Authors: Trasgapoca and Anidawehi

Rating: R

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 2x3, 1x5

Warnings: violence, language, deathfic

Feedback: to Trasgapoca, and to Anidawehi

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Getting What You Want

I liked getting what I want and I finally had. Only taken five months this time too.

What was it I wanted? Duo Maxwell, plain and simple.

And I'd gotten him.

Oh sure, he wasn't technically mine yet. But he and Heero had finally broken up and it'd only taken five months to make it happen.

I'd realized fairly quickly that killing Heero off was not the way to do things. Duo was actually extremely attached to him and it would have taken even longer to get my hands on that luscious ass if Heero died. So after a month and three failed assassination attempts - let it be known even pros have a hard time getting at Heero Yuy - I'd decided that my best bet wasn't to kill Heero but to destroy their relationship. I'd started with asking Duo to come live with me - to help with my grief. It was believable and my kind-hearted lover-to-be couldn't say no.

What I hadn't counted on was Heero coming with him.

I ended up spending every moment I could with Duo - being clingy to the point where he eventually took a leave of absence from work. Although he did still work, he did it through email and vidphone from the house. Which left Heero partnered with a disgruntled Wufei at work - and one strike against me in Heero Yuy's book. Especially when I made sure to always be around. He got no time with Duo at work and he got no time with him at home either.

The only thing I couldn't do was intrude on them in the bedroom I'd had set up for them. It was the one and only time Duo backed Heero up when I interjected myself into whatever they were doing. But that was alright, I just kept them out of it - or more specifically Duo. Constantly asking for his presence, keeping him up with me long past the time when Heero'd gone to bed, waking him late at night to keep me company after a 'nightmare'.

It worked splendidly too. Even Heero's vaunted patience couldn't handle that for too long.

And it hadn't.

I'd watched from the balcony the evening before as they'd argued about how much time Duo was spending catering to my every whim. Heero had left after telling Duo to come find him if Duo ever got his priorities straight.

I made a mistake that first night Heero was gone. Pushed a little too fast. But can anyone really blame me? I'd spent almost a year and a half contriving to get that ass into a position I could pound into it - not to mention the months before putting my plan into motion.

I asked him if he wanted me to keep him company.

I was told in no uncertain terms that while Heero may have walked out because Duo wasn't willing to leave me alone to spend time on 'them', Duo had no intentions on losing whatever chances he still had by jumping into bed with me.

I retreated quickly, explaining in a fluster that covered my growing irritation, that I had meant my words in a completely platonic companionship way.

And was informed in turn that my intentions didn't matter. Sharing a bed with someone other than Heero was crossing a line he wouldn't cross unless Heero was dead - and probably not even then.

I gritted my teeth in frustration and smiled in an understanding I honestly didn't have - what did it matter if Duo slept with me? Heero had left; why was Duo hanging on to him?

But at least my next step was made clear.


The man just wouldn't die was the conclusion I reached three months later. Eight months after Quatre's death and I still didn't have what I wanted. I was starting to get impatient.

And to top that off my time with Duo each day had been shortened when he decided it was time to go back to work full-time. He brushed off my attempts to provide everything for him, saying that he'd eventually be leaving and would need money in the bank if he expected to survive on his own.

I made another mistake when I pushed the issue. I was answered in a tone so pissed I expected a gun to my head that he 'didn't need a sugar daddy' and if I ever brought up the idea again they'd be picking up my corpse in pieces.

I did some more retreating, saying I thought I wanted a relationship not just someone to warm my bed and that I only wanted to take care of him like he'd been doing for me. I laid it on pretty thick but the trick seemed to work. Or at least his eyes lost their bright furious gleam and softened with something I hopefully labeled affection.

I got a break a week later though at the time I thought I'd actually lost everything.

Duo didn't come home.

I waited an extra hour before calling his cell phone to find out why. He didn't give me an answer, just told me to come to his old apartment - the one he and Heero had started sharing only a month before Quatre's death.

I walked in to find Duo staring at a trashed living room with clenched fists.

