Author: hostilecrayon
Pairing: 2+1+2, eventual 1=2
Rating: PG
Warnings: Light Angst, Light Sap
Disclaimer: I just spent 518 dollars on tires, so I was a little short when I tried to buy Gundam Wing on E-bay. Maybe next time.
Notes: Part X of the Growing Up Mini-Series. This one seems a little random, but it's not, really. I just wanted to get a little more into Duo's head here, to show his reasoning. Hope it worked. Written for the Post/Fedora challenge at the gw500 LJ Community.
One Box of Postcards
Not many people know that Heero has a thing for postcards. People who have always had stable lives and the assurance of a warm bed at the end of the day could never really understand the significance behind something like a permanent mailing address, and most people enjoy when other people think about them, but for Heero, it's just knowing that he even knows anyone to think about him.
We all have our own little quirks from the war, and postcards just happen to be one of Heero's.
Anytime I've seen a postcard, I've grabbed one for him. After we split up, I'd still bought them on impulse, but I hid them in a shoe box in the closet instead of sending them to him. That resulted in about a good hundred unsent postcards just lying around.
They were perfect for a day like today.
I haven't given Heero a postcard in over a year. I also know damn well that he still has every postcard I've ever given him. Some of them are stained with grease or torn and frayed, but he has kept them all. When he left me, he took almost nothing. He walked out with a duffle of clothes, one box of books, and one box of postcards. That's how much they mean to him.
I pulled out the box and leafed through the pictures. I wanted something somewhat neutral, but something that said things were fine between us.
I'd been feeling a little guilty about our small spat the other day. The words Heero said to me touched me more than I can really explain. I still don't think I was wrong, and when I make a decision, I stick to it as best as I can until it's been proven to me that I should change it. But it's obvious that Heero has been uneasy about the boundaries, and our small argument has raised the tension between us.
He wants my trust back, but I just don't know if I'm ready to give it.
I trust him as a person; that was never an issue. I trust him to watch my back, but trusting him with my heart is a completely different story. With how easily he destroyed me last time, he wouldn't even have to try now. I just need some time.
I love him fiercely, even if I can't say fully say it to him yet. Maybe when I can say it to him without fear. Maybe then, we can take bigger steps.
My fingers tremble a little as I sift through the cards, and I know that I've been thinking about it too much again. One step at a time.
I find a postcard with the picture of a fedora on the front, and I smile a little. I'd bought it because it reminded me of a costume party that Heero and I had gone to, and he'd told me my Mobsters attire suited me.
It was a memory of the good times, and I knew he'd understand.
We've had good memories. I don't just want to forget them. But to move forward, we need to make new ones.
I scrawled his address on the back and wrote 'Memories' with a bold pen before walking down the hall and slipping it into the mail slot.
He's know who it was from, and though this will be the first time I won't be there when he receives it, I know it will make him smile.
It's a start.
OWARI
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