Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, Angst, Sap
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Try
He's still asleep. I'm not surprised. We've been on the job for nearly a week straight and it all came to a head about ten hours ago. We wrapped up and came home, only to argue over something stupid, fall into bed and crash.
It's a pattern that's become all too familiar of late...
The sunlight turns his skin to a soft gold and I want to touch it, want to run my fingers down his back to the place where the sheet is just barely hanging on to his hip.
Not all that long ago I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I would've slid my hand down his back, caressed him under the sheet, woken him up in the way he always claims to love the best.
But now... now I might wake him up and we'll do okay for a bit, but then the HQ will call, or he'll remember some paperwork, or something else will happen and we'll be arguing again.
Or he might wake up and still be upset with me and start the arguing right then...
I'm tired of arguing. I think he is too.
I can't blame him for this change between us- after all, half the time I'm the one that starts it.
I slip out of bed and head for the bathroom. I know these small domestic noises won't wake him, not like they used to do. Right after the war we were both still so on edge that a person walking outside in the hallway would wake both of us up immediately. Now we sleep better- if only everything else was better too...
After I finish I grab some clean clothing and head out for the living room. Much as I'd like to crawl back in bed beside him I can at least give him the space to wake up peacefully.
I curl up on 'my' end of the sofa and try to figure out when things started to go wrong between Heero and I... not that they are as bad as they could be- I suppose. We've managed to keep all of our arguments at home which is more than I can say for some of my coworkers.
But for how long?
I'm not stupid- I know couples fight... but all the time? Over stupid things? I try not to, I really do, but...
I'm so tired of it. I don't know how to fix it. I tried talking to Heero about it once, but we just ended up fighting again. I wonder if he's tried and I've missed it somehow- he can't like this either.
Putting my head down on the cushions I catch sight of the bench we stuck under the window. Inside that bench is my old war duffle. I stuck it there when we first moved in and haven't moved it since. Old habits die hard.
How easy it would be to simply open that seat, grab the duffle and leave.
Wrestling with temptation, I get to my feet. I don't want to leave Heero.
But...
The wood is warm under my fingertips, the sunlight slanting down through the window illuminates the carvings on the top and I let my fingers trace the vines for a moment.
The lid squeaks loudly- something I don't remember it doing, but then it's been a long time since I've opened the thing.
My duffle is there. Waiting.
Had I somehow known that I might have to use it? That someday I'd want to run?
Do I want to run?
I had never thought to leave Heero. But... would it be the best thing to do?
Warm arms slide around my waist.
"Don't go."
Heero rests his chin on my shoulder, his arms tight around me. I can't see his expression- I can only feel his warmth enveloping me.
How did he know?
"I need you."
"Heero... I..." The words stick in my throat. I can't deny I was thinking of it, but hearing the pain in his voice I want to deny it... but I don't lie. Not even when he would be comforted by it.
"I know it's been hard lately. I'm sorry."
"I am too." I force the words out. I can do this if he can. "I don't like fighting with you."
"I know. I hate it too." He lets me go a little, moves around to face me. He's sleep mussed, wearing only his jeans that he more than likely grabbed off the floor, but his expression is focused and intense. "I spoke to Une last night after you fell asleep. I told her we needed a break."
I can imagine how well that went over. "She didn't agree..."
"Quite the contrary. She did." His lips curve a little. "I told you that the force you used to subdue the suspect yesterday was a bit too much."
I open my mouth to protest- to argue- and Heero kisses me. The brief flare of annoyance fades- what was I doing?
"I'm sorry," he says a moment later. "I've fallen into some bad habits."
"Me too," I put my head down on his shoulder.
He takes a deep breath. "Do you want to leave?"
"No," I don't even hesitate. "I just... it seemed easiest...I'm just tired of fighting..." He pulls me closer. "Where did it all go wrong?"
"I don't know." His lips touch my shoulder. "But I want to put it right."
"Do you think we can?"
"I hope so."
At this moment it seems like it would be an easy thing to set things right- but I know better.
Still- Heero wants to try... and so do I.
"I don't know where to even start..."
"I do." He pulls back a little, cups my face in his hands and kisses me. "I love you. I want this to work and I'll do anything to make sure it does."
He's right. That's a good place to start.
OWARI
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