Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, angst
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Many apologies- I usually post something on the 22nd, but if tomorrow morning ends up like today- then I won't get near my comp until after work sometime- so I'm posting early. (Though I know some of you are already on the 22nd, so it's okay right?) Unlike past posts, this isn't a finished story- I've been poking at it for a long time- since this summer (as it was originally for something else) and even though I know how this ends, I haven't gotten there yet. Sooooo, it does stop on a cliffie- might as well keep some tradition up, right?
It's also a bit angsty... but then I'm a bit angsty over this age thing this year, so it fits, truly!
Make it Back Part 1
Heero closed his laptop with a sigh. There wasn't much more he could do to be ready for tomorrow. His team had gone over the mission several times, he'd been briefed by the commander, everything was in place. Now it was just a matter of waiting.
Not his favorite pastime by any means.
He got up from his chair and headed out of the room, frowning at the clock. Twelve more hours- then the mission- and then he was finished. No longer a Preventer...
He started down the hall, drawn by the sounds of music- Duo's music- from the front room. He'd sensed Duo's familiar and comforting presence earlier as he'd gone over the specs one last time. Duo hadn't disturbed him- he knew how Heero got before missions.
Sure enough, Duo was stretched out on the couch, his music player on the table beside him, eyes closed, breathing deep and even. Heero was glad to see that he was resting- Duo had been wakeful last night, up and prowling around their apartment, his body tense... he always got that way before Heero went on missions.
This is the last one, Heero promised him silently as he watched his lover sleep. He knew Duo was looking forward to the change in their lives, knew Duo was happy that Heero was finally leaving the Preventers.
Duo had left over a year ago, landing a job that he loved- happy that he didn't have to use his war skills any more. He'd urged Heero then to leave too, but Heero had stayed on, feeling that there was just a bit more to do before he could leave...
It was tempting to curl up beside Duo- but he didn't want to disturb Duo after the wakeful night he'd had. It was better to let him rest for a bit. Leaving the room quietly, he paced down the hallway, heading for the kitchen. He'd start dinner, have it ready for Duo when he woke up.
There was already a pot of something on the stove, Heero took off the lid to investigate and heard a soft chiming. Turning, he found Duo's cell phone on the counter behind him, a text message blinking on the screen.
Love you.
Heero's lips curved in a faint smile. It had to be Hilde or Relena- they were supposed to make visits to both friends once he 'retired' from the Preventers. Duo had planned several short trips over the next few months.
He picked up the phone and clicked, wondering which it was, and the conversation popped onto the screen.
I miss you. Have you told him yet?
Not yet. You know his last mission is tomorrow.
And you can't tell him before he goes.
I can't do that to him right before a mission.
I understand. I've waited this long- I can wait a little more.
I'm sorry.
Love you.
Heero took a deep breath. What... what was this? He scrolled up but whatever messages had gone before were erased. There was no name on the incoming texts, just a number...
For a moment, he was tempted to call it- to see who picked up on the other end...
Dropping the phone back on the counter, he turned back to the stove, picking up the lid and putting it back in place. He stumbled over to the table and sat down heavily, dropping his head in his hands.
It couldn't be what it looked like. He was seeing something that wasn't there- reading it wrong. Duo would never do that to him...
Would he?
He closed his eyes. Heero knew he wasn't the easiest person to live with, he knew Duo hated the times when Heero left him alone- going on long missions, working late... Duo said he understood, but...
Well, he wouldn't- he couldn't- blame Duo if he'd gotten lonely. If he felt neglected. If Duo had... if he was...
"Heero? You okay?" He looked up to find Duo blinking sleepily in the doorway of the kitchen.
Forcing a smile to his lips, he nodded. "Just a little tired I think. Too long staring at the screen."
Duo shuffled over to him and reached out, rubbing Heero's head affectionately. "All finished?"
"I think so." Heero caught Duo's wrist, studying his lover's face carefully. Duo's lips were curved in a smile though his eyes still heavy with sleep.
