Note: This chapter was originally longer, but since this scene is pretty long already, and I have to go away for the weekend, I figured I'd give you guys a little taste before I left. Otherwise, you'd have to wait a few more days.
"Children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday...
Then they feel the way that every child should
sit and listen, sit and listen...
Went to school and I was very nervous
no one knew me, no one knew me...
Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson?
look right through me, look right through me..."
--- Gary Jules, Mad World
Requiem for the Sinners Part 31
Though I Walk Through the Valley...
Duo stared at his star-charts blindly. His eyes were on the plotted sectors of space between L1 and L2, his mind ticking over the amount of territory they would have to be able to defend, flying through the math carelessly, how many ships it would take to patrol such a vast amount of space. Not enough.
But his heart was on Heero.
~~"I can't deal with this right now, Duo. Back off."~~
I asked you not to walk away again. But you always do, don't you? No matter how hard I try to hold on, you always walk away...
~~"... I don't hate you. It'd be easier if I did."~~
Heero...
A soft, almost inaudible sound, between a sob and a sigh, pulled him out of his reverie. He glanced down at the floor questioningly.
"Gabe?"
The little boy didn't look up. His small brow furrowed as he colored a dog in his tattered, faded coloring book bright blue, being careful to stay inside the lines, coloring around the edges before he filled it in.
Gabriel was wearing a baggy tee shirt that looked about ten sizes too big for him, the straps sliding down dark, slender shoulders. Looking at him, Duo realized it was one of the ones from his closet, an old green one of Heero's that had accidentally got slipped into his bag of clothes, so many years ago.
He never threw anything away.
Duo felt a pang of inexplicable terror, seeing Gabriel sitting there in that tank top that had seen so much death and destruction, but he didn't know where it came from. He felt as if he had been brushed by a ghost.
Gabriel glanced up at him, eyes flickering in a question, before he lowered his gaze back to the coloring sheet in front of him.
Duo leaned back in his chair, looking at Gabriel thoughtfully. "Are you happy? I mean, are you happy here with me and Harper? You and him getting on okay? I know I've been busy lately, kid, but-"
"... S'okay," Gabriel mumbled, still not looking up. The little boy flinched when Duo said Harper's name.
Duo sighed softly. He didn't like the way Gabriel was looking lately; the little boy looked stretched and pale, like he had been left in a dark place. There were circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't been sleeping, and his eyes moved restlessly, never staying in one place too long.
"You understand it's a war, don't you, Gabriel?"
The little boy nodded, not looking up at him. His voice was a whisper. "Yes, Daddy."
"It was something I was trained to do since I was just a kid. Harper was trained to do the same thing since he was found on the streets, like you."
"Daddy, I don't want to hear about it."
Duo raised his eyebrows at the hammered, listless tone of Gabriel's voice, but he replied softly. "I know you don't. And I really don't want to talk about it. But this is a military base, Gabe. You have to hear about it every day. I know you get pulled into it, and I'm sorry about that."
Gabriel glanced at him fearfully, then lowered his eyes, bowing his head until his chin almost touched his breastbone, as if he was afraid to look Duo in the face. Duo scowled a little, not understanding the sudden expression of fear on the little boy's face.
"What's wrong?"
Gabriel didn't answer, but his small body shook in those hitching gestures that were a precursor to sobs.
He picked Gabriel up and sat him on his lap, gently putting a hand under the boy's chin, trying to make him lift his head. Gabriel still wouldn't look at him.
"Look at me, kiddo." Duo's voice was firm. Slowly, Gabriel's dark eyes raised to meet his. Duo pushed the bangs back from Gabriel's face, concerned about the clammy feel of the boy's skin. The little boy relaxed in his arms. A little.
"I'm worried about you, kid. I know it's hard, me not being around for you all the time, and I know you're not holding up so good."
"It hasn't been so bad," Gabriel whispered, and took Duo's callused, battle-hardened hand. But his downcast face-and the open expression of pain there-told a different story altogether. The tears standing out in the little boy's eyes said that things were bad, and had been for awhile.
...Why didn't I see it before?
"I know you're being a real sport about it, helping out everybody, doing what you can," Duo continued gently. "Because you know when L2 belongs to us again, we're gonna just go someplace quiet, just you and me and Hee-... and Harper, and you'll be able to go to school with all the other kids. Okay?"
"Yeah," Gabriel answered, his voice almost inaudible.
"All the guys tell me how proud they are of you," Duo said, smiling a little. It was a small lie, and even though Duo didn't believe in lying, it didn't hurt him to do it now. None of the men had ever said precisely that, but they always spoke well of Gabriel, treated him as a sort of mascot for the cause, protected him as if he was one of their own children, and that meant almost as much to Duo as it did to Gabriel.
And it worked. Gabriel's dark sienna eyes brightened slightly and he looked up steadily at Duo for the first time.
"They did?"
"Sure did," Duo answered, grinning. The lie was easy and convincing. It was one of the things he had always been good at.
Gabriel squeezed his hand and smiled at him, gratefully.
"It'll all be over pretty soon, Gabe. We'll go out there and kick some butt and we'll be free again. I promise. We won't have to do this anymore. Nobody will."
Gabriel threw his arms around Duo suddenly and hugged him tight. Duo decided that despite his teenage creed, not all lies were bad. He could still smell the mecha oil and gunpowder in the baggy secondhand tank top the boy was wearing, and it reminded him of Heero.
"I love you, Daddy," he whispered.
"I love you too, Gabe," Duo replied softly, then pulled away and looked into the boy's eyes. "So just hold steady for a little longer."
