Author: Gypsie1201
Pairings: 1x2 (past/future)
Warnings: Angst, Sap
Rating: PG-13
Archive: A Study in Obsession, Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries, Akira_1x2.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, nor will I make any money from the creation of this story.
Feedback: All is welcome and much appreciated.
Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.
Summary: Heero has a decision to make that will change his life completely.
Author's Note: Inspiration and title from the song "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale.
Love Remains the Same
The place was dark, the air still and stale, and the room crowded, but Heero could not have cared less. The whole atmosphere was just what he had wanted when he had left his apartment for the evening. It fit his mood perfectly, dark, still and stale, the crowded part was just an added bonus he had decided.
Gently, he cradled the bottle in his hand as he gazed down at the pitted and stained table he had grabbed the minute he had walked into the bar. He was not even sure how many bottles he had had by then or even what had driven him from his apartment that night, seeking the company of strangers and the need to be alone while surrounded by warm, human bodies. Perhaps it was just the thought of being alone by himself in his quiet apartment for one more night, or perhaps it was so much more. Either way, a few minutes after he had arrived home that evening, he had found himself on the way back out the door with no real destination in mind. The only reason he had chosen the bar he currently inhabited was purely by chance, and a good one at that.
With practiced ease, and perhaps just a small tremor that belied the fact that this was not his first drink of the evening, he raised the bottle to his mouth and swallowed down the last of the bitter liquid. Across the room, the petite barmaid was already on her way toward him with another bottle. It had been like that all evening, as soon as he finished one bottle another would appear on his table, top twisted off and still chilled. He figured it was something about the way he looked tonight, a little bit lost and more than a bit worn that had spurred her actions. Perhaps she just knew that, at least for this night, he needed the brief escape that alcohol would give him.
He nodded his head at her as the new bottle was placed before him and the old one removed, but he did not say a word, and she did not ask. Once again, he figured it was something in his face that discouraged any type of conversation. He had seen several women at the bar checking him out throughout the evening, but none of them had gone any further than looking before moving on to the next available target, which was a good thing. Heero had a lot more on his mind at the moment than having to worry about some no-name hookup that would remain a no-name in the morning.
Without even realizing what he was doing, the action nearly automatic when his thoughts turned toward the primary source of his current stress, his right hand moved from the bottle down toward the pocket of his black, tailored slacks. Moving along the fabric that covered the pocket, he could clearly feel the outline of the object that rested inside. Such a small little thing, nothing more than a four inch by four inch, folder piece of paper, but more than enough to leave his mind a jumbled mess of should or should not's. Just that small gesture and then his hand returned to the bottle so he could take a deep pull of the amber fluid.
Contrary to what most people thought of him or how they saw him, the perfect soldier, emotionless, reckless, everything for the mission, Heero Yuy was by far much more than they would ever realize. There were only a select few people who had seen behind the façade that he projected to the true man beneath. Only a few knew how inside, he felt things far more deeply than most people and no matter how often he had to bury those feeling in order to complete a mission, they would always return afterwards, ripping and tearing at him because of the things he had to do in the name of peace. Even those select few though, had not seen to the true depths of him. No, there was only one person who had ever seen the small, lost little child that resided in Heero's soul and it was that one person who was to blame for his current state of emotional upheaval.
Such a small and seemingly harmless little thing, the piece of paper had shown up in his mailbox nearly three months prior in an equally small, white envelope completely devoid of destination or return addresses. Of course, the method of the note's arrival had raised every one of his internal alerts, but for some reason he could never figure out, he found himself opening the envelope as soon as he had pulled it from the box only to find the small note inside, white ink on dark blue paper. It had simply said, "When you're done playing white knight, come see me. We have our whole future ahead of us to figure it out." There had been no signature, no salutation, just those cryptic words, but Heero had known immediately who the note was from and what those words meant.
Duo Maxwell, self-proclaimed Shinigami, the Japanese god of death, and all around joker and prankster, with a thin, wiry frame, eyes the color of deepest amethyst, hair the color of fresh ground cinnamon, soft as new silk, and the smile of an angel. He was another one who hid his true self behind a wall of misdirection. Although where Heero's were rather simple in nature, Duo had a mask for every situation imaginable and he employed them to the very best of his ability. Not even those closest to him, Heero included, had managed to dig through all those shields to the man who was underneath, but of those involved, Heero had gone the furthest simply because of the connection the two shared.