He didn't look as if he was hiding anything...
Heero pressed his mouth to the underside of Duo's wrist for a moment. "Hungry?"
"Starving." Duo pulled gently away. "I started a sauce- we just have to cook the noodles. Maybe make a salad?"
"I'll do that," Heero got to his feet, moved to get the things he needed as Duo got out the noodles. Heero washed and chopped automatically, his mind still turning over the text message.
The best thing to do would be to confront Duo about it. Find out exactly what was going on...
But something in him shrank from that. What if it was what he feared? Did he really want to talk to Duo about it now? After all... the message had said Duo was planning to tell him when he got back... It could wait until then...
And if he never came back... he would never have to know... if there was something...
Duo nudged him in the ribs. "You sure you're okay?"
Heero realized he'd been tearing the lettuce into tiny pieces, nearly shredding it between his fingers.
"Sorry. Just thinking."
"Must be something serious to make you space out like that. Want to talk about it? Something about the mission worrying you?"
Heero dropped the lettuce into the bowl and bit down on the first words that rose to his lips. Casting around for something, he said: "I was just thinking... if I don't make it back..."
Duo grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, pinning Heero against the counter. "What do you mean- if you don't make it back? Why do you think you won't? Wufei said this wasn't a bad one- is it? Did he lie to me?"
"No, no," Heero assured him, surprised by Duo's reaction. "It's not supposed to be-"
"Then why are you thinking that way?"
"Things happen," Heero said simply. It was true enough. "Things go wrong- and it's my last one. Rather ironic if it's the one that I don't-"
"Nothing is going to go wrong." Duo cut him off fiercely. "Nothing. Don't even think that way. You have to come back. Promise me." He wrapped his arms around Heero and held him close. "Promise me," he asked again, his voice dropping and Heero returned the embrace.
"I will. Don't worry." Something tight in his chest loosened a little. Duo couldn't be- not if he reacted like this. He was being stupid and worrying Duo. "I'll be fine. Just spent too long thinking up worst case, you know?"
Duo nodded but didn't move away. "I know. But nothing is going to happen to you."
Heero closed his eyes, tucking his chin on Duo's shoulder. "Of course not."
They stood silently for a few moments, Heero mentally scolding himself. He shouldn't have gotten so worked up... he wasn't thinking clearly. His phone rang, shattering the silence. Duo drew away reluctantly and Heero dug the phone out of his pocket. "Yuy."
As he listened to the Commander, he watched Duo move across the kitchen and pick up his own phone. Turning slightly away, he saw Duo sigh as his fingers touched the screen.
"Accepted," Heero said when the Commander finally paused, his eyes still on Duo. When he hung up, he saw Duo's expression change to resigned.
"I can already guess-"
"Une moved up the timetable, she's sending someone to pick me up in twenty and take me to the shuttle port. I'm sorry-"
"It's all right. The sooner you go, the sooner you get back." Duo smiled for him, a familiar smile- the resigned one that he put on when these sorts of things happened. Heero didn't like that smile, it looked bright, but it wasn't, not really. But- after this mission- maybe it wouldn't have to see it again. "Go on- go get ready-"
Heero nodded and hurried out of the kitchen. Everything was laid out in their bedroom- it took him only a few minutes to put his gear on and gather his things. He left the boots for last, walking down the hallway, his socks making no noise at all on the carpet.
As he sat down near the front door, he could hear Duo in the kitchen- "... he's going early...No, not tonight..... Maybe tomorrow?"
Heero finished tying his bootlaces and stood up, his duffel striking the wall.
"He's finished- I have to go-I don't want him to hear-"
He sat back down, knees suddenly weak. It wasn't what it sounded like, he told himself. It couldn't be...
Duo walked out of the kitchen a moment later and blinked to find him sitting by the door. "Heero? You okay?"
"Fine, fine," Heero forced his eyes away from Duo's face. What was he looking for? Proof? He focused on his watch. "They should be here any minute."
"Do you still think it will be about forty eight hours for completion?"
