"Gloomy darkness is wrapping the world,
In the moonlight among shadows,
You are leaving for the land of dreams
Suddenly you're opening your eyes
And you don't know if you slept or not."
--- Aion, Land Of Dreams
"Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again..."
--- Evanescence - Lies
Only Butterflies Part 5
Land of Dreams
When Duo pushed open the door to the cabin, the first thing that he noticed was that Trowa and Quatre were gone. Sleeping, he'd guess, but he had no idea what time it was. After midnight, he knew that much. He could tell just from the way his spine felt full of glass and his eyes ached.
Wufei was still sitting at the small card table, the same cup of coffee sitting in front of him, his hands clasped loosely in front of him. His head was bowed, and his eyes were closed.
The Shenlong pilot looked up as Duo walked in, his eyes widening as he took in the state of the bereft boy.
"Duo?"
"It's done." Duo's voice was flat and dull. "The ground was hard but... I finished it, you know."
Wufei sighed, then stood, walking over to put a hand on Duo's shoulder. He looked into the Deathscythe pilot's face, dark eyes full of sorrow, but resolute. "Then it's over. He was a soldier, Duo. He understood the risks."
Duo's face twisted in sudden fury, and he threw the shovel to the floor, eyes flashing as he jerked away from Wufei's touch. "Don't give me that martyr-for-the-country crap, Wufei. We both know there's no difference between a guy like Heero and a kid caught in friendly fire. They both get planted."
Wufei scowled back, his voice a soft hiss. "There is a difference. Yuy died for a reason."
Duo's voice rose, striking a hysterical note that Wufei didn't like in the least. The feverish look in the L2 boy's eyes was dangerous. "No! There was no reason! Dead is dead, Wufei! Nothing matters once you're dead! I should fucking know!!"
"Okay, Duo."
Duo stilled at the calm, quiet, defeated tone of Wufei's voice. He bowed his head towards the floor, and his shoulders slumped.
"Wufei..."
Wufei leaned down to grab his duffel bag from beside the door, straightened, then took Duo gently by the shoulder as he drew him towards the hallway.
"You need a bath. You're freezing. And dirty." Wufei's voice was still soft, soothing. Duo didn't protest; the last of his energy had been expended in that final outburst. He just allowed himself to be led to the small bathroom. Once they were inside, Wufei locked the door behind them. He dispassionately grabbed the bottom of Duo's shirt and pulled at it.
"Lift your arms."
"Wufei?"
The Chinese pilot looked up. Duo's eyes met his, dark and searching. The Deathscythe pilot was shivering fiercely.
Wufei smiled wanly. "Don't get any ideas."
Duo didn't smile back. He just did as he was told, and Wufei pulled the shirt over his head.
"Can you take off your pants, or do I have to do it for you?"
"... I can do it."
Slowly, as if he was sleepwalking, Duo unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. Wufei noted that he didn't wear any underwear beneath them, but didn't say anything about it. Instead, he turned away, turning the faucet in the bathtub. The pipes rumbled in the wall, and he wasn't even sure if the cabin would get hot water, since no one was supposed to be residing in it, but soon the water began to steam as it ran into the basin.
They were silent, the only sound the rush of hot water into the basin. Once it had filled up, Wufei spoke again. "Get in and turn around."
Duo did, and Wufei kneeled by the tub.
He rummaged through the duffel bag and pulled out a bar of soap and a rag. He clinically dipped the rag into the warm water, then wrapped the soap in it, rubbing it into a lather. Gently, he reached over, soaping Duo's torso lightly before he took Duo's hands, washing the blood and dirt off of them before letting them fall back into the water.
"Wufei?"
"Hm?" Wufei answered, not looking up from his work. He moved as clinically and unlovingly as a doctor, as if he was dressing a wound, not giving a bath.
"Why are you doing this?"
Wufei glanced at Duo's face, his gaze inscrutable. "Because you need it. Duck your head."
"What?"
Wufei didn't answer, only pushed Duo's head firmly until the Deathscythe pilot gave up, allowing himself to be shoved beneath the warm water. He came up when his hair was completely soaked, plastered to his face in wet strands.
"I've got... shampoo and stuff in my bag. Can you get it for me?" Duo's quiet voice in the silence startled Wufei.
"... Yes."
The Chinese boy stood and unlocked the bathroom door, slipping quietly out.
As soon as he closed the door behind him, Duo sank numbly beneath the surface of the water. He kept his eyes open as he submerged himself, even though the warm water stung them, staring up through the water.
It wasn't even so much the grief that made him wonder if Wufei had any razors in his bag. It was just an all-encompassing exhaustion, as if he was almost too weary to even breathe. Even under the warm water, his body was wracked with shudders.
He closed his eyes.
I hate this damned war. I don't even give a fuck who wins anymore.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed his hair fiercely and dragged him up out of the water, sputtering and gasping. He was faced with Wufei's eyes, dark and fierce.
"Maxwell, what the hell are you doing?"
"Jesus, Wufei, I was trying to rest a minute. Jesus..." The last word almost broke into a sob.
"Don't fall asleep in the bathtub, you'll drown," Wufei answered quietly, his voice gruff and slightly apologetic. He reached out to touch Duo, but the long-haired boy flinched away from him, and Wufei let out his breath harshly.
"Dammit, Duo..."
Duo drew his knees up to his chest, shivering. When Wufei touched his shoulder again, he jerked a little, but he didn't pull away.
Wufei took the bottle of shampoo he had brought from Duo's bag and poured a handful of it into his hand, scrubbing Duo's head gently, working the lather all the way to the tips. His hands were awkward, but he was as gentle as he could be. When the length of chestnut hair was completely lathered, he pushed Duo under the water again.
