Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, post-war?, angst, attempt suicide.
Disclaimer: Standard applies. Gundam Wing does not belong to me- I'm only torturing the characters for awhile.
Needed
"I killed him," Heero whispered, his arms wrapped tightly around his body, shivering in the cold wind that swept off the ocean.
"No!" Wufei grasped his shoulders. "Duo took that walk of his own free will, Yuy! You didn't..."
"I DID!" Heero looked up into the compassionate gaze of his partner. "I killed him. He did this because I didn't love him enough."
"Heero!" Relena laid a hand on his arm. "You loved him very much." He shook off her hand.
"It wasn't enough." His blank eyes looked out at the ocean, black and star spangled, the waves that had taken his Duo. "And I knew it."
~*~
"Again?" Duo questioned, braid swinging. "You promised me Heero! Two weeks of vacation! We're supposed to leave tomorrow!"
"Relena needs security she can trust. Une doesn't have anyone else..."
"Bullshit! You and Wufei have been training the newbies. They are more than capable of keeping her safe, Heero!"
"Duo, please, we'll go right afterward..."
"I've heard that before." Duo's eyes grew cold. "Duo, please... that phrase is my least favorite of all your so-called expressions!" Duo turned his back on Heero. "Duo please-there's no one else for this mission it's only a few months! Duo please- I know I've been promising but..." Duo's voice choked off.
"Duo, I'm sorry."
"No you aren't." Duo's voice was colder than ice. "Even now that little processor in your head is wondering how long Duo's going to rant this time before he lets you drag him off to bed where you can fuck him senseless so he'll be asleep when you sneak out." Heero couldn't speak. Duo was right, that was what he had been thinking- if not precisely in those terms. The former Shinigami turned and met Heero's gaze. "I've figured it out, finally. I need you Heero. I need you more than air. But you don't need me. You never have."
"I love you," Heero protested.
"I suppose you do. But you don't need me." Duo turned back around and waved his hand in the air. "Go away Heero. Duo's done with his rant. Go do what you need to do."
Heero had left, thinking Duo had needed some time alone, to cool off, like he sometimes did. He hadn't expected to come home and find that note.
~*~
Heero looked down at the crumpled paper in his hand. He hadn't let it go since he'd found it. Duo's last words. I'm going down to the pier. Make sure to give me a nice funeral. I love you and I can't live like this anymore.
"We might still find him," Quatre said comfortingly. "The boats are still looking."
"Duo didn't know how to swim," Heero said bleakly.
~*~
"Sure," the man in the bait shop had said. "A skinny guy in black with a braid? Saw him walk down the beach a few hours ago..." Heero had fled the shop, leaving Trowa to question the owner.
He had nearly run into a little old woman coming the other way.
"Help!" She had clutched him. "A man- walked right into the waves! I called out to him.... the undertow is so bad here! You've got to help him..."
~*~
Trowa looked at Quatre over Heero's head. There had been no sign of Duo's body. The woman had seen him walk right into the waves, fully clothed. She had called out to him, but he had just turned and waved to her with a sweet smile. She was going to see that smile in her nightmares, the old lady had said, clutching herself. Then he had turned back around and vanished underneath the waves.
Heero was shaking and Quatre put his arms around him, tugging him to a nearby bench. Noin came and put a blanket over his shoulders.
"I do need him, Quatre. I do!" The dark haired man murmured and Quatre, not truly understanding, held him close and tried to comfort.
"I know you do, Heero. We'll find him." But even the usually optimistic Arabian had given up hope of finding Duo alive.
~*~
It was near midnight when they gave the search up. Wufei and Trowa had dragged Heero to the car, away from the beach. Sally had given him a sedative and they had left him in his bedroom fast asleep. The other pilots and Preventers had spread themselves out on couches and chairs, unwilling to leave Heero alone.
But even the best had to sleep. Worn out with worry and heartsick over the loss of Duo, each one eventually fell asleep. No one saw Heero awaken or leave the house on soft feet.
~*~
He went back to the ocean. Went and sat at the edge of the pier and looked at the cold waves that had taken his lover. The fog rolled around him, isolating and chilling him.
"Oh gods, Duo," he said into the silence. "I do need you. What am I supposed to do without you?"
"I'm sure you'll be fine," a soft voice said in the darkness. "You have your duty." Heero turned around. A spectrally pale Duo stood a few feet from him, his black clothes clinging damply to his body, his hair a mass of sand and seaweed. He was slightly transparent, his image wavering in and out.
"Duo?" Heero moved slightly, but Duo raised a hand.
"It's too late, Heero. I'm on my way out."
"No, it can't be. You can't be dead- I need you!"
"Do you?" Heero got to his feet and stood at the edge of the dock.
"If you aren't coming back, then I'm going with you. I can't live without you Duo. I can't." Heero dropped his eyes. "You were right- I was paying more attention to my duty than to you." He lifted his eyes again and held out a hand pleadingly to the spirit of his lover. "But, I had to! Duo, you love me because of what I am. The Perfect Soldier can't turn down missions." Duo smiled sadly.
"I love you because of who you are, not what. You never had to be the Perfect Soldier for me."
"Heero!!" Voices rose in the fog. "Heero! Damnit! Where are you?"
"The others are looking for you. They need you." Duo's wide violet eyes glowed in the darkness.
"And I need you!" Heero reached out a hand to the glowing figure. "Take me with you Duo- I don't care to where. Heaven or Hell. I can't be here without you." Tears slid down Heero's face.
"I've never seen you cry before," Duo said softly.
"I've never lost you before," Heero replied, just as soft.
"HEERO!" Wufei's voice at the end of the pier.
"Heero," Duo's fingers brushed over his cheek, chilling the skin in their wake. "Look down the beach-about a half mile. I'll hold on as long as I can." His figure vanished into the fog just as the others reached Heero.
~*~
"I can't believe it." Trowa said softly to Quatre as they stood in the hospital waiting room. They had found Heero on the edge of the pier, shaking in the cold. He had given them a wild look and taken off running.
They had found him a half a mile down the beach, his arms around a familiar black-clad figure. Duo had been soaked to the skin, sick with exposure and unconscious- but he had been alive.
"How did Heero know where to find him?"
"I don't know," Quatre answered, sliding his arms around Trowa's waist. "Somehow he just did. Maybe he'll tell us someday." Trowa leaned his head against Quatre's and just held on.
~*~
Heero sat next to Duo's bed, his fingers wrapped tightly around his lover's hand. Duo needed him and as long as he did, Heero would be there for him.
OWARI
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