Moments of Haven Part 113
So Very Backwards
Relena yawned even though it wasn't that late and decided she deserved a little break before redevoting her attention to the papers in front of her. She got up from her chair and stretched. It started out dainty, until she realized that there was no one there to see. After just a moment's hesitation, she stretched as widely and satisfyingly as she could, bringing a smug smile to her face.
Her phone rang. She almost groaned aloud, until she heard the little trill in its ring signifying a request for a secured line. Snapping out of her outstretched position, almost quickly enough to hurt something, she hurried over to her commset and initialized its encryption protocols. Her fingernail tapped impatiently on her tabletop for the few seconds it took to set up. There was only one person in this sphere who was paranoid enough to call her on a secured line for no particular reason, bless his big plushy heart.
The vidscreen flickered on, and she smiled. "Heero."
"Relena." He tipped his head slightly in greeting. "I have to stop being able to find you in your office this time of night."
She caught herself glancing reflexively toward the clock on the wall. No, that would be admitting guilt. "I could just as easily bring my work into my bedroom," she answered instead, proud of her mildly amused tone. "My location proves nothing."
A corner of his mouth tilted upward, sending a little thrill through her heart. "At least maybe you'd be more comfortable in there."
"Not really. I prefer to keep my work in my work places when I can. When I retire for the night, I like to try to leave the work behind."
He nodded amiably. "It's a good plan. Do you keep to it? You look tired."
She laughed lightly. "You don't spare a girl's ego, do you?"
"Sure I do. If you were Duo, I'd have told you you look like shit."
The laughter burst out of her more robustly this time. Normally, she wanted him to be less delicate and protective of her feelings, but in this, she supposed she could settle for 'tired'. "Well, you look good, Heero. And if I were Duo, I'd tell you... well." Now there was ground better left untread upon. "You look good, Heero. Duo agrees with you."
"Rarely," he responded dryly. "How's life?"
She had something light and airy on the tip of her tongue, ready to go, but something stopped her from speaking the words. "The new year... has seemed a lot like the last year, actually."
"Is that good or bad?"
"It's... I'm not sure what it is," she admitted, suppressing a sigh. "I'm... Can you imagine? I never even graduated from high school! Even you all managed to do that!"
Heero blinked at her. "Only technically. I don't think any of us ever really attended any accredited educational institutions until the government made us. We only 'graduated' in the sense that we passed an exam that required the school to give us our certificates."
"I don't even have that." She glanced over to a bookshelf along the wall. There were texts there that she hadn't had the chance to study for far too long. "I've attended plenty of accredited educational institutions in my time. And all the same, I think the only way I'll earn my certificate is to take that same exam."
"A lot of students had their education interrupted by the war. I was told it's not that uncommon for them not to return. And if they're smart, they'll take the exam to get the certificate so they can move on with their lives."
He was just being reassuring, in his own way. And he was right. But it didn't change the fact that none of this had turned out the way she had expected it to when she was younger. "I tried to make plans for it, you know. I've finally accepted that I won't be able to finish high school in any normal way, but that I can at least pretend if I pass my equivalency test. I'm fairly certain I know enough to pass, though my math score might be a little lower than I might like. It's just so hard to study that by reading a book. But even being prepared, I've just found it difficult to schedule. They administer the test locally about once a month. I've had conflicting appointments, or there's been too much going on and I don't want to try to take that test when I'm stressed with other matters."
"Even the government has official vacation times."
"It does." She flipped idly through the appointment book on the corner of her desk, not needing to read what was written there to know what her schedule was like. "I've still a few more months to go, I'm afraid."
"So it's a few more months. It will happen. Take the time to raise your math scores." He shrugged, then smiled. "If you feel you need help with that... I think I might be able to recommend a good tutor."
She chuckled. "Really." She didn't think tutoring would be very easy or effective over the comm lines, but Heero proved her assumptions incorrect.
"Really. I could ask Wufei for you, if you're interested."
"Wufei?" Though she was aware of the fact that he worked with the Preventers in this very city, she had never given it much thought. She thought perhaps only once had their professional paths crossed, their personal paths not even that much, excepting their winter holiday retreats. There, he seemed quiet, serious, and maybe a little bit distant, but that was perhaps simply because she did not know all that much about him.
"Wufei," Heero confirmed. "I'm sure he'd be willing to teach, as long as you're willing to learn. I think he likes that kind of thing."
She wasn't quite certain what to say, so she laughed a little. Was it the person that threw her off? The suggestion that she have a tutor? The way that having a tutor would suddenly solidify her plans? "I'm sure you'd have to discuss the matter with him first. Besides, we haven't even determined for certain that I require tutoring. My math skills aren't that poor, you know. I just said, lower than I might like."
"What about that college course that you were auditing?" he asked, shifting the topic slightly. "It would have ended before the winter break, right?"
"That's right. It was interesting, what classes I managed to make."
"You sound lukewarm about it."
