Author: Merula

Pairings: 1x2

Rating: R

Warnings: Yaoi, Preventer-ness, angst, Duo's POV.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Author's Note: What with so many of my flist taking off for y-con this week, I made a comment about torturing those that were left. Sun mentioned that we should've organized an 'I'm cranky, I'm not there having fun' day with fic and art and chocolate.

I suck at drawing, though if I had been more organized I could've swung the chocolate. I can swing the torturous fic though- You know where this one is headed... I just decided to do it from Duo's pov for a change...

Bittersweet Part 1

I stretched after I put the last of the trays into the oven. Another tray waited on the counter; its contents ready for a final sprinkling of sugar before I put them out.

I heard the back door open and close, and glanced over my shoulder. As expected, my employer stood there, shaking the rain out of her dark hair. She gave me a dazzling smile. "Ah Duo, you are the most reliable worker, you are," she said as she hung her umbrella up. "I should send Howard a thank you note, yes I should." The lilting cadence of her words suggested that she was not a native of L4- and indeed I knew she wasn't. Nell had been born on Earth- where exactly, I wasn't sure, but someplace that made her pronounce 'Howard' as 'Oward' and gave the rest of her words an enchanting lilt.

The lilt was what caught Sam's attention all those years ago. Sam was Howard's right hand man, who had married Nell twenty some odd years before, and taken her to space. Nell hadn't been happy on the ships, so Sam had bought her a house and set her up with a little bakery on L4. He visited every few weeks and they seemed very happy with the whole arrangement.

"If just being here on time makes me reliable, I wonder what kind of people you had hired on before," I grinned at her and went to pick up the sugar.

"You have no idea," She laughed and went to her workspace. "Did you start the coffee?"

"Of course."

"Excellent, as always." She started her jobs that needed to be completed before we opened the doors at five for the going to work crowd. I started dusting sugar over the filled pastries, keeping one eye on the oven.

This wasn't exactly the job I had been hoping to get when I had gone to see Howard over a year ago. He would've been more than willing to take me on one of the ships, but I knew that if someone came looking that would've been the first place they would've checked.

I hadn't been thinking of that at first, I had just been trying to get away. Once I was with Howard I realized that I couldn't stay there with him. My second thought had been to go back to L2 and lose myself on the streets there- easy enough to do. Howard had nixed that one. He had told me that he'd help me find something better, and so I had ended up in Nell's bakery, going in at 3am to start the baking, helping her with the morning rush and then making sure that she had everything she needed to make up the trays for the next day.

I liked it. Nell was pleasant to work for, her customers were usually nice people, and the bakery was a warm and pleasant place. I usually stayed longer than the hours I was supposed to- I didn't have much waiting for me at home, unless Howard had sent me something to 'keep me occupied' as he called it.

I know that I worried him. I know that he'd been tempted to ask me what exactly had driven me away from the Preventers and the other pilots, but Howard, good friend that he was, never asked. He'd just gotten me an alternative identity and found me a job- which he supplemented by sending me computer jobs to do for him.

The oven timer chimed at me and I put down the sugar and went to get the trays out of the oven. Nell had already filled a tray of her own with sliced pieces of cake, each one decorated beautifully. I went back and forth for a bit putting trays into the case and checking on the coffee supplies out front.

At five am sharp, Nell unlocked the front door and our morning rush started. There were always people waiting outside of Nell's. Most wanted a cup of the dark as sin coffee she brewed and one of her pastries or croissants. Some wanted a box of cakes and tarts to take in for a treat, a few wanted to pick up or order special cakes.

We were very busy for a few hours. I greeted my regulars, got their cups ready, bagged their treats and occasionally went back to fetch more or put another tray in the oven.

Once the rush died down I retreated to the back and left Nell out to man the front. I listened to her banter with the customers as I kneaded the dough and washed the trays.

Nell looked around the corner at noon and frowned at me. "Go home Duo!" She said and waved her hand at me. "Shoo!"

"I'm not finished!" I protested and she shook her head.

"Yes you are. You even started my jobs for me. Go home and get some rest!" Sighing, I pulled off my apron and hat, letting my braid swing free.

"Are you sure?"

"Duo," her expression softened. "You're a young man. You need to be out enjoying your life when you aren't working. Go see a movie or meet some people- don't deliberately lock yourself up here..."

It was a lecture I had heard before. I nodded, not bothering to reply. I knew she didn't like it when I told her that I couldn't enjoy my life anymore. That had earned me quite a scolding.

Though to be fair, Nell knew no more about why I had fled than Howard did. I couldn't blame her for being worried either.

"Okay, okay..." I told her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

It was raining when I left the store, so I zipped up my coat and pulled my hood up over my face before I left the safety of the bakery's overhang.

I trudged down the street. Usually this part of L4 was cute and cheerful, a nod to an old-fashioned 'downtown' of centuries ago. The rain just made it look dreary. The government had decided to have normal 'seasons' ages ago, and so it wasn't unusual to have rain during the day- most people liked the change.

I didn't like the rain- it brought back too many bad memories.

The sports bar down the street had all of its televisions on and I glanced at them as I walked past.

They weren't showing sports. Instead a slim light-haired woman was standing in front of a podium.

Relena.

