Conversation with Death Part 6
"Well, you might have done it this time."
Huh? Heero blinked. He stood in a brightly lit corridor, people moving rapidly around him, shouting to each other.
A hospital? What had happened? He turned and looked to the side and froze.
Himself, on an operating table, the surgeons, hands bloody...
"You don't have to watch."
Heero turned away quickly. Death was standing beside him, leaning on his scythe, his usual smile gone.
"Am I dead?"
"Not yet." Death shook his head. "Pretty darn close though."
"The girl?"
"Relena? She's fine. Upset of course, but fine."
Heero blinked, glanced over his shoulder, shivered and looked back at Death.
And suddenly realized that he had his opportunity.
He reached out and grabbed a hold of Death's... no- Duo's shoulders. "Explain."
"You took a bullet meant for the girl."
"Not what happened this time! What happened last time! Why are you my death? What did I do that made you kill me? Did I betray you with her?"
"No," Duo's hand reached up and caressed Heero's cheek. "You wouldn't have done that, beloved."
"Then what?" Duo sighed and placed his forehead against Heero's.
"You can remember it now if you try. Here in this in between place, the memories are yours again. Don't you remember what happened?"
And Heero found that he could...
"What do you mean he's going to die?" Heero asked Duo.
"He is. He won't make the trial."
"How do you know? Are you planning on killing him?"
"Nah, Shinigami told me." A brush off, a smile, a teasing caress and Heero forgot the subject, until a few days later when their perp died of a massive heart attack in his cell.
And Heero began to realize that Duo always knew when someone was going to die. When he said that someone would come back from a dangerous mission, they did. When he didn't...
After months of seeing the evidence, of thinking back on incidents, he confronted his lover.
He remembered the fear on Duo's face as he presented the evidence, demanded an explanation.
"Shinigami tells me when I ask. He always has."
"You don't really believe..."
"In a god of death? You know I do, Heero. And he's real. He speaks to me."
"I don't like the idea of sharing you." Heero tried to dispel the unease, the fierce insistence in Duo's expression frightening him.
"It's not like that. He's more... a parent. You are my soul mate, beloved. Always."
He'd gotten used to it. Didn't even really think about it much. It was just another part of his beloved....
And then he'd come home one night to find Duo upset and pacing. It took a lot of persuading to find out what was bothering his lover.
Relena was going on a diplomatic mission- and she was going to die while she was there. An assassin's bullet would end the hope of the Sphere.
Heero couldn't believe it. Since Duo knew, they could stop it. Sure, they had another assignment to do, but Une could switch their assignments. They could stop the bullet from ever reaching her...
"It doesn't work like that Heero." Duo shook his head. "If it's not that way, then it will be another. A car accident, a disease, a fall... It's her time to go- we can't stop death."
"No!" Heero protested. Relena was needed. The balance of power in the Sphere was so delicate, so much relied on that one fragile girl. He said as much to Duo, hoping there was something they could do. Couldn't they reason with Shinigami?
Duo listened to his arguments, still shaking his head. "We can't stop it. Someone has to die then."
"Does it have to be her? Couldn't someone else die?"
"Like who?" Duo frowned. "You know Relena wouldn't want us to make that decision for her. And the only ones who could do it, she wouldn't let do this for her- if they even believed us. It has to be someone tied to her- a sibling, a lover, a husband..."
"A husband? Could it be one in name only?"
Duo blinked, not understanding. "Yes. It's the ceremony that's important- that's the binding there...why?"
"Then it can be me. I'll marry her and I'll die in her place."
Duo pulled away from him, stalking across their apartment. "No! You won't, I won't let you do this! How could you even think...." His voice choked to a halt. "Why would you leave me?" Heero went and put his arms around his lover. Duo stood stiffly in his embrace, face turned away.
"Because it's Relena. Our Relena. Our friend. Our hope for continued peace- what we fought for. I don't like it either, but Duo- you told me that there is an afterwards... I'll wait for you there, you know I will." Duo's body relaxed, his shoulders hitching in a sobbing breath.
"If you can. There are penalties to this kind of thing- prices to pay."
"Then I'll pay them."
"Without even knowing what they are?"
"Yes, because this is important."
"More important that me? Us?" Duo was nearly sobbing now, head resting on Heero's shoulder.
"I love you. But how can I stand by and let her die, Duo?"
"You can't." Duo hunched down in his arms. "I know that. I wish to hell I had never said anything-" Heero could feel the shoulder of his T-shirt growing damp. His heart ached for his lover, but what could he do?
"I'm sorry..." Heero tightened his grip on Duo.
