Moments of Haven Part 122
From A to H
Normally, he was very good about keeping track of who was in the room with him, but somehow, this time Father MacKenzie was only a few meters away from Duo before he noticed him slouching in the last row of pews, arms spread and resting on the back of his seat as he stared up at the stained glass above the pulpit. It looked as if he'd been parked there for a while.
The slight flinch of surprise seemed to catch Duo's attention. He quirked a small smile at the priest. "Hey. Sorry."
"No, not at all. My apologies for disturbing you. I'm afraid I didn't notice you there. I don't think I heard you come in."
Duo's smile got a little quirkier. "Sorry. Guess I'm just sneaky like that. Don't mind if I sit here a bit, do you?"
"Of course not. Everyone's welcome here, Duo. Church-goer or not." It seemed Duo brought this up every other time he came to visit. In answer, MacKenzie always repeated the same message.
"You should rethink that policy, Mac," he responded softly, eyes straying up to the stained glass again. "People up to no good have been known to take shelter in churches, yanno."
"Are you one of them?" MacKenzie asked innocuously. He got a small snort in response, so he shrugged cheerfully. "Well, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
Duo snorted again. "Better hope it's not too late by then." He paused, then shook his head ruefully. "Sorry. Didn't drop by to be such a downer."
"Was there a reason in particular?"
"Hm? Nah, not really. Just getting out of the house for a bit, maybe. Gotta take the ol' brain out for a walk once in a while, give it a little exercise."
"I don't think anyone would say you don't have a very agile mind, Duo."
Some might even say it was a little too agile. "Heh, that's what they pay me for, I guess. You know, that class I taught?"
"Ah, that's over now?"
"Yeah."
"Will you be teaching another?"
"Meh, who knows? Guess we're kind of on break now. What happens next is, as usual, up to the suits. Probably got reams of paperwork to chug through before they can decide on what they want us up to next."
MacKenzie took a seat beside him, keeping a generous but amiable distance between them. "You have any preferences?"
"Not really. Not yet. Well. I mean, I dunno yet. I'm not..." A small chuckle. "I guess I liked being up to something. Something regular. Don't think I'd really want to teach all the time. Not really up my alley. But... I dunno, it seemed to agree with Heero, but even he... he's probably on the fence about things, too. Teaching's good, having that kind of backseat role is good, but... sometimes you feel like you got a bigger itch to scratch." He shrugged off that vague feeling. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I suppose."
"Heh. How's Heero?"
"Same as always? He's, yanno, kind of unshakeable like that." His small, shy smile hinted that he rather liked that.
"You know, he's free to come by for a visit, too. I feel bad having to ask you about him all the time." Well, no, he didn't, but it was a little white lie that God would forgive. Duo often needed a little nudge to get started. Inquiring after Heero usually gave him the opening he needed.
"Nah, he knows this is 'my' place. He's got his space, and I've got mine. Heh, I probably need it more than he does his, but whatever. Means I should be the one feeling bad for making you ask about him all the time." Except he knew what it was that made him come here most of the time, so he could be a little glad that Mac knew how to get the ball rolling.
"He on your mind again?"
"Ha, when isn't he? No, just... you know, it's stupid. Sometimes... sometimes it's hard to think when I'm with him. Not in a bad way. In a stupidly good way, I guess. 'Cuz he... he makes you not think about all the complicated stuff. He makes you think about the good stuff. And that's... good. And for most people, that'd probably be good enough. Just me that's screwed up enough that I can't leave well enough alone sometimes, so I gotta get away for a bit to think about it some. Except then I come here, and I start thinking about a whole boatload of other screwed-up stuff, and, well, guess I'm just kind of screwed either way."
"You have a complicated head-space, Duo. But at least you know it's complicated." Made his job loads easier, anyway.
"Ha. That's being positive. Lucky for me Heero likes a challenge, eh?"
"He likes you, Duo, challenge or not."
He smiled lopsidedly, like he was trying to be amused, but the shy undertone snuck in there anyway. The expression rested on his face for a few seconds before he sighed. "Actually, for once, I'm not really here to think about Heero things. I'm here for before-Heero things. Way-before-Heero things. Which, when I think about it, sometimes kinda wraps back around to being about Heero things again, but whatever. Guess life's just funny that way."
"Maybe life's just trying to save you the trouble of having to think about those Heero things some other time."
"Yeah, right. Life's rarely so nice to me."
"It gave you Heero," Mac offered.
