Together Part 2
Duo checked his e-mail the minute he walked in the door. He sighed in disappointment. Nope, nothing from Heero. He'd been receiving fairly regular messages from him over the months since the war ended and even more frequently since their rather disappointing lunch date here on L2; especially complaints about Relena and her unrealistic ideals. Heero seemed to be losing patience with the girl.
Crossing his fingers, Duo hoped that Heero would quit working for her soon. 'Or get fired. Some of the things he's apparently said and done have got to be pissing her off by now. Girls do not ask guys for an opinion on their clothing in hopes of being told distinctly unflattering things. And I can't imagine a proclaimed pacifist being too happy about the fact that her bodyguard is quite conspicuously armed to the teeth. Not to mention swearing like a drunken spacer...' Somehow, he didn't think Heero's current behaviour was quite what Relena had had in mind all those times she'd told Heero that he should "forget about being a soldier and just be himself".
He had no idea what the hell had gotten into Heero to make him act the way that he apparently was. If Heero didn't want to work for Relena, Duo couldn't understand why he didn't just quit and walk away instead of setting out to piss her off enough to fire him. But that sure as hell seemed to be what Heero was out to do.
Not that he cared whether Heero was offending Relena's delicate sensibilities on a regular basis. He was just glad to know that Heero hadn't gone to work for her because he was - well, interested - in her. Or if he was, he certainly had an odd way of showing it.
The fact that Heero hadn't asked to be released from their agreement of exclusivity along with Heero's regular e-mail correspondence with him left Duo some hope that maybe, eventually, he and Heero would still end up in a relationship together that was at least a little deeper than the one they'd had during the war.
Of course, it wasn't like he'd turn Heero down even if he just wanted to pick up where they'd left off. They'd been "friends with benefits" for lack of a better description. More than "fuck buddies" but not quite lovers. Duo kind of figured that the term "lovers" carried emotional connotations that they hadn't quite reached. 'At least not on both sides...' he admitted reluctantly. The term probably wasn't exactly inaccurate from his side of the equation but it was pretty hard to imagine Heero ever admitting to such a strong feeling.
'Hell, who're you trying to kid, Maxwell? You just want to be with Heero again. Period. On any terms...' Even if those terms didn't include a sexual relationship at all. Because he didn't just miss having sex with Heero; he missed Heero. The man who was his best friend. Probably the only person in the whole damn Earth Sphere who even came close to actually knowing who the hell Duo Maxwell really was.
'And right now Duo Maxwell is one damn lonely, thoroughly miserable guy...
'...so much for being happy once we had peace...'
Right. Duo Maxwell - happy?
Duo snorted derisively. "Happiness" and "Duo Maxwell" had never been on very good terms. He should be used to that by now.
***
'She may be just a figurehead but she is important. I really do have to get her back...' Fuck. Maybe if he repeated that a few thousand more times he'd actually convince himself.
Part of Heero was tempted to blame Relena for getting herself kidnapped and to chalk it up to one last desperate attempt to convince him to keep working for her. The rest of him knew damn well that wasn't true. Hell, it wasn't like he'd resigned; she'd fired him. Finally.
Relena had been horrified when he'd started frisking every visitor to her office, regardless of his or her rank or position. And flinging her to the floor and tipping the table over in front of her as a "shield" - incidentally dumping both punch bowl and cake on her - at that reception just a few days ago had been the last straw; she'd been so humiliated and furious that she'd fired him on the spot. He didn't think she'd believed him when he'd claimed that he'd thought he'd seen a gun pointing in her direction.
Smart girl.
But of all the damn lousy times to land herself in trouble again, why the hell did she have to pick now? He'd just barely arrived on L2 to surprise Duo. Heero hadn't even had a chance to tell Duo that he'd finally managed to get fired, let alone explain why "later" had turned out to be so much later. He hadn't even had a chance to drag Duo into his arms and kiss the hell out of him.
