Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2, OCx2
Rating: R
Warnings: Yaoi, preventer-ness, language, OOC, angst.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
This was going to have a very bad ending, but let's face it. RL is bad enough on its own.
Betrayal & Trust
Duo is lying in the bed asleep, his hair spread around him, so very beautiful.
And so fucking treacherous.
I want to kill him. I want to take all that lovely hair and wrap it around his throat and strangle him with it.
I want to hold him and beg him not to leave me.
I want to tie him to the bed and beat him until he begs for forgiveness.
I want to apologize for whatever it was I did.
I can't do any of those things. I can only stand here in the dark.
Duo has stranded me here.
My suspicions started months ago.
Tonight I called him, told him I was going to be late getting home. Then I took up a position and staked out our apartment.
I saw him leave.
I followed.
I saw who he met- saw what he did.
I followed him home again. Waited.
He's sleeping so peacefully now, a smile on his lips.
Does it make him happy to do this to me?
My hands clench into fists, but they don't leave my sides.
I love him so much- still... what I saw earlier today didn't crush that. It's what's stopping me from killing him now. It's stopping me from hunting his lover down and ripping him to shreds...
I move silently, going to the closet, pulling out my bag, throwing clothes into it. Duo sleeps on. I can be gone before he wakes up.
I wish he would wake up. I want an explanation. I want to scream at him. I want to hurt him. I want to beg him not to leave me, ask him what I did.
I'm all packed now. I zip up the bag and suddenly the light by the bed flips on and Duo is blinking at me, sitting up on his elbow, hair falling into his face.
"Heero? What's going on?"
What isn't? I nearly scream, but the words catch in my throat. How can he look so innocent? How can he counterfeit the worry that creases his eyebrows as the silence stretches between us, the love...
No. That's not love. It can't be. I'm fooling myself even now.
"I'm leaving," I tell him finally, turning my back on him.
"Mission?"
"No." I stride out of the room. I've changed my mind. I can't do this with him awake- can't demand answers... I can't look into those eyes that I love and kill him.
He's out of the bed, sheet wrapped around him hastily, following me.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. As long as I'm away from you." I'm almost proud of myself for managing that slight hit, even as it hurts me to hear his indrawn shocked breath.
"Heero? What did I do?" His voice sounds puzzled, worried... I turn around and glare at him- disheveled, beautiful, only in that sheet.
I could hang him with that piece of cloth.
"I followed you tonight."
"Oh," his voice is soft and I see the guilt cloud his face. Any hope of a reasonable explanation vanishes. I'm not sure how any of it would have a reasonable explanation, but hope is hard to kill sometimes.
The feeling of justification doesn't make the sick feeling in my stomach vanish. "Just 'oh'? Nothing else?" I snap.
His head is bent now, his hair hiding his expression and he doesn't speak. He only shakes his head.
I turn my back on him and head for the door. I want to press for answers, but if I do, I might end up killing him when I hear them, and I don't want to do that. Better to get away from him.
Arms encircle me from behind, hold me tightly. "Don't go Heero, please..."
I stop, breathing hard. "What else am I supposed to do? You don't want me."
"I do want you!" He moves around to face me, arms still holding tight, eyes meeting mine. "I love you!"
I want to believe him- but I saw...
"You're lying!" That came out as a near scream. I try and choke it back down, but his next words make it impossible.
"I don't lie!"
"You've been lying all this time! Mine you said! You only loved me! You're a liar Duo!" I'm shaking. I take a deep breath. Only Duo could make me lose control like this.
"I'm not!" He protests, reaching up to hold me close even as I try and pull him off.
"Duo, let me go or I will hurt you."
"Hurt me then." He meets my eyes evenly. "I deserve it."
The temptation to strike him rises again with that phrase- an outright admission of guilt. My hand is in the air before I realize it; I manage to hold it there, inches from Duo's face.
He doesn't flinch.
"Let me go." I tell him again.
"No." He raises up slightly and kisses me.
For a moment I nearly lose myself in it like always, and then the image of what Duo had been doing with his mouth rises up in front of my eyes and I gag.
That hurts him. He steps back, shaking, hand over his mouth, eyes wide. For a moment I'm pleased, and it sickens me. "I'm leaving."
"Where will you go?"
"What do you care?"
That makes his eyes blaze angrily for a moment. "I care! After all that I..." he stops now, choking down the words.
"After all that you what? What you've done for me?" I stop, biting my lips. Duo's eyes are so sad, I've hurt him- but he hurt me! He betrayed me! Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?
Duo has done a lot for me. I can't even begin to list all the things... but this... this... I can't deal with those memories now, I can't! I'm angry damn it!
But that's not the emotion that's winning out at this moment. My eyes are burning. Duo is watching me and I realize he's shaking too. He reaches out a hand to me- to touch my face, feel the moisture there, and I flinch away. I'll be lost if he touches me.
"Why Duo? Why did you do this to me? Why didn't you tell me? Why lie? Why make me think that you loved me? I wanted to die at the end of the war! I didn't because of you! You should've let me die! Better that than this!" I close my mouth tightly. I'm losing control fast. I need to get out of here- but Duo is in my way.
