'...' thoughts
One and Only Part 4
The next month passed in a blur for Duo as he slowly began to adjust to life around Yuy Manor. He had learned a few days after his arrival that since the manor was relatively secure; the four friends felt it would be best for him to remain there as he recovered. It was also hoped his favorable reaction toward Heero would help him to open up if he spent more time with the man. However, even though he was finally beginning to feel safe for the first time in six months, he still could not seem to break the conditioning that had been forced on him against speaking.
Although his inability or unwillingness to speak was a concern, the most immediate problem was that his sleeping patterns had not changed. He was still unable to sleep for more than thirty minutes and no matter what Duo tried, he could not seem to force himself to exceed the self-imposed time limit that his ingrained fears had set for him. Then, at the beginning of the third week of his stay at the manor, Duo was having an especially bad night as the memories would not be quieted no matter how hard he tried. Finally realizing it was only going to worsen as the night progressed, Duo resorted to pacing the floor of his bedroom; trying desperately to wear himself out enough that he would be able to sleep, even if just for a short while.
In order to keep the images and thoughts that the memories carried from overwhelming him, Duo tried his best to keep his mind as blank as possible while he paced. Therefore, when he snapped out of the near trance-like state that he had managed to put himself in almost twenty minutes later, he was shocked to find himself standing in front of Heero's bedroom door with no memory of the walk down the hall. At first, he was so stunned by his actions he was unable to move and he simply stood there, looking at the door. Then after several minutes had passed with Duo just standing immobile in the hallway, the door was suddenly pulled open in front of him. The blue-eyed man standing in the doorway looked just as stunned at seeing him standing there in his borrowed nightshirt as he was, and just as he was preparing to flee back to his own room, Heero stepped aside in clear invitation for him to enter.
Once again, he found his legs moving of their own accord as they carried him across the room toward the large, oak canopy bed before his brain gave them the conscience order to do so. Upon reaching the unmade bed, he immediately climbed in without any hesitation then scooted to the far side and curled up into a ball before settling down to sleep. Just before he lost consciousness he felt the bed dip as Heero climb into the other side and lay down to sleep as well and for the first time in a very long time, Duo slept through the night without waking.
The routine continued for the next few days as Duo would retire to his own room every night before venturing down the hall to Heero's within a few hours of the man going to bed himself. Meanwhile, Heero would sit on his bed, waiting patiently for the longhaired elf until he heard the door down the hall open then going to his own door to allow the boy to enter. Never once did Heero say a word about the boy's behavior, but on the fifth night realization finally dawned on him that without permission, Duo would not be able to do otherwise.
"Duo, you don't have to go to your room at night if you don't want to. I won't mind if you come straight here instead. In fact, you don't have to seek my permission to do just about anything in this house; you're not a slave any longer." Heero said quietly to the boy's back that night. Rolling over slightly, Duo looked at him with large watery eyes before giving him a small smile and a nod then returned to his previous position and quickly settling into sleep. The next night, when Heero finally pulled himself away from his work to go to bed, Duo was already tucked securely in his bed.
As would be expected, within a few days of the new sleeping arrangements talk among the servants began to flourish. Since Heero had informed them of the entire circumstances surrounding Duo's arrival into their midst, the servants were well aware that the young boy was an elf. However, gossip was easy to be started and once started, quickly spread. Ms. Johnson and Hilde soon found themselves very busy stopping any and all rumors that cropped up while those servants who were themselves freed slaves and understood what the boy was going through, spent a great deal of time explaining to the others about the trauma associated with the boy's experiences. Soon, all the servants were fully and completely in understanding concerning the small elf and prepared to do everything in their power to assist their lord in helping the boy to heal.
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By the end of Duo's second month's stay at the manor, Heero was starting to wonder if he was doing something wrong or if possibly there was something more he could do to help the boy to speak again. Each day, he would try to engage the elf in conversation, which was not an easy task for him since he was not known for his conversation skill and having such a disadvantage while trying to hold a one-sided conversation was very daunting. With each failed attempt, Quatre's statement about the boy's mind having sustained some sort of damage seemed more and more plausible. Finally, desperation won out and he confessed his fears to the blonde doctor when he came to perform the boy's daily check-up; little did he know that Duo just happened to be standing outside the parlor doors at the time.
"Nothing I try seems to be working Quatre." Heero said, the desperation clearly present in his voice as he slumped back in his chair. "Even though he's finally sleeping through the night and eating better, which I'm more than happy about, he still hasn't said a word and I'm beginning to think that what you said was true."
"Heero, it's only been two month, you have to give him some time." Quatre said as he sipped his tea. Actually, the blonde had been waiting for his dark-haired friend to finally breakdown and confide in one of them about his fears concerning the small elf. The fact that it had come so soon showed just how deep his anxiety ran. "We have no idea what he was put through during the six months he was missing. The fact that he's so much more alert now, as compared to when you first brought him home, shows that he's healed quite a lot during his stay here. It's quite possible that his not talking is simply a defense mechanism that he's trying to work through just like he worked through his trust issues with you."