And now they were stuck running off to rescue the damn girl. Facing hours on a shuttle together instead of spending the time getting very thoroughly reacquainted in the privacy of Duo's bedroom.
He knew now that any lingering concerns over Hilde's role in Duo's life were completely unnecessary. The moment he'd walked into the scrapyard's office, Hilde had said, "Thank god. Take Mr. 'I ain't gettin' any so I'm grouchy as hell and my boyfriend hasn't even e-mailed me for days' home and I don't want to see either of you till you've screwed him so silly he actually smiles again, got it?" That had not been the greeting he'd expected to say the least.
'I thought Duo was going to spontaneously combust from embarrassment. My own face felt a bit - warm. But then I didn't even get a chance to say "Mission accepted" before the damn news about Relena came in.' And now... now, Duo was babbling away about god-only-knew-what, pretty obviously trying to avoid any chance of a serious conversation or anything else. And Heero was just not prepared to force a heart-to-heart discussion in the middle of this damn mess.
There was a job to be done and he couldn't afford the distraction.
His talk with Duo would have to wait till this was over with. As would anything other than talking. He'd promised himself that he would not make love to Duo again until Duo knew that it was making love. Not just fucking or screwing or any of the other crude terms that separated the physical act from any hint of an emotion other than lust.
'I won't make love to him again until I know that I actually have a chance at happiness...'
Decision made, Heero settled back in his shuttle seat and closed his eyes, letting the steady murmur of Duo's voice lull him off to sleep.
***
He was going to fucking kill that man when he got his hands on him. No, first he was going to kiss the hell out him, then he was going to kill him.
"Yuy, you are such a fucking asshole," Duo muttered under his breath.
Hilde's comment when Heero showed up had been damn embarrassing but Duo had been so glad to see him that a little embarrassment had seemed a small price to pay. But embarrassment had turned to absolute humiliation once the news about Relena came in.
'I assumed you'd only showed up to get my help to rescue her and you damn well let me, you bastard...' Duo swung the scythe viciously, shearing the arm off of an enemy suit and venting a little bit of righteous indignation in the process. 'And I'd still be operating under that same fucking misapprehension if not for the fact that I wasn't quite as "out" as you thought I was after you slugged me...'
If his gut hadn't been hurting so damn bad at the time, he'd have thought that he was dreaming. But it had been, so he knew that he hadn't dreamt it. That Heero had brushed a kiss across his temple and whispered, "I'm sorry. But I love you. I need you. You have to stay safe. Don't get dead," before handing him over to Trowa.
If he wasn't so damn pissed at Heero for trying to "protect" him, he'd be jubilant right now. Hell, he was jubilant anyway. 'But I'm still gonna kill that asshole...'
In the purely metaphorical and very definitely sexual sense of the word, of course.
He just had a few dozen mobile suits and their buddies to get the hell out of his way first. No problem.
***
Heero forced himself out of the hospital bed and onto his feet, ignoring the pained protest from strained muscles and stressed joints. He didn't care what the damn doctor thought, he wasn't staying in the hospital another hour let alone another few days. For one thing, he had plans to accomplish and he couldn't do that from here. He had to catch Duo before he left for L2 by himself. Had to have that too-long-delayed talk with him and then, hopefully, wherever they ended up going, they'd be going together.
"Get the fuck back in that bed, Yuy," a voice growled from the doorway. Startled, Heero tried to whirl around to face the speaker and the room spun nauseatingly. Strong arms caught him and unceremoniously deposited him back in the bed. "See? You're not going anywhere, buster," Duo snapped furiously. "Not till the doctor gives the okay."
"Duo..." was all that Heero managed to get out before his head was shoved back against the pillow, mouth opening under the onslaught of a demanding kiss. He kept just barely enough awareness to find and clutch Duo's braid with one hand, wanting to make damned sure that Duo didn't take off before they got things settled between them.
