Army of One Arc Part 5
Party Night
While everyone else continued their cushioned, monotonous lives around me, I destroyed mine.
// I'm not involved. //
I stopped what I looked out the window, watching my fellow students stretched out on the quad, watching the sun go down. Walking and laughing. Living. Something I would never have the luxury of doing.
"That's right," I whispered, looking back to the laptop. "I'm not involved."
But a part of me wanted to be, and no matter how much I tried to kill it, it was always there.
My bags were packed on the bed. The mattress was stripped. I was ready to go. All I had left to do was...
// Wait a minute... wait a minute... here... //
I squinted a little at the screen in concentration, then relaxed, fingers flying over the keyboard as I erased every detail of my life. When I was finished, I would be a ghost.
ST.GABRIEL INSTITUTE STUDENT RECORDS;/2317893 STUDENT 4547 NAME: YUY, HEERO -DELETE- BIRTH DATE: 08-07-180 -DELETE- ACCOMMODATIONS: DOWDELL HALL, RM.109 -DELETE- CLASSES- --DELETE-- MEDICAL HISTORY- -DELETE- GRADES- -DELETE- -DELETE- SEARCH: FILE;/ 4547 HEERO YUY
FILE NOT FOUND...
"Are you off to fight again? Where's your next mission, Heero?"
I turned, gun out before I could realize I even pulled it, the pistol out and pointed at her head. I couldn't even remember aiming. It was that fast.
The girl had helped to save my life once. It's why I didn't shoot immediately. The pistol was silenced. I could have been out of there before her body was found. The way things turned out, maybe it would have been better if I had shot her from the beginning. It would have made things a hell of a lot easier. But somewhere, deep down inside... I'm glad I didn't. I would have lost another part of myself to the darkness... another piece of humanity lost to the Soldier.
She was a strong girl, and brave, even though I didn't always like her. But I respected her. It would hurt me to have to kill her, but I'd do it.
I can remember, back when I was younger, there was a time when killing people had bothered me. But somewhere along the way, somewhere between the pain and obedience, I learned not to care. I wasn't bothered by the thought of killing anymore. I didn't have a problem killing women or children. I'd done it before. I looked at Relena, stared her right in the eyes, and felt the Soldier fill me, a merciless killing machine that did the things I had to do, while the rest of me cowered inside. My body felt light and ready. I never felt more in control of my life then when I had a gun.
Or more out of control. That's why she had to leave... right now. I couldn't promise not to act on instinct. And if my instincts served me like they were supposed to, I'd end up with Darlian's blood and brain matter all over my freshly cleaned room.
"Get the hell out of here." My voice was soft, a lethal whisper. "Now, while there's still time for me to let you."
"I can't, Heero. I'm involved now."
"Get uninvolved."
"Or what? Are you going to kill me, Heero? Could you do it?"
I looked at her and felt nothing but an icy static blank where I should have been considering the moral implications of my answer. But I already felt that empty stillness, felt it more times than not lately, and I already knew the answer. I looked into her beautiful, innocent face and answered, answered the same way I hoped Duo would answer, if it ever came down to the choice for him. "Yes." I cocked the gun I had pointed at her head. It was loud in the quiet room. "In a heartbeat."
Was that a glimmer of fear I saw in those sky blue eyes? Good.
She collected herself, like a bird settling its feathers, then stared back at me unflinchingly. It was as if the fear I had seen before was never there, hidden like a politician's magic trick. "You don't have to run again, Heero. I'm not going to tell anyone. I met... Dr. J."
// Dr. J... // I narrowed my eyes, hand tightening on the pistol. Another pound of pressure on the trigger. I held it at her head... but my hand was trembling. I could feel it. When the hell did this happen?
Her voice was a whisper. "You're shaking." Her voice was half pitying, and half reproachful, as if she believed a soldier shouldn't tremble under any circumstances. Either response was enough to piss me off. I didn't want pity, and I sure as hell didn't need some spoiled little civilian aristocrat brat telling me how I should act.
I ignored her. "If you continue to follow me, there will be a point where I can't afford to leave you alive any longer in order to protect my objectives. And you will die." I tried to keep my voice as quiet and logical as I could. I voiced the feeling I had sensed all day, like an ominous cloud. "OZ is coming. Soon."
"I thought it was your job to protect me."
I scowled. "It is part of my job to protect you and every other civilian at this school, since I am imposing on your safety as civilians, but it is not within the parameters of my mission to give my life to protect you or any other flatlander on the Earth sphere. I fight for the colonies. Do you understand? I won't die to defend you, Darlian. Or anyone else."
"Yes."
"Good."
"It would cause too much commotion for you to kill me now. I don't think that's what you really want. So shall we go down to the party?" she asked. "We may as well enjoy ourselves, at least...until the dance is over."
I froze, bringing my gaze from the floor to her. The question caught me off- guard; when in the hell did she change the subject? She was holding her hand out to me. I looked at it as if it was a snake that meant to bite. I shook my head.
