Trowa/Quatre POVs in this part.

Hungry Heart Part 3

Two months.

I frowned at my computer screen. Two months since Quatre had gone missing and not a word. I really shouldn't have expected one- he may not have even seen any of the ads I put out.

Or maybe he just didn't want to answer.

That was a depressing thought. I hoped that there was enough of whatever we had once had to at least encourage him to reply to me.

Of course, I knew that wasn't fair. More than likely he had simply not seen the ads. I'd have to put them out again.

It was almost ridiculous. It's not like I had heard from the man all that much when I knew exactly where he was. It's not like he ever tried to make time for me...

That's not true. He did try- but it wasn't enough. I reminded myself of all those times when he had tried to spend time alone with me- time that invariably got interrupted by phone calls- or messages when he turned off the phone. I knew what that job was like, I knew it was tearing him apart...

And I still resented it. I was the one who had stepped back, hoping Quatre would chase me... but he had just let me go.

It had hurt to realize that I wasn't important enough to him to try harder. I would've become his damn shadow if he'd let me...

And now, now that he was free... I couldn't find him. He wouldn't let himself be found. To ease his sisters' minds, Duo and I had spent a week going through files, looking around his accounts. We noticed some of his money had vanished- but we couldn't track it. Quatre had covered his tracks well.

At least Quatre's sisters had settled down somewhat. A few had stepped into his place and discovered that it took three of them to meet all of Quatre's commitments. I guess they realized that he had been working too hard.

The empty inbox was still on my screen. I couldn't look at it anymore. I sent off a few requests to reprint the ad and then I reminded myself that speaking of vacations, it was time to plan mine. The circus was in winter quarters; I had plenty of free time.

There were a lot of places I wanted to go to- but vacations are never fun on your own. For years I had tried to get Quatre to go with me- even after I realized our relationship was never going to work I still tried to cajole him into taking trips with me. I had finally given up after Heero and Duo's wedding- if he couldn't take time off for that, then I had no chance of getting him to come with me. I had ended up hanging out with one of Heero and Duo's Preventer friends during the wedding. The guy had been a complete bore- I had been happy to dump him onto Dorothy later in the evening.

Flipping through web travel pages, I stopped on one. I'd always wanted to go there- it was one of the places I had tried to tempt Quatre with repeatedly.

Might as well go there as anywhere... at least I'd get a tan.

~*~

Sunlight hit me full in the face. Despite my curtains it still managed to sneak in. I rolled over and hid my face in the pillow. Only a few months away from my old life and I had discovered that I liked to sleep late.

I glanced at the clock and the small scrap of paper I had tossed beside it last night caught my eye.

Q I understand and I'm so glad. Please let me know that you're okay. T

I had found it while scanning the classifieds of the local paper. I knew it couldn't possibly be what I thought it was... but our paper had international ties. He could've asked for the ad to run in all of their papers...

But why would he?

I picked up the scrap of paper, turned it over in my fingers.

If only it was Trowa... but he couldn't care about me anymore. He had someone else...

Though I didn't know that for sure. I hadn't asked... only assumed. I hadn't dared ask, had been afraid he'd tell me it wasn't my business anymore...

If only I had done this sooner.... I could've asked him to come with me.

I read the paper again. Trowa used to send me emails like that, used our initials, joked about it being an old abbreviation for the word quiet- and in those days we had been keeping our relationship on the QT...

Was it him? Did he understand? Did he know that I had finally managed to free myself? Was he happy for me?

Did I dare try and contact him- let him know I was okay?

I wanted to tell him- I wanted to let him know that things were finally okay with me. That I was happy. For the first time in a long time I liked getting up in the mornings. I meant it when I said 'good morning' to someone.

I suppose I should've felt guiltier than I did, but I was too happy... life was almost perfect.

I turned the paper over again. Almost was the key word...

If only I could have him here with me... but...

What if it wasn't Trowa? Did I dare risk it? Trowa and I had been apart for a long time. Did he really care if I was okay?

Looking at the clock, I dropped the paper beside it. I'd figure it out later. I had a job today and I couldn't be late...

TBC...

 

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