"I hope so. If it goes longer, someone should contact you." Heero got to his feet as Duo stepped closer. He couldn't help drawing his lover into a tight hug, placing his lips on Duo's- was it for the last time?
"I love you."
That made Duo draw back a little. "Heero? Are you okay-? I mean..."
Before Duo could finish, Heero took a deep breath. Just in case- "look, if anything does happen to me- or even if it doesn't- you know- well, no, you don't- but you should know that I just want you to be happy... I mean, if there's... uh...that is- you could find someone else..."
He really wasn't good at this.
Duo's embrace tightened. "Heero-"
The doorbell rang.
"I have to go-"
"I know. But you will come back. You promised me, Heero. Don't forget."
"I won't."
"You'd better not. Don't make me come after you." Duo let him go and gave him a gentle push towards the door. "See you in forty-eight or so."
Heero nodded and opened the door. Chang stood on the other side, looking grim.
"Ready?"
"Yes," Heero gave Duo one last faint smile and headed for the elevator. He glanced back when he reached it, catching Duo saying something to Chang that he couldn't hear before giving Heero a wave.
Chang joined him just before the doors slid closed. "Maxwell just told me to make sure you got back here in one piece or he'd kill me. Do I really want to know what's going on?"
Leaning his head against the cool glass of the window, Heero sighed. "I wish I knew."
~*~
It was well over forty eight hours since he'd last seen Duo- and now he was pretty sure he wouldn't get to see him again.
What a fuck up this whole mission had been. Faulty intel- equipment that stopped working- and better security than they had planned for. It was if everything that could possibly have gone wrong, did go wrong and then some. They had gotten the information, but when it had become clear that it was going to be impossible to slip out again, he and Chang had split up, reasoning that one person had a better chance of slipping out than two.
Leaning his head against the cool metal of his hideaway, Heero took a deep breath, listening carefully to the communicator he'd swiped off one of the dead guards. At least Chang had gotten out. He'd heard the firefight, heard the cursing when Chang had slipped their net and they had discovered a missing shuttle.
Now the communicator was nearly overloaded as the instructions for the evacuation continued. Outside of his shelter he could hear the sound of running feet everywhere- and panicky voices yelling at each other. Damn, Une wasn't going to be pleased.
Absently he checked the bandages he'd hastily wrapped around his leg and on his side. The bleeding had finally stopped, but he'd lost way too much- his vision was graying out at the edges. He'd barely managed to stuff himself in this supply closet- and if there hadn't been panic in the hallways, he was sure someone would've found him by now. The trail of blood he'd left behind... course, that squad he'd run into had spattered some of their own over the hallway. That had to be why no one had found him yet-
Any moment he expected the door of his hiding place to be yanked open- and then, well... that would be the end of it. Even if he wasn't discovered, chances were that the drug runners would blow the place when they left...
Either way, it didn't look like he was going to make it home.
Guilt swamped him- he'd promised Duo he'd come back- and now, well, it would just be chalked up as yet another fail on his part. If Duo had found someone else, Heero hoped they'd be better about keeping their promises than he had been... they couldn't be much worse...
Focus, he told himself. Listen to the communicator.
You're dead, another part of his brain informed him. It's just a matter of time. Fuck listening to the drug runners panic and think about how you should've been spending your time- if you'd quit when Duo had- or any of the hundred times he asked you to- then you wouldn't be here, failing him again.
Wondering if he'd already found your replacement...
The sounds of running feet were fading, the panicked orders were growing less- they had to be close to completing their evacuation. Maybe they wouldn't find him. Maybe they wouldn't blow the place on their way out...
Maybe... it was a slim hope, but one he could hold on to. If they left, and if the place was left intact- he might be able to drag himself out- find a way to contact the Preventers- or a way off this thing- and keep his promise to Duo.
So he listened to the communicator and waited, holding on to consciousness with all the tricks Professor J had taught him years ago. He mentally pulled up the plans of the base and came up with a route from his closet to the comm station. If he could get there- he could call for help-
The panicked orders continued for some time- growing less and less- and then shuttles began to launch- and they died away completely.
