Please Don't Let me Fall Part 5
The Drug That Is Duo
Duo left without saying anything to Trowa; just motioned him into their room. Right before Trowa walked in, he took Trowa's arm and said four words. "Don't cut his hair."
He was kind of glad that Heero had fallen asleep right after that, Duo decided. Duo didn't want him to say a single thing more about it. Not yet, anyway. He just wanted to carry the happiness of the most perfect kiss he had ever had into the living room with him and keep it all to himself.
After Trowa had finished, Duo went back in and sat next to Heero's bed, sighing. The Japanese pilot looked so peaceful when he was sleeping... Duo sat with his back against the wall, preparing himself for the long night ahead.
~*~
Heero woke up the next morning; his head still hurt, but it felt better than it had the day before. He reached up and gingerly used his fingers to brush through his hair, none of which was missing. Stiches. Ouch.
He glanced over at the side of the bed. Duo was slumped over on the floor, snoring loudly. Duo looked as if he had started out in a sitting position, but he had obviously fallen sideways sometime during the night. Heero's back and shoulders felt a pang of sympathy pain.
He reached over, ignoring the very real pain it caused in his torn shoulder. He shook Duo's shoulder lightly, rubbing the side of Duo's neck. Duo did nothing but lean into his hand, sighing. He patted Duo's cheek and then, on impulse, ran his thumb over Duo's lips. Suddenly, Duo opened his mouth slightly, taking Heero's thumb into his mouth and sucking on it, biting down lightly. Heero snatched his hand away in a panic, his face doing a slow burn. His whole body seemd to flush at once--heat rushed through him in a wave that made him feel unsteady and faint, a heat wave that centered directly between his legs and slowly faded. He instinctively put his thumb in his mouth, then wiped it on the sheets. His heart was pounding.
// Damned baka... // Heero thought, but smiled just a little as he did. Letting the smile fade from his face, he did the one sure-fire thing he knew would wake Duo up. He took the American's braid and pulled it as hard as he could.
Duo's violet eyes flew open. "OW! GODDAMMIT SOLO I'M UP LAY OFFA ME!" Then he realized where he was, and he looked at Heero. "Oh hey, Heero. Uh... thought you were someone else."
Heero looked at him seriously. "Come sit on the bed. Leaning down like this is hurting my back." Duo stood up, sitting on the edge of the bed. He wasn't saying anything--a miracle in itself--so Heero did. He stared at Duo steadily, making sure his eyes were non-threatening. Duo still wouldn't meet them, though.
"Duo, I don't know... last night... I must have been drugged... I guess I didn't really know what was going on. I'm sorry because I'm not sure... not exactly sure what you said."
// Great way to break the ice. Way to go, Yuy, // Heero thought, mentally slapping himself.
Duo still didn't look at him. "You didn't do anything. I was the one who told you... told you..."
"Told me what? Look at me, Duo." Duo lifted his face, and Heero's eyes widened when he saw tears in his partner's.
"I told you I loved you, and I do, Heero. I do. I always have. And I always will." Heero sat up suddenly, causing Duo to flinch, backing away. He scowled in confusion. "Why did you do that... Duo? Why are you upset?" His face slid back into a blank lack of expression, but his monotone voice revealed concern for his American partner.
Duo sniffled a little, laughing. "Sorry man. Uh... Guess I was kinda afraid you were gonna beat the living hell outta me."
"... Why would I do that?"
"Well, I was afraid that you would be angry... or disgusted." Duo's eyes had slid away from Heero's again.
"Love is an emotion, right?" Heero asked in a analytical tone.
"Yeah," Duo said, looking up a little.
"Well, I wouldn't be angry with you for acting on your emotions, Duo," Heero said quietly. "That would make me a hypocrite. And I don't know enough about it to know what is permissible and what isn't."
"It?"
"Love."
"Oh."
"But..." Heero trailed off, looking at Duo with a deep, unpenetrable colbalt gaze. Suddenly, Duo's expression lightened. "No buts, Heero." He touched Heero's shoulder, cautiously. Heero didn't jerk away.
"I don't know if... you even feel anything for me, but I love you. I don't care if you love me back. But I was afraid to tell you because I didn't want you to go off by yourself or anything. Because I care about you. And even if you don't love me... I want to be close to you. Ya know?" Duo's voice was shaky, but his eyes were hopeful.
"I know you love Relena... and I do too. I mean, I don't love her, but I know how special she is to our cause. It's just that... me and you--we're just different than Relena. We lead a kind of life that's not the kind of life she wants. She doesn't want it for her... and she doesn't want it for us, either."
