Phone Part 3
I know I should say something. Anything. Invite him to sit down at the very least. But I can't. My voice just won't seem to work and I can't seem to move away from the door.
Duo switches his focus from my apartment to me. His mouth turns down in a slight frown and I mentally wince- is he going to start yelling again? "You look like hell," he says and it doesn't sound angry- just... tired. But-
"Why are you here?"
"You hung up on me- and then you wouldn't answer your phone." He sighs and shifts on his crutches a little. Broken ankle, Trowa had said- broken ribs too. Should he even be on those things? "I wanted to talk to you."
"Would you," I ask cautiously, "like to sit down?"
"If you'll sit with me."
I move away from the door and edge carefully past him to the sofa. I want to help him, I can see the pain lines beside his mouth as he eases himself down on my sofa.
But I don't dare help. I don't dare touch him.
He sits nearly in the middle- and my sofa isn't that big. Nudging the coffee table closer, I gesture for him to put his ankle up on it. Once he's settled, I perch on the edge of the table- it's closer than I like, but the sofa would be closer still. I don't want to make Duo uncomfortable.
I risk a glance up at him. He's studying me, his mouth a thin line, his eyes narrowed. Quickly, I turn my attention back to his ankle.
"Bad fracture?"
"Sally says no." I hear him sigh again. "Heero- look at me." I do as he asks, his gaze locking with mine. He leans forward a little, grabbing my wrist as if to make sure that I can't move away. "I'm so sorry." The words are rushed, as if he's in a hurry to get them out. "So very sorry. I never should have said those things to you. I didn't... I didn't mean.... I was-" he pauses for a moment, his fingers tightening on my wrist. "I was scared."
I blink at him. Scared? Of what? Me? Had he thought I would hurt him? Force the issue? The thought makes me feel a little sick. Does he really think that badly of me? "Duo- I never meant to scare you-I would never hurt-"
He shakes his head. "I wasn't scared of you," he clarifies. "I was scared for you."
For me? "I- don't understand."
Slumping over a little, he tugs on my wrist. "Come sit over here," he says. "Please?" Carefully I move to sit beside him, his hand still tight around my wrist as if he's afraid I'm going to run off if he lets go. "Heero- promise me you'll hear me out? You won't- vanish while I'm explaining?"
"I promise." I tell him, but he doesn't let go of me.
He takes a deep breath, turning his face a little away. "Do you... do you remember that one night- during the war- when we were holed up in that shack on L2? The one close to the old part of town?"
"Yes," I remember the crooked walls, the way the cold had seeped in through the warped boards- the way Duo hadn't been able to sleep at all...
"I refused to sleep remember? And you got mad-"
"And you said you'd explain why if I'd stop harping on the getting some rest thing-" It hadn't been a pleasant explanation- but it had made sense-
"Do you remember what I told you?"
"Of course," I'd never forgotten. How could I? "You told me that you used to live in that area- with the gang- and then at the church-" I feel him shiver beside me. "Duo- I don't understand- I remember what you said, but I don't understand why you'd be scared for me-"
His head is tilted downwards, his bangs shading his expression. "They all died, Heero- all those people I loved died- I thought I was cursed- I believed...." He trails off and it's my turn to take a deep breath, to grope for the words that I need.
"Duo- you can't believe-"
He shakes his head, cutting me off. "I... I'm trying not to. After... after you left... the others... Quatre and Trowa... they made me....I... I had to explain why you left. What I had said." His eyes close for a moment. "I am so sorry, Heero."
"What did the others do?"
"They made me get help. Made me see that I even though I thought I had been keeping myself distant, that I really hadn't been. That I'd have a lot more dead people around me if I really was a curse." His words are almost mechanical- I can tell that he doesn't quite believe them- not yet. But before I can question him on that point, there's another to clear up first.
"You thought... you didn't care?" How could he have ever thought that? It was obvious that he cared about his friends- hell, about anyone really- how could he not see it?
"I thought I was keeping things separate. Thought that I could be friends with people as long as I didn't care too much... I thought I was keeping everyone safe if I didn't... if I pretended that no one meant that much to me."
"Why did you get so mad at me, then?" I ask, still bewildered. "I don't understand- if you didn't let yourself care- why did it matter what I felt?"
He releases my wrist at last and covers his face with his hands. "That's just it, Heero- I never knew you felt that way- you always seemed to hold yourself apart- and you were the perfect friend- the perfect partner- never too close... or so I thought. I'd tell myself that you were just a good friend- that you'd never let anyone get that close to you- and then you told me- and I realized..." his voice drops into a whisper. "I... realized I felt the same.... and I was so scared for you... all I could think to do was try to get you away from me.... "
Oh gods....
"Then you just vanished!" He looks up at me and I can see his distress. "I was so afraid that something had happened to you- that I had killed you- I looked everywhere- I couldn't find you-"
"Duo, I'm sorry, I-"
He covers my lips with his fingertips. "No. No- it's not your fault- I'm the one that told you to go- and then, the others- they helped me look at first- and that's when they-" he stops to draw in a breath. "They made me get help."
Reaching up, I tug his hand away from my mouth. "I'm glad."
His fingers tighten around mine. "I came to ask you- to come home. Please? Trowa said... he said you told him that you... you still cared. I want... if you'll let me- I want to show you that I do too."
"Then let's go home."
OWARI
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