Author: KatiKat
Warnings: AU, humor?, making fun of some religious things, sorry :)
Rating: PG
Pairings: None, but lotsa Duo/Heero interaction
Archives: KatiKat and Friends
Disclaimer: All the standard disclaimers apply here.
Notes: My big thank you goes to my wonderful beta DMx04.
Enough is Enough
In his short life - covering 28 years and some odd months - Heero Yuy did a lot of things. And with at least the half of them, he almost managed to get himself killed. He did everything, from extreme sports as his hobby, to stunts, the army and the police as his job. Seeing him risk his life day after day didn't scare only his parents, twin brother and friends, but foremostly his Guardian angel.
And so, when Heero decided that the Bomb Squad was a good career choice, his Guardian angel had had enough.
~*~
The moment Heero Lowe-Yuy cut the red wire, he knew it had been a mistake. The timer raced to zero in less then a second and there was a horrendous "click click" in the bomb. Then everything went kaboom.
~*~
"Okay, that's it! I've had ENOUGH!"
Heero, curled in a ball, his arms covering his head in a vain attempt to protect himself from the explosion, blinked. There was no loud "boom" sound nor the pain he expected. Slowly, oh so slowly he uncurled from his position on the hot asphalt road and peered around.
Everything and everyone was frozen. His colleagues looking at him with horror on their faces frozen, the bomb torn apart, pieces of it hanging in the air frozen, even the birds in the sky didn't move from their places. Heero looked around the bus station where the bomb had been found in bewilderment. What the he-
"Nya nya," the voice he could swear he heard earlier sounded through the silence again. "The old man can get pretty pis... angry if you remind him of the one down there too often."
Heero went "huh" and slowly scrambled to his feet. It wasn't an easy task in his protective garment. He could swear that the thing weighed more than himself.
The half-Japanese young man looked around trying to find the source of the voice.
"Hello?"
"Hello to you too," came from behind him and he snapped around - or actually tried to even though in his clothes it was rather impossible.
But when he finally did turn around his jaw went slack. There, just a couple of feet from him a young man? woman? stood. You would say: an ordinary - even though a really good looking - guy... er woman... er person. If it weren't for the fact that he? she? it? was totally naked, androgynous - Heero couldn't help but look down - and that there were black wings sticking out of the person's back.
"Who... who are you?" Heero stammered.
The young man (Heero decided to settle for a guy to avoid further confusion) - a little bit on the short side although that was fine with Heero since he wasn't a giant himself, okay, his friend Trowa didn't call him a midget for nothing - rolled his cobalt blue eyes and threw his arms in the air.
"Geez, one would think that you would learn at least *something* in the schools today." When Heero didn't say anything, the longhaired man sighed. "I'm a *Guardian angel*. See?" He pointed at his wings.
Heero blinked. "Uh, oh... okay. And why are you here?" he asked, uncertainty coloring his voice. Was this guy high or making fun of him or what?
"Oh, yeah. Back to the scheduled program." With that he strode directly to Heero and the cop couldn't help but start to back away from the suddenly furious looking man. "What the he.. heck did you think you were doing?" He was poking him in the chest. "Do you think I have nothing better to do than save your a... behind all the time? Do you think I have no life? Why did I have to get you and not your brother? But no, Solo has to always get the easy ones. I bet he is sitting in Odin's office now watching him do things accountants usually do. Boring but at least not life-threatening. And me? I hang out in some snoozy toozy bus station covering your a... behind once again! It's not even funny anymore!" With a last poke the angel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
Heero blinked. Twice. Okay, the guy knows about Odin and him being an accountant (a pretty boring job). Could it really-
"Of course I'm an angel, you dumb dork!" the angel raged again.
"Uh, okay. And what does all this mean?" Heero waved his arm around the frozen people.
"That means that you would have gotten yourself killed today if I didn't stop it," the angel snapped back and started pacing back and forth. "I can't believe you cut the red wire! Didn't you listen at all to what they taught you at the academy? Never ever cut the red wire."
"How-"
"How do I know it? I'm your Guardian angel," the longhaired angel accented the last two words. "That means that I'm always with you. Not sitting on your shoulder as some toy to convince the children but I am with you."
"All the time?" Heero blushed.
The angel grinned. "Yep. The blonde one you had last week was good in bed but otherwise nothing much in the higher regions. What was her name? Elena? Melena? Something like that."
"Relena," Heero corrected him.
"Whatever," the angel waved his hand. "She is history anyway."
Silence fell over them for a moment.
"So, what now?" Heero asked hesitantly.
"I will kick time back just a little and you *won't* cut the red wire, okay? It's the blue one. And please, find yourself a job that won't overtire me all the time. Not that it's not fun running all around all the time saving your a... behind but I could go without it. And if you try to do something like that ever again, I swear I will turn your life upside down!"
Heero swallowed. He rather believed him. "Isn't this... uh... time stopping thing... like... not allowed or something? I read a book-"
"Of course it's not allowed but I've never lost my protectee and just because some dummy duck has a death wish, I won't get my score marred!" He glared at the young cop with angry eyes.
"Oh, okay... So, what should I do?" he asked. He never played with time and such things before so he was a little bit overwhelmed here.
"Just get back there in the same position you were in at the beginning," the angel ordered.
Heero blinked at him, shrugged and moved back into the same curled position as before.
"Your left leg a bit to the right, and your right arm a little more to the left," the longhaired angel instructed him.
With a sigh and roll of his eyes, Heero obeyed.
"Perfect!" the black-winged creature exclaimed.