Duo's expression acquired a sour twist. "No. Heero gave me Heero. Life... Life... Far's I'm concerned, life's last name is Murphy." He paused, then rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. "Hell, for I all know, my last name could be Murphy. Duo Murphy. Heh, whaddya think? Wouldn't that be the kicker?"
"Doesn't have quite the same ring to it."
"Guess not. But if it were, I would totally have to concede defeat. No fighting back against something like that. Life will have successfully gotten the last word on me. But hey, at least the monograms wouldn't have to change."
"You don't know your family name?"
"No, I... No," he repeated after a short pause, this time negating his previous answer. "No, Maxwell was the name of my family. However short-lived that may have been."
"Ah," Mac said to himself, just remembering something. "You... you were a war orphan, weren't you?"
Duo shrugged. "Not really. Street kid, sure, but I'd probably have been orphaned one way or another, war or not. L2's just kinda like that. I mean, yeah, the whole cluster's got its good parts and its bad parts. I grew up in... a not-good part. Dipped my toes regularly in the bad parts, though, but I worked hard to make sure I didn't get stuck there permanently. Once you fall down out there... it's damn near impossible to get back up."
"If even half of what I've heard out of the cluster is true...."
"It probably ain't. There's plenty of good people stuck in the bad parts. Hell, there's plenty of bad people kicking around in the good parts, too. It's... not a black and white place out there, that's for sure. I guess I haven't been back really. Passed through, but... I dunno, I hear it's cleaning up a little. I'll believe it when I see it, but... I guess I had people tell me stories, back from before the Alliance. Used to say that things were better, before they came. Not great, yeah, but still better. I guess I could believe that maybe they'd get better again, now that the Alliance is gone. I think it'd take a while, though. Once you fall down... it's hard getting back up."
"Sometimes it's enough just that you try."
"Well, it's something, anyway. Don't know that I'd say it's quite enough. Man, looking back on it... it's so trippy, trying to follow the dots from A to... I dunno what letter I'm on now. H? Something around there? Whatever. Heh, figured there was no way I'd still be alive after G. Thought for sure my luck would run out."
"If you don't believe that 'life' can cut you a fair break once in a while, how can you believe in 'luck'?"
Duo's brow furrowed. "Life's filled with plenty of luck. Bad luck, usually."
"If you thought your luck was sure to run out, I assume you were talking about 'good' luck, not bad?"
His jaw worked for a while as he digested that. "Okay. I concede you may have a point. But in my defense, I wouldn't say it's been all 'good' luck that I've survived."
"I think there are people today that would disagree with that. People who care for you."
"'Good' luck for them, then." His expression stayed obstinately dark for a few seconds before he sighed. "Don't get me wrong, Mac. I'm... 'grateful', I guess, for the life I have today. I'm glad I'm still alive and all that. But at the time... at the time, it certainly didn't seem like good luck."
"What happened?"
Duo threw him a sharp look, which turned into a hesitant look, which turned into a resigned look. He released a breath into his bangs and averted his gaze back to the stained glass windows. "We used to shelter in these abandoned buildings. Me and a bunch of other kids. But then they decided to tear them down one day, and... the church took us in. Most of the kids got adopted. I was the only one... I stayed there. For a year, something like that. Then some stuff happened, and the Alliance razed the place to the ground. It was... I'd call it 'bad' luck that I wasn't there at the time. I should have..." He shook his head, cutting off the thought. "Well, I guess if you're going to make me think about it and all... They probably thought it was a good thing I wasn't there. Wish I hadn't worried them, though. Wish I'd..." One last sigh. "Well, whatever. If wishes were fishes, or whatever it is."
"Oh, Duo, I'm so--"
"Don't. Just... don't. It was a long time ago. It happened. It... Let's just move on, shall we?"
"I... I didn't mean to stir up old memories."
"Nah. I don't come here to not think about them. Actually came here today specifically to think about them, so I guess you just jumped in front of a train you didn't know was coming."
MacKenzie smiled briefly. "How old were you?"
Duo considered repeating his request to move on, but he figured it would be okay as long as there weren't any forthcoming sentiments of sympathy coming down the pipeline. In a way, it just made him appreciate Heero more. Heero offered support, but rarely sympathy. "Eight, I guess? Something like that. Happened in eighty-eight, anyway."
"Oh." The surprise inherent in that one word, coupled with the slightly awkward silence afterward, implied MacKenzie was trying to find something to say that wasn't sympathetic, but still appropriate. "I... suppose that explains your, uh, odd relationship with the church?"
