Afterwards 2 Part 3
The phone was ringing. I opened my eyes and blinked at it, all the way across the room. I was warm and comfortable where I was, and not inclined to move. I curled up tighter against Heero and closed my eyes again.
"Still don't want to answer it?" He said in my ear.
"No." I knew I'd have to sometime, but I still didn't want to deal with reality yet. Heero had other ideas.
"Okay." He dropped a kiss on my cheek and slid out of bed. "I'll check messages at least though."
The phone had stopped ringing by the time he made his way over to it. He attached the headset and placed it over his ear, which puzzled me for a moment, until I realized that he was taking my wish to ignore the mess for a moment seriously. I didn't want to deal with things yet, so he would, and I wouldn't even have to listen... Heero's too good to me sometimes.
That thought stirred another... My father, standing in front of me, that look on his face- "I don't doubt that you have feelings for the man, but Duo, couldn't you say he manipulated you into it? Weren't you tired of being alone? You hadn't found anyone else, you were lonely... And he's your best friend, he knows you well enough to know what you would want..."
For one brief moment, I wondered if he was right. I had been lonely, I had missed my best friend, and when I had moved in Heero had done all he could to show how much he appreciated having me here...
I hated myself the moment after.
How could I have doubted Heero? Even for a moment? I felt sick at the thought of it. I was lucky that he hadn't been angry, but then Heero has always displayed great patience with my stupidity. I hadn't told him about the manipulation part, had merely made him think that my father had told me that I should keep my options open- I didn't want him to know the rest... Didn't want him to think even for a minute that I believed he was capable of such a thing.
Heero made a faint noise. I looked over at him. His mouth was curved in a smile and his shoulders were shaking.
"What?"
He hit the pause button. "Your mother. She's furious, she knows we've turned off the phone and she doesn't blame us. She knows you've got to be here, but she won't tell your father, since he is too idiotic for words."
"So he must've admitted what he said to her." I couldn't help my smile.
"More than that, apparently he insulted her genetic contribution. She's going on about it now..." He grinned wider and hit the play button.
I watched him chuckle, pulling up my memories of him during the war- cold and serious. So very different in most ways than he was now. I had admired him then, wanted to be his friend, felt honored when he noticed me. It was a crush; I admit it now, though at the time I hadn't thought of it in those terms. I had just wanted to help him anyway I could...
It wasn't until much later that I discovered Heero had been in love with me all that time. He had left rather than make me uncomfortable. He'd never pushed- I had been the one to do that. Even when I moved in he never did anything to advance things between us until I asked- everything was set at my pace, and I knew that if I had expressed any kind of doubt, he would've backed off... Hell, even when I was sure he still held back...
I realized suddenly that I was rationalizing... was it to prove to myself that my father was wrong? Did I doubt Heero's motives? Or was I mustering my arguments?
What was I doing?
Groaning, I buried my face in the pillows. I almost wished that I had never taken Heero up on that offer to try and find our families. Not that I didn't adore my mother, but she didn't have to tell my father about me... I would've been perfectly happy with just her and Idun. Though that wasn't fair- I'm sure neither one of us imagined he'd try to break up my marriage.
I had known that my father wasn't comfortable with my relationship, almost from the first- but I had hoped he'd get used to it. Had hoped it was just all part of discovering he had a grown-up son who also happened to be a former Gundam pilot. Anyone might need time to get comfortable with all those things. I had to get used to the idea of having a father, and a stepmother and stepsisters- a whole family that I wasn't aware existed.
Course, now I might have to get used to not having them... but I'd still have Heero. That was enough for me.
Well, and the other guys, and Heero's aunt, and my mother... it's not like my life would be a barren wasteland without him. It's not like it would be all that different at all.
I didn't need his approval, I told myself. I might want it- but I didn't need it. There were people whose opinions mattered more to me.
Speaking of which, I needed to call my mother. She'd help me out. Hadn't she been through something similar after all?
I looked up, about to tell Heero that I wanted to use the phone, and found myself getting up and out of bed. He was pale, his mouth drawn in a straight line, his hands clenched.
"What is it?" I asked, touching his shoulder. I had seen that look before; it was one I didn't like seeing on Heero's face...
"Your father," he said and then moved out of the way when I reached for the headset. "No, don't. It's a message for me. You don't need to hear it."
That sick feeling started up in my stomach again. I sat down on Heero's lap and reached for the cord, pushing his hand out of the way.
I managed to yank it out and my father's voice oozed persuasively from the speaker: "... I realize you think you're protecting Duo, but you need to let him discover things for himself..." Oh no. I slammed my hand down on the stop button. Enough of that.
"Why were you even bothering to listen to him?" I demanded. Bad enough the man messed my head up- I wouldn't have him doing it to Heero.
"Because you did," Heero replied, not looking at me. "I wanted to know exactly what he thought..."
"It doesn't matter what he thinks," I snapped, sliding my fingers under Heero's chin and tilting his head up to look at me. "I'm not going to listen to him again, and you shouldn't either."
He smiled faintly. "I don't think I'd like to... but Duo, if you need to take some time- away from me- I'd understand..."
I put my head down next to his. "No." That wasn't even an option. Confused on some points I might be, but leaving Heero was not one of them. "I'm an adult, not some confused child. I know that I want to be here with you." I bent down and kissed him. His arms slid around my waist and he held me close as I explored his mouth.
I put my head down on his shoulder when I was finished and just let him hold me. Let myself feel his warmth, his concern, his love... and acknowledged that they were mine. I wanted these things from Heero- and he had not forced them on me or tricked me into taking them. He had simply offered them and waited until I was ready to accept.
God damn it- was I going to be rationalizing everything from now on?
Sitting up a little, I smiled for him. "I'm going to call my mom. Do you want to stay here and be my chair, or go lay down again?"
He returned my smile. "I'm going to go make coffee. Before you call your mother though," he ran a hand down my side, "put on some clothes, okay? Just in case Idun answers the phone?"
"Spoilsport. The camera only shows waist-up." I teased.
"Exhibitionist." He bent his head and let his teeth graze my chest. "Now get up before I just take you back to bed."
That sounded good to me. "We can do that."
"After you call. I know she's worried."
Before I could scoot off his lap, the phone rang again. I felt Heero tense underneath my fingers and turned my head to see the display.
Ah. I knew that set of numbers.
"Want me to answer? Or ignore it?" He asked and I shook my head, letting my hair fall over my back.
"Oh no. Let me answer." I reached out a hand to the button and Heero yelped, grabbing my wrist.
"Clothes!"
"So?"
"Duo!" He scolded. "I know you're mad, but let's not give the poor man a heart attack all right?"
"I repeat, spoilsport." I slid off his lap, pushing him to the side, and then hit the button. The camera wouldn't show anything below the waist anyway.
And if it slipped- oh well...
TBC...
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