The physical attraction had been there from the very beginning, they had been fifteen year old boys at the time after all, but it had taken the war ending for the attraction to transform into something more. Unfortunately, neither one had been ready for that type of change in their lives and neither one had especially been ready for that type of commitment. Instead, they had decided to remain friends, to try and forget about those feelings that were just starting to develop within themselves, and for a while it worked.
Duo was the first one to break over the situation. Ever the joker, ever the happy-go-lucky one, Duo was also the one that had experienced so much in his short-lived life that those developing feeling transformed so much quicker inside of him, attraction turned to affection turned to infatuation turned to love. Heero on the other hand, still had a long road ahead of him to travel, starting with learning to love and accept himself first before he could begin to do the same for the love that Duo was offering him.
Heero had been heartbroken the day Duo left to return to space, to return to L2, with only a sweet, chaste kiss and a promise to write. He had almost called him back before he could enter the shuttle, had almost promised Duo the love the man wanted, but he knew in the long run it would not be fair to either of them. A hollow promise like that would have only led to heartbreak down the line, only much worse and more than likely permanent.
So instead, he had let him go and good to his promise, Duo had written regularly, for the first year. The letters arrived less regularly the second year and only a Christmas card was received the third, but Heero never thought for once that things had changed for them. Duo was not the type of person who just walked away when things got tough. Heero knew there was a reason behind the braided man's silence and he accepted it, even as he continued to work on his own self-actualization, which is why when he received the small note, he was not particularly surprised.
That did not mean he was particularly ready for the invitation either.
Three months of search inside himself, three months of trying to decide whether he was truly worthy of what Duo was offering him, and after three months he still could not say for sure one way of the other.
'In vino veritas.' he thought to himself as he took another pull on the bottle. Although whether beer could be substituted for wine, he was not sure, he just knew that something needed to give soon.
In his heart, he knew what he needed to do, and the shuttle ticket with no set date that waited at home for him was proof of that. It was his head though that kept supplying a counter argument for every argument his heart came up with.
Was he truly ready for forever? Could he give Duo the love he deserved and could be accept the love that Duo had promised him in return?
Had he truly changed enough? Was the soldier behind him and could he simply be Heero Yuy, a simple man with a simple life?
Or maybe, just maybe it did not really matter whether he was ready or not, whether he had changed enough or not, just as long as he gave it his best shot? After all, that was all Duo ever asked of him, and in truth, who was ever truly ready for this type of commitment, this giving of oneself so completely.
Whether it was the three long months of debating and arguing with himself, or the amount of alcohol flowing through his veins, the realization of that statement left him reeling. Such a simple truth, such a simple statement, but that was what it really came down to, Duo never once asked or expected perfection from him, all he ever asked for was Heero's best. Every once in a while, without even realizing what he was doing, Heero found himself caught up in what everyone else saw in him and he lost sight of who he really was, and most of the time it was Duo that showed up with a sledgehammer, ready to knock some sense into him. The size and shape of the sledgehammer changed with the situation the longhaired man was trying to fix, but never before was it the size and shape of a four inch by four inch piece of blue paper with white writing.
Snapping out of the stunned shock the realization had left him in, Heero set the half empty bottle down before pulling out his wallet and throwing a wad of bills onto the table. Then, pushing his chair back, he stood and began to tread his way through the mass of people in the bar. Behind him, the barmaid made her own way over toward his now deserted table, a small smile showing on her lips. Heero did not see it though, did not even look back, he only had one thing on his mind at that time, and that was catching the next shuttle to L2.
Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale
A thousand times I've seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me wanna run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you're all I hear
As everything we know fades to black
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But, love remains the same
Find a place where we escape
Take you with me for a space
The city bus sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I have to find just where you are
The faces seem to blurr
They're all the same
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But, love remains the same
So much more to say
So much to be done
Don't you trick me now
We shall overcome
So all that's left is praying
But we, should have had the sun
We could have been inside
Instead we're over here
Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time too long defending
You and I are done pretending
I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
Everything will change
I, oh I,
I wish this could last forever
I, oh I,
as if we could last forever
Love remains the same
Love remains the same
OWARI
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