"You asshole," Duo hissed, his lips hovering just over Heero's. "You fucking asshole. Don't you ever, ever, try to keep me 'safe' again. We're partners, you bastard. Being lovers does not give you the right to wrap me up in cotton wool. You want me safe, fine. We keep each other safe. Got it?"
Heero blinked and managed to nod very slightly. He still had some objections to that but somehow he didn't think this was a good time to bring them up.
"Good." Duo punctuated his comment with another hard kiss. Between the concussion and the shock of Duo's abrupt appearance and even more abrupt actions, Heero was still feeling rather dazed as Duo drew away again. Understandably, it took a moment for the next remark to penetrate. "Oh, and, despite the fact that you're an asshole and I'm seriously pissed off at you, I love you and need you too."
Heero stared in shock at the face hovering over him as Duo's lips lifted in a smirk. 'He heard me. And he loves me too. Guess that takes care of "the talk"...' A smirk tugged at his own lips and he wrapped the braid around his fist, tugging Duo down towards him. There was no protest as Heero brought their mouths together in a deep, tender kiss. One that was interrupted all too soon by the pointed clearing of a throat.
"It seems that Mr. Yuy here is perhaps somewhat more recovered than I had previously believed," the doctor observed drily.
Heero reluctantly released his hold on Duo so that Duo could step aside and let the doctor check him over. Heero submitted to the examination, hoping that the doctor would change his mind and let him leave. He didn't want to stay in the hospital but he didn't think that he wanted to make Duo any more pissed off at him by going against medical advice either.
Finally, the doctor said, "Assuming that someone is present to monitor your concussion and that you promise to take it easy for the next few days..."
"There will be and he does," Duo interjected, giving Heero a pointed glare. Heero bit his tongue to keep from snickering. He didn't think Duo would find his amusement particularly amusing. Instead, he just nodded meekly.
"...then I will sign Mr. Yuy's release papers."
***
"I might as well have stayed in the damn hospital," Heero grumbled irritably.
Duo smirked and informed him, "The doctor said that you had to take it easy for a few days. I'm just making sure that you follow his orders." He knew exactly what Heero was objecting to. The fact that he was stuck in bed - alone - and had been for the past few days.
His own insistence on following the doctor's orders so closely was part payback for Heero "protecting" him by trying to keep him out of the fight but mostly due to genuine concern for Heero's health. Heero had taken quite a beating in the process of breaking through the shielding around the palace; Duo didn't want to take any chances on delaying his recovery. He knew better than to think that after spending the better part of a year away from one another they would find it very easy to just share the bed without anything more - strenuous - taking place.
'Of course, it has been three days already...' Duo's resolve weakened in the face of the genuine unhappiness on Heero's face. He knew damn well that Heero was only following doctor's orders at all because he was insisting on it and Heero was still trying to placate him for that punch and the attempt to keep him safely out of the battle.
Duo sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed the back of his fingers lightly over Heero's cheek. The way that Heero leaned into that light touch told him that it felt as wonderful to Heero as it did to him. Not as wonderful as being wrapped in each other's arms would but after months of no physical contact at all, even that small touch felt pretty damn good. "Tell me honestly, Heero. How do you feel today? Headache, dizziness, nausea? That all gone?"
The reluctance in Heero's voice as he admitted, "Not all..." told Duo just how much Heero had wanted to be able to answer in the unqualified affirmative.
"I'll admit that a little bit of me is enjoying making you behave 'for your own good'. Payback can be a real bitch, after all. But I'm mostly worried about you," Duo said honestly. "I don't want us to do anything that might set back your recovery. And if I crawl in there with you, I'm not too sure how long my good intentions would last."
Heero reached up and caught the hand that Duo was still stroking over his cheek. Duo shivered as Heero pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. Heero's lips brushed against Duo's skin as he murmured, "I just want to hold you. Please, Duo..."
