Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, post war-ness, angst, Heero POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
With or Without You Part 1
"It's nothing to worry about Heero," Duo told me, leaning across the table. "Really. We'll work on it and in a few weeks you can go back. No problem."
I smiled at my lover, not wanting to argue with him anymore. It was a problem, and I didn't think a little 'work' was going to change anything.
Une had called me into her office today. My latest partner had just quit. Couldn't deal with my attitude or me. Since the guy was former Oz that wasn't terribly surprising, but he had been my fourth partner in as many weeks.
Before this, Duo had been my partner and the only complaints about me came when we had to work with others. But then Une had discovered that Duo and I were more than roommates, and she'd split up the partnership. She had to- it was regulation. She was already in hot water for letting the pilots work at the Preventers as it was. Most people felt we were too dangerous.
Or, as my last partner put it- "they should've put you down when the war ended!"
I didn't tell him that had been J's plan for me, and I was beginning to see why.
Duo, of course, got along wonderfully with his new partner- another ex-Ozzie- which meant that I couldn't even blame that factor for my deficiencies in the partner department.
And I had realized I had quite a few of them- Duo had been adept at working with them- so adept I hadn't noticed it.
"Heero? Are you listening to me?" Duo put a hand on my arm. "It's really no big deal. We just need to work on it..."
"Work on it how exactly?" I asked him.
That stumped him.
"And I don't think Une will take me back. I had quite a few complaints against me already as it was- this was just the clincher."
"Sure she will! You're a great agent! I'll talk to her, don't worry..."
I pushed my plate away, not that I was eating much of it anyway.
"I'm going to go lie down for a while," I told Duo and got up from my chair. He half-rose too and I shook my head at him. "Finish. I... need some time."
Duo, understanding as always, nodded at me and sat back down.
I made my way back to our bedroom and lay flat on our bed.
Failure.
That's what I was. That was all I was.
What was I going to do now? Une had fired me- well, she'd put it nicer than that- asked me to submit my resignation, but that's what it was.
I didn't know how to do anything else- other than maybe becoming an assassin- but that wasn't exactly the job that I wanted to do. Who would hire me anyway? A former pilot with an attitude problem was not what most people were looking for in an employee.
Attitude- that was what my partners had complained about- what Duo was apparently ready to work with me on- and yet I didn't understand it. I had been polite- I had tried to be respectful. What was the part of my attitude that was unacceptable?
I didn't see it. I couldn't understand it. And if I didn't- how could I change it?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the scent of Duo's shampoo filling my senses. His pillow was under my head, his scent comforting and reassuring.
Duo... he deserved better than this. He had told me this afternoon not to worry, his salary was more than enough- and I knew it was, but it shouldn't have to be.
Did my attitude disturb him? Or had he learned to work around it?
I had heard my partner in the break room last Monday, talking to Duo: "How do you stand him Maxwell? I mean- you're so different! I can't believe someone like you would choose to put up with someone like him!"
I hadn't stuck around to hear Duo's answer, though it was something I had wondered about myself. Why did he put up with me? He was everything I wasn't... he deserved someone more like himself.
The bed dipped, and Duo curled up beside me. "Still brooding?" He asked as his arm slipped around my waist. "It's really okay Heero. We'll figure out something. Don't worry."
"Do I have an attitude?" I asked him.
It took him a long moment to reply. "Everyone has an attitude."
"What's wrong with mine?"
Another long pause. "Nothing Heero. You're just... very efficient. You know you can do things and you do them and you expect your partners to know what to do too."
That sounded right, but... "What's wrong with that?"
Duo gave me a squeeze. "Nothing. It's just- if your partner doesn't do what you think needs to be done, you do it for them. And you never say anything, but you have a way of not saying things that make people feel uncomfortable- like they were an idiot for not figuring out their part."
"Did I make you feel that way?"
"Honestly? Yes."
I closed my eyes. Damn. "Do I still? Even though I'm not your partner?"
"Not... really." The pause in between the words told me Duo was lying- or glossing over the truth. Not an outright lie, but close enough. Which told me that this attitude of mine was not just in the workplace...
Duo shifted, one of his legs sliding over my body, pulling himself upright to straddle me. "It's no big deal Heero. Now that you know what it is, we can change it. I'll help you and in no time you can get your job back."
I reached up and buried my hand into the hair at the base of his neck, pulling him forward, pulling his mouth down to mine.
Duo responded eagerly, as he always did.
Or maybe he was just glad to be off the topic for the moment.
I decided to keep us off topic for a bit, and slid my free hand under his shirt. He pushed his hips against mine, and then my brain stopped thinking for a while....
Afterwards, he curled up beside me, dozing, eyes more than halfway closed as I let my fingers run through his hair.
"I love you," he murmured into my chest. "Really do..."
"I know," I told him. "I've never doubted that." He smiled and his eyes closed completely.
Nothing else would've kept Duo with me all this time. Even though I was hurting him. Even though he deserved someone better.
I needed to stop being selfish.
Decision made, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
The next morning, I woke up when Duo did, despite the fact I had no place to go. I took a shower with him, made him coffee and toast, packed a lunch for him. When he left, I kissed him goodbye at the door.
It was very domestic, and if I hadn't already decided on a course of action, it would've depressed me to death.
"Have a good day! Relax and don't worry about anything!" Duo told me when he left. "I'll call you later!" He ran down the steps of our building and out to the parking lot.
I closed the door behind him, went back to the bedroom and quickly packed a bag. Most of the stuff in the apartment Duo had bought- or we had bought together. I wasn't going to take any of it. I only needed my clothes, laptop and wallet.
At the last moment, I took one of the pictures of us that we had on the walls. It had been taken at a party of Quatre's and was one of my favorites. I put it carefully in the bag and zipped it closed.
I went to my desk and pulled out the title for the car. I signed it over to Duo. I couldn't take it with me; it would be too easy to trace- even if I traded it in.
I took the title into the kitchen with me and left it on the counter, my car keys on top of it.
One last thing.
I grabbed a slip of paper and left a note for Duo.
You deserve better than this. I know you'll find it.
I scribbled my name at the bottom and left it on the fridge- Duo always went there first when he got home.
I picked up my duffle and left the apartment.
There was a bus stop at the entrance to our complex. The nine o' clock bus was due in a few minutes. I'd take it for a few blocks, then get off and switch, then maybe walk a few blocks.
I needed to get to my bank, pull out the money I had in there, and find someplace to stay.
No one would look for me in this city. They would assume that I had left, that I had gone back to L1, or someplace else. They'd assume that I would change my name- and I would, but they wouldn't think to look at the obvious. I was going to do all the things an amateur would do- and because of that- no one would find me.
The bus arrived and I got on, dropping my fare in the box and moving to the back. I sat where I could see our- now Duo's- apartment.
This was better for him. Maybe better for me too. Maybe if I didn't have him to lean on...
Yeah, right.
A car squealed by the bus, turning into our complex- going way too fast.
Duo's car.
I saw him stop the car in front of the apartment and leap out, running up our stairs- leaving the car door wide open. What had happened?
The bus started to pull away and I leaned forward in my seat, squinting at the car. I hoped nothing too bad had happened- maybe Duo had just forgotten something. I saw a glint of silver on the front seat- Duo's cell phone. I wondered why he left it there...
I mentally shook myself. Whatever it was, he'd find my note. I now had less time to vanish than I thought.
I leaned back in my seat, the bus picking up speed as we left the complex, and focused on what I had to get done.
TBC...
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