He waited a bit longer, just to make sure, and then opened the door of the supply closet. Leaning heavily on the wall, he managed to get to his feet. His injured leg wouldn't hold his weight, but if he kept himself against the wall, he'd be able to move.
Right. Heero told himself and started down the hallway.
He nearly made it. The map in his head informed him that he was only fifty yards or so away from the comm center when he went down, his legs simply collapsing beneath him.
Looking down at himself he saw the fresh bloom of red on the bandages wrapped around his leg. Damn it. He tried getting up again, but that made the spinning in his head worse. So he simply pulled himself along the slick floor, his side protesting.
It hurt. He put his head down on the floor, resting for just one moment, struggling to stay conscious. Nearly there. He couldn't give up now- he could see the damn door-
Beneath his head, the floor was vibrating- had they left a self destruct command?
Damn it all to hell. He had tried- he had- he'd gotten so close- but he hadn't been good enough- he'd failed...
Then he realized the vibrations were actually the sound of feet- feet running through the hallways- towards him.
"Heero!" He heard Chang's voice call his name and he managed to roll over. Wufei dropped down beside him, snapping orders. "Give me that medpac! Call in! We need a team here, now!" He met Heero's eyes and frowned. "All right, how bad?"
"Not sure," Heero managed a half smile. "I was trying not to think about it."
Chang moved the makeshift bandages out of the way and Heero saw the lines beside his mouth deepen. "Hold still for a bit and try not to die on me? Maxwell's already going to kill me as it is- "
"It's okay," Heero closed his eyes as Wufei got to work. "Duo won't kill you."
"Says the man with the homicidal lover."
"He's not-"
"Says you. You haven't been around him the last few hours. Does this hurt?"
"Yes." There was something in what Wufei had said... something important...
Chang snorted. "It has to be bad if you're admitting to the pain."
It did hurt... He really wanted to just sleep, even though he knew that was a bad idea, but- he was so tired...
"Yuy!" He heard Chang snap and opened his eyes again. "Focus, please."
He managed a faint smile. "I'm trying." It must be bad if Chang looked like that... "Can you do me a favor?"
"Where the hell is the med team?" Chang demanded of one of the men in the hallway, before turning back to Heero. "If this is some sort of dying request- hell no. You're going to be fine."
Heero would have laughed, but he knew it would hurt. Besides, he needed to do this. "It's not- just in case- tell Duo I really tried to keep my promise? I wanted to-"
Chang's frown deepened. "Heero-" Running footsteps crossing the floor interrupted him. "At last," he said as the stretcher clanged to the ground next to Heero.
"What the hell?" A familiar voice demanded and Heero looked up in surprise. Duo was there, leaning over him, looking grim- and in his Preventers' uniform.
Heero groped for the words he needed- how had Duo-?
"What did you do, Heero? There's blood-"
"We need to get him out of here," that was Sally, on the other side, frowning. "Question him later, Duo."
Heero was lifted carefully onto the stretcher, Duo snapping orders beside him, his gaze firmly fixed on Heero. Once they were underway, Heero finally managed to speak.
"What are you -?"
"I told you if you didn't get back on time I'd come after you." Duo's lips curved as he tapped Heero's cheek gently. "Really, you of all people should've known that I meant it."
The darkness in the corners of his eyes was advancing, fogging his vision. He needed to rest... but first- "Duo, I'm sorry- I tried-"
"It's okay," Duo soothed. "It's okay- I'm sure you did-" Whatever else he said, Heero never heard.
~*~
Voices woke him. Angry voices. He lay silent and still, trying to figure out what was going on.
"I can't believe you'd do this, Duo!" Was that Quatre? He sounded furious...
"Leave me alone, Quatre." That was Duo- who sounded just as upset. What was going on? "I'm not discussing this with you."
A snort. "Well, then, I'll just discuss it with Heero when he wakes up."