'How often does Heero Yuy say "please" to anyone?' Duo smiled softly and agreed, "Okay." He would just have to hope that his good intentions could stand up to the temptation.
Standing, Duo stripped down to boxers and T-shirt before crawling in beside Heero. Heero rolled onto his side, reaching out and drawing Duo close. Duo curled against Heero, the last trace of the lonely ache that had nagged at him over the past months fading as Heero's arms closed around him. "God, I've missed you..." he murmured, snuggling as close as he could possibly get and tucking his head under Heero's chin.
"And I you..." Heero's arms tightened a bit more as he spoke. "I wasn't supposed to need anyone. But I do. I need you, Duo."
Duo uncurled slightly and tilted his face up to meet the light kisses that Heero pressed to the top of his head. Soft, tender kisses rained across his eyelids, cheeks, nose, then finally his mouth. His lips parted under the gentle pressure. Duo was prepared for desire to surge up as it had in the past, insistent and overwhelming. But it didn't. Instead, it was like a banked fire, warming and comforting. Familiar - yet not.
Whether it was because the danger of being separated by a mission at any moment was gone or because there was no longer a need to hold back emotionally, to conceal the depth of their feelings, Duo didn't know - but while the attraction, the desire, was still there, the almost frantic urgency behind it was gone. He relaxed and let himself enjoy the warmth and comfort of Heero's kisses and his embrace, knowing that his concern for Heero's recovery was going to be more than enough to keep his libido in check.
***
Heero rubbed his cheek against Duo's, gratefully soaking up the longed-for sensation of Duo's warm, sturdy body pressed against his. Despite the nagging headache from the concussion, he felt better - more alive - than he had since the first war ended and he and Duo went their separate ways. He caught the end of Duo's braid in one hand and drew it over Duo's shoulder. "May I?" he asked softly, fingering the elastic holding it together.
In all the times that he and Duo had been together during the war, he could count on one hand the number of times that he had seen Duo's hair down, including that very first occasion. They had not usually had the time or sufficient guarantee of privacy and security. Duo considered his unbound hair something very personal and private and Heero was glad of that. Glad that very few people had ever seen it down and those few under very exceptional circumstances. But that also meant that he had rarely had the chance to enjoy the experience himself. Combing and rebraiding the heavy mass took too much precious time for Duo to leave it down every time that they had been together. And Heero had never been the one to actually undo the braid - he had never even asked that it be let loose - that decision had always been completely and solely Duo's prerogative.
Duo nodded solemnly, gaze soft and affectionate. "Yes." He rolled onto his stomach, giving Heero better access to the braid's full length.
Sitting up so that he could easily use both hands, Heero slid off the elastic and carefully unwound the thick plait. Reaching its base, Heero plunged his fingers into the hair, gently massaging Duo's scalp. He remembered Duo complaining in the past that the pull of the heavy braid sometimes gave him a headache.
Duo sighed in obvious enjoyment. "You can stop doing that in about a hundred years," he murmured contentedly. Heero smiled in quiet amusement and kept massaging. They'd never had the time for much of this before. Too much tension, too much hurry. Too great a chance that one or both of them would be called away on a mission at any moment. Oh, there had been some quiet times, just lying together kissing and enjoying the other's presence, at least in the latter part of the war as they'd started to look for comfort, not just release and temporary forgetfulness, from their relationship. But that had always been in the aftermath of sex, not before, and certainly not purely for its own sake. Seeking that would have given away far too much about their feelings and neither of them had been ready to reveal those back then.
"H'ro, you're makin' me feel guilty here..." Duo protested sleepily. "You're pamperin' me and you're the one who's hurt..."
Heero leaned over and kissed Duo's cheek. "Don't worry about it; I'm enjoying this too..." And he was. Very much. He ran his fingers through the full length of Duo's hair, finger-combing it until it lay like a golden-brown veil down Duo's back.
"C'mere," Duo murmured finally, raising himself up partway. "Lie down for a while."