"I didn't want you to find out. I knew you'd hate me for it." His voice is spiraling up and out of control. "And I was right. But now I don't have to do it anymore. Not again... and it doesn't matter! You're leaving anyway! All of that for nothing!" He laughs and it's a twisted sound.
He's frightening me.
But I wait all the same. If I let him it will all spill out on its own.
I hate myself for this. I remind myself that Duo has been lying to me. He deserves a little hysteria.
"It's been months Heero. Did you know that? Since he came back from Mars! He's been making me do that for months!"
"Why?"
He's shaking, the sheet falling off of his shoulders, hair twisted into knots by his fingers. "Because of L2X1456--"
The colony number jogs a memory. The war. Duo and I had been captured. I had been injured- I don't remember much of our stay- Duo got us out... killed the guards- escaped with a stolen shuttle...
But he had been there- and Duo had been absent from our cell a few times...
"What happened?" Duo's hands cover his face.
"He wanted you. He wanted to... hurt you. I made a...deal with him..."
Guilt crashes over me.
"I knew you'd hate me for it. Giving in like that- but I couldn't do anything else- you were hurt- you needed medical aid.... and then he came back from Mars and told me that if I didn't...." Duo's breath hitches. "He'd tell you what I did then."
I close my eyes. I didn't think Duo could hurt me any more than he had already, but oh, that was mild compared to this! Not only that he hid this from me, but that he's been- blackmailed- and never told me. He did that instead of telling me what had happened then! What did he think I would do?
I'm angry with him, but I'm furious with myself.
My hands clench into fists and I feel the strap of my bag constrict around my fingers.
He thought I would leave.
And someone had taken advantage of that fear.
I put the bag down on the floor carefully and unzip the top. Duo is watching me, eyes wide, tear marks on his face and I feel my chest tighten.
The gun is on the bottom of the bag and I yank it out with a growl.
Duo stands quietly watching me and I know by the look on his face what he expects me to do. I saw it long ago in an Oz prison.
I think he's surprised when I walk past him.
"Where... What are you doing?"
"I'm going to kill him."
"Heero!" Duo jumps after me, arms going around me again. "You can't! You're a Preventer! So is he! So am I! We can't go around killing each other now! That would be murder!"
"I'm only going to kill him. And you forget," I turn slightly and meet his eyes. "I was an assassin before I was a Preventer or a pilot. I can quite happily murder him and sleep well afterwards."
"What about his wife? His daughter? His sister?" As he says it I realize that those three things are what has kept Duo from killing him and freeing himself.
"They'll be better off."
He steps in front of me and meets my eyes. "Please Heero. Don't do this. I take responsibility- it's my fault. I should've confessed to you sooner. You don't deserve to be with a s-.." I slap my hand over his mouth before he finishes the sentence.
"I will beat you if you say that again. This is all his fault. He should die for what he's done to you."
Duo sinks to his knees in front of me, arms around my thighs, penitent, begging... why is he doing this? I should be on my knees to him!
"Not death Heero. Not that. Punish him another way."
"How?"
Duo smiles Shinigami's smile. "I have a few ideas."
I slide down in Duo's arms, laying flat, putting my head on his lap.
"I deserve it too," I tell him. "For letting you doubt me, for being too blind... I'm sorry Duo- I'm so sorry..."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you." Duo's hand touches my hair hesitantly. "I love you so much. I was just so afraid..."
"I know." I lift my head up a little. "Do you think we've wrecked it?"
I didn't have to explain what I meant.
"I hope not. I don't want to lose this."
Duo has proved that statement beyond a doubt. I wince a little. "I don't either. So what do we do?"
Duo pulls me to my feet. "We sleep. We get up tomorrow and we talk. And then we deliver some justice."
~*~
A few days later, Duo walks into my office, lips curved in a smile. He shuts the door behind him. I give him a questioning look and he pulls a small disk out of his pocket.
"I have something to show you," he says. He leans over to put the disk in the computer in front of me and I pull him down onto my lap.
"I love you," I tell him as he pulls up the files. I find myself saying that to him more often these days. I'm not sure if I'm seeking to reassure him or me or if it's for another reason entirely... we value those things more that we nearly lose.
Duo and I have spent a lot of time talking to each other the last few days. I think we know each other better now, and though I still feel sick over what forced us to do this, I can't regret the outcome.
"I love you too." He gives me a smile. "And you'll love this."
The disk starts to play and I inhale sharply. "That's not..."
"It is. He likes to go pay for it too you know."
I find my lips stretching into a smile. "I think his wife needs to see this."
"I already sent it to her. And his sister. Oh- and most of the Preventers." He checks his watch. "They should have gotten it by now."
A sudden furious scream rings out down the hall. "Looks like she checked her email," I grin at Duo. "Want to go watch the fun?"
Crashing sounds echo down the hallway. The lady in question has a tendency to throw things when she gets mad- and she has superb aim.
He leans back against me. "Maybe in a bit. I'm happy right here at the moment." I hold him close as the sounds of pain and destruction continue.
"So..." I say against his ear. "Don't you think we need to forward that video a bit more... say- to the major networks?"
He laughs out loud and I hold him close. Nothing is going to come between us again. I'll make sure of it.
OWARI
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