Author: hostilecrayon
Paring: 1x2x1
Rating: PG
Warnings: Major Depression Warning. Deathfic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sheryl Crow's Strong Enough. I did, however, hear the song, get a crazy idea, and stick my favorite pilots into it.
Notes: Written for fic_n_pic LJ community.
This one is a little different. It's my first real songfic, so readers beware. This is basically just flashes of memories, so please don't get confused. There IS a storyline, but it's not as solid as usual, as memories don't tend to be. There isn't a whole lot of detail, again, because these are memories. It's meant to be short sequences that make some kind of impact. I hope I pulled that off well. This was a difficult piece to write.
Lie To Me
"Heero, do you believe in reincarnation?" Duo was leaning against the windowsill, framed by pale, silver light as he stared up at the moon.
"I'm not sure what I believe, really." I said, turning the page of my book as I lounged on the bed of our dorm.
"Even though it's supposed to be against my beliefs and all, if I'm reincarnated, I think I'd like to be a butterfly. I guess a lot of people say that, but I can't help but think of how free they are. They can come and go as they please, their beauty touching all they come across. I want to be like that." He was zoning out, lost in the stars, and I couldn't help but wonder why he couldn't see that he already was.
"I think I'd just be human again. You know, take another shot at life, see what it's like to just be normal."
He turned to look at me with such a sadness in his eyes, I almost dropped my book. "You couldn't ever be normal, Heero. You're too special for that." He brought his eyes back to the stars, and I marked my page, set my book down, and embraced him from behind. We just stood there, staring into those stars. It was then that our friendship turned into something more.
[Flash]
-God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight-
"God Heero, how could you?" The tears leaked from his beautiful violet eyes and rolled down his flushed cheeks. I just sat there staring at him.
"Answer me!" He roared as he put his fist through the safe-house's front door.
I just shrugged. "It's not practical." That wasn't the real reason, but I didn't want to deal with it.
"Heero, you can't just get rid of a living thing because it's not practical! Why didn't you talk to me?" He was sagging against the wall, his red-rimmed eyes downcast. It was like he couldn't look at me.
-I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?-
The real reason I'd gotten rid of the puppy was because it brought back horrible memories for me. Duo probably would have understood, but I just stared at him.
It was silent for a good five minutes as I watched him silently, and when he finally gave up the hope that I would answer and slipped out the door he had destroyed, I had to wonder, not for the first time, why Duo wanted me.
[Flash]
-Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight-
"Go away." My voice was gravelly and grainy, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get the message out before the tears came.
I heard the footsteps come closer, but I didn't bother to look up. "I said go away." It had been our biggest fight yet, one that was my fault to begin with. I just wanted to hide away.
"'Ro..." How he put so much emotion behind that one syllable, I'll never know, but in that moment, he let me hear his sadness, his pain, his need, and most importantly, his love.
My eyes snapped up to meet his, and I couldn't help but notice he was trembling. I had lied to him, yelled at him, wronged him in so many ways, but as the tears stared to fall from my eyes, he reached out to me.
-Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?-
He didn't say a word. He just sat there holding me as I sobbed into his shoulder. There were no angry accusations; no demands for apologies. He just held me for hours, never taking his love from me, never trying to change me. It made me cry even harder. I didn't deserve him.
[Flash]
-Lie to me
I promise I'll believe-
"Why Duo?" I was holding him close, inhaling his scent, rubbing his skin, nuzzling his face. I was memorizing every inch of him as I desperately tried to convince him to listen to reason.
"I told you, 'Ro. They needed a scape goat for the Gundams, and I couldn't let anyone else take the fall." He was stroking me soothingly, trying desperately to calm me. It was just too ironic for me. I should have been comforting him.
"Run with me."
He shook his head at that. "I'm tired of running. We ran all through the war. It's time to rest now."
"Duo, they're going to kill you!"
"It's for the best." He said quietly. "We've been over this before. I won't run away from this. You shouldn't have to run anymore."
"I can't lose you..."
"You'll never lose me. I'll always be with you. Just search your soul..." His words were wistful as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"Duo, please, no... I love you." He knew this, I'm sure, but it was the first time I had ever said it out loud. He just smiled. "Duo?"