"Okay, Daddy, I will."
Duo gently sat the boy back down on the floor, and Gabriel sat cross-legged on the cement again, gathering his blunted crayons in a painstaking, scavenging way that made Duo's heart lurch. He began to color again for a few moments, and Duo almost turned back to his work before Gabriel spoke again, softly. "Daddy, if they get back in here, are they going to hurt us again? Why do they want to hurt us? I know they... I know they want to. But why?"
Duo looked down at the little boy carefully, then moved out of his chair and sat across from his son on the floor, brushing his unbraided hair back over his shoulders, thinking that Gabriel was still very young and very sure he was on the side of the line where the good guys unquestionably stood. If he told the truth, the kid could get hurt. A lie could prevent that.
But Duo also knew lies about that sort of thing had a way of coming back to haunt you, especially if (don't even think it!) they lost. If the fleets of L2 failed, if Noventa invaded L2 and captured him, he didn't want to think about what would happen.
And he certainly didn't want to have to explain it to a little boy who should be more concerned about what he was going to have for lunch or whether his shoes were tied than about whether or not soldiers were going to try and kill him.
Gabriel had already run him a hard course since the little boy came into his care-they had been through homosexuality, death, drugs, bisexuality, oral sex, murder, venereal disease, war, military brutality, and the very real possibility that there was no God. It had taken adopting a child to teach him just how absolutely tiring honesty could be.
"Yeah, I guess that if we lost... if they got through and invaded... they'd try, Gabe. But we won't let that happen. The colonies won't stand for it. Especially us."
"Uncle Harper said they'll kill us if they come. That they'll come back."
Duo scowled, and mentally reminded himself to speak with Harper about that. There wasn't any use scaring the kid when there was no need for it. "Well, they can try, but we won't let them. Nothing like that is going to happen again. I swear."
They were silent for a few moments as Duo regarded the coloring little boy, and then he spoke again.
"You sure you don't have something to tell me?"
Gabriel looked up at him, dark wide eyes torn, and he opened his mouth as if he was going to speak.
A loud pounding knock came on the door, startling him, and the blue crayon in his small fist went flying a few feet to roll beneath the bed. Gabriel jerked, as if he wanted to follow it, hiding beneath the bedframe like a frightened cat. His eyes were trained fearfully on the door.
Duo stood up and opened it. Harper stood at the doorway, breathing hard, his face flushed from running.
"Hilde brought the troops back into Paradise. They had a run-in with Preventers out in the theta-15 sector. Jesus, Duo, it's a mess. I think you need to get down here. I already called for backup from the sleeping techs, and I sent Chang after Yuy. We need as many hands as we can get."
"I'm there. How come no one told me?!" Duo said, furious.
"We didn't know where the hell you were!" Harper hissed. "I thought you were in the hangar, but someone told me you were with Yuy, so I came back to check the pilots' quarters. I didn't know you were back in your own."
Duo ran a hand through his bangs with weary distraction, then nodded. "Okay, yeah. Let's head down there, get a casualty count, see what we can do." His gaze hardened suddenly as he realized the implication of Harper's words, and he glared at the older pilot. His voice was soft, so low that only the two of them could hear it over the sirens echoing up from Paradise, like the choirs of hell.
"And whatever goes on between me and Yuy is none of your damned business."
Harper flinched as if he had been slapped, but he didn't drop his gaze. "It's my business when it fucks with our business. Don't forget why we're here, Duo. Lots of people depend on you. Don't let him fuck it up."
"I'll take care of it. But I'll do it the way I fucking want to. Get it?" Duo replied softly, his eyes never leaving Harper's.
"Things are fallin' apart, D. You have to think of your men first, you know?" Harper said, an expression of hurt crossing his face. "... We need you. And... I can't do this by myself. You started all of this. I need you to be there now."
Duo started to reply, a soft sound of protest escaping his lips, and then he sighed. "I know... I know. Sorry."
Harper scowled, then tentatively touched the general's shoulder. "Don't be sorry, D. Just be there for us."
"... Yeah. We better hurry. Marge is gonna have kittens." He slipped past Harper, hitting the hall at a jog, and the vice-general stayed back to look into the quiet room. Gabriel's dark eyes gazed up at him with an exhausted, palling speculation.
Harper swallowed hard, then scowled down at the little boy sitting in the floor. "We have to go take care of things, Gabriel. Okay? So you stay right here. Don't even leave this room. You understand me?"
The little boy nodded his head a little, but his eyes never left Harper's, knowing and dark. When he spoke again, his voice was less than a whisper, but still seemed to reverberate in the silent, nondescript room.
"... They're all going to die."
"Be quiet, Gabe," Harper replied, his voice almost a snarl, and his expression softened into bewildered regret as the little boy lowered his eyes.
"Sorry, kiddo. You know I didn-"
"I know."
Harper began to say something else, but just shook his head, closing the door behind him with a click. Gabriel listened as he heard their boots slapping tile as the two of them ran down the empty hall. His gaze moved indifferently to the floor beneath the bed, longing for his blue crayon.
It was black under there, full of shadows; anything could be hiding there. Anything at all.
Instead of going after the lost crayon, he looked at the small pile he had left, carefully picking up bright yellows and reds and greens, before choosing a black one that looked almost brand new; he hardly ever used black, anyway.
The little boy concentrated on the picture with an autistic, chilling focus, scribbling fiercely over the cheerful, sunny landscape and the bright blue dog he had worked on all morning, scrawling it into an absymal darkness.
TBC...
Back to CleverYoungThief's Fanfictions Page