"I know that!" Heero said sharply. "And I never said I loved Relena." He scowled. "No... no!" Duo's hope dissolved into bewilderment. "But... I always thought--"
"You always assumed I loved her. You're wrong. I don't love her any more than you do. I... I'm not sure I know how to love. I just have to protect her... and so do you."
"Heero... are you happy? You know, being partners with the rest of us?" Duo asked. He held his braid nervously, brushing the end of it back and forth beneath his chin. He seemed to have found a very interesting nick to study in the hardwood floor.
"I... don't know. I think so."
"Well, I've always been happier with you guys as my partners," Duo said. "Especially you, Heero. I've always thought of you as my friend."
"Well... I've thought of you as my friend, too. I think. But, I think I'm just not used to thinking of you as anything but my partner."
"And now?" Duo's eyes were back on his, bright.
Heero looked back at him. "I wouldn't want to lose you. But... do you know what you're saying? Why? Why would you love me? It's irrational."
Duo burst out laughing. He couldn't help it. Heero's serious sense of approaching the subject was just too funny. "Heero... love isn't like that. It's not supposed to be rational. And I do know what I'm saying. I'm saying I'm in love with the biggest pain in the ass I have ever met in my entire life. It's always been you, buddy. I didn't know it. I thought I was happy for Relena for a while, can you believe that? But Shinigami can't tell a lie, not even to himself. I always loved you." Duo had gone from light-hearted playfulness to grave seriousness in seconds. It was one of his many talents.
"I never knew that." Heero was listening to Duo intently. Hell, he could barely move. It wasn't exactly like he had anything else to do.
"I always thought you were the greatest looking guy I ever saw. But it wasn't only what you looked like. Relena loves the way you look too. I guess I lot of the girls at all the schools we went to did. But to me it really wasn't important what you looked like on the outside. It was what you were--deep inside. Not the shell that you put on for everybody else. You're special down somewhere in there, Heero. There hasn't ever been anyone else like you."
"I... I'm not what you say I am. I'm nothing but a Soldier, Duo," Heero replied softly. Now he was the one who tore his eyes away, his face fierce and like a stone mask.
"No," Duo said. "you're not just that, Heero! You can't be! Somewhere in there, you're wonderful. You're the deepest guy I've ever known. There's nobody like you, Heero. And that's no joke."
Heero shook his head, sinking deeper into his Soldier's mask.
/ That's how he deals with everything. Just puts on that mask and pretends he can't feel anything. I know he can. I know it! /
Heero suddenly looked back at him, catching his eyes. He started to get up out of the bed, grimacing in pain.
"Heero, don't--"
Heero's eyes were icy. "Duo, stand up."
"Uh--"
"Now."
Duo did what he was told, standing up with Heero. Heero just looked at him. "So... what was that thing you did yesterday?" Heero asked.
Duo knitted his eyebrows. "Uh... a kiss?"
Heero nodded. "Right. I think we should try that one more time. I wasn't very perceptive yesterday."
"Are you sure?"
"Hai. Let's just say... for the sake of experimentation."
"Uh... um... yeah. That works for me," Duo said, raising an eyebrow. Even if it was only for the sake of science, the prospect of kissing Heero again was definitely attractive.
When Heero moved closer to Duo, putting one hand on Duo's shoulderblade and the other around his braid, he felt a barrage of emotions surge to the surface of his glacial focus, pushing away the Soldier, at least for a little while. Excitement, nervousness, guilt, joy and fear. They didn't mix very well, but all of them seemed necessary. He filed the emotions away in his head, bringing his chest against Duo's. They were almost nose to nose.
// My partner. Doing this with my partner. Ally. Comrade-in-arms. // Heero tried to get this through his head, but it seemed both real and unreal at the same time. Duo laughed his warm breath into Heero's mouth. He could feel Duo's heart racing wildly beneath the solid muscle of his chest. Suddenly, Duo's hand landed more roughly on his side than he realized. Heero took in a breath in a hiss of pain.
Duo's eyes widened. "Oh, sorry Heero. I... I'll stop, if you don't want to or you don't feel up to it."
"Iie. Don't stop. Just... be careful."
"Yeah."
Duo's lips were firm and warm and sweet. His chest, narrower and paler than Heero's, pushed against Heero's bandage-bound lower chest; his hips moved against Heero... away... and against him again. When Duo's hips moved away a second time, Heero plunged both of his hands into Duo's thick hair and moved against him. The pain of his injuries was lost somewhere in between; the ache of his splinted wrist and his cracked ribs, the pain in his head and shoulder, they all faded into the background with the ultimate drug that was Duo Maxwell.
