Author: Merula
Pairing: 1x2
Warnings: Yaoi, AU, Angst...
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own GW.
This was supposed to be a sweet fic for a sweet person who likes big sweaters on the boys... yeah. The angst and melodramatic muses dropped in...
First Step
It was freezing. I ducked under a tree branch and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to rub some feeling back into my arms. My feet were numb inside my damp boots- the small stream on the map had turned out to be a river. My pants were soaked up above my knees and I would swear I was turning into an icicle.
I looked up at the lights glinting on the top of the hill. Not much farther. That had to be the cabin I was looking for- if it wasn't then I was really and truly lost. Carefully crunching my way through the leaves that covered the ground I made my way to the top of the hill.
Only Heero would hide out in the middle of nowhere like this. Hadn't the guy ever heard of apartment buildings? Convenient shopping centers?
When I reached the top I gritted my teeth together to stop the chattering and knocked on the door. I could hear faint sounds inside- sweet strands of music- and maybe conversation? Was he throwing a party out here?
No one answered and for a moment I considered pelting back down the hill, freezing or not, but hell if I was going to die of exposure after coming all this way.
Though that would just be par for the course...
Maybe he hadn't heard the knock? I pounded on it again, louder this time, and was rewarded with the sound of footsteps.
A moment later the door swung open. Heero peered out at me. "Duo? What the hell are you doing here?"
"I was just in the neighborhood and decided to st-stop by." I was proud of myself for making it all the way through the sentence with only a slight shiver.
"You're soaked!" Heero had a talent for noticing the obvious. He put one hand on my arm and tugged me inside, closing the door behind me. The sudden warmth of his house made me sneeze and he made a disapproving noise. "What the hell happened? Did you walk here?"
"My car got stuck in the mud, what the map called a stream was a river, I fell into some kind of sharp plant..."
He pulled me further into his house. The radio was on- as was the TV- that was the source of the noise, I noted with relief. A black dog was curled up in the corner of the sofa; he only lifted his head as we went by, which was fine with me. One witness to my humiliation was plenty.
Pushing me into a large bathroom, Heero flipped on the wall heater and frowned at me. "Strip."
His tone set me on edge. Yeah, okay, so it hadn't been the brightest of my ideas, but I couldn't help the car part. So I snapped at him: "I see you haven't learned anything about foreplay since you left."
"In case you hadn't noticed- you're soaked. Take off your damn clothes before you get a chill." Heero snorted. "Still as critical as ever I see," he added as he left the bathroom.
I thought about calling after him and decided it was useless. I pulled my shirt off over my head with a sigh. Huddling as close to the heater as I dared, I wrestled with my boots and jeans. Great, one minute after seeing him again and we were already sniping at each other. This wasn't going well.
I had managed to get all of my clothing off and draped over the shower rod when Heero reappeared with a stack of clothes in his arms. The sound of his feet on the tile warned me and I turned to find him staring at me.
"What?" I asked, and then remembered that I had no clothes on. My face flamed, and Heero snorted softly as he dropped the clothes on the counter.
"You've lost weight."
Not the greatest thing for your ex to say when he sees you naked, but it wasn't bad. "Uh, thanks."
"It wasn't a compliment."
Okay, it was bad. I reached for the clothes on the counter, pulling them on as quickly as I could. Heero didn't leave. He just stood in the doorway and watched me. Like he thought I'd do something stupid if he didn't.
I think it was the fastest I've ever gotten dressed in my entire life.
"Tea," Heero said when I finished and I followed him out to the kitchen. He pointed me to a chair and I sat down. "No snappy comebacks?" He asked me as he pulled mugs out of the cupboard.
I shook my head and he glared at me from under his bangs. I watched as he made the tea, curled my chilled fingers around the mug he gave me. The sweater was slipping off my shoulder and I tugged it up as he sat down across from me, still glaring.
It didn't make swallowing the tea easier. This whole thing had gone so wrong so fast that I was tempted to tell Heero that I'd mail his clothes back to him after I borrowed his phone for a tow truck.
"Why are you here, Duo?"
"I missed you."
His eyebrow lifted in that familiar derisive way and I found myself snapping at him: "I'm not lying!"
Damn it. There I went again. I bit down hard on my lip. "I'm not," I added in a softer tone.
I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry Duo. I know you don't lie. It's just- difficult for me to believe- that last month-"
"You mean the last two, don't you? It was bad." I met his gaze. "But I never meant to drive you away from everything, Heero. I knew things weren't going well with us, but I didn't... I didn't think you'd leave completely..."
I hadn't thought he'd leave at all. I thought we were just having a bad patch. Couples have those, right? With the pressure of the job and all...
"You just expected me to leave you? You were trying to get me to leave?"
What? I blinked at him in shock. "No!" What the hell had given him that idea? I rewound the conversation in my head and groaned. "No," I tried again. "No, I thought- well, I just thought we were having one of those rough times, you know? I thought we'd work it out- stupid, huh?" I tugged the sweater up again and wished he'd stop glaring at me.
This had been a bad idea.
He nodded and I wondered if somehow he knew what I was thinking and agreed with me.
"I've missed you too."
For a moment I wasn't sure he'd even said it. Squashing down the surge of hope that rose up at his words, I picked up my cup and took refuge in the steam. Missing me was not the same as still being in love with me. I wasn't here to renew a love affair. I didn't dare even try.
"The others- they miss you too. Can't you come back? Not to me-" I added hastily as he opened his mouth. "I'm not asking for that. But- they're your friends and they miss you. I've missed you- we were pretty good friends before, remember?"
His lips curved up and I felt warmed. "The best."