"Yeah?"
"Lie to me."
-Lie to me
But please don't leave-
"'Ro?" He lifted his head just enough to meet my eyes.
"Tell me you'll always be here. Tell me you aren't going to die. Lie to me, Duo. Please, I need you to." I know it was selfish of me. It was probably wrong of me to ask him to do the one thing he had never done. But right then, I just didn't care. All I wanted was to believe Duo would never leave me.
"I won't die, 'Ro. I'll always be here with you." It must have cost him a lot to say those words to me, knowing they were untrue. But even as he cried, he said them with such passion that I did my best to believe him.
[Flash]
-I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go-
"Let's get married."
"What?" Duo blinked owlishly at me as if I had just suggested we jump off a cliff, but I was dead serious.
"Marry me." Duo's trial was in four weeks. Quatre had put up a lot of money to keep Duo with me until then, and I planned to make the most of it. We all already knew the outcome of the trial, and that Duo would be put to death almost immediately afterwards, but I was determined to fall into the lie I made Duo tell me. "My life isn't complete without you. I love you, Duo, and I want to marry you." I pulled out the ring I had purchased on my way home from work that very day and held it out to him.
He smiled then. "Of course I'll marry you, Heero. I love you, too." I smiled back for him, trying desperately to push back the knowledge that he would only be mine for a month more. I felt like crying.
[Flash]
-It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?-
"I do." He said softly.
I kissed him long and hard, right in front of our small gathering of friends. Everyone was trying their best to smile for us, but it was clear that the underlying mood was an agonizing despair. It was no secret what would become of us.
He wanted so badly for me to be strong, but I couldn't even accomplish this simple task for him. Our lips parted and I collapsed. Our guests were shouting at me, concern cutting through the air, but all I heard were Duo's soothing words in my ear as he held me close and let my snot and tears soak his brand new tux.
He lied for me again, pouring strength into me. I got up, put on a smile, and danced with him.
[Flash]
-When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air-
"I don't care if you don't want to run! I can't live without you, Duo! Don't go!" He was set to leave the very next day, and I was desperate to change the inevitable.
"Please don't do this to me, 'Ro." His eyes were pleading with me even as he toyed with his wedding ring. It was a habit he'd picked up right after the ceremony. Anytime he was feeling pained, he'd spin it around on his finger. I caught him doing it at least four times a day.
"Why, Duo?" I asked for the millionth time.
"Because you deserve the best. I don't want you to have to run forever." Came the quiet answer, exactly the same as it had been every day for the last four weeks.
-When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be man enough to be my man?-
"You are the best. Without you, I can't live at all!" I cried. The fight was slowly draining out of me. It had been leaking from my soul since I found out, and I was about to run dry. I sunk to the floor, burying my face in my hands as I sobbed openly.
He wrapped himself around me, trying to hush my tears with his kisses. I only cried harder.
He gently tilted my chin up, my eyes meeting his misty violet ones. A single tear slipped out as he whispered, "Lie to me."
I fought my tears as hard as I could, plastering a smile to my face. I had to do this for him; to give him the last thing he'd ever ask of me. Somehow, I beat the tears back all night, and we made slow, sensual love right there on the carpet. We didn't sleep that night.
He left at eight o'clock that morning, and he was executed four days later.
[Flash]
-Lie to me
I promise I'll believe-
"I miss you, Duo." The lightning flashes again, illuminating the lettering on the tombstone before me and the tears swimming in my eyes. I'm soaking wet, but I don't care. I can't leave Duo. It's our anniversary, and I plan to spend it with him, cold, wet and lightning be damned. I almost wish it would stop taunting me and just strike me down.
I wish he were still here. I need him to lie to me.
-Lie to me
But please don't leave-
I come out here every month on our day, and every month, I plan to lie down and stay until I die right here with Duo. But I know that, just like every month before this one, Quatre, Trowa, or Wufei will come tomorrow to collect me from his grave. I just don't have the fight in me to stop them. I really don't have anything without Duo.
As tradition dictates, I lay down on the now partially grown grass and I place my head on the stone in front of me. My fingers trace the engraved lettering, and I can't help but wish it would lie to me.
OWARI
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