"I know; it's just that I hate seeing him like this. He's still so skittish, even around those of us he trusts to a certain extent. But what's worst is that he still seeks my permission to do just about everything, even though I told him he didn't have to. And I can't stand treating him like a slave, Quatre, or seeing him act like one." Heero said as he buried his hands in his hair in frustration.
"Patience, Heero. Just have a little patience." the blonde soothed. Feeling the tears prickling the back of his eyelids, Duo quickly turned and dashed up the stairs to his own bedroom, which he had not entered in over a month and a half. Throwing himself onto the bed, he burrowed under the thick covers before curling up tight and finally allowing himself to cry.
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Two days after Heero's conversation with Quatre, he and Duo where sitting in the garden eating lunch while enjoying the beautiful, sunny day when Wufei stopped by. As was common for the three friends, especially since Duo had come to live at the manor, one or sometimes all would visit at least once a day to see how the braided prince was doing and if their dark-haired friend needed anything. Therefore, it came as no surprise when the butler led the dark-eyed man into the private garden patio.
"Yuy." Wufei greeted Heero as the man rose to meet him.
"Chang. What brings you here today?"
"I came to inform the two of you that I will be leaving in a few days." At the announcement, Duo jumped to his feet and turned toward his friend; staring at him with wide, fear-filled eyes as he began wringing his hands anxiously. Over the last several weeks, the two of them had begun to reform the friendship that had been severed while they were still children and during that time, they had managed to become quite close. However, with Wufei's announcement, Duo felt ice building in the pit of his stomach as the scene from ten years ago played through his mind. Seeing the fear and uncertainty in the much loved heart-shaped face, Wufei hurried to reassure the small elf. "It's alright Duo. It'll only be for a week or two, just long enough for me to travel to my village and back."
"You're returning home?" Heero asked, his curiosity instantly peaked.
"Not exactly. As you know, I still have some friends within my clan and one of them is a healer who I believe will be able to undo the damage the limiters caused to Duo's magic." Wufei explained. The possibility of having his magic returned to him was enough to make Duo feel lightheaded and for Wufei, the look of hope that crossed the small elf's face was more than enough incentive to undertake the journey and possible dangers he knew awaited him. "It's a good four days hard ride from here to the village and the same for the return, given there are no problems either way. I had considered trying to send a message but realized it would be far too dangerous putting this information on paper and since I still think that the fewer who know the better, there was no way I was telling someone then sending them in my place."
"Do you trust this healer?" Heero had to ask, his instincts also telling him that they should keep this as quiet at possible.
"With my life." Wufei answered solemnly.
"Hn." Heero nodded absentmindedly. The thought of Duo's magic being healed was causing his emotions to become very chaotic. He knew that the only thing stopping them from returning the elf to his family was his magic since the boy could not cross the barrier that guarded the elven forest without it. Once it was healed though, there would be nothing stopping them from taking him to his true home and the thought of the violet-eyed boy no longer sharing his home caused Heero's heart to constrict painfully. However, with him fully healed, he would once again be able to heal himself and maybe those hideous burn marks left by the limiters would finally go away and if the rumors were true, the scars that marred his back would vanish as well.
At seeing the emotions warring within his friend's Prussian eyes, Wufei felt a pang of regret. The black-haired constable was neither blind nor stupid and had seen the way that his friend had been looking at the boy, even though it appeared that Heero did not realize it himself yet. However, he knew that returning the small elf was the only chance they had at stopping the war that would more than likely occur once the elves found out their crown prince had been forced into slavery. In addition, the fact that Duo was an elf, not to mention a prince, made the match impossible anyways; there were still too many hurt feeling on both sides to allow it. So, sighing deeply at the stupidity and injustice of people's prejudices that would keep two people apart just because they did not fit their idea of being correct, he prepared to take his leave.
"I have made arrangements with Walker to handle my duties until I return. I doubt there will be any trouble, but just to be on the safe side." Wufei said to Heero before turning to the longhaired boy. "I will return as quickly as I can. I promised not to leave you again, remember?"
The small nod he received was enough for now but deep down he longed for the day his childhood friend would talk again. Shaking off the melancholy that gripped him with that thought, he gave them both a bow before turning and leaving the same way he had come in.
Once the man was out of sight, Heero looked back at the braided elf only to find him still quite agitated as he continuously looked from the direction Wufei had gone to his chair and back. Feeling the now familiar pull of frustration and hopelessness, the blue-eyed man heaved a sigh before sitting back down in his chair to continue his lunch, although he doubted he would be able to eat much of anything.
"It's ok, Duo. You don't need my permission to go in the house if that's what you want to do." Heero said softly, not bothering to look up at the boy.
At Heero's softly spoken words, Duo stopped fidgeting and turned to look at the young man. Seeing the dejected look on the handsome face, Duo realized he had once again upset the one person he would do just about anything for. Immediately, he felt the tears threatening and he had a sudden urge to throw himself into the man's arms. However, the fear of doing something without permission, that no matter how hard he tried he simply could not dispel, kept him from doing so and instead he ran into the house before Heero could see them fall.