Obvious assumption was that they'd been robbed - until I realized it was only Heero's things that were missing.

I found out over the next few hours of watching and listening that Heero had been with Wufei even before breaking things off with Duo. And Duo had finally found out about it when Heero had told him that afternoon at work that the apartment was completely Duo's because he was moving in with Wufei.

He was... the most beautiful and deadly thing I'd ever seen. He was enraged to the point where he fell silent a number of times with his back to me - tense, fists balled up so tight I expected to see blood.

I didn't waste the opportunity to ogle and fantasize. I'd had to keep myself in check for too long - every look, every touch, every word spoken... they all had to be mitigated so I wouldn't give myself away. But in that moment he was too distracted to notice and I took advantage of it shamelessly.

It wasn't the 'romantic' feelings that had been curbed. I was able to show at least some of those through our friendship and my appreciation of having him close in my 'time of grief'. No, what came out in those hours of him being too wrapped up in his own savagery to notice was all the animalistic lust I'd been holding in.

I stared at his ass, thoughts of how tight he'd be after months of not getting any. And I'd made sure of that - made sure to interrupt any time I could when he and Heero got into things. It's amazing what sexual frustration can do to a man's patience. Heero had actually surprised me by holding out for months.

But then, I guess he hadn't if he'd been going to Wufei.

Oh god that ass was enough to make me rock hard. Thoughts of pounding into it, of gripping his hips so tight he'd be wearing my marks.

Then he turned in his raving and I caught sight of his mouth... and the braid whipping around to smack his chest.

And all I could think about was pulling it, using that rope of hair as a leash to force that mouth where I wanted it. Yanking my pants open, twisting fingers through hair, and hammering into him so hard I bruised his throat.

I wanted him. And I would have him.

It took a while but his words did finally penetrate the haze of carnality that'd come over my mind.

I was being given exactly what I wanted. What better way to tie Duo Maxwell to me than through committing a double homicide together?

Shinigami was standing before me in all his glory and he wanted blood - copious amounts of it, all shed in excruciating pain. And I wanted to give it to him. In more ways than one.

I offered my services, my resources.

"What do you want in return?" That cold, calculating, suspicious look only made me harder and I did nothing to hide that fact anymore.

"I think you can figure that out for yourself if you don't know already."

His eyes narrowed and I thought I was about to get mutilated but he only spun away to grab his uniform jacket and keys. My 'think about it' was only acknowledged by a stiffening of shoulders as he walked out the door.

But he did go home with me that night.

A few days later he came to me ready to deal. He wanted both of them dead and there would be no payment until they were. I acquiesced but told him I wanted a taste of the goods if I was going to put forth that much effort on faith of being paid.

He stalked out.

I knew he'd be back. He wanted them buried too badly to walk away from the assistance I could offer.

He came back. But with a question that I never expected anyone to ask.

"How'd you kill Quatre?"

"What makes you think I did?" was the only thing I could think of quickly in answer.

"I know you did. I'm curious. Maybe it'll work on Heero and Wufei too."

Shinigami still shone through his eyes and I knew he didn't care. Duo understood the mercenary - the willingness to do anything for what you wanted.

I knew then that I'd met my match.

So I answered him. "It won't work. They're too distant."


"Sleep dep. I kept him awake or woke him up every chance I got. It finally paid off when he wrecked the car. And there's nothing anyone can prove." I gloated a little in that - even knowing I'd done it there was no way Quatre's murder could be pinned on me. Even if Duo tried to blackmail me with the information by taping the conversation - I had the best lawyers money could buy and there was no way a single shred of evidence would hold up in court.

Our deal was finalized that day. I'd get him after Shinigami had been placated with bloodshed and I'd get my taste right before we put our plan into action.

I hadn't wanted to wait but Duo had been adamant. He wanted to make sure I was too involved to back out after getting what I wanted.

He had nothing to fear. I coveted the tight heat of his succulent ass too much to be satisfied with a mere sample of his mouth's talents.

