Author: Merula

Pairings: 1x2

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Yaoi

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Midnight Visit

It's easy to sneak in, even if this is the ICU and even if it's way after visiting hours. Part of me is a little upset about that- the security here isn't the best- but then again, if it was, I wouldn't be able to be here. Besides, what does a Preventer need extra security for? Even one as notorious as this one is? He's safe enough here, and I haven't come to do him any harm.

I'm the one that's going to be hurt by this visit. But it's worth it.

He'll never even know I was here. This isn't the first time I've sneaked into see him after an injury after all.

He's sleeping when I step quietly into the room- sleeping or still unconscious. Either way, it doesn't matter. I read his files- he'll pull through this- he always does.

Picking up the chart at the foot of the bed, I have to smile as I read the warnings. At least they didn't try and restrain him this time- last time I had undone the restraints- and damaged them enough so that they couldn't be used again. They thought he had done it in his sleep...

There's a chair pulled up close beside the bed. One of the others must've been here today- or maybe it belonged to someone else- someone who isn't in any of the records or files that I keep an eye on.

Not that it matters. I'm sure there is someone else. He was never one for being alone- and I remember all too well how people would flock to him.

It wouldn't be honest of me to say that thought didn't hurt... but I'm the one who ruined my chance with him. I'm the one who failed. He deserves to have someone who cares about him- someone he can care for...

Closing my eyes for a moment, I force my breathing back into a regular pattern, banish the pain that wraps around my heart. I can't waste my time here fighting with my regrets.

The chair makes a faint noise as I sit down, but he doesn't stir. The faint light above the bed illuminates the planes of his face just enough to show me the changes that have occurred since the last time I sat beside him like this.

I wish I could see his eyes- see him smile. I have photos, security camera videos, all those sorts of things, but it's not the same.

There's a bandage on the side of his head- and I know there must be several more under the blankets where I can't see. Gently I brush my fingers over the back of his hand where it rests on the blankets.

"Idiot. What did you do to yourself this time? Don't you ever wait for backup anymore?" I don't speak loudly, just the barest of whispers. I know he can't hear me. "This is the second time this year. You have to be more careful!"

He doesn't stir. Not that I expect him to- but he always did have a way of surprising me.

"I shouldn't get upset- after all- this is the only way I can see you anymore. But I hate it when you get hurt. You have to stop. Get Une to give you a desk job- go work with Quatre- do something that doesn't involve tossing yourself in front of bullets."

A glance at the clock tells me that I'm running out of time. The nurses make their rounds regularly- and though I can see at least three places to hide when one comes in- I need to go. If I stay here much longer I won't want to leave... and I have to leave. If he knew I was here, he'd throw me out himself.

I know that- but I still make these insane visits...

Carefully, I pick his hand up, press my lips to the spot just above the IV. "I miss you. I love you. And I'm still sorry. More than I can ever tell you."

As I lay his hand back on the blankets, I'm overcome with a mad urge to write a note, slip it in his hand- leave him some sign that I visited.

But I don't dare. If I do then I'll never be able to do this again. He'll make sure that his files are made secure, that someone stays with him on his next hospital visit.

He hates me, I remind myself. Rightfully so.

I turn away from the bed. This is the only visit I can make this time- he should be much more lucid tomorrow- and if I know him, he'll be refusing all medication and insisting that he can go home soon. Hopefully, there won't be a next time- as much as I want to see him- I don't want him back in the ICU again...

The sound is so faint that for a moment, I'm not sure I hear it.

It repeats, and this time I catch the word- my name.

Turning, I frown. He's still in the bed, eyes closed, breathing even. Was it my imagination?

Wishful thinking. He's been through hell today- there's no way he's not unconscious or in a drugged sleep.

A step in the hallway is my only warning that I've left my departure a little too late. Quickly, I duck into the best of the hiding places as a nurse bustles in. She doesn't turn on the overhead lights, just leans over the bed to check her patient's vitals.

"Ah," she says softly, after a moment. "Awake are you?"

"Just," says a familiar voice and my heart contracts painfully. "Were- were you here before? Talking to me?"

"Not me. I thought you were sleeping. We do try not to wake our patients up unless we need to- and visiting hours have been over for a while. Did you think someone was here?"

"I thought- I thought I heard someone talking to me."

"Someone you know? Might have been a dream."

"Yeah... it had to have been a dream... He'd never come see me..."

The nurse made some sort of soothing sound. "Is there anything else I can do for you? We'll be moving you out of ICU in the morning. The doctor says you should do fine- be out of here in a few days."

"No thank you."

"Then take these and go back to sleep." He swallows the dose docilely enough- he must be in pain- and she finishes checking the IV before bustling out again.

I don't move. He was awake- awake enough to have heard me at least a little- and I don't dare move out of my hiding place until I'm sure he's gone back to sleep again. With the pills he just took, it shouldn't be long...

His eyes are closed again, in the dim light he looks about the same color as the sheets. I wait, watching him, my heart beating fast. He's got to be nearly asleep again...

"You aren't here? Are you?"

His voice makes me jump a little.

"I wish you were. I miss you too. I... I didn't mean to react like that. I just... it was all my fault. I was so scared of losing you..."

He stops and I have to close my eyes. Does he... can he know that I'm here?

"Damn," he sighs. "Going insane. I really am. Wonder what the hell sort of drugs they're giving me. Now I'm talking to the shadows- thinking that he'd forgive me... He'd never forgive me, not after what I did..."

The pain in his voice... it's going to get me thrown out of the hospital, I just know it. But...

He said my name.

Quietly, I step out of hiding, stand beside the bed. I don't dare touch him.

"It was my fault."

His eyes fly open and he stares at me for a moment in shock. I wait for him to press the button, summon the nurse- to yell at me, curse me-

"You are here-" His hand lifts up, fingers wrap around my wrist. "You're real? Am I dreaming?"

There's hope in his voice- and his face- that smile-

"I'm here. I didn't- I didn't mean to disturb you. I just- had to see you. Make sure you were okay-"

His fingers tighten on my wrist, tugging me down. I let him pull me down, perch on the side of the bed, avoiding his injured leg. His free hand lifts, traces the line of my face.

"I missed you. So much."

"I missed you too. And- I'm so sorry- I-"

"I'm sorry too. I-" He blinks rapidly, smothering a yawn. "Damn, sorry, it's the drugs- I-"

"It's all right. You're injured- you need to be sleeping."

"Only if you stay- I want- I need to talk to you."

"I'll stay."

His free hand grabs my elbow; his fingers tighten on my wrist as his eyes close. I don't think I can free myself without waking him up, and I don't really want to. Anything is worth the chance to make things right between us.

OWARI

 

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