Author: Merula
Pairings: 1+2+1
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, Duo POV
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
This one started as a halloween drabble...
Stay Part 1
He doesn't know I'm here. I watch the rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps, oblivious to the world around him.
I want him. I want to slip into his bed and pull him into my arms. I want to taste that skin, hear his voice in my ear, make him mine...
And I don't dare.
He isn't mine. For a long time I thought he was hers, but I learned today that I was wrong. He belongs only to himself and I think he always will. He never seems to need anyone, never seems to want, never seems to feel even a flash of desire...
That's only for the rest of us. I turn away from the doorway, move back down the hall to my own bedroom. My bag sits on my bed. My things are already packed. I can't stay here with him any longer. I can't do it. It was easier when I thought he loved her, easier to tell myself if she wasn't in his heart, then I would be...
But it's not that way. It's never been that way.
I send the last of my emails. My resignation, one each to the other pilots, one to him. I know he'll check it in the morning.
"What are you doing?"
Damn it. I turn and find him standing in the doorway, frowning at the duffle on my bed. I didn't want to do this.
"Duo? Why are you packed?"
I lift a shoulder, trying to appear casual. "Thought it was time to move on. You know how it goes."
"No." He steps into the room, transferring his frown to me. "I don't know how this goes. Weren't you going to tell me you were leaving?"
"I sent an email." My stomach is tying itself in knots.
"An email," he repeats tonelessly. "What about work? Did you ask Une to be reassigned?"
"Nah, I quit." I'm trying hard to sound casual. "It's a bad job for me anyway, you know it is. I'm not one for following procedures and all that."
"But you're needed."
Should've known he'd pull that one out.
"Not really. They have you and Fei. They don't need me."
"You're the one who always says we'd be hopeless without you."
It's hard to smile carelessly at him. "I didn't think you believed me."
"What are you going to do?"
Shrugging I turn my back on him and zip my duffle closed. "Don't really know. Doesn't really matter, does it?"
I don't hear him move, but suddenly he's beside me, his hand closing tight on my wrist. "What the hell is going on?"
"Nothing, I-"
"No. It's not nothing! Nothing wouldn't be making you sneak out of here in the middle of the night!" Out of the corner of my eye, I can see his frown.
I tug at his grip, trying to free myself. "Let go."
"Not until you tell me why you're leaving."
"I did. It's just time to move on. That's all."
He still doesn't let go. "That's not an answer. What happened? Why now?"
"Just felt like it."
"I thought you didn't lie."
"I'm not lying." I'm just not telling all of the truth.
Still holding on to my wrist, he sits down on the bed next to my duffle and stares at me. "Duo, what happened? Is it the Leonie case? Does it still bother you?"
That makes me blink. He noticed that?
"That wasn't your fault. We had faulty intel. The boy was already-"
"I know." I cut him off, not wanting to re-live it. "I know. We did what we could."
"You can't let one case drive you off the job. I know it was hard. Maybe a vacation-"
"It's not the case, Heero. It was bad- but there are more out there like that. More that need saving. It'd be stupid to leave over that."
He finally releases me. "Then why are you going? There's lots more of them out there. You know you can help."
"I can help even if I'm not with the Preventers."
"Then why?"
"Can't you just accept that I need to go?"
He's silent for a moment, frowning. "No."
I can't help the smile that curves my lips. How very Heero.
"Is it Relena?"
Surprised, I meet his gaze and he nods a little.
"You looked- odd- today when she announced her engagement. Are you- do you- love her?"
Damn, he's handing me a beautiful excuse, and I can't use it. "No. It's not that."
"But it's something to do with that."
"A little," I admit and put my hand on the duffle bag.
"Duo-" I can hear the beginnings of exasperation in his voice. "Please? Tell me something? I thought we were friends- and if not that, then at least good partners-"
Damn it. "Look- it's just- I realized today that I'm not going to have something. Something I wanted for a long time. I sort of already knew it, but today just sort of cemented it and well... I need to leave. I can't... I just need some time to come to grips with it, okay?"
He's frowning now. "Duo- I'm sure if you want a wife and family, you could-"
"No." Sighing I pull the bag up and over my shoulder. "It's not that either."
"Then-"
Why doesn't he just let me go? "Damn it, Yuy. I'm leaving because of you. I thought you were in love with her, and I could deal with that- but then today- and- it's already too hard- I can't-"
O, the look on his face.
I can't do this. I can't see him look at me like that.
Turning as quickly as I can, I head for the door. I'm down the stairs and in my car before I can really process what I've done.
I've spoiled everything. I can't ever go back now.
TBC...
Back to Merula's Fanfictions Page