Author: KatiKat
Warning: AU, Fusion, Parody-Humor
Rating: PG
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+6
Archives: KatiKat and Friends
Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply here - means: I only borrowed them from their respective owners and play with them only for fun. No money made here.
Author's Note: This is a parody fusion with the TV show Charmed.
Charmed
"Thank you for the wonderful evening, lover," Zechs purred as he leaned over to Wufei, who was sitting in the passenger seat of his truck and nuzzled his ear. "You sure I can't come up with you?"
Wufei leaned into the touch for a couple of second before pulling away with a sigh. "Yeah, I'm sure." He looked out of the car window at the old house where his family was living. "It's not that they wouldn't accept you... us. But... well... we - me and my step-brothers - are a really... unusual family."
"I can do unusual," Zechs answered with certainty as he leaned back in his seat.
Wufei turned to look at him in the darkness of the car. "Yeah, I know," he whispered and intertwined the fingers of his left hand with his lover's. "But I'm afraid, that we are too unusual even for you."
Just when he ended his sentence, a big ka-boom could be heard coming from the house. They both turned to the house immediately, seeing the windows on the right side of the house explode.
"Shit!" Wufei exclaimed and tore his hand out of his lover's.
"What the..." Zechs started but was interrupted by Wufei who threw the passenger door open and sprang out. Not giving the strangeness of seeing his lover's house almost explode a second thought, Zechs jumped out of the car too and pulling a gun from his shoulder holster, he started after the Chinese man.
Wufei ran up to the house and threw the front door open, revealing a chaos of broken or overturned furniture. Cursing silently, he moved further into the hall before someone stopped him from behind. He turned around to see his cop lover halting his progress and cursed again.
"Zechs, what are you doing here?" he asked, exasperated.
Zechs looked at him incredulously. "I am a cop. When I see a house explode, I go check it out."
Wufei rolled his eyes. He didn't have time for this. He had to find his brothers and help them. "Look.. there is nothing for you to do here and I would prefer if you left right now." His voice was filled with impatience. For a moment he really wished he had Trowa's powers to stop time now to keep his lover from seeing what he would surely see if he moved further into his devastated house.
"I don't think so. Now, you wait here and I will check the house," Zechs told him and stepped around him.
Wufei turned around, trying to stop the blond man when he saw someone fly through the air with a shriek that tore at his ears and land heavily among the shards of their grandmother's mirror which he took down as he hit the wall. Zechs stopped dead in his tracks and Wufei peered around him to see the black figure move. Black, lots and lots of black. And hair. Yup, that's Maxwell.
"Oh man, I will kick its ass all the way down to hell," the young braided man swore as he scrambled back to his feet. He started back to the living room from where he came flying just a moment ago, when he noticed the men standing at the door. "Wu, you brought a visitor," he exclaimed cheerfully. "Nice to meet you. I am..."
"Duo!" came the shout out of the kitchen. Yeah, Heero was on the war path again.
"Sorry, but my fanclub is calling. By the way, we could really use your help here, Wu. This is a tough little bastard." Then he turned and ran back through the living room to the kitchen.
"Who..." Zechs started incredulously. Did he really just see a man fly through the air, hit the wall and then stand back up and walk away as if nothing happened?
"That... that was my brother's lover," Wufei explained. "He... he isn't from here." Yeah, hell is really not anywhere near here- thank God. "Look. I have to go help them, please go."
"No way!" Zechs argued.
"If I have to, I will knock you out, Marquise. So just fuck off!" Wufei shouted. Oh god, he was really picking Maxwell's language. The demon would be so proud.
Zechs opened his mouth to say something when suddenly a shout for someone called Quatre could be heard. Not even a second later blue light appeared in the hall, and a young blond man materialized in front of the arguing pair. Zechs' jaw hit the floor.
"Oh shit," Wufei cursed while hiding his face in his hands. He really didn't want his lover to find out the truth about his family like this.
The blond man - Quatre obviously - froze seeing the unknown visitor. "Oops," he squeaked and ran off to the kitchen from where a really strange growling and hissing was heard.
"Ehm, that... that was Quatre. My other brother's lover." Wufei sighed. It really didn't matter now what Zechs would or would not see in their house and nothing short from knocking the blond man out would keep him away from their house. "Just stay behind me, okay?" He stepped around him and ran to the kitchen too.
Wufei stopped at the open door and peeked into the disaster area that had been their kitchen just this morning. It would do him no good to run in unprepared for what he would see. He could feel Zechs press himself against his back and he was really glad that the blond man was listening to him for once.
He looked around and saw Trowa lying on the ground among the rest of what used to be their kitchen table. Quatre was leaning over him healing the bleeding wound on his forehead. Heero was puttering around the stove cooking some sort of really smelly elixir, unconcerned about the mess he was creating on the stove, floor and every other place that was still in one piece. A rare thing for Mr. 'Clean Freak'. Not seeing Duo or the object that caused their house to almost fall down in ruins, he figured out that the struggle moved back into the living room again.
Finally, Heero turned around and spotted his brother. He gave him a very pissed off look and waved a dripping spoon in his direction. "Where the hell have you been? We have tried to call you for hours!"
"Sorry, my cell phone died on me. What happened? Does Duo need my help?"