"I wish you would, Heero. You're leaving anyway. Besides... people are going to wonder if you don't show up. It'll draw attention to you. If anything happens at the base tonight, people will remember that while everyone else was at the dance... no one could find you."
She had a point. I couldn't attack the military base tonight, not without coming under suspicion...not with OZ so close. I couldn't take the chance that someone would remember my face. I thought about the nurse... Damn. Damn damn damn.
~*~
I took her hand as we walked out into the courtyard. We walked out onto the dance floor, and I was painfully aware of the stares and murmurs. I bowed my head, letting my bangs hide my face. Some great way of taking the attention off of me. Why did I let her talk me into this?
Her hand was shaking in mine. I still had the gun hidden in a holster on the inside of my jacket. Just in case. I could feel the pulse in my own hand against her skin. I could feel the pulse in hers. Her perfume was like a velvet slap. Just subtle enough to be sexy and just sweet enough to make me sneeze after prolonged periods. And why in the hell did I notice that? I was losing it.
We started into a waltz, my palm at the small of her back, my other hand in hers. Her blue dress was long enough to sweep the tiles.
// Devil in the blue dress... // I thought.
Instead, I whispered, "Have you told anyone about me? Anyone?" I was trying to keep my voice soft, so no one but her could hear. I squeezed her hand hard. Hard enough to let her know I could break it if I wanted to, to crush the bones like twigs. It wouldn't take any effort at all. Her hand was like a small fluttering bird in mine. I wondered if she could feel the calluses.
"What do you think?" She answered, almost coy.
I grabbed her chin and turned her to look directly into my face; luckily, the courtyard was rather shadowed, lit with far-spaced lamps for an intimate ambience. I was glad for it; I didn't want anyone to see me manhandling the darling of St. Gabriel's Institute.
She tried to pull away, but my fingers dug into her chin. She jerked her hands, trying to get away. My hand convulsed around hers, squeezing until she made a small sound, biting it back; I had hurt her, and I hadn't even been trying.
I brought my face almost nose-to-nose with hers, whispering as if we were having a romantic conversation I didn't want anyone else to overhear, just like any other couple. "Don't fight me!" I hissed. "Don't make a scene. Just answer me. Don't get cute. I have no sense of humor. Ask anyone."
I swept her into a figure, her dress twirling. When she faced me again, her face was flushed with resolve. She had her jaw set in that determined set I recognized instantly... I do look in mirrors, you know.
"You ought to know me better than that, Heero."
"I don't even know you. Did you or didn't you?"
"I didn't. I swear." She relaxed in my arms, leaning towards me. "I swear..."
She was going to kiss me. I didn't want her to, but I didn't want anyone to be suspicious, either. We were supposed to be a "couple". People already suspected me from before. If I jerked away, it would create questions I couldn't afford to answer.
Her lips whispered over mine like silk. I relaxed against her, letting her kiss me. The first kiss I ever received in my life. Somehow... I didn't want her to be the one to give it. I tried to pull back, but she had thrown her arms around my neck.
"Are you still going to kill me, Heero?" she whispered into my ear.
"Yes," I answered, my voice coming out a little choked and more hoarse than I would have liked. Must have been the perfume. Allergic reaction or something.
"I didn't want to die without any answers... but now it's different. I know now how you feel when you fight. And that's because... I'm on your side now, Heero."
I pulled back again, and this time she let me. I was so confused... and... afraid. I hate being afraid.
"On my side?"
Suddenly, I heard something. I walked a few steps out to the center of the courtyard by myself, listening. It was hard to tell with the band playing, but...
"Heero?"
"Sh. Sh." I held a hand at her to silence her, face lifted to the sky, eyes narrowed. I could hear... hear...
// Mobile suit carrier. Older model. Carrying five suits, already idling and ready to go. Carrier's working on nine cylinders, instead of ten. The hatch is loose. //
"Oh no. That's an OZ carrier!" I glanced over at Relena. "They've caught on to this place!"
I spun around and ran off, back towards the dorms. I could hear her calling after me, but I was deaf to it. All I could hear was the sound of that approaching carrier, like a throbbing in the center of my soul. The Enemy. The Enemy was here. The Enemy had followed me. I could never be safe.
As I ran up the stairs to my dorm room to grab my laptop and my suitcase, my mind raced with questions. I could hear frightened shouts and exclamations outside in the courtyard. My bedroom window was still open.
// How did I screw up? How did they catch me?! How could they follow me here!? //
I grabbed my things and ran out to the balcony of the dorm, taking only a second to gauge the distance before jumping the two stories to the ground. I landed on the grass, rolling. One of the latches on my suitcase broke and it fell partially open, dropping some of my things. Some clothes and my sketchbook fell to the grass as I struggled to my feet. They were closer now. I could almost feel them, a deep thrumming in the chest, as if I was sitting too close to a stereo.