// This isn't right... but that's sure as hell what it feels like. //
Suddenly, Duo became the more brazen of the two, pulling Heero closer to him, his face by Heero's cheek. He licked lightly at Heero's earlobe, savoring the moan, the trembling response he got. His hands moved from Heero's shoulders to his ass, and he got another moan at that. He moved his head down, licking Heero's chest. A mischievous grin flickered across his face before he bit Heero's nipple, causing the Japanese boy to gasp. In retaliation, Heero grabbed Duo's braid and jerked him back up, bringing Duo's mouth to his again, unexpectedly a lot less deliberate than he had been. Duo was right. There was no logic, no rationality in this. But it was better that way. Somehow, they both ended up on the bed again.
~*~
Afterwards, when they were both so tangled up in one another that neither one of them knew where they ended and the other began, they were both unwilling to move. Heero held Duo, and Duo held him. The act that they had just completed seemed to bind them more than any other scrape they had ever been in together. It was an invisible bond, but it was there nevertheless. And nothing could break it.
For a few minutes Duo wasn't aware of anything beyond Heero's face. He couldn't hear anything except the beat of his own heart thrumming in his ears and the ragged, heavy breathing from both of them. In a few moments the silence of the safehouse came through; the others were out, Wufei on a supply run, Trowa and Quatre on a recon mission. At first, he couldn't feel anything but the slight ache in his ass and Heero's warm semen trickling out of him. Gradually, he realized that it was very hot and humid in the safehouse sans air-conditioning, and that their embrace had become a lot less romantic than sticky. Yuck. Definitely shower time.
Very reluctantly, he unsnarled himself from Heero and rolled onto his back, stretching his arms over his head. A gloss of perspiration filmed his chest and stomach. He could feel the sweat matting his bangs to his forehead, and could see Heero's sticking to his.
"Wow. Incredible."
Heero opened his eyes in hazy pleasure. "Hai. What was that, Duo? Physical therapy?" Duo burst out laughing. "What was that, Heero? An attempt at a joke?" He moved his head to lay across Heero's good shoulder. Neither of them was ready to say anything else.
The slight breeze from the malfunctioning fan above them eventually dried them off, and Duo was too comfortable to get up. He decided to put off his shower for a while.
"Hm. You know what, Heero? I think you and me are a perfect match." He gently ran his hand over Heero's bound chest. "I'm almost sure of it."
"Hai. But nothing is ever certain, Duo."
"But I still think it is."
"How did we get around to this again?"
"I dunno. But you can't live without taking risks on other people, Heero. I learned it the hard way."
"I can try," Heero shot back mildly.
"It'll be a real lonely life. And I'm not even gonna think about the sexual frustration that goes with that." Duo smirked.
"Let's change the subject."
"Mmmmkay," Duo said. They lay there in silence for a few seconds. Finally, Heero couldn't take it anymore.
"So, what do you want to talk about?"
Duo grinned. "You seemed fascinated with my braid just about ten minutes ago. Want to talk about that?"
Heero rolled his eyes. "Baka."
"I'm serious. I think my braid is fascinating. I could spend hours talking about it, you know."
"You could spend hours talking about anything."
Duo made a pouting face. "Okay, okay. If you don't want to talk about my braid, we don't have to talk about it, gorgeous as it is. Hmm... let's talk about your prick, instead."
"Duo--"
"I'd like to taste it," Duo kept on, with a devious grin on his face. He saw Heero start to get hard again.
"Hah! Defeated by anatomy, buddy."
"That's not fair."
Duo laughed, starting to sit up. Heero pushed him back down, leaning over him. His colbalt eyes were wild, feral, and--to Duo's surprise--sparkling with laughter.
"Later."
"Now!" Duo pushed up against him, but Heero held him still.
"My turn first."
"You always get your way?" Duo said mischievously.
"I sure as hell will this time. I'm heavier than you."
"Now who's not playing fair? Bossy."
"Whatever you say, baka." Heero kissed his chest, shoulders, the palms of Duo's hands, his flat stomach and thighs.
A shiver passed through Duo. "Okay, you win. I surrender."
"Good." Heero lifted his head and smiled a little at him. Mostly it was just a quirk at the corners of his mouth; his eyes remained, for the most part, dark, cautious, and calculated. But even in that depthless blue, Duo could see clear devotion there. Looking into Heero's eyes felt like diving into a cool swimming pool on a sweltering day.
// I could get used to this, // Duo thought as he started to hear his heart beat in his ears again. He arched his back as a wave of pleasure enveloped him.
Little did he know, Heero was thinking the exact same thing.
OWARI
Back to CleverYoungThief's Fanfictions Page