Author: Merula

Pairings: 1x2

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Yaoi, OOC, AU, Heero POV, songfic.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Written by request for Bloodywingz.

The song 'And So It Goes' belongs to Billy Joel.

And so it Goes

He was warm. Spread out over me like a living blanket, his limbs and hair entangled and wrapped around me. It had been so long since I had shared a bed with anyone, and in that case my ex-lover had stayed firmly on her side of the bed, not willing to share her space with me, or encroach on mine.

Duo apparently was not like that. Duo wanted to share everything.

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

This morning, over our usual breakfast of toast and coffee, my roommate had been reading the comics aloud to me like he always did, not letting me see them, simply explaining each picture in detail, expecting me to be able to visualize what he was talking about.

It was one of Duo's quirks. When I had moved in with him two years ago, he hadn't asked any questions about where I had been or what I had been doing. Of course I was more than welcome to stay with him. That's what friends are for. But I had to understand that he had some quirks that he hoped I could live with.

Duo's quirks were not annoying or tiresome. The comics one was actually amusing, as sometimes Duo would need to act out the comic for me. Such was the case this morning, when he had shaken his hair loose to imitate some longhaired snippy cat.

I had laughed, which is what he was aiming for and told him that he was beautiful, which he hadn't expected. I hadn't expected to say it. I'm still not sure how that got out at all.

Duo had blinked at me and asked if I was serious.

I don't lie to Duo. He doesn't lie to me.

You are, I told him; I've thought that for a long time. Beautiful and desirable.

I know my face was burning as I said it.

You are too, he told me. I've wanted you for a long time.

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And we ended up here. In his bed.

It's too good to be true. I'm not like Duo. No matter what he thinks of me now, he won't think it later. I've walked down the street with him, work with him- I see people's eyes following him wherever he goes. He won't be content with me not for long. No one ever has been. Why would he be any different?

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

As we made love, Duo talked to me. Even when I made him breathless, the words still poured out of him.

I couldn't believe the things he said to me, the hidden feelings he claims to have had for me, the words of love... but Duo doesn't lie.

How could I stay silent in the midst of all that? How could I try to hide my heart from him still? Even though I know that he will break it, I couldn't hide it from him. I met his outpouring of words with words of my own. All the things I had held in my heart, never dreaming that I'd get to share them with him.

Better to share them with him than hide them forever.

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

After we made love, Duo talked to me of other things. Told me more about his past, told me about what he wanted for his future. Shared parts of his soul, his hopes with me. Asked me about mine.

How many times had I looked behind and seen the devastation? Looked forward with no hope of a future?

But he had shared with me, and I couldn't lock him out of my heart. So I told him things when he asked, shared more with him than I ever had with anyone.

No one had ever asked before.

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

I look ahead to the future and I want to be with him. I want to stay in his life, be his lover, his friend, and partner. But that's not only my choice to make, it's his as well, and who knows what he will choose to do?

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

It doesn't matter. I run my fingers through the strands of Duo's hair, listen to his soft breathing and know that I need to be content with the here and now. Duo is my partner, friend, and lover. I can only hope that he will want to keep me. If he doesn't, then I will have to learn to be content without him.

I hope that doesn't happen.

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

OWARI

 

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