I scrambled in the dark, trying to feel for my sketchbook. Fuck the clothes; I could have Dr. J move creds electronically into my closet account and get new ones. But I'd never leave behind the sketchbook.
I raced to the edge of the campus and into the nearby woods, sprinting through the dark forest.
I hadn't been running for two minutes before I came onto Wing, a great hulking shadow among shadows. I ripped the camouflage net off her, climbing into the hatch.
I threw my bags onto the floor of the cockpit and buckled in as the hatch closed. I slapped my hand on the DNA pad.
[[.....Scanning....Welcome, Pilot two-four-five-seven codename Heero Yuy.....]]
"Wing, initiate for combat."
[[...Initiation started....checkdown completed. All battle systems at full efficiency...]]
I smiled coldly. "I love you, Wing. You always know exactly what I like to hear. Scan targets."
[[Targets....OZ mobile suit model Leo, standard; OZ mobile suit model Aries, standard.]]
"I'll get them."
I didn't just let the Soldier come, this time.
I called it.
I narrowed my eyes as I started Wing up, listening to the roar of the engines, letting that deep, inhuman chill sink to the core of my being. I prepared myself to go to war. And, like always, I would be going alone.
// Watch me, Relena. See who I really am. And be afraid. //
// You won't like me when I'm brave. //
~*~
When I arrived at the campus, the students and teachers were in a panic. One of the Leos I took down exploded, and the civilians were thrown to the ground. I saw Relena, huddled with two of her other friends, but I didn't see her, at the same time. She was just there, background scenery, like all the other screaming civilians. All I saw were my Enemies. I cut them down like blades of grass. One of them tried to shoot, but I used boosters to fly out of range. Over the com, I could hear the Enemy.
**Why is the enemy out here?**
**I don't believe it! His suit's more mobile than ours could ever hope to be!**
**It's a flight model! Ascend! Ascend!!**
"It's too heavy, you fool!" I snarled, bringing the beam saber through the suit like a hot knife through butter, soldering it in half. I drove another one into the school building.
I saw Relena in the middle of the courtyard, her dress billowing around her, hands pressed over her ears, crouching like a frightened animal. The top of the school building was toppling, then falling, falling fast, about to crush her.
I thought about what Duo had asked me, that second day, with that pleading look on his face: ::You really wouldn't have shot the girl, would ya Heero?::
//oh no not the building, not the civilians, not the girl and the dog, not again, no oh no no!!//
"NO!!" Without thinking, I threw Wing's shield forward, knocking the suit off balance. Even with the straps crossing my chest, my head slammed into the console, causing a fleet of black stars to streak across my vision.
Even through the pain: //please... onegai... please please please...//
She wasn't hurt. I looked down at her with the camera, and she looked about as surprised as I felt. // Why? Why did I do that? I'd be better off if she died, wouldn't I? //
I turned on environmental audio. She was yelling up at the suit.
*Heero... is that you?*
// Why?! Can't... do it... why can't I kill her!!? // I grunted in frustration and whirled Wing around, downing an Aries.
*Heero! That's you, isn't it?! Answer me! Heero! Tell me why you rescued me!*
// I don't know. Dammit, I don't know!! Why can't I do it, she knows too much... // She stood there at the foot of my suit, standing resolutely in front of me, hands fisted at her sides. *You didn't finish me, Heero! You said you were going to! Answer me, Heero!*
I moved Wing closer, hearing her gasp over the com.
// I can do it!! I will do it! //
I sent the shield flying at her-
//NO!//
...past her. It hit the building, causing plaster and cement dust to fly through the night air.
*Heero...*
I backed Wing up. I bowed my head and shook it, over and over, my hands clenched on the controls so hard my knuckles were white; blood trickled into my eye, stinging it, where my head had hit the console. My whole body and heart was rebelling against what my mind was telling me to do, and there was nothing I could do about it. The battle was over, and everything that wasn't the battle just confused the hell out of me.
// Why... why can't I finish her? //
Enough sentimental bullshit. Time for the good old-fashioned retreat.
I converted Wing to flight mode, hearing Relena yell after me, but I switched off my environmental audio and turned on Wing's autopilot, setting my coordinates for a forest near Grays Harbor, where I could attack the supply base and finally finish my mission. The new silence after the battle, full of nothing but Wing's comforting hum, was very loud. My thoughts were whirling.
I tried to picture killing Relena myself, riddling her innocent body with titanium slugs. I shook my head. I couldn't do it. I didn't know why, exactly...but I couldn't kill her. And I couldn't let anyone else do it, either.
But I couldn't let her compromise the Mission, either. I couldn't protect her and the Mission at the same time. Between my lingering respect for human life, my obligation to the Mission, and my strange feelings for the braided idiot pilot of Shinigami, I was in some pretty deep shit. What else was new?
I headed towards Grays Harbor. I slept. And I dreamt of Duo.
TBC...
Back to CleverYoungThief's Fanfictions Page