Author: Merula
Pairings: 1+2
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Family Part 3
I was cursing myself. I was such an idiot. He'd never forgive me for this stunt of mine. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I'd forgive myself. What had I been thinking?
I hadn't been. That was the problem!
It was that time of year I told myself. People did crazy things this time of year. I'd use that as my excuse- if he talked to me again...
But would he accept that excuse?
I looked at the clock. It was Sunday morning. Usually we met each other for breakfast in a small café near my apartment.
Was Heero going to meet me today? Should I go? Maybe it would be better if I stayed home. Wash the dishes, make the bed, throw myself off the balcony... I was sure that I'd find something to do.
But what if I stayed home and he went? Wouldn't that be worse? Knowing he was sitting there waiting for me?
I thumped my head against the wall and sighed. Hell with it. I would go and have a cup of coffee. If Heero didn't show up, so be it. I wasn't going to sit around and obsess about it.
I sighed as I grabbed my keys. That was my problem. I had been obsessing... over Heero. I had been so happy when it turned out that he was not only living in my city, but that he had needed a friend as much as I did. We had spent a little time together at first, but it soon built up into more. Friday nights at the movies. Saturdays volunteering at the hospital. Sunday morning breakfasts. Various other things during the week.
I had made a few other friends in the city before I discovered that Heero lived here, but he was my best friend. He was the one I spent the most time with...
Not surprising, after all, we shared a past. We had both been gundam pilots. We'd saved the world together...
I mentally smacked myself. Couldn't I tell the truth even to myself? I enjoyed Heero's company- more than that- I craved it, worse than any junkie. Any time I spent with him made me happy, that was the sad truth of it. I never meant to tell him that though- never meant to do anything about it...
But yesterday, I must've lost my mind.
Maybe Heero would accept that explanation...
We had spent all day at the hospital yesterday, doing our normal rounds, but then staying longer to help them decorate the wards for the kids. It had been fun, if exhausting work, since the kids kept insisting on either trying to help or supervising...
When we were in the elevator finally ready to go home. Heero had been talking about grabbing dinner someplace and I had noticed that one of the nurses had hung up a sprig of mistletoe in the center of the elevator.
Heero had been right underneath it. I know I opened my mouth with the intent to tease him about the fact he should be glad that no one else was in the elevator with us- the female staff adored Heero- but instead, I had leaned forward and kissed him.
Really kissed him. Not a peck, not a brush of lips- a real kiss.
For just a moment- it was perfect... and then I realized what I was doing. I backed away from Heero and took in the wide-eyed look of surprise on his face.
Before I could form an apology, the elevator doors opened and Heero fled. I could only stare after him as he practically ran out of the hospital.
I thought about going to his apartment and waiting for him, thought about pulling out my cell phone to call him and apologize... and instead I had just gone home and curled up under my blankets. Heero didn't call to yell at me, Heero didn't stop by to beat the crap out of me...
I won't even go into the part where I hoped he'd... no. Won't even think it. Not again. It hurt too much the first time.
Was he going to be waiting for me this morning? Or had I destroyed everything?
Our usual waitress was at the register ringing up a customer when I walked into the restaurant. She knew Heero and I by name, and so I got a smile when she caught sight of me.
"Usual booth honey," she said tilting her head to the side. "He's already ordered your coffee for you."
I blinked at her and felt a faint surge of hope. Heero was here?
I turned my head and looked across the restaurant. Sure enough, Heero was at our usual table, paper spread out in front of him like always.
Relief flooded me- and then fear- what was he going to say to me?
The restaurant wasn't that big, but it seemed to take forever to get to the table. I stood behind my chair for a moment, waiting.
Heero looked up at me. "There you are," he smiled, just like he always did. "I was starting to get worried."
"Sorry- running a bit late," I managed, a bit surprised by his reaction. I pulled out my chair and sat down. Heero pushed my coffee cup towards me and handed me part of the paper. All part of our normal routine.
The waitress appeared by our table and took our orders. I always got the same thing, but Heero liked to try out new things- I think he was working his way down the menu. We drank our coffee and read the paper, occasionally reading something out loud if it was interesting. Just like we always did.
Heero had apparently decided to ignore what had happened last night. I was relieved- and okay, just a little bit disappointed. Didn't I deserve at least a 'sorry, not interested in you that way' speech?
But wouldn't the humiliation of that be almost worse in a way?
When the food arrived, we folded up the paper and put it to the side.
"So, what are we going to do for Christmas?" Heero asked me after we had both tasted the food and assured our waitress that yes, we had everything we needed. "Christmas day we promised to be at the hospital. My work is having a party on the eve- do you want to go with me?"
"What kind of party?" I rolled my eyes. "These are the same people who threw that lame Halloween party a few months ago..."
Heero laughed. "I'm not sure. They did say something about White Elephants, which sounded a bit ominous to me. Is your work doing anything?"
"Nah, just some ornament exchange in the afternoon. Cake, hot chocolate, that kind of thing."
"Maybe we could just have a quiet dinner at my place then? Watch one of those Christmas specials you've been telling me I have to see?" Heero looked down at his plate, and I could see the tenseness in the set of his shoulders.
Damn. He was obviously worried about being alone with me.
I had to take a deep breath and try to focus past the hurt that welled up in my chest. It was my own fault that he was worried. I knew I had to say something to him- I couldn't let him get like this... it would ruin our friendship... Something I should've thought about yesterday before giving into my little impulse.
"That sounds good." I took a deep breath and looked down at my own plate. "I... uh... I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me. I won't do it again, you don't have to worry."
It was dead silent at the table for a few heartbeats. I looked up, wondering if Heero had somehow slipped out of the booth and run off again, but he was sitting there staring at me, and it made me even more nervous. Was he going to change his mind about being friends with me?
"I mean it. I don't know what came over me. There was mistletoe. It's the season. Temporary holiday insanity- that's all it was- and it won't happen again. I swear it."
Heero opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again: "You didn't mean to kiss me? Then why did you do it?"
"Um..." I don't think telling Heero he had looked especially kissable was going to cut it. "I don't really know..."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Just an impulse?"
That sounded good.
"Yeah. Just an impulse. And I won't give into it again. Even with mistletoe around..." I took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry. You're my best friend- I don't want to lose you, or have this get weird or..."
Heero frowned. "What if I wasn't your best friend?"
"Huh?" Was he saying he was going to stop being my friend?
"What if I had just been some random person in that elevator? Would you have kissed me?"
What? "Uh, no. I don't kiss people I don't know."
"Then, if you know them, they must be your friends, right?"
"I guess..."
"Well, they have to be, because why would you kiss your enemies?"
I nodded. It seemed the safest thing to do.
Heero sighed. "I owe you an apology too."
"For what?"
"For running off. I... I wasn't sure how to react..."
"I don't blame you for that." Was he thinking I was mad at him? Is that why he was playing 20 questions? "I mean- it had to have been a shock..."
"It was." Heero smiled faintly, cutting me off. "Though I suspect not quite the way you're thinking. Which is my fault for acting like an idiot."
I was lost again. It must have showed because Heero smiled wider, reached across the table and put his fingers on the back of my hand,
"Duo- would you like to join me for dinner and a movie at my place on Christmas Eve? You can supply the dessert and movie, and I'll take care of the dinner... and the mistletoe."
I couldn't find my voice for a moment. "You... Are you..."
"I don't want to lose my best friend either, but... I also want to see if we could be more. I think... I think it might be good, don't you?"
"Yeah," I couldn't help smiling back at him. "I think so too."
OWARI
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