Note: Heero's POV
Erasure Part 14
"Hello, Heero. I knew you'd be back. Don't ask how, but I knew you would be. You want to use the machine, don't you? Things have gotten too stressful- memories from the war too bad- you'd like to soften them all wouldn't you? Or maybe it's something else? I know it's tempting, it helped you once before after all, right? And since I'm one of the ones that made you what you are it is only fair that I help repair the damage I've done.
You'll have to decide how bad things have gotten for you. I had to change my notes, hide what I've done- the original machine is now a trap- don't use it unless you want to have all of your memory wiped- and in a pretty ugly way. I made the thing look pretty tempting in the notes the Ozzies will steal from me- but I made a few modifications to it. But it still gives absolution- still grants the user peace of a sort."
"But for you, for you there is another machine here. One that will take the edges off your memory... or... One that will return you back to the same person you were before you left here. I caution you against that setting, though. The machine has your memories recorded up to the point you left here- and it will remake you into that person you were at that time. "
"However, if for some strange reason you used the other machine first- why you would without looking for this room I have no idea, but you were always a pretty emotional fellow- or maybe you decided that total oblivion was better than partial- then there is a chance that the machine would restore all of your memories- not just up to the point you left here- it has to wake up parts of your brain as it puts the memories in, you see- and well, these machines don't exactly wipe memories so much as make it near-impossible to access them...the memories are still there in your head. So the machine might restore all of your memories- and if it does that- well, then all of this memory wiping would be for nothing. By the way- the machines are both programmed to self-destruct after they've been used- or if the cycle is stopped early."
When I had heard that- nothing would've kept me from getting into that machine.
It... was like putting jigsaw pieces together. I got out of the machine, remembering the war, remembering all that had happened before I got into the machine and then I had seen Quatre... and all of my memories concerning him had suddenly slid into my head.
It hurt.
But I couldn't let him see that. I couldn't do it. I had to show that I was capable of going after Duo and Trowa. So I focused- easy to do with the memories of the war so fresh in my head- and had convinced him that I was capable.
Wufei set off another slide of memories.... Even more painful- Duo kissing him... the way he said he wanted to take Duo from me... I knew he was sorry- I had heard him say so in the hospital, but the memory of that betrayal was fresh now...
I didn't want to send him in to get Duo and Trowa- but I had to- Quatre would be better at getting the kids out- I had to distract the complex...
That was harder than I had expected.
The laptop, sneaking in, having to hack into the systems of the complex brought on memories I would rather have never gotten back... it was all I could do to stay focused and help the guys. They needed me.
It got- easier... the slide of memories grew less as time passed. When I exited the complex, sure that the other four had left before me and were waiting, I felt almost myself again.
Until I saw Duo in Wufei's embrace.
Duo himself sent the memories into a waterfall, making me nearly stagger... I had spent most of my life with him after all... and he was covered in blood... that brought back even more...
Was he badly hurt? Who had done that to him? They'd better be dead!
But the two of them together- all the reasons I had gone to Dr J's lab in the first place rushed over me- and I nearly cried. He had been right to warn me...
The two of them looked up at me, and I couldn't find my voice...
I missed Duo getting to his feet, all I knew was that his hands were on my shoulders.
"Heero? Heero are you okay?"
For a moment I wanted to snarl at him, shake him off of me.
The tide of memories had slowed, however, and I was able to remember something else.
Duo's despair- the pain I had caused him- those days in the hospital when I had wanted to hurt the person I had been before, when I had cursed myself for not seeing how much Duo loved me.
"Are you okay?" I touched his cheek. "You're covered in blood. Is it yours? Are you hurt?"
He blinked.
"Only some of it. Just a few scratches," he lifted his bangs and I saw a crusty-looking gash- nothing I would call a scratch- but it was not a big wound, not life-threatening, something that would heal fast...
"Good," I answered and pulled him into a hug. His heart was beating fast; I could feel it against mine. "I'm glad you're okay."
"Heero?" He breathed against my ear. "What do you remember?"
"Everything."
His arms tightened around me.
"Everything?" I heard the slight hitch in his voice.
"Yes- I'm sorry Duo. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing..."
His embrace was so tight that it was hard to breathe.
I didn't care.
"Guys?" Quatre's voice, hesitant and quiet, but firm. "They are going to be figuring things out very soon. We need to move."
I kissed Duo's blood spattered cheek and pulled away. "He's right. We need to get moving- Une needs the data on my computer, you need to get checked out."
He let me go- though one of his hands stayed on my arm. I turned and looked at the others. Wufei was still kneeling on the grass, watching us carefully; Quatre was leaning against Trowa, both of their eyes on us.
"Let's go."
The ride to the hospital was quiet. Duo leaned against my shoulder. The hospital was swarming with Preventers- some were talking to the kids; others were assisting the doctors in caring for this sudden rush of patients.
Duo and Trowa got cleaned and bandaged up by Sally herself, who then recruited Wufei to help her with her duties.
We reported to Une and I gave her all the evidence I had stolen off of the complex's computers. I wanted to talk to her about the wisdom of assigning Duo such a mission when he had been worried about other things, but I wanted more to find someplace to hole up with Duo for a while, so I stuck to the report.
Quatre and Trowa finished before we did, so Duo and I made our way back to the hotel that he had been staying in by ourselves. Duo hadn't spoken much beyond the report, and I found myself wondering if now that he had time to reflect, if he was angry with me...
I deserved it. I knew that. If he chose to never have anything to do with me again, I deserved that too. I had hurt him very badly...
Once the door closed behind us and we were alone, Duo launched himself at me and I found myself once more in that bone-crushing embrace.
"I'm sorry Heero- it's all my fault. I shouldn't have..." I kissed him, stopping the flow of words, and felt him relax against me.
"No," I said when I managed to pull my mouth away from his. "No. This is my fault; I should've trusted you. I'm so sorry- I didn't want to hurt you like I did..."
"I shouldn't have given you a reason to doubt me." He persisted.
"I should've asked you right out about Wufei."
He sighed. "One mistake after another - we could do this all night." He dug his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck. "We were both wrong." He kissed me again, long and hard, and I returned it equally.
When we stopped, he simply held me close for a while, not speaking. I breathed in his scent, held him tightly against myself and swore that I would never ever let him go again.
I had been lucky this time.
"You really do remember everything?" He asked after a bit, pulling slightly away and smiling at me.
"I think so," I kissed his forehead.
He smiled wider and pulled me to the bed. "Let's see how well you remember this."
OWARI
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