Duo complied as easily as a doll, his eyes flat and apathetic again, his eyelids drooping slightly with exhaustion as warm steam filled the room. When all the shampoo was rinsed from his hair, Wufei worked in conditioner, letting it sit for a few minutes.
"Wufei."
"Hm?"
Duo's voice was flat, and his hands were clenched beneath the film of soap on the surface of the bath water. "I'm sorry I almost hit you."
"I didn't know you were going to."
Duo's eyes raised to Wufei's, and Wufei swallowed hard at the feral expression in them.
"... If I had, I don't know if I could have stopped."
Wufei just gazed back at him steadily for a few moments, surprise hitting him in a place that hadn't been hammered senseless by shock yet, then nodded. He pushed Duo under the water again, being sure to get all of the slimy conditioner out of Duo's hair.
"There. Get up."
Duo stood obediently, taking a towel from Wufei's outstretched hand. He wrapped it around his waist as Wufei leaned over, letting the water drain out of the tub. Wufei handed him another towel, and he numbly rubbed the water out of his hair.
"Where are you sleeping, Maxwell? We need sleep. You need it."
"Don't want to sleep."
"You need to try. Where are you bedding down? There's two bedrooms, a couch, and an easy chair. I don't suggest the couch. I'll take it, if you want the bedroom." It was only a perfunctory offer; Wufei usually took the couch, because he liked to sleep alone.
"I'll take the bed." Duo's reply was dull, disinterested.
Wufei spoke softly. "We have to go back tomorrow. And destroy Wing. We can't leave it for them to find. ...You know we have to do it, don't you?" He would have wanted us to do it, don't you see that? he added, silently.
Wing...
"... I know."
Wufei sighed. "Okay."
Duo pushed past him, padding out to the cabin's den to get his bag. There was a stiff gracelessness to his movements now, Wufei noticed. Duo had always been a loudmouth, and a braggart...but he had always been able to move as smoothly and as silently as silk through any room. He, at least, had something to brag about. There was none of that grace now; it was almost as if he had been crippled.
Wufei followed him out, grabbing his own bag and taking it back out to the den. He searched through the linen closet in the hallway to see if the owners of the cabin had left behind any leftover sheets, but no such luck. There was an afghan over the back of the couch, though, and he thought that would have to do.
Duo walked past him, heading upstairs towards the empty bedroom. The door to the bedroom that Quatre and Trowa were sleeping in was closed. Duo pushed the door to the other one open, but didn't close it behind him. There was a soft thump as the Deathscythe pilot threw himself onto the bed.
Wufei tried to make himself go over and into the room and say something... anything... but he just couldn't find the words.
Silently, he dimmed the lights in the living room, putting his back back in the corner before pulling the musty afghan off the back of the couch, curling up under it. The sofa was old and uncomfortable beneath him, all springs and lumps, but he prided himself on being able to sleep almost anywhere.
He was dozing, almost asleep, when the silence was destroyed by shattering glass. He shot up, on his feet before he was even truly awake again, climbing the stairs. Trowa stuck his head out of the door at the end of the hall, anxious, but Wufei waved him back, walking down the corridor to push the door to Duo's room open.
He scanned the room quickly for blood and found none. Only Duo, standing in his boxers, staring blindly out of a broken window. The wooden frame was splintered by the impact.
When Wufei came in, Duo moved away from the window, going to sit on the bare mattress of the bed. Without acknowledging him, Wufei walked over to the window, peering out.
Heero's laptop lay in the thin layer of snow; small parts of it had broken off and were lying on the grass. The screen had fallen open, and new snow was falling gently onto it. It looked forlorn there, somehow, like a dog waiting for its master.
Quatre... why did you bring his things? You should have left them where they fell...
"Heero would kill you," Wufei murmured, smiling faintly.
"I'd like to see him come back and try," Duo whispered, facing away from the window. "But they got him first."
Wufei sighed soundlessly, then went to sit on the bed. He was silent for a few moments, and when he spoke again, his voice was contemplative.
"... I never liked that thing."
Duo looked over at him sharply, glaring, but the corners of his mouth twitched. A choked sound came out of him, and then he broke down completely. Laughing. It was a desperate, broken sound. But Wufei couldn't help it. He laughed, too.
But Duo wasn't laughing any more. That bright, sharp, hysterical laughter fell off. He pulled his knees to his chest, his face buried against them, still laughing, but the laughter was choked with tears.
Wufei wasn't sure what to do. So he did the only thing he knew to do. He put his arms around the Deathscythe pilot.
"It's all right, Maxwell," Wufei whispered, stroking the Deathscythe pilot's damp hair. He wrapped his arms around Duo. His voice was hard. "It's all right. Cry if you need to. ...I ...I won't tell them."
Duo wanted to stop, ashamed that he was in tears, but grief was temporarily stronger than humiliation. He sobbed helplessly, his whole body shaking with it. He felt Wufei's arms around him, felt the warmth radiating from the Chinese boy, and it made him cry even harder. He sobbed until he didn't have any tears left, his eyes hot, his face flushed, still making those choking wounded animal noises deep in his chest, shuddering with them.
Wufei held him, and brushed the hair back from his face, and was -thankfully- silent.
"It will be all right, Maxwell," Wufei finally said, his voice less than a whisper. "Just go to sleep now. Go to sleep."
Exhausted, Duo had no other choice. He sank into a restless, dozing unconsciousness in Wufei's arms, but not before Wufei heard a dozing murmur that made his heart ache fiercely.
"... It was supposed to be me. He was protecting me."
TBC...
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