Readily, Heero slid in beneath Duo's raised arm and sighed contentedly as Duo settled back down again, head pillowed on his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of Duo's head as he brought his hand up to stroke Duo's cheek. Duo caught his hand and brushed a kiss across the very tips of his fingers where the skin was still sensitive, beyond the callused pads.
Heero closed his eyes and wished that they could just stay like this forever. Together, warm, content... Happy...
He wasn't sure that he could even remember the last time that he'd been happy, completely and utterly happy, for more than an instant or two. Maybe never?
'No... No, I do remember the last time I was genuinely happy for more than a few moments... But even then it didn't last long...'
Heero couldn't control the shudders that coursed through him at the memory. The little girl's cheerful face and voice, the flower that she'd given him... His own feelings of content and happiness as he'd flung himself down on the grass, explosive charges all in place and ready, his mission nearing successful completion...
Then, like a judgement for daring to be happy, everything had gone wrong, so very wrong...
***
When Heero's body went from relaxed to tense and shuddering, Duo immediately propped himself up so that he could see Heero's face. "Hey, what's wrong? Heero?" He caressed Heero's cheek gently. "Open your eyes," he insisted firmly. The pain and fear that was revealed when they did open had him pulling Heero tightly into his arms. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Heero buried his face in the crook of Duo's neck. "I... The last time I was even close to this happy..."
Duo strained to hear the broken words being murmured against his skin. His heart ached as Heero painfully choked out the story of a single afternoon of happiness that ended in death and destruction. Of a moment of sorrow and compassion that earned him punishment. Of the harshly-taught lesson that a perfect weapon did not need emotions. Should not have emotions.
Duo had known that Heero's training had been harsh. Had known that it had really wreaked havoc on his ability to deal with emotions, or at least to show them. Now he knew precisely why Heero had tried so hard to keep his feelings locked up out of sight during the war. And he was intensely grateful that, despite all that, Heero had fallen in love with him.
"Shh... it'll be okay... I love you... need you too... Partners... in this together... won't let anybody wreck our happiness... shh..." Duo rocked them both gently back and forth, crooning soothingly to his distraught lover and ignoring the fact that Heero was inadvertently pulling his hair as he clutched Duo almost painfully tightly. He had always known that Heero had emotions, deep ones, hidden beneath his iron control. An iron control that had now cracked under the combined weight of an unwanted return to battle and the severe physical stress placed on his body. Under the emotionally destabilizing effects of concussion and medication. Under the crushing weight of the painful memories dredged up by it all.
Duo had no idea how much time passed that way. Eventually, Heero quieted, exhaustion dragging him into uneasy slumber. Holding Heero close as he slept, Duo made a few decisions.
First, once Heero woke up, he was going to have to share his own past, his own fears. Quickly, before Heero had a chance to be too embarrassed by the crumbling of his emotional walls. Duo wasn't looking forward to that - he'd never told anyone about either the church or his street gang days - but it was only fair and it would put them back on level ground with each other.
Second, there was no way in hell that either of them would be accepting the offer to join Preventers that Une had visited the hotel to deliver in person yesterday. Not right now or in the foreseeable future.
Duo didn't think that he could handle letting someone else partner Heero and he was pretty sure Heero would feel the same way about him. He was also pretty sure that if they tried to work together - assuming Preventers would even let life partners do such a thing - the first time that he was in danger, Heero would do something stupid trying to protect him. Hell, he couldn't swear that he wouldn't do the same if Heero were at risk. They'd both had too few good things in their lives and knew too well how easily happiness could turn to ashes.
They would have to find a different path for their future. If necessary, they could always go back to L2 and work at the scrapyard for a while until they figured something out; he knew Hilde would have no problem finding work for them.
"It really will be okay, Heero," Duo whispered almost inaudibly as Heero stirred uneasily in his sleep. "We're not alone anymore. We'll make it okay. Together."
Together...
OWARI
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