Notes: This part betaed Tai since my wonderful beta Lucid Nightmare is still enjoying her vacation! :)
Wow, what a response. I never expected people to like the first part so much. Thank you for the reviews, folks! You're the best. Hopefully, I won't disappoint you with the rest of the fic. I like to write humor, but it's incredibly hard to keep up with the humorous level of the first part. ;) The parts of this fic will be fairly short since they will describe short scenes from Duo's hunt for Mr. Right :)
Virgin Summer Part 2
What Do You Know About Sex?
So, with the hardship of such a complicated mission on my shoulders, I opted for the scientific approach. I'm all for science after all. And that meant, I needed more information. About what, you ask? Well, about things that... you know... have to do with Duo dating men, holding hands with them, kiss... kissing them and having s... s... uh, about other things he could do with them too. And so I went on a quest to find out the substantial information needed for fulfilling the task I've been bestowed with.
Hmm, I still don't understand what was wrong with the librarian today. Maybe she was ill? I mean, she turned bright red and her eyes threatened to pop up from her head and stuff like that. I don't like to talk to these weird mouse-like looking old ladies that have their nose stuck in a book all day, but this time there is no way around it. I mean I really needed to know where they keep books about gay sex!
And so I borrowed every single book they had on homosexuality and the sexuality of homosexuals and homo-sex and... err, even one book about homunculus? Hmm, the lady must have been really not herself today.
Arms full of books I kicked the door of my room shut in the face of my smirking brother, dropped my load on the bed and munching on my favorite mark of Crunchie bar, I started to read the mission details...
~*~
"What do you know about sex?"
This time it was Duo who choked on his cola. "Beg you pardon?"
"You know... sex. Bunnies... Bees and birds..."
"I know what sex is!" he interrupted me, annoyed, then flopped on his back in the grass.
I lifted my eyebrows and looked at him. "You do?"
"Okay, okay. Maybe not from my own experience, but we had Sex Ed in school. Even had to roll the awfully pink condom on that damn banana. That was so embarrassing!" he moaned.
I smirked remembering the scene where our teacher called Duo up to the front to demonstrate the class how to put a condom on a banana. That was probably the first and last time I saw the braided tornado blush.
"But I mean gay sex, not the het one they try to convince us is the norm in our society."
"Sex is sex!" came the simple answer.
"Is it? So, you've heard about blowjobs, penetration, anal sex, oral sex, handjobs, rimming-"
His hand shot up. "Spare me the details."
"Oh, that *was* no details, trust me on that. But since you want to have sex, I think you should know more about it." I looked away, hiding the wicked gleam in my eyes. "For example, did you know that..."
I spent the next half an hour explaining Duo all the mysteries of gay sex - in gory *gory* detail. Yeah, research is a good thing. And although I would never admit it aloud, I took a perverse pleasure in watching Duo grow more and more uncomfortable... pale, paler, white as a snow then blush deep red until he looked like a ripe tomato and I almost cheered "Hah!" in triumph. I know, I know - my thoughts weren't of the purest sort, but as I said - Duo and sex just do not belong together, not even in one sentence... if I can help it, that is. I mean, I know what's the best for him, right? Right?! Right!
So, when finally Duo wiggled and fidgeted in his place, all nervous and sweating, I went for the kill. "And how large should Mr. Right be?"
He looked at me, eyes wide, uncomprehending. "Huh?"
"You know, for the right size of condoms... hmm, maybe you should buy more in different sizes if you're not sure... and what do you think about strawberry flavored lube?"
Duo choked, sputtered, then hid his face behind his hands and I nodded firmly to myself. Yes, I will do what's the best for him. Duo and sex? NO WAY!!!
TBC...
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