And since when was he so perceptive about such things? "I just felt... out of place there." She grimaced. "Whether that was because I'm sure everyone knew that I didn't belong there, or because I felt like I was just... just... 'pretending'. Oh, what was the point?" Her sigh was deep and heavy.
"Relena..." Heero waited until she looked up and met his eyes on the screen. "I know I'm about to suggest something revolutionary, but... have you considered taking a sabbatical from your current job?"
"A... sabbatical?" Her tone made it clear that her answer to his quesiton was 'no'.
"Turn it around a little. Take your exam, get your cert, tie up your loose ends, be an official student in the fall, and 'audit' a Senate session every once in a while."
"But..." It sounded appealing. So appealing that there had to be something wrong with the idea. "For what? One year? Four? I... I don't think I could do that, Heero. I don't think I could be satisfied with leaving my duties for four years and sit on the sidelines while decisions are being made that affect the lives of people everywhere. People count on me to represent their interests."
Heero stopped her with a gentle shake of his head. "I'm not suggesting you just quit your job and become a full-time student. I understand the sense of responsibility you feel. Believe me, I understand." His tone led her to believe that Duo would have been rolling his eyes if he'd been there to hear. "But I also understand that you can't stay on high alert for long periods of time without it taking a toll on your body and your mind. There needs to be balance. That balance may be in a different place for everyone." He paused, cocking his head in thought. "Different enough that some certain people may have trouble believing that you have balance in your life."
"Someone in particular you have in mind, hmmm?"
Her insinuation did not seem to faze him. "Of course, that someone might insist that, just because you feel as if you have balance, doesn't mean it's true. And I could agree. But I think we'd at least be able to agree that if you don't feel you have balance, then it's almost definitely true."
Relena reminded herself not to try to read too much into what that said about their opinions about each other. Instead, she spent a moment contemplating how little she understood Heero's thought processes sometimes. "Even supposing I did, Heero...." She sighed. "I'm not one to give up before I've even tried, but even supposing I did stop to take some classes... Good lord, if I went about things that way, maybe it'd take me ten years to get enough credits for a degree!"
Heero scratched his chin thoughtfully. "They have those online schools, don't they? You're supposed to be able to go through the courses on your own time, I think. You could probably get it done faster, if you were really dedicated to it."
She blinked at him in mild horror. "An online school? An online...?" She buried her face in her hands and rubbed hard, not caring how it looked at all. "God, Heero. Do you have any idea how wrong that is?"
He looked honestly at her and gave a simple answer. "No. I don't. Tell me."
"It's... It's..." She laughed helplessly, but at least it wasn't hysterically. Not quite. "Oh God, Heero. Do you know how it was supposed to go? I was going to graduate from St. Gabriel's. I was going to apply to all the best universities -- actual brick and mortar, four year institutions! I was going to get into all of the ones I wanted to get into, and I hadn't quite decided yet if I wanted to attend my father's alma mater or not, but I was going to seriously consider it. It was good school, after all. And I thought I'd major in something like political science, and after undergrad, I would go on to grad school at another prestigious university, and I was going to write my thesis on the viability of pacifism. I'd no doubt have been interning in government programs all this time, if not holding a true, minor position. And then after I had finished my post-grad work, I'd be ready to really get out there and start working for the people. I-- I..." She pressed her fingers to her mouth to hold in another sad laugh, and didn't give it a chance to become a sob. "How did I get it so backwards, Heero?"
His initial expression gave her the impression that he was completely unprepared for this question, and it gave her a little boost in confidence. She'd managed to ruffle him. Surely that deserved a little pat on the back. It gave her the power to form her lips into a rueful smile and return her hand to the tabletop with a deliberate air.
The silence was a little awkward as Heero groped for an appropriate response, but he finally found something to offer. "If it's really backwards... then you have nothing to worry about. You'll get your masters in the end."
She laughed. It was a sound of startled amusement, and not as desperate as it could have been, so she was satisfied with it. "Oh my. That's one way to think of it. Will I get it before I get an undergraduate degree, do you think?"
"Hmm. I think I read recently that universities like to grant honorary degrees to the people they get to speak at their commencement ceremonies. I'm sure there would be lots of institutions interested in a live speech from you. So yes, I think it's quite possible."
"Oh, can you just imagine?" She shook her head with a smile. Of all people, how had Heero somehow become her cheerleader? No, she'd simply presented him with a dilemma, and he'd taken it upon himself to help her solve it. It was close enough. "So very backwards. Can I still write my thesis?"
"If you want to."
"Will you read it?"
He nodded solemnly. "I expect my very own copy of it."
"You'll have it. On paper. And bound. Very stylishly, I might add."
"And I expect your signature on the inside cover."
"Naturally." She almost giggled, imagining pressing her lipstick-covered lips to the page next to it, just to be scandalous. It'd almost be worth risking Duo's wrath, though she hoped it would be amusement instead. "I'll write a whole dedication to you, Heero. None of it could have happened without you. Not the thesis, not pacifism... not anything. Not without you."
"Nor you, Relena."
OWARI
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