"I can be that again, really. I won't fight with you anymore." Honesty compelled me to add- "well, I'll try not to. Really! You could even stay here- just let us keep in contact with you. Emails, phone calls- whatever you want..." I shut my lips firmly. I wasn't going to beg... well, more than I already had.
He was silent for a moment, head tilted to the side as he looked at me. "The fights weren't all your fault." I opened my lips to disagree and he shook his head. "Truthfully- it was both of us."
I didn't disagree- he was right. We drank our tea in silence and I wondered if he was just waiting for the right moment to toss me out of his house. It hadn't escaped my notice that he hadn't answered my plea for renewed friendship.
What should I do? I worried the edge of his sweater between my fingertips and tried to think of a new approach. I knew when I left to find him that he wouldn't come back as my lover. I had pushed him too far- but I had hoped for the friendship. In his time away I had discovered I needed him in my life more than I ever thought I would...
Heero put his teacup down and leaned slightly over the table. "Duo-can I ask what's going on with you?"
I blinked at him, startled by the question. "What do you mean?"
"You're- well, that sweater used to fit you perfectly, remember?"
I looked down at the cable knit sweater, the faded blue color stirring up memories. "This is that one of yours I always used to borrow."
"Yes."
I tugged at the loose collar and long sleeves self-consciously. It had fit better before. "Maybe it just stretched."
"Or maybe you haven't been taking care of yourself. You look like crap," that made me wince, "and you've nearly gotten yourself killed a few times."
I blinked at him. "What?"
He gestured towards the computer tucked away in a corner. "Three hospitalizations in the last three months? Six clinic visits? What the hell are you doing out there?"
It took a moment to process what he was getting at. "You've been keeping track?"
"It was hard not to!" He frowned at me. "Your last stunt was all over the news! What the hell were you thinking?"
Crap. I could see the anger rising in him, knew we were heading towards a fight. I didn't want to go there. "According to Une, I wasn't." I tried, trying to sound unconcerned.
Heero made a noise I couldn't identify. Angry? Exasperated?
"It's no big deal. I just had a streak of bad luck." I tried to shrug it off- how did we get on this topic anyway? I was supposed to be persuading him to rejoin civilization- not discuss my job performance.
"Bad luck? You jumped off a building!" Heero snapped. "It's not bad luck. You've been taking a lot of unnecessary risks-"
My stomach twisted a little. "It's the job- you know that."
"It's not the job, it's how you're doing the job."
"You sound like Wufei."
He snorted. "So someone has been trying to talk sense into you. I hoped so- not that it seems to have done much good."
That stung. "Hey, it's not like I have a partner to worry about anymore- so what does it matter how I do my job as long as it gets done?" That was the same thing I'd said to Wufei more or less...
"What does it matter? What does it matter?" Heero stood up, his chair skittering across the floor. The table rocked as his fist slammed into it. "You're going to kill yourself if you keep it up! Idiot!"
"So what if I do? What do you care?" Came out before I could stop it.
Heero's fingers closed around the collar of the sweater, yanking me to my feet, nearly pulling me over the table. "I care." He growled.
"You left!" I shouted at him,
"You told me to go!" He shouted back.
I grabbed his wrist and tried to pull free. Right. I knew I was no match for him, but I still struggled. "I didn't mean it!"
"I didn't know that!"
"Well you should have! You never take me seriously anyway!"
"What the hell does that mean!"
"You fucking know what it means!" I struggled harder, twisting to free myself from the sweater at least. Heero must've sensed my intention, because he grabbed me with his free hand and hauled my up on the table, pinning me flat on my back. Yelping at the feeling of hot tea spreading under my ass, I threw a punch towards his face.
Bastard dodged and leaned on me, pulling my hands up over my head. "No I don't!"
"Let me go!"
Heero took a deep breath and did just that, sitting down in his chair beside the table, hands over his face.
Oh hell. What were we doing? I should've stayed home. I never should've come here. Heero was fine, doing well, and I fucked it all up...
Again.
I slowly sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the table, trying to avoid the overturned teacups.
"I'm sorry. If you'll just let me call a tow truck I'll leave you alone..."
"I don't want to be alone." Heero didn't look up.
"You can't want to fight with me either..."
"Better having you here and fighting with me than trying to get yourself killed."
"I'm not-"
"You are!" He looked up at me through his bangs, his voice strained and tight. "Duo- you are."
Looking into his anguished expression, I couldn't lie- even if I had wanted to. "Maybe I am."
"Why? You weren't like this before."
"You were there before." I bit down hard on my lip. Hadn't quite meant to say that...
He reached up and pulled me down into his lap, tea-soaked pants and all. I felt his breath against my shoulder where the sweater had slipped down again. "So I do mean something to you?"
"Everything."
"Then why push me away?"
"I didn't mean to-"
A sigh. "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know." I wound myself closer to his warmth. I felt his arms tighten around me.
"Neither do I." His lips brushed my shoulder. "I just know we have to do something."
"Start slow?" I tried, trying to remember the advice in the ladies magazines in the lounge. "One step at a time? If we can figure out what the first step is..."
Heero's lips moved up my neck, across my cheek. "That one is easy. The rest are going to be hard."
I turned my head and his lips touched mine. "What's the first step?"
"Promising to try. Not running away. Talking not fighting..."
"That's three steps."
"Then we have three to start with."
"And how do we start?"
He smiled. "We clean you up again, call a tow truck and then Une. I think you're overdue for some time off." He stood up, bringing me along with him and looked down at himself. I had managed to soak him too. "Correction- we clean ourselves up."
I bit down on my first response- wanting to tell him it was his fault we were covered in cooling tea. That wasn't going to work. "Okay, but I get the shower first."
His smile warmed at my delayed response, as if he knew somehow that it hadn't been the first thing to pop into my head.
"I think we should share."
That was a good place to start...
OWARI
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