Heero took a small bottle and started to pour the smelling, ugly green substance in it. "They set Cerberus on us! The Cerberus, would you believe it? The dog is more interested in chewing on our furniture than in killing us - well.. if you don't try to take a toy away from him. You will have a fit when you see the mess in the living room. And Duo doesn't need our help. He likes to play with animals."
At the same moment, Duo came flying through the door leading into the living room and slid across the tiled floor to Heero's feet. "Heero, I thank you for your trust in my abilities to tame the beast, but could you please hurry up? It started sniffing at the fireplace and you don't want it to piss on the polished wood, do you?" Duo ranted as he pulled himself up again. "Oh, our visitor again. Hi." He reached his right hand. "I am Duo Maxwell."
"Zechs Marquise," he answered as he took the offered hand automatically.
In the back of the kitchen Quatre finally managed to get his lover back on his feet and hearing the name he turned around and smiled at the cop. "Oh, so you are Wufei's lover. Nice to meet you," he answered and took his hand too, shaking it enthusiastically.
Trowa only nodded to him, carefully leaning against his lover. The wound on his forehead was gone but he had a headache of the size of Manhattan.
"Finished!" Heero cried out, holding the small bottle up victoriously. "Duo, you will hold him down, Quatre you will throw the elixir and the three of us will read this spell. I found it in the Book of Shadows while Duo was playing in the living room."
"What..." Zechs started to ask but Duo waved him off.
"Later, dude." He turned around and headed back into the living room. "Here, doggie, come here boy." The only answer he got was a enraged snarl. "Touchy aren't we?" The scratching, screeching sound started again making the house shake in its foundations.
"It's better if you stay here, Zechs," Wufei said as he turned around and patted his lover's chest. "You can't do anything to help us in there."
With that, Heero pushed the bottle into Quatre's hands and the three brothers to the living room too.
"Don't worry. You will get used to it. Or you might run screaming," Quatre said to the gaping policeman as he passed him.
"Stay here?" Zechs said to himself. "To hell with staying here!" Raising his gun, he followed the blond man but stopped dead in his tracks at the door to the living room. Well, there was not much left of the living room. And among the ruins of antique furniture, a big black beast with red glowing eyes was wrestling with the black clad braided man. Duo was sitting on its back, trying to choke all of its three heads at once but failing miserably.
"Y... you sh... should h-hurry up," Duo stammered as the beast tried to jump up on all of his four feet to shake him off like a wild horse. "He cou... could de... decide that I... I tas... taste go... good af..f..fter allllll."
"Quatre!" Heero called and the blond man threw the bottle on the ground in front of the beast. Immediately a grey, awful smelling cloud appeared.
The three brothers then started to read from the piece of paper Heero held in his hand:
"Beast from hell,
hear our spell.
To hell you return,
in fire you burn."
In a moment, red flames appeared from nowhere and engulfed the howling beast a moment later after Duo jumped down from its back. In a couple of seconds it was over. Zechs' jaw hit the floor once again.
"Oi, oi, oi," Duo moaned as he scrambled to his feet once again. "I am too old for this shit."
"Duo, watch your language," Quatre exclaimed, horrified.
Wufei walked over to the fireplace and picked up the destroyed katana sheath. "Hey, it chewed on my sword! Injustice! I hope it cut its tongue on it!"
The others walked around the room picking up a thing here, kicking a shard there. From their unhappy, but not shocked looks, it was obvious that this wasn't the first time something like that happened.
"I don't think the insurance will pay for it this time," Trowa sighed as he poked at the shards in the broken window. Everybody nodded. It was getting really expensive to keep saving the world these days.
Heero helped Duo dust his clothes off. "You okay?" he asked, lifting his chin.
"Aww, Hee-bunny. I knew you cared," exclaimed the dirty young man and threw his arms around his lover, sending them both crashing to the floor among the rest of some plants and dirt.
Finally turning around, Wufei realized that his lover was there. That he saw everything, the hell dog, the spell. Oh god. It was good that he was a buddhist for he had used the God's name one time too many today.
He stepped closer to his lover and coughed a little unsurely. "Well, I think... uhm... I think I should introduce you properly."
Zechs only looked at him and blinked.
Wufei moved to stand in front of Zechs and looked up to meet his eyes. "Well, you wanted to meet my family, right?" he asked.
Zechs nodded. There was nothing he could say. If he opened his mouth, he would start babbling. Yeah, something along the lines of 'there was a three headed dog in your living room'. But if his lover stayed cool he would too, right? A Cerberus in your living didn't mean the end of the world, right? Right?
Wufei stepped to the side and caught Zechs' arm tightly as if afraid that his lover would bolt any moment. "So.... Guys, this is Lt. Zechs Marquise. Zechs, this is my family." He waved his arm at the four men who didn't listen to him at all.
Zechs trailed his eyes from Duo who was sprawled on top of his lover, to Heero who was trying to push himself up from the pile of leaves, dirt and water he was currently lying in thanks to the overenthusiastic hugging of the braided demon, to Quatre who was looking unhappily at the shards of a broken ballerina statue. He lastly looked at Trowa, who was still poking at the shards in the broken window.
Zechs sighed. This would take some time to get used to...
"Well, you didn't lie."
Wufei frowned. "Huh?"
"Your family is really unusual."
Somewhere in the house something heavy crashed to the ground. Nobody noticed...
OWARI
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