Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Yaoi, AU, lemon
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Story inspired by this picture by Ponderosa.
Jealousy
I hated fighting with Heero. I never meant to say the things that I did, but sometimes they would just coming pouring out and I wouldn't be able to stop them in time.
This time had been the worse so far. I had seen the color draining from his face when I spoke, and yet I hadn't stopped. When he'd left the room, slamming the door behind him, I had forced myself to sit down on the couch. I wasn't going to follow him; I wasn't going to continue the argument.
He was the one who had started it- chiding me that I had spent too much time away from his side tonight at the party... but that spot at his side had been filled...
I closed my eyes, forced my body to relax, took a few deep breaths, and then the shame washed over me. That had been... horrible. Worse than usual. I usually never said anything to Heero about the way those glances and shared jokes grated on me. Nothing about the way that those eyes followed him around the room.
I looked down at my lap and saw the glint of gold that wrapped around my index finger. The sense of shame grew. I was Heero's spouse. He had chosen me.
I wondered if on nights like this he regretted it.
I got to my feet. I had to find him. I needed to apologize.
As I left the room I noticed that Heero had cracked the door during his exit. Not really noticeable, but enough to tell me that he'd been really upset. Not that I didn't know that already, but usually Heero manages to keep his strength in check. For him to lose that control...
I began searching for him. It had been dusk when we'd gotten home- it was dark now. I flipped on lights as I searched the rooms for Heero. He wasn't in the kitchen, or the dining room. I had been in the living room. I looked down in the rec room, even though I knew that was my usual place of retreat. The room was empty. I walked back up the stairs and stood in the front hallway. I checked the front porch and the yard. Heero's car was still in the garage, so I knew he hadn't gone anywhere.
He must be upstairs somewhere, I thought, and went back inside. The light was on in our bedroom, but the room was empty. I looked at the other rooms... no sign of Heero.
I went back to the bedroom and sat down on our bed. Where had he gone? Maybe he'd gone for a walk... if that was the case, I'd have to wait until he got back to apologize.
If he came back.
I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands and sighed. He'd come back. He had to- his car was still here. He'd need his car right? And his clothes?
Where was he?
A breeze ruffled my bangs and I lowered my hands. Where had that come from?
The window was open. I knew we hadn't left it that way. I got to my feet and went to the window, pushing the curtains out of the way.
Heero was on the rooftop, his arms wrapped around his knees, head tilted back, a faint smile curving his lips, studying the stars.
I looked at him for a long moment, admiring at the way the moonlight outlined him with silver, wondering what he was thinking about that made him smile like that. I decided to leave him alone for a while. He was still here, that was the important thing. I was about to leave the window, when Heero turned his head and looked at me.
The way his expression changed made me bite down hard on my lip. He wasn't happy to see me, and I couldn't blame him. I stepped back away from the window, indicating that I was going to leave him alone and the unhappiness in his expression increased.
He reached out a hand to me. He was too far away for me to take it, but the meaning was obvious.
Come here.
I climbed out of the window and swung myself up on the roof beside him. I took the hand he was offering me and kissed his fingers. "I'm sorry," I told him and winced because it wasn't good enough.
"I know you are. You always are afterwards." He said quietly.
"I didn't mean it."
"You didn't mean to say it," his fingers tightened around mine as he corrected me.
"I'll try not to do it again," I told him and he sighed.
"Duo, I don't understand this. You can be so confident... and then we go to one party, one event... and it's all gone. Where does it go? Where is my lover who is so sure of his welcome that he ambushes me all over the house? Where is my spouse who told me on the day we got married that it was the happiest moment of his life?"
"I'm still here," I tried.
"Duo, I've told you many times that nothing happened. Why don't you believe me?"
"It's not that I think something happened back then..." I protested and then closed my mouth. I wasn't going to do this again.
Heero shook his head. He moved then, scooting over and placing himself between my knees, leaning back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder.
"So you think something would happen now?"
"If something happened to me... or if we... if we didn't make it, then wouldn't you..."
"We are going to make it, and no." Heero shook his head. "Nothing is going to happen to you, and if it did, do you honestly think you're so replaceable?" He turned his head slightly and kissed my chin. "Or that I'm so... fickle?" He said the last word disdainfully. "Duo, this jealousy of yours is slightly flattering, but that's the kindest thing I can say about it. It's hurting you. Can't you let it go?"
"It's hurting you too," I said and felt him sigh.
"Yes, but I have an idea that you feel like this whenever we have one of these kinds of evenings. You've only blown up at me a few times and you always make it up to me afterwards. It doesn't hurt me like it does you. It doesn't undermine my confidence in us... but I have an awful feeling that it eats at yours. I worry that some morning after one of these get-togethers I'm going to wake up to an empty bed because you've run off..."
I tilted my head and kissed him, not wanting to have to answer in words, worried that I'd mess it up. It was easier to show him.
Heero twisted in my arms, finding a better position, sliding his arms over my shoulders. When the kiss ended, he put his mouth beside my ear.
"Tell me that won't happen Duo."
"It won't happen." I whispered back and his hand slid down the front of my shirt, tugging at the buttons.
"Why not?"
"Because I'll be here as long as you want me." I told him and he kissed me fiercely. He shifted again, pulling me up into his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist, smothering me with the force of his mouth.
"That's not good enough," his fingers undid my belt, tugged at the zipper. His hand slipped inside and I gasped. "Tell me why not Duo. Tell me why you'll stay."
I shuddered at his touch, his hand caressing me rhythmically, his other hand tugging clothes out of the way, my hands helping him.
"We're married." I managed, and his hand increased its pace.
"Nearly there," he said and I wondered if he meant the answer or me.
His mouth touched my neck, found the sensitive spot on the side, and his hand changed its rhythm again. My body tightened and only his arms kept me from falling over.
His hand moved downwards then, slick and demanding, preparing me quickly. I welcomed the brief pain when he pulled me down onto him. My head went back and I felt his tongue touch my neck.
"Tell me Duo," he said as his hands grabbed my hips, set a rhythm.
I didn't know what he wanted from me, doubted I could answer him anyway. I was too lost in his touch, the feeling of him inside me... I didn't answer, just caressed him and kissed him, followed his pace and did what I could to make him lose his control.
"Duo..." Still insistent.
"Love you," was all that came to mind.
His grip tightened, and he shuddered in my arms.
We stayed like that for a moment before I realized that not only was the roof's surface uncomfortable, but that any of our neighbors could've been watching the show- so to speak.
I untangled myself from Heero, cursing as the roof met some of the softer portions of my anatomy. I was ready to go back to the bedroom, but Heero just let me tug my clothes back into place before he pulled me back down into his embrace.
"I love you too," he said in my ear. "That's why I stay. That's why I'll never leave. Remember that, the next time you get jealous."
OWARI
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