"You fucking bastard- how dare you! He's been injured- he doesn't need you hanging around like some damned vulture-"
"He'll have to know sometime, won't he? After you've run off with my sister?"
It was as if someone had hit him in the chest. He'd been right...?
"I'm not running off with her!"
"So you weren't going to leave Heero?"
"No! Of course not!"
"Then-" the anger seemed to drain out of Quatre's voice. "Then- why Duo? Why do this? I don't understand-"
He wasn't the only one. What was going on...?
"I just-," Duo paused for a long moment. "Things- got out of hand."
"I'll say they did. I couldn't imagine you cheating on Heero-"
"I didn't fucking cheat on him! I never even kissed her- it wasn't like that-"
"Then what the hell was it like? She said you were going to be moving in together-"
Silence. Heero wanted to open his eyes, but... maybe it wasn't real? Maybe this was some sort of awful dream...?
"Duo? I need an answer! My sister is picking out apartments- and Heero- hell, Heero practically killed himself to get back here- to get back to you- and if he finds out that you don't care-"
A loud bang shook the walls and Heero nearly flinched. "I care! How fucking dare you say that to me?" Duo's voice was rough-edged with fury. "Do you think I liked finding him at the end of that hallway? I thought he was dead! He dragged himself down there- reopened his wounds- he should have stayed where he was! But because I made him promise me-" Duo's words choked off and something else clanged against a wall.
"Heero's always been very determined- he wouldn't have stayed put-" Quatre now sounded like he was on Duo's side of the room.
"He might have," Duo's voice was softer now. "But I... he, right before he left... he said... I think he knew, I swear it was like he fucking knew somehow- told me to be happy with someone else if he didn't come back- hell, even if he did...all this crap about how he just wanted me to be happy- and he told me he loved me- he hardly says it, Quatre. I mean, sure, I knew it- and a few times he'd tell me, but not... not like that. Not when he was on his way to a mission..."
"So, you started this because you didn't think he loved you?"
"No- it wasn't that!" A soft sigh. "I mean, your sister- she's great, she really is- we met on that one trip you organized- you know- the one Heero didn't go on because that terrorist scare came up- and her boyfriend left in a huff-"
"I remember."
Heero managed to get his eyes open. Duo was slumped over in a chair, hands folded, supporting his bent head, Quatre standing just behind him, his hand on Duo's shoulder- like a priest listening to a confession.
"We'd email and text and bitch about things- and yeah, it slipped into flirting, but- I didn't- I mean, it was nice to have someone to do that with... but I didn't really take it seriously. I didn't realize that she was taking it so seriously! I didn't! Then two weeks ago... she broke up with her boyfriend and I... I didn't want to hurt her- not after that whole thing- but she just kept assuming stuff- and things just snowballed- but I was going to break it off- tell her that when Heero got back we'd talked and decided to try harder-" He took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to do it... I really didn't... I just..."
"You just?" Quatre prompted.
"I just... it was nice. To have someone to do that sort of thing with. To... be affectionate and all that shit... Heero was gone so much and he's never been one for that kind of thing... but I never meant it to be like this...I didn't..."
"Were you going to tell Heero?" Quatre asked softly.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Duo?" Quatre prodded.
"I think so- I mean- yes."
A sigh. "You mean no."
Duo took a strangled sounding breath. "I didn't want- I don't want him to- leave." Another breath. "I- what if I tell him and he- what if he just packs his things and leaves? Like he used to do during the war- never saying anything- never telling us where he was going- he'd just be gone-" He hunched further down in the chair, his voice dropping to a whisper."I can't be without him, Quatre, I can't- and if he leaves me-"
"Duo-" The name scraped his dry throat, but Heero couldn't bear to hear the pain in Duo's voice anymore. Both Quatre and Duo jumped at the sound, but Heero was only focused on one of them. Duo's eyes were wide and frightened. "Please-" he wasn't sure what he was going to say- hell, he wasn't sure he could say much at all-
Before Heero managed another word, Duo bolted from the room.
TBC...
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