Okay, this didn't turn out like I intended since Heero wanted a turn- when doesn't he?
The Favor Part 2
Duo helps me into his home. I don't really need the help, but it gives me an excuse to lean on him, feel his warmth against my side.
I had to stay in the hospital for a few days for observation purposes. I hate having to be in there for that reason- at least I used to. This time I was hoping there wasn't anything wrong with me.
Because of Duo.
Duo who sat by my side for hours at a time, reading or talking or listening... I wanted to stay alive for him.
I wanted to die because of him before. When he'd told me after the Mariemeia incident that he couldn't deal with a lover who constantly threw himself into danger. He'd lost too many people as it was.
I didn't understand. I thought it was his way of saying that he didn't want to deal with me.
I was wrong, I realize that now. It was his way of looking for reassurance. Reassurance that I couldn't give.
Duo pushes me down gently on the sofa and smiles. "Want something to drink?"
"Water would be nice," I tell him. He vanishes in the direction of the kitchen.
When I woke up in the hospital and found him beside me, I didn't think he was real at first. I've woken up so many times and thought he was there.
"Why didn't you let me stay with you? Why did you push me away?" I asked him as I always did. Everytime this vision of him appeared.
I waited for him to tell me all the things he usually said. He didn't love me. I wasn't good enough for him. How could I think that a war fling meant anything to him?
"You left me," Duo answered, eyes sad instead of angry like I was expecting. "I wanted you to stay with me. I wanted you to stop trying to die and stay with me."
"I thought you were telling me to go." My head hurt. Why was this Duo so different?
"I would never tell you to go. Not then. Not now." And Duo picked up my hand and kissed the knuckles carefully.
I remembered then. I had gone to see Duo, hoping that the sight of him happy with someone else, happy in his life without me would be the push I needed to break J's block.
Instead he had been alone. He had a new life- but a lonely one. He needed someone to be with him- take care of him. I could see that even by looking around his home, bare except for the essentials, see it in the way that he looked regretfully at the beer bottles in the fridge, the way he had pulled the cigarettes out of the cookie jar.
I had been angry with him. He had broken me into pieces and for what? So that we would both be alone?
When I had left his house, still angry, I saw the little girl in the middle of the street, the car bearing down on her- and I threw myself in its path, pushing her to the side.
Would saving her be enough to make up for that other little girl's life I destroyed? Would it be enough for the gods? Would they let me die?
They didn't, and I finally saw why. Duo needed me.
I saw it when he knelt next to me in the street; I saw it in the books I had asked the nurse to bring me when Duo wasn't there.
I hurt for him after I read those. I wished I had read them sooner. Maybe I would've swallowed my pride and gone back to him then.
Duo enters the room, a glass of water in his hand for me, a soda for himself. I'm glad. I'm not up for fighting with him over some of the bad habits he's developed. There will be time for that later.
Happiness floods me at the thought.
Duo sits down next to me, handing me the glass of water. As I sip at it, he curls up against my shoulder.
"What now?" He asks.
"I don't know." I tell him honestly. "But I'm sure we'll figure it out."
"No more trying to die?" His voice is very quiet.
"I won't if you won't."
"Deal," he chuckles. "So no more dangerous jobs for you."
"And no more smoking for you." His head snaps up and I frown at him.
"And if I get a craving?"
I kiss him then, deep and slow, relearning his mouth, remembering the things he likes, feeling him relax against me. When I let him go, he's smiling.
"I think this just might work out," he tells me, re-curling himself back up next to me.
I hope it does.
OWARI
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