where he wanted to be! Cuddled up to Duo, dammit!"
Duo shrugged helplessly. "Well, it is my fault..."
Wufei stalked from the window to where Duo sat on the floor with Trowa. "Rotten cat," he muttered. "I'll take him home. I need to get my potion anyway." He scooped Trowa up in his arms. The Were-Puma stretched and curled toward Wufei. The Were-Dragon rolled his eyes and sneezed again. "Crap."
"Sorry, Wufei," apologized Duo. "I had no idea..."
"Not your fault. Someone wanna call a porter?"
"Certainly," murmured Heero, hiding his smirk.
Wufei ambled in the next morning whistling brightly. Everyone in the office looked at him.
Heero fixed him with a narrow-eyed glare. "Where is he?" he growled.
"Sucking down coffee in the dining hall," Wufei replied blandly. "He has a hangover the size of Montana."
"And you are cheerful; why?"
Wufei dropped into his chair, smirking. "Just reliving the moment."
"What moment?" asked Tiffany after a rather long silence.
"Oh, several really," said Wufei airily. "But mostly the moment when Trowa was humping Heero's leg."
Heero snarled, baring his teeth in warning. Tiffany had to duck her head to hide the smirk. No one else dared open their mouths. In the silence, a loud "thunk" was clearly audible; the sound of Duo's head hitting the desktop.
All heads turned.
"Duo?" said several people at once, Heero among them. He rose to go to the Banshee's desk.
"Duo?"
Face hidden and shoulders shaking, Duo shook his head feebly.
Heero stroked his braid as Wufei and Tiffany drifted closer in concern. "You didn't do anything wrong; don't cry." The Banshee's head turned to reveal a single bright purple eye. Heero blinked. "You're laughing!" he accused sharply.
"Sorry..." Duo whispered. "But it was funny! The way Trowa was wrapping around you... He must still like you."
Heero snorted, turning to glare at the rest of the room's occupants. Wufei burst out laughing.
"Told you!" he yelped gleefully and Tiffany smacked him in the head.
"Hush! Trowa's coming up the stairs," she scolded.
They all managed to be straight-faced when the Were-Puma eased into the room, looking like refried rat shit.
Wufei opened his mouth and Tiffany smacked him again with an accompanying glare.
"Are you feeling better?" she asked Trowa gently.
"Head hurts," he whispered, shuffling towards his desk. "Jaw hurts too."
Heero took in the Were-Puma's hesitant gait, the massive bruise on his face and the limp unibang, and sighed. The big cat was obviously down for the count; he couldn't bring himself to yell or even be cranky with the pitiful creature. Wufei, on the other hand... He glared balefully at the way too chipper Were-Dragon.
The rest of the office gathered around Trowa's desk to commiserate with the barely-functioning Puma. Duo rubbed gently at his back and shoulders.
"I'm so sorry Trowa," he murmured softly in deference to his friend's pounding hangover. "I had no idea that catnip would affect you. I didn't even realize that it was catnip. I thought it was just plain mint. I've got such a purple thumb..."
Wufei rolled his eyes, annoyed at not being allowed to be annoying. Not that he wished harm to his friend, but dammit, it was funny when Trowa started going after Heero! And now Trowa was playing it to the max for sympathy.
Trowa waved away Duo's apology. "Not your fault; you didn't know. Nobody's fault, really... I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked in return. "Wufei said -"
"Okay!" exclaimed Wufei sharply. "Enough chit-chat. Back to work! Time's a wasting!" He made a great show of grabbing the new assignments folder as heads turned toward him. "Here we go! This one is right up our alley, Tro old puss; Mermaids squatting in a private pool in Malibu!" He pushed through the group surrounding his partner, failing in his haste to notice that Heero's blue eyes had narrowed suspiciously. "Yep, a little fresh air and sunshine and you'll feel like a new cat! Up you get." He hauled Trowa to his feet and dragged him toward the door. "Hey, you like fish, don't you?" he babbled. "We'll even grab lunch at one of those snotty restaurants that Heero likes so much."
They were almost to the door when the Voice of Doom spoke.
"Duo, you and Trowa go and investigate the squatters," commanded Heero. He handed the Banshee a piece of plastic. "Lunch is on me. Don't hurry back." The Banshee didn't argue; just grabbed his bag and his cloak and hurried to where Trowa listed against the wall.
Wufei had frozen in place at Heero's first words. Oh, he was so dead... Damn Trowa and his big toothy mouth. He swallowed. Oh, well... What was the point of living, if not for the moments of excitement like this?
The Banshee and the Were-Puma disappeared down the stairs.
"Everyone take a break," Heero suggested firmly, and bodies began to move. "Not you." Wufei had attempted to slip out the door with the rest of his co-workers. "Wufei, we need to talk."
Wufei pulled his lips back, showing his perfect teeth in an attempt at a grin.
"Of course, Heero."
Untouched by any hands, the door swung shut and locked.
TBC...
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