"You're right though... we can't let her die." Duo took a heaving breath. "She's needed. It will all go to hell without her- I know that. Shinigami knows that. I bet that's why he told me, fucking bastard that he is..."
"Then he wanted us to do something?"
"I don't know." Duo turned his head to look into Heero's eyes. "But it doesn't have to be you. I can do it."
That thought made Heero's heart freeze for a moment.
"No."
"No? Why not? I'm the one with the 'connection'!"
"Because I can't be here without you. You're stronger than I am Duo. You'll manage here better than I will..."
"Stop it!" Duo pulled against Heero's arms. "That's not true and you know it!"
It was, Heero thought, but he didn't want to argue the point.
"And if anything goes wrong, you can fix it. You have the connection."
Duo stopped fighting, but he didn't look at his lover.
"How are you going to explain it to Relena? Do you think she'll just marry you with no questions asked? She's supposed to marry what's his name in a few months as it is..."
"She trusts me. I'll tell her something."
"And afterwards- when you're dead? I'll have to tell her?"
"No. I'll leave a message explaining it all."
"That's a hell of a guilt trip to leave her with."
"I know." He kissed Duo's cheek, brushed his bangs gently with his fingertips. "Tell me what I need to do? Make a contract? Is there a way I need to kill myself?"
"No! You can't do that." Duo tried to pull away again, but Heero didn't let him go. "You'd be punished for it afterwards. That's the way it works. Killing in war is one thing. Taking your own life- or one of a lover, friend or sibling deliberately will get you punished."
"Well, we're going on that raid. That might be dangerous enough..."
Duo managed to push himself away from Heero. The tears were still sliding down his face, but his expression had turned cold.
"I'll take care of the contract part, okay? Leave it all to me."
"Duo-" Heero wondered about the wisdom of leaving such a job to his lover. Duo was obviously upset with the whole plan, but what else could he do?
"I said I'd deal with it Heero. You go talk to Relena."
~*~
The marriage was over, the binding complete, and according to Duo, the contract made. Relena had been puzzled, but Heero had told her it was only for a short time. He had left a timed message that she should receive after he was dead. In it he explained Duo's "knowledge", apologized for deceiving her, told her that he knew she would continue working hard to unite the Sphere in peace- and asked her to look after Duo. He knew she would do the last without asking, she loved Duo like a brother, but he still needed to ask. He was worried about Duo.
Heero hated seeing what this was doing to his lover. Duo had not come near him at all in the last few days, refused to sleep on their bed, stayed away from Heero as much as he could. When Heero had said something, Duo had merely snapped that since Heero was leaving him anyway, why did he care? He didn't listen to Heero's reply. Heero left him a timed message too, needing to apologize one last time.
They were on route to the drug warehouse, their mission being seek and destroy.
Heero looked over to where Duo sat next to him in the passenger seat, cold and silent. They had only a few hours left together at most...
"Duo... I'm sorry."
"I know."
"But..."
"I said I know. Shut up."
"Are you going to hate me for this forever?"
That made Duo flinch.
"Do you want to just let Relena die? And our hope of peace with her?"
Duo's voice was weary, the anger gone. "No. Relena can't die now. We have to do this. I know that."
"That doesn't answer my other question." Duo looked at him and Heero's chest ached at the pain that flashed in Duo's eyes. Then it was gone and Duo was angry again.
"So what? What do you care anyway? It's not like you gave me a second thought now was it?"
"That's not true!" Heero stopped the car. They had reached the place. "Duo, you know that I love you. You know that I'll wait for you."
"Until you need to go running off to save the fucking world again." Duo reached for the door handle. "Give me a break, Heero. You may love me, but it's not enough." Duo got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
Heero winced.
He did love Duo- but he couldn't just stand by... Duo knew that he couldn't. But this had to be so hard on him... if only there was another way... But there wasn't- not that either he or Duo had been able to find.
He got out of the car and joined his partner on the sidewalk. Sometime during this raid he was going to have to put himself in a situation he wouldn't be able to get out of alive. Otherwise he was going to have to kill himself. He needed to die before Relena was scheduled to or the bargain was off.
Of course, if he did kill himself, maybe his punishment would be enough penance for what he was doing to his lover.
~*~
Search and destroy missions usually meant that they got to go find some evidence and then destroy the place behind them. They were on the destroy part and Heero was ready.
Below them was a roomful full of armed guards. He just had to jump down into the middle of them. He turned to his lover to say goodbye, wondering if he'd be rebuffed, knowing that Duo would be in pain... and he found himself looking down the barrel of Duo's gun.
"Duo?" But Duo couldn't kill him- wouldn't he be punished? "No!"
"Better me than you, beloved." And Duo fired.
~*~
And afterwards....
