Author: Jei
Warnings: Ficlet
Pairings: None
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Note: This is actually another one of those things I came up with while pondering how I would do Haven differently, if I were to do it again. It's interesting seeing the ways my perception of their relationship has evolved over time. (that's not to say i would literally do it this way if i did it over again. it's just something i pondered.)
Quality over Quantity
"Hey, remember Jenna?"
"It's only been a week, Duo. Why wouldn't I remember Jenna?" The response was automatic, but after a moment's thought, Heero put down his reader and looked over to his couchmate. The components Duo had been tinkering with were resting on the coffee table at the moment. "Do you... 'remember' Jenna?"
It took Duo a moment to figure out the odd inflection in Heero's voice. "Well, yeah, of course I remember her, but not in a, you know, 'gee I wish we hadn't broken up' kind of way. More like a, hm, 'she said something interesting' sort of way."
"As the person she was dating, Duo, you should probably think she said more than the occasional thing that was 'interesting'."
"Heh, well, there's a reason why we're not dating anymore, now isn't there?"
Heero snorted. He was about to go back to his reading when Duo started up again.
"Yeah, so anyway, this thing she was saying... She got mad at me 'cuz I was always bringing you with me on our dates."
Puzzling. "No, you weren't."
"I mean, not literally, I guess. Not like a double date or... well, you'd have needed a date of your own for it to be a double date and we all know what the chances of that are, so I suppose it'd be like, what, a one-and-a-half date? Three-quarters of a double date? No, wait, I'm getting totally side-tracked here. 'Not literally,' I said, yeah? She thought I talked too much about you or something. Which is kind of hard not to, because we kinda live together and work almost together, so it's kinda inevitable that if I'm talking about something cool I did, you'd kinda come up."
"Perhaps it would have made a better impression if you had taken personal credit for all of the cool things I did during those times you were talking about."
"Ha ha. Maybe you should actually get a date some time so you can try that out for yourself."
Heero shrugged with perfect nonchalance. "I could get a date if I wanted one."
"Yeah, too bad you wouldn't be able to get a second one. Wait, you sidetracked me again."
"Wait, there was actually a point you were trying to get at?"
Duo ignored his arid tone and plowed on. "Yeah, totally. Anyway. Jenn, she was like, 'Fuck you! And fuck your friend Heero, too!'" He re-enacted these words with the proper finger-wagging, but fortunately spared them both a falsetto. "And then -- this is where things got weird -- and then she got this funny look on her face and was like, 'You know what? That's a great idea! Why don't you just fuck your buddy Heero and be done with it!?' Which I guess kinda made sense in her mind, if she thought I liked you more than I liked her."
"You do like me more than you liked her." Heero definitely had a way of sucking the humidity out of a room.
"Well, yeah, but I mean, not like that. Dude, it is totally unfair that a girl thinks she has to be the center of a guy's universe! It's not like I'd get angry if she went out with her girlfriends! I'd probably be happy if she didn't decide to drag me out shopping or something. Well, not if she wanted to go lingerie shopping, I guess, but maybe only if she was actually modeling that lingerie for me and not leaving me stuck outside with all the other suckers."
Heero hummed contemplatively. "Isn't it kind of funny that girls have 'girlfriends', but boys don't have 'boyfriends'?"
As Heero was usually kind enough to go along with Duo's rapid digressions and flittering among topics, Duo was usually kind enough to return the favor. "I think they're called 'guy friends'. Or 'pals', or 'buds', or 'bros' or whatever. 'Boyfriend' gives the average guy the willies."
"Hm," Heero said once more before moving on. "Were you unclear on what your intentions toward her were?"
"I don't think so..." He frowned as he thought it over. "Yeah, you're right, it is kind of a bummer that I misread that one or something. I didn't play it any different than I normally do, so I don't think I did anything wrong. Maybe she was just one of those chicks you run into once in a while. The ones that think she's gonna be the one to get me, tame me, chain me down. Girls can be kinda crazy sometimes."
"And yet you keep going out with them."
"Well, yeah. Girls can get kinda crazy, but guys can get kinda horny, and sometimes, the horny kinda outweighs the crazy." He nodded like this was some sort of universal truth. "So anyway, I was thinking. You wanna?"
"Wanna what?"
"Fuck?
"Excuse me?"
"Okay, maybe we don't have to go all the way or anything, but I wouldn't be averse to a good bit of screwing around."
Heero was at a bit of a loss for what to say. He grasped at the obvious. "Are you crazy?"
"Maybe." He shrugged like this may also have been a universal truth. "But I'm also kinda horny. And like I said..."