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Later that same evening, as he was just completing another thorough sweep of the manor house, Heero was beginning to feel very disgusted with himself. He had known the minute the words had left his mouth that Duo was going to react badly to the frustration lacing his voice. However, nothing could have prepared him for the boy spending the remainder of the day hiding from him. It had only been within the last few weeks that Duo had begun spending a little time alone each day; no more than an hour at this point before his deep seeded fears sent him in search of Heero. However, as the day progressed, the young man's worry increased as it had been nearly twelve hours since he had last seen the boy. Finally exhausted, he decided to retire for the evening in hopes that Duo was already in bed asleep and if not, that once he had settled down the elf would soon follow.
As he was passing the open doors to the parlor, a bright flash of light caught his attention and he noticed that a storm had blown in while he had been contemplating Duo's whereabouts. He had only been standing there for a moment before a second bright flash lit the night sky and with it, the small figure sitting on the parlor's window ledge. From the brief glimpse that the lightening had allowed, he saw that the boy was resting against the window casing with his legs drawn up to his chest as he looked out at the storm. Approaching cautiously but still making enough noise to alert the elf to his presence, Heero came to stand beside the boy.
"It's very beautiful." He said quietly, causing the elf to turn his head and look up at him questioningly. "The storm. It's beautiful."
With a slight nod, the boy went back to staring out into the rain swept yard; leaving Heero to contemplate the small form before him. By now, his eyes had adjusted to the near darkness of the room since the lightning seemed to have tapered off and he could just make out the tear tracks on the elf's delicate cheek. Once again he felt his heart twist knowing he had been the one to cause those tracks.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't have the right to talk to you..." he began but when the braided elf started shaking his head sharply he stopped, not wanting to upset the boy any further. For several more minutes, they simply enjoyed the sounds of the storm as they watched it slowly move past. Finally, thinking that a change of topic was in order, Heero decided to broach a subject he had been putting off for the last few days.
"Quatre has asked that we come to his house for tea with him and Trowa." He offered softly, fearing the reaction he would receive and sure enough, the boy immediately stiffened at the words. Quickly, Heero rushed to calm and reassure him. "We don't have to go he just thought it would be good for you to get out of this house for a short while. His place is a very short distance from here and if you put a cloak on with the hood pulled up, we could more than easily hide the fact that you're an elf. But that's only if you want to go, of course." Finding himself starting to babble, the man quickly clamped his mouth shut, and not knowing what else to do with the now uncomfortable situation he had caused, he decided it would probably be best if he followed his earlier inclinations and simply went to bed. Reaching forward, he gently brushed his fingers through Duo's hair just above his ear, silently elated that the boy no longer flinched at his touch. "Just think about it Duo, ok? I'm going to bed; don't worry about waking me when you come in."
Since he was not expecting an answer, Heero quickly turned and walked toward the door. He was nearly half-way across the room when an almost nonexistent sound stopped him cold.
"Thank you." Duo whispered, the first words he had spoken in nearly five and a half months.
When the whispered reply finally registered in his brain, Heero immediately spun violently around and stared at the elf still looking out the window. At first he thought that perhaps his mind had simply heard what it wanted to hear but the feel of the words had just been too real to be a trick of his imagination, which left him to choose his next course of action carefully. He had a sinking feeling that if he rushed to the boy's side and made it a big deal, the elf would once again revert to his quiet self. However, if he did nothing to acknowledge that he had heard the boy speak, he could discourage Duo from ever speaking again as the boy could take it as a sign of disapproval. So deciding that his best course of action would be to take the middle ground, the young man did the only thing he could think of and hoped desperately that it was the correct thing to do.
"You're welcome." He whispered just as softly, knowing the boy would hear it clearly before turning once again and leaving the room.
Duo had tensed up the minute the words were spoken as his mind instinctively waited for the punishment he knew would soon follow and with each passing second that the blue-eyed man simply stared at him, he felt his anxiety increase until he thought he was going to scream from the pressure. However, when he heard Heero whisper back it felt as though his whole world had been jerked out from under him. 'He got it right.' he mind screamed. 'He really got it right.'
The tension in his body quickly bled out and an intense feeling of relief took its place as he slumped against the window casing feeling completely worn out. Turning his head back toward the window and the now clear night sky, he felt tears begin to slide down his cheeks but for the first time in six months, they were tears of happiness. After a while, he finally managed to gain control of himself enough to push himself away from the window before making his way upstairs to bed, and Heero.
As expected, Heero was already asleep by the time Duo carefully crawled into his side of the bed. Rolling over so that he could see the dark-haired young man, Duo looked at his sleeping face for a long time as he thought about the events in the parlor. It had taken nearly everything he had to speak those words and he truly hoped that Heero understood the full extent that they covered. Maybe one day he would be able to express his gratitude to the handsome, blue-eyed man for everything he had done for him but for now, two little words was all he had.
TBC...
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