But I understood his caution and gave in. We made our plans. The staff would need to be given the day off and Heero and Wufei would need to be lured to the grounds somehow. There we could play with them a little before killing them. They may be better 'warriors' but they were up against two thieves intent on stealing their lives.

They stood no chance.

It was Duo who came up with a way to lure them there. The irony of the idea made me realize yet again how deliciously twisted Duo's mind was - and I loved him even more.

I would write a suicide note and disappear while Duo called our two friends in a panic. No matter how distant they had made themselves, neither would be able to resist a plea for help in saving someone's life.

Too bad the person they would be coming to save would be the cause of their deaths.


The day before our plan was to be implemented Duo was a bundle of nerves and wanted, needed, something to do. Being an adrenaline junkie he suggested we go skydiving.

I eagerly agreed.

The ride up had been fun but bumpy and there was nothing quite like the feeling of free fall and the earth coming up to meet you.

We'd decided to wait until the absolute last second we could before pulling our chutes. Risky but a notion that appealed to the daredevil falling with me.

And I didn't suspect a thing until even my reserve wouldn't open after the main chute became stuck.

The chuckle that came over the speakers in my helmet to interrupt my momentary panic was dark and satisfied. "Did you honestly think you could escape punishment for murdering one of my friends? You forget who I am, Trowa."

How could he be so calm about this? Didn't he know he'd... I was about to argue that he wouldn't get away with it when I remembered the fake suicide note I'd written up in preparation for the next day. Shinigami had come out to play and I...

I was about to die - murdered by the man I'd killed my lover for. And everyone would think I committed suicide from grief over that lover. Wufei would call it justice.

As I watched the ground grow closer with the promise of acute pain I realized one thing...

I really had met my match.


Heero hung up the phone and handed it back to Wufei as he watched the tiny dot grow slowly larger, his feigned panic replaced with calm satisfaction now that it was just the two of them. Emergency services was on the way but of course there was nothing they would be able to do to save Trowa, that was the point. The threat to Duo was gone, or would be in a few seconds. He kept his eyes on that falling body until it impacted the earth, just making sure. When it was done he looked up to Duo's parachute and went to meet him as he landed; the sirens already wailing in the distance, coming to pick up the remains of a traitor.

To their incoming audience, Duo's leap into Heero's arms after getting out of his harness appeared to be distressed - the contact initiated because of Duo's need for reassurance. And he did need the reassurance, Wufei mused as he watched them from where he'd run to Trowa's body in his own act. Duo needed to know that everything was over, that Heero was coming back to him, and that he - the self-titled God of Death - would finally get his chance to live.

Heero's relief at holding Duo again wasn't hard to show, and his return embrace was desperately tight as he murmured, "It's alright. You did what you could." The double meaning was for the benefit of the police and EMTs who were already running to a cause they all knew was lost, but his true meaning was for Duo alone. He was glad it was over so they could be together again.

"Oh God Heero," Duo groaned brokenly before burying his face into Heero's shoulder. Only then did he allow himself to sag into the arms wrapped around him, only then did he relax the constant vigil he's maintained for too long. "It's over," he whispered, "It's finally over."

"I know." Tension Heero had held for months bled away in relief and he added more softly, "Justice is done, the threat is gone. We're all free now." He used that freedom to lean in and kiss Duo, putting all of his love and relief into the contact and letting the rest of the world fall away.

Duo responded eagerly, reveling in the contact that had been denied them for too long. He had decided what seemed ages ago that stolen moments at work were not enough. "I love you. I missed you. Think Une will give us bereavement leave? I can think of multiple ways to use it."


It didn't surprise me that he made the same mistake everyone else did, but it did hurt. Even while it served my ends as much as it served his, it stung that the person I let closest to me knew me no better than anyone else ever had. I knew what he was doing, how could I not? Even the willfully ignorant aren't as blind as he expected me to be, but I played along because I knew something no one else did - I wanted to die and he was the weapon with which I had chosen to commit suicide.

I couldn't take any more of the guilt, the pressure of taking care of the business and being the bright optimist in the face of all of my friends' problems - problems I couldn't even begin to fix. More than anything I was tired of being in love with someone who saw me as nothing but a ticket to a life of leisure.