Duo chuckled. "Yeah. There you go. Great mystery of why Duo always comes by, even though he never wants to be here. Secrets revealed."
"It's good that you have enough good memories of that time to overwhelm the bad."
"Well, that, or I just like torturing myself," he answered just a little too cheerfully. "And if there's a good place to do it, it's probably a church. Just give me a cross and I'm likely to nail myself to it."
"Uh..."
"Yanno, you can tell me I'm being sacrilegious any time now."
"...You just have a knack for vivid imagery."
"Ha. I know you try to be non-denominational and all, but you don't have to try so hard on my account."
"No, not at all. It's... refreshing. You know I'm not so much about all the lines we humans have drawn in and between our religions. I just want to help people in what small ways I can. And I want you to know, Duo. Even if you aren't an official member of this church, what you tell me... as a friend, I would hold in it strictest confidence. I do know how to take my collar off once in a while. But I would take that confidence as seriously as if there was a vow binding me to it."
Duo blinked at him. "...Really?"
"Yes. Please, don't feel like you have to hold back on account of my day job."
He blinked once more, then grinned. "So I don't have to feel guilty for coming in here talking about me and Heero's sex life?"
"Ah, well, I can't say I'd be able to offer much advice in that regard, but..." Not that it had mattered much. Duo usually came in here and figured stuff out just fine on his own.
"Heh. Don't really need advice on the actual sex stuff, thanks. Got plenty of that from back in the day."
"Oh?"
"Kind of funny, thinking about it. See, I knew this sweet bunch of prostitutes back in the day."
Mac's eyebrows were not subtle in rising toward his hair line.
"Uh, I mean, not as a client or anything. They managed to stay out of the seedier side of things, too, yanno? Yeah, didn't have anything else to trade on, but they did okay. They kinda... took a shine to me. Seemed to think it was their responsibility to try to teach me how to treat a woman right. Which, as it would turn out, seems entirely irrelevant now. Well, the principles are the same, probably."
"Just different body parts?"
"Pretty much." But oh, what different body parts there were, and that just got him thinking impure thoughts in a church again, but this time with the priest's blessing, and that was all kinds of weird. "Though I guess they were talking about more than just body parts."
"They still managed to believe in romance?"
"Sort of. Don't know if you'd really call it 'romance'. A practical approach to romance, maybe. Never give it away for free. Even if you actually like the guy, you never give it away for free. Maybe he doesn't give you money for it, but he's still gotta earn it, one way or another."
"Well, they do have a point, in their own way."
"Yeah. I can see that now. I understood back then, sure, but I understand better now, with more experience and, uh, well, more hormones." He smirked unapologetically. "Being overexposed to the whole sex thing before the hormones even kick in really takes some of the excitement out of puberty."
"You didn't start seeing things differently?"
"Ha, by the time I hit puberty, I was stuck on a ship with a bunch of crusty old dudes. Not exactly inspiring, if you know what I mean."
MacKenzie laughed. "Well, I hope you've found your 'inspiration' now."
"Heh, yeah. Maybe the ol' girls would be proud of me."
"'Ol' girls'...," he repeated to himself, with just a bit of incredulity. "How'd you end up with a bunch of 'sweet' prostitutes taking a shine to you?"
"I... helped one of them out of a jam once." Duo's amusement faded. First Alliance bastard he'd ever killed. First anyone, really, but it hadn't bothered him all that much. The guy had made his own bed in hell.
But as much as he had come here to say hello to his ghosts, that guy certainly wasn't one of them. Duo summoned up a bright smile and stretched a little before getting up. "Well. I should probably get going. Heero's probably waitin' for me."
"Plans?"
"Heh. Just some tidying up."
~*~
Duo spied Heero's head poking up over the sofa to look at him as he came in the front door. "Hey, flyboy." It wasn't long before he met Heero halfway and pulled him close. "Miss me?"
Heero tilted a smile at him and gave him a light welcome home kiss.
Duo's lips gave chase and easily got something much more substantial in return. He pulled back just to achieve a comfortable resting position, chin tucked neatly over Heero's shoulder. At length, he spoke, first prefacing his words with a kiss to Heero's neck. "So. Ready for some hot scissors-on-hair action?"
Heero mirrored the kiss. "Are you?" He smoothed his hand over the back of Duo's head and down to the tail of his braid.
"Yeah." He disengaged to look Heero in the eye and demonstrate the authenticity of his mood. "Let's get this party started."
OWARI
Back to Jei's Fanfictions Page