"Well the two of you managed to screw that all up, now didn't you?"
Heero turned to look at the person standing next to him.
And blinked.
This was Shinigami!
"You... here..."
"Of course. Me. Here. I did think you knew how to talk more than that. Duo always said you did." Shinigami sighed. "I thought the two of you were smarter than this."
"What do you mean? You said someone had to die in place of Relena..."
"Oh no!" Shinigami waved his hands. "That part is right. She was going to die and you did save her. And believe me- that part is all good. The world is going to need her. No, I meant this thing with you and Duo..."
"He killed me..."
"Because you were about to commit suicide."
"No I wasn't..."
"Look, jumping on purpose into a dangerous situation is suicide. Duo knew that. That's why he killed you."
Oh. Heero stopped for a moment. That's why Duo had been like that the last few days- steeling himself so that he could... oh gods. Guilt washed through Heero, a familiar feeling these days. Why hadn't Duo said something?
"Poor kid... he's going to be in trouble for this one."
"Why? You know why he did it!"
"Kid, I don't make the rules. I can only bend them a bit." Shinigami shrugged. "You sacrificed yourself for the good of the world. You get to rest awhile and then go back. Duo killed you- his soul mate. And..." Shinigami paused. "I'm afraid he might do worse. He'll be punished."
"NO! That's not right! Why should he be punished for my choice?"
"Look, it won't be forever. And next time you'll make better choices..."
~*~
Heero blinked. Duo was still standing beside him, watching him carefully. He reached out, pulling Duo into his arms and hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry Duo... I'm so sorry! I made the wrong choice!"
"No you didn't! Relena was needed, Heero. You know the things she accomplished- the wars she adverted..."
"And what about you? What happened afterwards for you? What was your punishment?" Heero stepped back a little so he could look into Duo's eyes. "Tell me!"
"It wasn't so bad..." Duo's eyes shifted to the side.
"What was it?"
"I went to Nowhere."
"Which is what exactly?" Heero persisted and Duo relented. In a soft voice he replied:
"Just that. No land, no sky, no ground, no air, no light..."
It sounded like a sensory deprivation chamber to Heero. Oh gods.
"How long?"
"I had to wait for you to be reborn."
"And then you became my Death."
"Yes." Duo lips curved slightly. "I got to see you. Be by your side everyday. Watch you grow up..."
But never seen. Never felt. Knowing that Heero couldn't see or feel or sense that he was there.
Heero hugged his lover tightly again. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."
It would never be enough.
"It's all right Heero- it had to be done."
"But not like that. We should've found another way."
"We didn't have a lot of time..."
"No. I was an idiot. I made the choice and forced you to accept it. At the very least we could've gone together... I made a mistake and put you through hell. I never wanted that Duo..."
"I know, love. I know. Stop." Duo squeezed him. "We both made mistakes. I was just so hurt that I didn't even try to talk to you more about it... and afterwards..." Heero remembered Wufei's journal entries and shivered.
"We're together now right? Your punishment's over and we can be together?" He use the rest of eternity to make this up to Duo...
Duo pulled away. "Not exactly..." He sighed and gestured to his right. Heero looked over, surprised to see that they were now standing in an ICU room. His body was lying on a bed, hooked to a dozen machines. Wufei stood on one side of him, Lena on the other. They were talking in low voices. Between himself and the figure on the bed was a faintly pulsing cord of light that dimmed and brightened and dimmed again as he watched.
"You aren't dead yet." Duo lifted his hands. "It's touch and go, either way at this point..."
"And who decides which way I go?"
Duo frowned. "I don't know..."
Heero sighed. He lifted the scythe out of Duo's grip and before Duo could stop him he sliced it down between himself and the figure on the bed. The glowing cord vanished.
"HEERO!"
"It was my decision. I'm staying with you." Heero leaned over and kissed Duo's cheek gently.
Duo looked thunderstruck. "I'm not sure if it was supposed to go like that..."
"I wasn't going to let you kill me again. The idiots in charge might see that as a crime or something..." Heero handed the scythe back to Duo with a faint smile.
"But they might see that as killing yourself..." Duo began to look panicked. Heero reached out and ran a soothing hand down his lover's braid.
"Then I get the punishment I should've had the first time. After what I did to you I deserve it."
"Heero! That's not..."
"Will the two of you stop it?" Shinigami appeared in an annoyed flash of light. He adjusted his sunglasses. "Heero finally got it right. Your punishment is over. Quit agonizing and run along, will ya?" He brushed off his Hawaiian shirt. "I'll take care of the rest."
Heero smiled.
Duo blinked. "Does this mean I have to give up the scythe?"
OWARI
Back to Merula's Fanfictions Page