I could have handled the rest easily if he had only loved me. He was right to an extent; I could have kept fooling myself that I was happy with what I could get, even if it wasn't real, but then he fell in love with someone else and I couldn't lie to myself anymore.

I hoped, through the long months it took him to kill me, that he would change his mind. That he would see me one day and realize that I was worth loving. I should have known better; that wasn't even something I could see in myself. But still I hoped that he would give me a reason to live.

So I allowed it every time he kept me from sleeping, every time he managed to make me work harder and longer while pretending concern. He did me a favor that he couldn't understand when he gave me Sher; there, at least, was a creature that would love and need me for my own sake. It hurried along my demise as well, which was something I hoped for and dreaded equally. I hoped whoever he gave the cat to would treat it well, that last comforting companion.

I could have turned to the others, they would have tried to help me I'm sure; but they were all struggling as well and they needed me to be strong for whatever time I had left. I encouraged them to be there for one another and I hoped it would help when I was gone. It seemed to. I could have hung on longer - months perhaps, if I had truly wanted to - but as I saw the turn coming I just didn't want to take it. I was tired in more than body, but in soul and heart.

What use was the struggle now? I had done as much as I could. The letter to Heero and Duo had been sent, provisions had been made for my sisters to take over the business, the alteration of my will had been done, and I had concluded as many of the impending deals for Winner Corp as I could. It was time to finally rest.

It was ironic, as I watched my own funeral, how many people wept for a man none of them had really known. It was strangely comforting that they would cry for me, even if they only grieved for their dead perception of Quatre Winner. The focus of all the worldly attention was my focus as well, though I was the only one who knew how he laughed inside while he appeared to weep.

How could I love someone so cruel, so cold-heartedly selfish?

Maybe I didn't really, but thought it was only just that the man I had nearly killed would in turn murder me and so get revenge for all of the people I had slain during the wars. No, that was only part of the truth. It was justice, but I also loved him. There was no reason for it, but even dead by his hand I couldn't deny it. After all, in the end he had given me the very thing I had wanted; if he couldn't give me love at least he could give me death.

I lingered even after the funeral because I realized, when given the clarity that comes with the shedding of a body, that I had made a terrible mistake. The dispensation of my will would take months to complete, and thus it would be months before Heero and Duo got my warning to them. Trowa was the only one who could legally speed up the process and there was no reason for him to do so, he owned half of everything anyway and thus had no particular need to confirm what he thought was guaranteed, his inheritance of my entire estate. It wasn't enough for him, he wanted Heero out of the way and I watched in fear while assassins stalked my friend.

They weren't good enough to kill him of course, but if he'd been harmed and hospitalized I'm sure Trowa would have found a way to murder him and make it look like an accident. The first two were hardly a threat to Heero, but the last came terribly close - enough that I tried to warn him, and found to my shock, that I could. I couldn't shout, or speak, or move things; but when I pushed at the assassin's thoughts, touching on his fears of the man he was stalking, he stumbled and nearly fell, making enough noise to alert Heero to the danger.

As good as it was that Trowa gave up on trying to hire someone to kill Heero it alarmed me when Duo and Heero moved in with Trowa because I knew it for the scheme it was. I had to find a way to warn them, Trowa's obsession with Duo was hardly the healthy kind and he would resort to direct violence if he thought it would get him what he wanted without the blame falling on him. It wouldn't be as simple as upsetting the assassin though, and I wasn't sure I would manage.

It was easier than I thought it would be to nudge the maids into talking about what was already on their minds, Trowa's 'grief' over losing me, and his devotion when I was alive. I made sure Duo would overhear it, hoping he would catch the inconsistencies that the women, with their less suspicious minds missed. He frowned a little as he listened and later after he woke and scanned the room before opening his eyes fully, a habit I knew he'd had since living on the streets, he found Trowa watching him in a way that wasn't entirely fraternal.