I stopped in spite of myself. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but it didn't matter. I wasn't watching for the speech.

The camera pulled back a little bit, showing the other people around her and I felt my breath catch in my throat. There he was...

Heero was standing a little behind her, his Preventers' uniform perfect and pressed as always. His eyes were scanning the crowd, and I remembered being at numerous similar functions with him, acting as Relena's guard, watching for trouble. I wondered who his partner was now.

I wondered if his partner was more than a partner, like I had been...

My eyes began to sting a little and I wanted to move on- but I couldn't tear myself away from the screen. I watched Heero until the camera focused back on Relena and then started my lonely trek back down the street.

I missed him. I hadn't thought that I'd still miss him- not after all this time, not after what had happened between us, but I did.

I hoped he was happy. He'd seemed well; looked good... a little too good... he didn't look like he was mourning anyone. I'd bet he didn't stay home every night and stare at the walls.

He had to have found someone else. Someone more like himself, someone he could love, someone to share his bed...

For a moment, I remembered the feeling of his hands on my skin, his breath on my throat...

No. I couldn't dwell on it. That way led to madness.

I yanked myself back to the present. I was almost home. I climbed the stairs and unlocked my door.

My apartment was small, but warm and cozy. Howard had come to visit a few weeks after I had started at the bakery. He was the one who had dragged me out shopping, Nell and Sam in tow, and made me turn the place into something that looked like a home.

It had been nice to choose things that I wanted, not to have to defer to anyone else's tastes. The house I had shared with Heero had been full of compromises- we didn't have too many similar tastes when it came to things like furniture. He wanted functional, I wanted comfortable. So my apartment had an overstuffed sofa, a recliner and a scuffed coffee table that I put my feet all over.

But... I stood in my doorway for a moment and missed my old home- missed the futon, the sling-back chairs, the hardwood floors... I wondered if Heero had made any changes... If he'd gotten rid of my big chair by the TV, the one we'd often...

I stopped myself.

Of course he had, I was being stupid. He'd more than likely thrown it out the moment he'd gotten home from that trip. Along with all my other possessions.

Not that there was anything I had left behind that I missed more than him.

I closed the door behind me and unzipped my jacket, pulling out the bag of 'extras' Nell had given me before I left. She always sent me home with some- I don't think she trusted me to eat on my own. It was a hassle to cook for one. I hadn't minded it when...

Cursing, I tossed the bag on the counter and then flipped on the tv. I needed to stop living in the past. I had made my choice over a year ago. Why was I still dwelling on it?

"Vice Minister Peacecraft is finishing up her tour of the colonies with a stop in L4- she and Quatre Winner the famous industrialist..." I turned and looked at the tv in shock.

They were here?

Sure enough, there was that shot of Relena talking again- and this time the camera was back far enough that I noticed the building behind her- the seat of L4's government.

I crushed the rising panic. They didn't know I was here. They wouldn't find me. I was under a different name and working in a bakery...

Besides, they weren't looking for me now. It had been over a year.

And that's if they even had been looking in the first place... it was more likely that they had just figured 'good riddance to bad rubbish' after all...

I sat down in front of the tv and listened as Relena talked about how happy she was to visit L4 and watched the men behind her.

Quatre- in a business suit, smiling that innocent smile of his- the one that I knew was meant to disarm and charm. Trowa- beside him in a Preventers' uniform. Wufei down by the crowd, also in his Preventers' uniform.

My eyes kept returning to Heero, behind Relena's shoulder, watching the crowd. My tv screen was too small to examine him closely, but he did look well, his mouth was curved up in that faint smile as Relena spoke, so he was happy...

I was glad. I wanted him to be happy. Really.

Though it hurt me to see it.

The screen flipped back to the newscaster and I made myself get up and sit on the couch. Part of me was wondering if I should try to lay low for a few days, the other part was reminding me that I was secure behind one of Howard's foolproof identities. No one was going to find me.

Though- I wanted to see Heero... talk to him... make sure he was okay...

I was being ridiculous. Of course he was fine- he had to be now that I was gone. I forced myself to focus on the tv.

Relena was going to be at some political function tonight- the public was invited. They could come up and speak to her, shake her hand... were the Preventers insane?

Then again, knowing her, Relena had probably insisted on it. The woman was too stubborn for her own good- there had been so many times when she had just done what she pleased despite what the Preventers had planned for her. It had driven Heero crazy.

I had usually helped her. Relena was persuasive and I admired her audacity. Of course, the last time I had helped her things hadn't gone according to plan. I sighed.

The newscaster was talking about time and place now.

This public soiree was only going to be a few blocks away from here... it would be easy enough to go...

But I wasn't really thinking of going was I?

Still...

I shook myself. Going would be insane. I'd be recognized for sure- but... maybe not. They wouldn't be expecting to see me after all- and if I hid my hair I might be able to get close enough...

The familiar adrenaline tingle began in my veins.

Why the hell not? Maybe it was what I needed. A chance to say goodbye, if only in my own mind... a chance to let go. Maybe Heero was here with a new lover- I'd have proof that he'd moved on... maybe then I could do the same...

Getting to my feet, I went to my closet and began to dig through it- I was sure that somewhere in here was what I needed....

TBC...

 

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