"Wait!" Heero called from his ridiculous position. "What's your name?" he asked peering at him from under his arms.
The angel bowed, his wings scrapping the ground. "Guardian angel Duo at your service. And don't forget. It's the *blue* wire!"
Then everything went white.
~*~
"Heero? Heero, you okay?" sounded the voice of his captain through his earpiece.
Heero shook his head, blinked and looked down at the timer. 2.37 and counting. "Yeah, Cap. I am. I've got it," he answered, pulling the small wire cutters away from the red wire. He took a deep breath. If the vision? dream? hallucination? was wrong... What the he... heck, he corrected himself, shrugged and cut the blue wire. The timer blacked out and the ticking ceased. "Done!" he called.
"Good work," came the praise.
Heero sighed out with relief, sweat running down his face. Maybe he really should change his profession.
~*~
Something woke Heero up. He didn't know what but-
"Finally awake? Well, one would think that the cop and ranger thing in you would wake you up at the first sign of intrusion but obviously a whole herd of elephants could trample through your apartment and you wouldn't notice. Getting rusty, huh?"
He knew the voice. He reached out and switched on the light on his nightstand. He blinked, his eyes adjusting to the soft glowing light. He turned around and-
"Not happy to see me?" Duo asked. He was sitting on the pillow next to Heero's head, his legs tucked to his chest, his head in his hands, a sour expression on his face. He was still naked although his wings were gone now.
Heero shot up and scrambled to the other side of the bed, tugging the blanket around his waist.
"No need for modesty, dude. There is nothing on you I haven't seen yet."
Heero frowned at him. "What are you doing here? I didn't do anything dangerous since our last meeting," he protested, his voice kinda hostile.
"Doesn't matter, it's still your fault I'm here," Duo pointed a finger at him.
"My fault?" Heero was obviously confused.
"Yeah. The old guy found out what I did and said that if the black wings thingy didn't help maybe I could use a punishment of some other sort. So I got kicked out and stored here in your bedroom,"
Duo explained, the expression on his face growing even more sour.
"Black wings? It was a punishment? What for?" Heero couldn't help but be curious.
Duo squirmed. "I kinda sorta swear too much. He doesn't like it. Although I never figured out why. His language is even more colorful than mine."
Since Heero couldn't imagine God swearing, he decided to drop this particular subject and asked, "So, what happens to you now?"
Duo shrugged. "The he... heck if I know. He ordered me to stay with you until the day you die, which gives me twenty? thirty? forty? or some odd years if you don't get all tootoo and get yourself killed tomorrow."
Heero's eyes widened with horror. Did that mean that he now had this smarta... guy on his back for the rest of his life? He didn't even notice that he said it aloud.
Duo grinned. "Yep, it seems that way."
"But what... how... I mean..." Heero stuttered. "I mean you aren't even human!" he exclaimed.
"I'm not?" Duo's face clouded with anger. "Did you see? They took my pretty wings and even put this thing-" he pointed at his manhood "-between my legs." Heero thought his eyes would pop out of his head. "Well, maybe I should be grateful. I don't think that I could survive being a woman and having to go through PMS every month." He shuddered visibly.
Heero blinked. He felt more than overwhelmed. Maybe this whole thing was just a bad dream, a really baaaaaad dream.
"No dream, buddy of mine," the ex-angel shook his head.
Darn it. I have to be more careful what I'm spouting out of myself, Heero chided himself. "And... and when I die, what will happen to you?"
"Well, I think I will go back to heaven. At least the old guy promised I would."
Fine. "And me?"
Duo pondered. "Hm, if you lead a good life you may end up up there too." He narrowed his eyes, looking at his ex-protectee. "You don't plan to commit some mortal sin or something, do you?" he asked with suspicion.
"No, of course not," Heero exclaimed. "It's just... I never thought that there really was a heaven."
Duo nodded. "Yep, there is. Once you are up there, you can decide what you want to do. Become an angel and help Him, stay there or be reborn. Choice A and C gets you a memory erase. No need for your previous life to complicate your new one, right?"
Heero thought about it. "So, you have been alive too?"
Duo shrugged. "Probably. I never felt the need to go digging in my past. I'm happy as it is. Or I was before you got sent my way." He scowled at the half-Japanese man. "You are a catastrophe on two legs!"
Heero tried to push down the ridiculosity of his situation - he was sitting in his bedroom talking to his naked ex-Guardian angel after all, his psychiatrist would have had a feed - and think straight. "So, what now?"
Duo shrugged. "Don't know. Right now I have all these strange cravings. Like I should eat something or... something. You have something to eat here, right? I don't remember tasting anything in... well never and so..." He jumped from the bed and headed in the direction of the kitchen.
Heero blinked, taking in the perfect naked figure of his 'guest'. "Can't you dress or something?" he asked, irritation marking his voice.
Duo turned and marched backwards in his chosen direction. "I will have to borrow something of yours. I'm your responsibility now, after all." He smiled sweetly. "And can I use your comb too? This-" he lifted the tangled strands of hair "-is a mess. And do you know how to braid it? We will need something to tie it with. And can I use your shampoo? Don't know why but I have the feeling I smell. And..." He disappeared in the kitchen. "Cool! Cookies!" came the squeal.
Heero groaned and hid his face in his hands. What did he do to deserve this burden of an ex-angel? And for the next twenty? thirty? forty? or some odd years?
"Cool! Cable TV!"
He flopped down on the bed. Kill me?
~*~
And somewhere up there, He laughed. These two were just perfect for each other.
OWARI
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