He spoke with Heero that night in the sanctuary of their room, and I was relieved to hear that he had caught on that something was very wrong. Bless him, he even noticed that Trowa had given away my cat; something that Heero noted wasn't what you would expect from a man mourning his lover. Rather than going back to their apartment and distancing themselves from Trowa the way I hoped they would, they decided to stay, and investigate their suspicions. I shouldn't have been surprised, they were Preventers after all.

The passage of time was more fluid than it was when I was alive; events stood out in crystal clarity, but most things just slid by without my notice.

It must have been months, while Duo stayed home from work to keep Trowa from dwelling on his supposed grief and Heero partnered with Wufei at the Preventers. Neither of them were happy about it, less so because Trowa interjected himself into their lives whenever possible. Still, it wasn't as bad as he believed it was, the two of them communicated constantly, through emails, text messages over their phones, notes left in their bedroom...

It was a relief to see their relationship so strong, especially in the face of the malevolence threatening to pull them apart. I had admired them both greatly in life, but I admired them even more while they played their dangerous game with Trowa. It was difficult for them to act as if their relationship were in danger and the fight they put on for his benefit left them both in pain; but they went through with it, to get revenge for me. I wish I could have told them I had wanted to die and their sacrifice wasn't needed.

I grew to hate Trowa more with every plot he put into action to keep them apart, his cruel scheming more abhorrent than ever when inflicted on those who didn't deserve it. It hurt every time he tried to get into Duo's bed, but Duo's steadfast rejection made me wish I could hug him again. Loyalty was never something Trowa understood, he'd never gotten a chance to learn it, and Duo's insistence must have been maddening to him. I was actually glad of it... why couldn't I have learned not to love him while I still lived?

They saw one another at work after Heero left Trowa's house, and spent some of that time discussing the situation with Wufei, Duo telling them what else he had learned. None of it was conclusive, and I could tell it was frustrating for them; it was for me as well. I had been weak in life, but I was nearly helpless in death. It was a relief when they finally received my letter, though I could tell it pained Heero to open the envelope from my lawyer's office.

He called Duo over so they could hear it together and he read it aloud. It didn't make much sense, the half-crazed ramblings of a man who hadn't slept more than a few hours in months, but enough of it was clear that they understood what I had been trying to say. Or at least part of it. They knew that Trowa was involved in my death, and that I had known it as well, and they knew I loved them like brothers and wished them happiness. I suppose that was all that mattered, and I was grateful that they were intelligent enough to get so much out of something so incoherent.

It didn't take very long for Heero to move out of their apartment after their talk over my letter. They needed a way to push Trowa into action and that seemed a way of doing it. It hurt though to watch as Heero went about his packing with a brutal efficiency that spoke of a desire not to think about what he was doing. At least it would only be for a little while longer, one way or another. I wanted to end this, it was dangerous and unnecessary, but even if I had been there to tell them not to, they wouldn't have listened. Duo wanted revenge, Wufei wanted justice, and Heero wanted rid of the threat against them all.

I didn't understand how Trowa missed that the rage in Duo's eyes and voice in that half-empty apartment were directed at him, not Heero; how that Shinigami stare was labeling him the God of Death's next victim. But then, he didn't want to see it, he was getting too impatient for the thing he had been waiting for. Duo. Somehow it didn't hurt anymore, even when he finally admitted aloud, without even a hint of regret, that he had killed me in cold blood.

I didn't watch Trowa's fall, his death had been assured since he confirmed his part in my demise, the how or when didn't matter really and I had never wanted revenge so there would be no satisfaction from watching his terror. But I did stand with Heero as he waited for Duo's return, watching in relief when they were finally free to embrace again, envying their love and the soul-deep kiss they shared.

I was waiting when Trowa joined the realm of the dead, still shocked and suffering from his plummet to earth. I could have forgiven him, comforting him with open arms and taking him with me to whatever afterlife we were destined for. I could have cursed him for killing me, for trying to murder one of my friends and blackmail another and shoved him into darkness everlasting. In the end I just left him without a word, moving on to finally find peace in a place without him.



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