"I am not having sex with you just because you're feeling horny!"
"Aw, come on, Heero." He pivoted in his seat and flopped his head down into Heero's lap, landing on the pillow Heero had been using to prop his reader up at a comfortable height. This allowed him to see Heero's incredulous expression from a whole new angle. "You gotta have sex with someone at some point in your life! You can't die a virgin! That's lame!"
"I think your crazy is outweighing your horny."
"No way. It totally makes sense. Come on, same deal as the chicks. Have a little fun with each other, no obligations, no problems. You know I'm good for it."
"I take it back. Your crazy is going hand in hand with your horny. Aren't you straight?"
"Well, historically, sure, but I'm open-minded. And you like boys about the same as you like girls, right?"
"Which is to say, not at all?"
"So you're bi! It'd work." He reached up and cupped Heero's cheek roughly, tilting his face for a better viewing angle. "Yeah... yeah, I could see it working. It'd totally work."
Heero shook his head free of the hand. "You're seeing things. Maybe a visit to the optometrist would be in order."
Undeterred, Duo reached up again and this time, brushed aside some hair that was blocking his view. "You're not seeing things. Maybe you're the one who needs to get his eyes checked. I can totally see it working." He blinked a few times, then grinned. "Man, more than working. It'd be hot."
Heero dropped the back of his hand on Duo's forehead briefly, taking no particular care to make sure his knuckles didn't rap the spot smartly. "Hmm, no fever..."
"I could totally make it good for you. Better than you've ever had."
He rolled his eyes. They both knew he'd never had any. "You think highly of yourself, don't you?"
Duo leered cheerfully. "The girls think highly of me, too. Don't know what the guys would think, but hey, here's a good first place to start finding out. You've always said you don't know what the girls see in me. Here's your chance to find out."
"There are some things I just don't need to know, Maxwell."
"Come on, you've never been jealous of any of them?"
"Why would I be jealous? You've gone out with many women, and you've even had sex with a few of them, but in the end, you always come home to me," he ended with a smug look on his face.
Duo covered his face with his hand and groaned. "Oh, geezus effing christ, Jenna was right! Maybe we really should just fuck each other and be done with it. Sounds like we're in a relationship already anyway."
"Doesn't sound like any relationship you've ever been in."
"Well, you know I've never really been in any 'relationship' before. I date to have fun, not find a mate for life. And most of the girls knew that." He pouted, considering his most recent exception. "You understand that, right?"
As far as he could understand it, never having any personal experience with such a thing? "I guess."
"Then there shouldn't be any problems with us getting it on, right?"
"Duo!"
All signs of the pout were well and truly gone by now. "What? We like having fun together, right? And you know I've always been good to my dates. No one's ever ended up heartbroken or anything. I'm not exactly going for quantity over quality, yanno."
"And I'm quality?" he asked skeptically.
"Hell yeah, you're quality!" Duo responded, indignant on his behalf. "I never wonder what the girls see in you. Well, okay, I do, but only because I know they don't know you, and a person doesn't really get to the good stuff until they know you. I know you."
He did. And Heero never truly wondered why the girls were interested in Duo. Mostly he wondered how they could be content with knowing they'd only have a few dates with him before they parted. "Then you should 'know' me enough to know that I'm pretty unlikely to say 'yes' here, right?"
"Well, doesn't hurt to ask. Besides, sometimes you surprise me. Sometimes... sometimes you do odd things that I would never have thought you'd do. You've got a funny little headspace, yanno?"
"Hey, that's a high quality, top of the line headspace you're talking about there."
"I know. I like high quality." His smirk was more proud than suggestive. "And, uh, you think I'm quality, too, don't you?"
"Of course."
"And since your quantity so far is zero, I'm gonna guess you really dig quality over quantity."
That was one way to put it. A fairly accurate way, perhaps. Heero didn't see the point in 'playing the field' to find his mate for life. So far, he'd never met any candidates that he couldn't eliminate without having to date them first. "I suppose."
"So I'm just not quality enough, huh?"
Now that was just unfair. Even if the words weren't particularly glum, they still held an implication that he just wasn't comfortable with. "You know I've never really done that whole 'horny' thing."
"Yeah... So if you did do the horny thing, I'd be high enough quality for you to have sex with?"
Um. He played the logic around in his head, checking for fallacies. "I guess."
"Cool. That means I just have to get you and me horny at the same time, right?"
"Duo!"
"This is gonna be awesome, I promise!"
He reached over to the other end of the sofa, snagged the pillow there, and attempted to smother his roommate.
OWARI
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